⮞ lunya/g’raha, melkoko/h'mhasi (cul quests), & a little background lalai/zhai'a(???) (blm quests). 1164 words.
⮞ post 5.3, spoilers for the end of the patch!
⮞ it's not really a triple miqo'te/lalafell date because lalai would sooner die than admit anything close to affection for hers.
“noisy quarreling or wrangling.”
"So, Raha," Melkoko crooned, sirensong voice dripping with the same amount of honey she was pouring into her sweetheart(?)'s tea. H'mhasi didn't seem to notice because he was doing the second finest attempt to drown in a salad bowl that Lunya had ever seen in her twenty six summers. "You've known Lunya for how long?"
G'raha made a contemplative noise. "Ah, six years, give or take?" Technically. Telling Lalai and Zhai'a the truth of the whole matter was one thing—trying to explain the nature of the Shards to a simple waitress and a hardly-humble vagabond chef would earn them Words from the Scions. Many, many words. Possibly even a thinly veiled threat of maternal retribution, which was arguably worse than the divine type.
Drumming her fingertips against the rim of her plate, Melkoko hrmmed.
Sandwiched between her husband and orange-haired friend and the distinctly interrogation-tinged barrage of questions Melkoko was pelting G'raha with, Lunya was content to sit back and watch the budding chaos of introducing the new feline-shaped variables to her regular party of three Lalafellin girls. Lalai was doing a fine job orchestrating H'mhasi's soon-to-be suffocation by parsley through a riveting retelling of how Melkoko last showed up on the Sacrarium steps bemoaning her beau's inability to write her a simple letter. The priestess' own Miqo'te companion was doing a very poor job of not watching her intently as she carved through what was left of H'mhasi's self-esteem, so everything was going exactly how Lunya expected it to.
Except for this one little twist: G'raha was being proper.
This admittingly wasn't a new concept: his older self was the leader of the Crystarium and had managed a century without any major incidents to be recorded in the Cabinet's history books. But this was a different proper than a diplomatic kind, and it wasn't the nervous politeness he wore when she threw him in the gauntlet of meeting her six or seven families one after the other either. This was a blatantly preening kind of proper and it wasn't jarring as much as it was... just kind of strange. Especially when her friends were just being weirdos and bickering as they always did.
"I understand completely, Miss Melko," G'raha said sympathetically, a hand over his heart.
Liar, Lunya mouthed, face turned so Melkoko couldn't see. He grinned impishly at her.
"Alright, what gives, Raha?" she got to hiss as Lalai cut in with a question for Melkoko about pigtails and soap. "Stop being so polite, it's weird."
Despite Lunya's clear dig at his manners, G'raha simply leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, "You have three couples here. Two and a half, I suppose—" he added before Lunya could cut in as they both glanced at Zhai'a and Lalai, the former of which was doing his best to reach over Lalai's head and pry H'mhasi out of the salad without touching a hair on the black mage's pretty head. "—with three Lalafellin women, three Miqo'te men. We have to prove our superiority, which means I have to keep my cards close to my chest. Wait until the time is right."
There was a small, insignificant part of her that knew that this was a ridiculous thing to support because Lalai still had her hat up her rear and hadn't fully realized that Zhai'a even liked her platonically yet, but the much larger part of her that really liked winning completely pointless competitions stood up and went HELLS YES! So of course, being the stupidly indulgent and equally competitive person she was, she nodded in understanding.
"We have a very unfair advantage," she pointed out, tapping his thigh with the back of her left hand and definitely not smiling. "Being married and perfect and all that."
G'raha gave her a Look, which was either the one that meant gods, why are you so adorable or the one that said gods, why are you so insufferable? "You have never played fair once in your life, imp."
"Yeah," Lunya sighed, though she gave him a mischievous wink that made his eyes wrinkle with affection. "You love me for it."
"Of course."
Without G'raha's patience to weather away at with an intrusive questionnaire, Melkoko turned back to H'mhasi, now successfully out of the salad and forced to confront whatever had him sulking into it to begin with.
"—tribe letter of a man you've just met!" The culinarian probably would've started to knead his hands into the salad if it weren't for Lalai's judging stare, his orange eyes wide with an abject misery. "While your lover was away—"
"What lover?" Melkoko sniffed, tossing her hair. "He's the husband of my dear friend Lunya, who I must add has always been there for me, unlike someone else!"
Lalai took a long, conspicuously noisy slurp of her juice, and Lunya smacked G'raha's arm when he whistled low and clear.
"I've been away for many good reasons." There was a vein visible on H'mhasi's brow, which was very unfortunate to be witness to. No gods answered Lunya's prayers for them to both shut up and just eat their muffins in peace, but at least she got to change the mental score in her brain of 1-0-0 for her and G'raha being the superior couple.
A plate of pineapple buns flew in the air and probably would have cracked over someone's head as Melkoko flung her hands up in frustration, but they were saved just barely by Zhai'a's fumbling hands. "Yeah? Then tell me! Tell me exactly why ye've been dodgin' me for moons, you bleedin' bastard!"
"Because!" H'mhasi bellowed, almost kicking himself and his chair backwards, "I've been looking for a ring for you, you fool of a Lalafell!"
Lunya planted her face firmly in her husband's elbow when Melkoko dropped her favourite teacup on the floor and shattered the poor thing with some noise halfway between a shriek and a squeal.
"Oh, Mhasi-Bee!" Melkoko wailed as she flung herself out of her chair to leap in her boyfriend's lap and shower his cheek with kisses. "I'm so sorry I ever doubted ya!"
H'mhasi's anger fell from him quickly as he snuggled her and cooed, "It's alright, my sweet Melly-Belly," prompting Lalai to mime retching into her sandwich while Zhai'a sunk in his seat in second-hand embarrassment, apparently deciding that the best way to escape this eighth hell they were generating within Lunya's home was directly through the floor.
"If you call me anything remotely like that I'll fry your tail," muttered Lunya beneath the cloying couple's sweetness and her private mourning for her now incomplete tea set. G'raha quickly covered his mouth to stop himself from laugh-spitting all over their lunch.
Fortunately for the four of them, the table once again descended into chaos as H'mhasi looked away from his doting lover long enough to finally take a sip of his tea, only to splutter helplessly when he found himself with a mouth full of sticky honey and absolutely nothing else.
