#haley's art

[fl1p-wizard]

“I'll be who I am set aside my cold provisions

The crossroads we share never met to be contentious”

[heathertail]

     pitch black, pale blue; it was a stained glass variation of the truth

[godamnarmsrace]

I wanna sleep next to you…But that's all I wanna do right now...

Note. For the purpose of this work Liv never opened Aaron’s phone she just hid it from Robert.

So @aarondingel and I made you guys a present - We hope you like it! Enjoy part 1:

Aaron was exhausted. His family were a lot to deal with most days but today had been especially hard and all he’d really wanted to do was go to bed with his husband. He just wanted to sleep for a week wrapped up in Robert’s safe arms and after they’d both had all the sleep they could, he wanted to spend some quality time getting to know his husband’s body again. But unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen for a little while because Robert had been dragged off somewhere, by an upset Noah of all people.

While no one was paying attention, Aaron snuck into the backroom of the pub and collapsed down onto the couch, with his newly charged phone in his hand. He knew he’d only been away weeks, compared to the months it could have been but it felt longer. Aaron had felt so disconnected from everyone and everything when he was inside but even he had to laugh about how gutted he’d been that his phone’s battery was dead when he got home and tried to check it.

It’s not like anyone would have been contacted him. Everyone who mattered knew he’d been sent down and yet when he finally had enough battery charge to turn his phone on, the number of messages waiting for him surprised him. They couldn’t all be from Liv’s school, could they?

Aaron tapped on the message icon and started to read through them…

Oh god, Aaron felt his throat get tight and his eyes fill with tears. He didn’t know if he could do this, read these messages. He wanted to, god he wanted to know this Robert, but even though Robert had sent them to Aaron’s phone they still felt extremely private, like maybe Robert had never intended for him to read them.

Damn, he had missed his husband, so fucking much and even now he was home all he wanted was to be alone with Robert.

Aaron felt a burst of guilt. He’d just assumed that Robert had been too busy with work to worry or miss him too much, and besides Robert had support, people around to help him, that he could confide in, right? Aaron made up his mind he needed to know what Robert had wanted to say to him but couldn’t, because it mattered.

The tears were streaming down Aaron’s face now. All the nights he’d lain awake thinking about Robert home safe and warm in their bed but Robert had been just as alone as him, couldn't take comfort in the familiar surroundings.  

Aaron was so proud of his husband, he’d kept his word, brought Aaron home safe and sound where he belonged, and it was a good thing too because he couldn’t be without Robert either.

Aaron laughed even as he sobbed.  Poor Robert everyone had been pilling things on him. Liv was enough of a handful to be sure, and Aaron couldn’t believe that his mum and Charity had thought that it was a good idea to dump Noah on Robert too. Not that Aaron didn’t think Robert would do his best, he knew how important family was to Robert even if no one else did. He had done a great job, you only had to see the two of them together today to realise that Noah had started to look up to and count on Robert.

Aaron used his sleeves to wipe at his eyes.

Aaron shut Robert’s messages he needed a second to breathe before reading more messages from his husband. One panic attack today was more than enough thank you very much.

[godamnarmsrace]

And I wanna come home to you...But home is just a room full of my safest sounds...

Aaron comes home from prison to find his phone full of text messages from Robert and Liv.

Note. For the purpose of this work Liv never opened Aaron’s phone she just hid it from Robert.

So @aarondingel​ and I made you guys a present - We hope you like it! Enjoy part 2

Aaron clicked on Liv’s name before he could think better of it. He felt both disappointed and glad that his mum and sister had not been here for his homecoming. Disappointed because he really missed them both and he was worried about Liv but glad because he and Robert really needed to be alone and privacy was at a shortage when you lived in a pub with your mum, aunt, cousin and little sister.

Aaron new he’d upset Liv and he was so ashamed that he’d made her lie for him. Robert had such faith in his goodness even after everything but Aaron didn’t feel like he deserved it. Not after all he’d done and said, but he and Robert were adults they both knew what they were getting into when they said ‘I do’. Whereas, Liv was still really just a kid at heart and Aaron knew what it was like to be forced to grow up too fast; he really didn’t want to be someone in Liv’s life, that proved to her once again, that the people you care about can let you down.

Aaron knew he was going to be spending sometime repairing his relationship with Liv once she’d come home but Aaron knew he also needed to spend some time with Robert reconnecting and sorting out the ugliness that had taken place between him when he was inside.  Aaron just felt like he’d been failing everyone and he didn’t know how to make it stop. Finishing with the drugs had been a step in the right direction but Aaron knew he was going to have to take more than one.

Robert owed him a few conversations it seemed, about what had gone on between Liv and Gabby.  Aaron suspected he regret asking, but he needed to know.  He couldn't just let   Robert continue to shoulder all the responsibility of his sister and her antics.

Liv’s messages filled Aaron with a sense of dread, because he’d suspected that it was more than not just being able to sleep in their bed that Robert was suffering the effects from.  He looked so tired and worn down and Aaron hated the thought that it was due to him. He didn’t want to know but he needed to, what had his husband so worried. Taking a deep breath Aaron clicked out of Liv’s messages and back into Robert’s.

Aaron wanted to smile through his tears, he could picture Robert checking his car for spray paint but the rest, how defeated Robert had been getting with each message, was hard to read. Aaron didn’t know what he was going to do about it all.  There was just too much pain and Aaron couldn’t stop himself from looking around the backroom for his husband.  He needed to touch him, he’d needed that physical contact all day. It had felt like an itch that needed scratching but Robert was nowhere to be seen. Aaron looked at the time on his phone, it had not even been half an hour he could give Robert some space if he needed.  Today had been a lot, an information overload and Robert had to be reeling but Aaron didn’t just want to leave things to fester.

[godamnarmsrace]

I wanna hold hands with you…But that's all I wanna do right now…

Aaron comes home from prison to find his phone full of text messages from Robert and Liv.

Note. For the purpose of this work Liv never opened Aaron’s phone she just hid it from Robert.

So @aarondingel​ and I made you guys a present - We hope you like it! Enjoy part 3

The tone of Robert’s messages kept changing so fast Aaron was dizzy with it, it was a rollercoaster of emotions and he couldn’t help but need Robert more than ever. Where the hell was his husband?

So, much for giving Robert some space, he needed to try and take a deep breath. Robert would be back when he was done with Noah. It’s just Robert’s words were twisting desire and longing up with the grief Aaron was feeling over how much they’d missed out on, over the last few weeks. It may only have been weeks but there was so much to make up for and Aaron had no idea where to start.

Seeing how eager his husband had been to see him, Aaron felt even worse about the way he'd shut down any affection from Robert during the visitation at the prison but he'd been so frightened of retaliation for being gay and he didn’t want to put himself in harm’s way when all he wanted was to get home safely to his family.

God, he wanted Robert’s hands on him. He always wanted Robert’s hands on him. He had no regrets not about that, not about Robert being so eager, that he couldn’t restrain himself. He could never regret that he chose a Robert who loved him so much, he couldn’t not touch Aaron. No, he could never regret that.

Not when he loved Robert so much in return. Sometimes their feelings cut so deep he felt like he was haemorrhaging from it.

They really needed to learn to communicate better.  Aaron might know Robert better than anyone but they still spent way too much time being angry at one another and not listening when they really needed to hear the words.

Robert’s growing anxiety had the power to push Aaron back down into his pit of anxiety, forcing himself to let it all go for the moment he switched back to Liv’s message hoping that they were a little more less troublesome.

Liv’s anger and disappointment cut Aaron to the bone but he deserved every word of it. He’d let her down, he let down Robert and he’d let himself down. He was so mad at himself, mad at Jason and mad at Gordon.

Aaron had promised he’d try and be a better version of himself for Robert and he’d promised he’d go talk to someone about all he’d been through. He pulled a card out of his pocket that Father Aidan had given him and before he could bottle it he put the number in his phone hit send. Hopefully, this would be another step in the right direction.

[godamnarmsrace]

And I wanna get close to you…Cause your hands and lips still know their way around…

Aaron comes home from prison to find his phone full of text messages from Robert and Liv.

Note. For the purpose of this work Liv never opened Aaron’s phone she just hid it from Robert.

So @aarondingel​ and I made you guys a present - We hope you like it! Enjoy part 4

The phone call had been easy. Taking that next step. Making an appointment to talk to someone about his problems was never the challenge, that would come later when he had to force himself to go and to keep going.  Aaron hoped this time he’d be better at it.  He knew all the books and experts said you had to do it for yourself, but the honest truth was if it were just him, Aaron seriously wondered if he’d even still be here, he hated the thought.   He had Liv and Robert to give him a reason to try. It would be enough because they were enough.

Aaron knew he needed to finish reading the messages that Robert and Liv had sent him, even if they were hard. He felt like he owed it to himself not as a punishment but rather as a chance to get closer to those he loved. Aaron wanted to be a better man than he’d been yesterday and the day before, he wanted to be the best person he could. He wanted to be a good husband and brother, he needed for Liv and Robert to know he cared about them and that he was there for them, no matter what.

Aaron let out a deep shuddering breath. He could do this. He would fight for them, for their family.

Aaron wanted to ring Liv and reassure her that he didn’t hate her, but Aaron knew she’d be at the hospital and her phone would be off.  There would be time enough later and Aaron knew it was just one of many talks they were going to have to have when she got back. He really needed to sit his husband down and get the inside details on exactly what his sister had been up to in his absence because he knew he was missing quite a bit.  Hopefully, it wasn’t as bad as the picture he had painted in his head.

Aaron realised he was clutching the phone in his hand hard enough for the cover to make and ominous cracking noise, he released his hold letting up a little as he switched back to Robert’s messages.

Aaron was really angry that Robert had no support during this whole thing. There were so many people to blame, all their bad choices and mistakes were so inexplicably tied together that there was no one thing that could have helped. Yet Aaron knew how much Robert needed someone, they were pretty similar in that respect, he knew that without it Robert was a like lost little boy.

Aaron knew what was coming. He knew why Robert had been turned away from visitation. He’d fucked up and set this whole thing in motion but there was nothing any of them could do to go back and stop Robert from crashing the whole thing into the ground.

Aaron felt strangely calm as he read through the messages that Robert sent after their fight at the prison.

He knew there was more for Robert to tell him, more to confess.  He’d known that truth, when Robert had visited with his mum, but he didn’t want to deal with it in that moment. He just wanted them to be okay, without his mum judging them or forcing him to make rash choices. He’d had a lot of time to think about what Robert might have done, when he believed that they’d lost it all, and Aaron was shocked to realise that there wasn’t anything he couldn't live with, not if it meant they could come out the other side still two parts of one whole.

He’d told himself that no matter what Robert had done, if he was still wanted Aaron and was waiting for him after he got out of prison, then Aaron would know that they would be alright.

If Robert was there, then they would survive. That would be their new truth.

When Aaron had spotted, Robert waiting for him, looking so broken and exhausted but so present in that moment of just them, everything else fell away.

Aaron knew that Robert loved him and still wanted to fight for them.

It didn’t mean Aaron wasn’t mad, oh god he was so fucking mad. He wanted to kill Robert, he wanted to burn it all to the ground. But more than all his anger, all he truly wanted was his husband.

It wasn’t going to be easy and he knew people wouldn’t understand. But they didn’t know about everything Robert was to him. Actions and words could cut deep but nothing could make Aaron love Robert any less than he did.  Not for one damn second.

The alert of Robert’s phone receiving the messages, revealed his position standing just inside the door.

“I missed you,” Aaron said, double meaning overt in the room. He watched his husband and felt the space between them, it stung, there was just too much distance. He just didn’t want them to be apart ever again.

“Noah is upset about his mum being back. He has abonnement issues. Big surprise there,” Robert said before moving forwards. He sat down next to Aaron on the couch and Aaron turned so that they were facing one another.

Aaron couldn’t be this close to Robert and not want to reach out and touch his husband, but Robert beat him to it, linking their hands together. “I mean it, you know?” Aaron said, wanting more than anything to put this whole mess behind them and move on.

“God, I love you Aaron. More than anything, but you weren’t meant to read all that, I didn’t mean for you to.  I should have been stronger, done better, you deserve so much more than me Aaron and I let you down,” Robert whispered looking everywhere but at Aaron.

Aaron pulled on their joined hands, turning Robert’s attention back to him. “I know there’s more to what happened after we fought, than just you trashing the Mill.  I know you Robert and I love you,” Aaron said terrified that something might pull them apart when they’d only just gotten each other back.

Robert nodded in agreement and looked down at their joined hands, “Yes, we need to talk.”

“It’s not important,” Aaron replied. Robert tried to argue but Aaron cut him off, “We don’t need to talk about it right now. No doubt the councillor will want us to at some point but I just need to know Robert, if you could be anywhere in the world right now, with anyone, doing anything. What would you choose?”

Aaron couldn’t help but notice the hopeful look that passed across Robert’s face before he spoke, “I want to be here with you. No, I want to go upstairs with my husband. I want us to be close again. I want you to not hate me.”

“I could never hate you, Robert,” Aaron said and knew he never spoken truer words.  He’d tried to hate Robert in the past, wanted to hate him, but it just didn’t work. “I need you too much. I could be the best version of myself and it wouldn’t mean anything if I didn’t have you to share my life with.”

Robert stood and used his grip on Aaron’s hand to pull him to his feet, firm but still ever gentle and considerate of what he’d been through lately. “Upstairs now?” Robert asked and sadness battled with the hope filling Aaron’s chest because he missed the implied order that had always come with that request in the past. He didn’t want to mourn Robert’s confidence, it was part of why he loved him in the first place. “We’ll be okay,” he said to Robert as much as himself.

They’d be okay, there was no other option.

[godamnarmsrace]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Emmerdale Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Aaron Dingle & Liv Flaherty & Robert Sugden Characters: Aaron Dingle, Robert Sugden, Liv Flaherty, Noah Dingle Additional Tags: Fluffy Angst, contains images, Text Messages, somewhat canon, Robert Texts Aaron, Liv Texts Aaron Series: Part 2 of Home Is Where The Aaron Is Summary:

Aaron comes home from prison to find his phone full of text messages from Robert and Liv.

Note. For the purpose of this work Liv never opened Aaron’s phone she just hid it from Robert.

So @aarondingel and I made you guys a present - We hope you like it! Enjoy part 2

[godamnarmsrace]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Emmerdale Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Aaron Dingle & Liv Flaherty & Robert Sugden Characters: Aaron Dingle, Robert Sugden, Liv Flaherty, Noah Dingle Additional Tags: angsty fluff, Text Messages, contains images, Robert Texts Aaron, Liv Texts Aaron Series: Part 4 of Home Is Where The Aaron Is Summary:

Aaron comes home from prison to find his phone full of text messages from Robert and Liv.

Note. For the purpose of this work Liv never opened Aaron’s phone she just hid it from Robert.

So @aarondingel and I made you guys a present - We hope you like it! Enjoy part 4