don’t mind going to shows b myself but sometimes I just want the company ya know
being surrounded by people who have people to talk to while you’re just kinda. there
there’s another one I want to go to saturday and I’ll have to think about it bc I definitely could but... I don’t really want to go alone. but I know if I posted something asking for someone to go with me I’d be met with silence so like. why even bother
and it’s fine. I can do shows alone
just
ya know.
part of me wants to say something
like, sorry I’ve been so distant and I know I’m terrible at communicating but I promise it’s not that I don’t care because I really really do, I just don’t have the energy to keep up with conversation
I love my friends and I love seeing them succeed; I don’t ever say much and I know I should more but I’ve just kind of learned to keep my mouth shut for god only knows what reason
just got that miss you love you energy rn and maybe it’s just that I’m tired and maybe even a little melancholic after spending my whole night alone
I really did enjoy my evening, but as much as I tried not to let my aloneness get to me it still hit me every once in a while
I’m just really tired
maybe one day I’ll have more energy and less fear that I’m annoying
I’ve had to be self-focused for a while so I could start getting better
I just. there’s a lot I miss
but I’ve been a lot less pained since I accepted that there are no “alternate timelines”, there’s just the one. it happened, or it didn’t, either way, this is just how it is. I used to feel like I was in the wrong possible world; like maybe if I’d just done this or that. maybe it would’ve been the way I hoped. I just can’t see things having gone another way. I don’t believe in fate or anything, but. it just doesn’t hurt as much is all
I miss you
not any one you, just. you. something. someone. you too.