For your June Drabbles Celebration ♡ I used a number generator for choosing my prompts and it seems like it wants to see me cry lol. I got clear, shake and broken + "I love you" from the bonus option "fluff" list. I would like to see a f reader x Halfdan romantic drabble (or with some angsty stuff bc the words are definitely leading more into that direction. I'm letting you decide that.)
Second Chances aren’t forever
Halfdan the Black x f reader (Viking era)
Dedicated to my dear friend @charming-merlin
Words: 3,929
Warnings: a battle, stab wound, angst
AN: so not a drabble 😂 | mentions of Harald, minor Harald scene | I got wayyyy into this | I did change the wound location, I made it a body wound instead of his neck, like sword to the torso business.
Gif credits - various! Thank you creators. Please see tagged names. If anyone wants theirs removed, let me know, I’ll take it down. | 1st & 3rd gifs not credited correctly, it’s @charming-merlin gifs, not mine 💜
Prompts: clear, shake, broken, “i love you”
Sitting in the chair, you press your palms into your thighs, over your dress. You can feel your body shaking. A lump is stuck in your throat. The bread and soup you had earlier remain unsettled in your gut.
When the brothers went to war on opposite sides to conquer Kattegat, you didn’t know what to expect. Halfdan felt an alliance with Bjorn after he saved his life, and the two traveled the world together.
Bjorn offered Halfdan something important to Halfdan, a chance to see the world. It was Halfdan’s biggest wish. Once granted, he stood by Bjorn's side on the battlefield, even if it was against his own brother. Harald sided with Ivar. It was the stuff of sagas and tales, brother against brother twice over.
As the events leading up to today replay in your mind, you blink back tears. You thought you lost him, that you would never see Halfdan again. You always knew in your heart that Halfdan, despite how dark and cruel he could be, would never kill Harald. As for Harald, you didn’t think he had it in him either, he loved his brother more than anything.
But when news hit that Halfdan died at the hand of Harald, you fell apart. Your knees gave out beneath you, your body falling to the floor in a heap as you cried harder than you’ve ever cried before.
You loved Halfdan. You loved him more than any man. But loving Halfdan wasn’t easy. Even if he loved you back, which you were never sure of, having feelings for him felt like a one-sided thing. He wasn’t the most affectionate or verbal person. You always found yourself questioning how he felt about you, and what he wanted from you.
Receiving news that he was dead shattered your heart into a million pieces, a once whole heart now broken. You sat in your grief for hours as the battle raged on. It wasn’t until the loud sounds of yells, battle cries, and metal finally ceased did the battle end.
As the remaining fighters returned to Kattegat, you were lying in the bed, weeping. You cried for so long that you lost all concept of time and space. Feeling weak and numb, you curled into the fetal position and laid still.
The low, throaty rattle of a Raven captured your attention. Shifting in bed, you look to the window and see it sitting on the ledge, staring at you with its small black eyes. Slowly rising from the bed, you continue to watch the Raven and contemplate the meaning of its visit.
A second later, your front door swings open. You sit upright with a gasp and reach under your pillow. After spending so much time with Halfdan, the two of you picked up little habits from the other. Halfdan had weapons everywhere, so he could never be surprised, so no one could sneak up on him. He insisted you do the same a few months back.
You wrap your hand around the blade and jump out of the bed. Your heart is racing as a rush of adrenaline moves through your body. It takes you a moment to realize what your eyes are seeing, you do a double-take and lower the weapon.
It’s Harald. He’s holding a limp Halfdan in his arms. He nearly falls to the ground once he reaches you, his body giving out. You rush over and offer your help, and the two of you bring Halfdan to your bed.
“H-he,” Harald hovers over his brother and holds his face, tears streaming down his cheeks. His eyes full of remorse, “ brother I am sorry. I hope one day, you can forgive me”, he gulps and looks at you, “he’s still breathing.”
Your mouth falls open as your eyes widen. You kneel on the floor next to Harald and touch Halfdans check, then check his neck and wrist for a pulse.
He looks dead. You’ve never seen him so pale, so white, before. He’s still, unmoving - what's left of your heart begins to shatter even more. Then, you find it, the faintest pulse, but still a pulse.
“Halfdan,” your voice breaks as you say his name. Harald moves back, giving you space. You examine Halfdan, finding his wound tightly bandaged. “Has this been cleaned?”
“No - not yet. When I realized he was still breathing, I covered the wound and carried him here.”
“Get help, I can’t do this alone. Not at this stage…he’s lost a lot of blood. We need the Sumaya too.”
You surprise yourself at how strong your voice becomes in that moment as you direct the next actions. Harald nods and leaves the house.
Once you’re alone, a small cry leaves your lips. You sit on the side of the bed and hold Halfdans face, smoothing the pads of your thumbs over his cheeks.
“I’m going to take care of you. I promise.” You sniffle and use your sleeve to wipe your eyes. “Please, stay with me.” You weep softly and lean forward to press a soft kiss against his forehead.
As your lips linger there, you hear a pained gasp leave Halfdan's lips. His chest rises ever so gently, then falls as he takes in a half breath.
“Gods, “ you sit up, unsure of what you heard, and felt. He does it again. His eyelids very slowly open halfway, “Halfdan?” You lean forward again and hold your breath.
When he tries to speak, it’s low, lower than a whisper, and dripped in pain like a dying gasp. You place a hand softly against his chest.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you. Just, try to rest. Don’t push yourself.”
You’ve never seen tears in his eyes before, ever. When his eyes moisten as you speak, you go still. Halfdan slowly closes his eyes again. Before you have a moment to process anything, your door opens. It’s Harald, he’s come with help.
…
Halfdan lost a lot of blood and his fever was the highest you’ve ever seen. You stayed by his side and took care of him as promised, cleaned his dressing, and wiped his beautiful face with cool cloths; you did everything you could to keep him alive. And where you were limited, others helped.
The teas, the steams, and salves from Sumaya were helping too. You weren’t an herbalist, or a healer like her, but in your time taking care of Halfdan you learned a lot and you were getting good at it.
As a week passed, he was still breathing but didn’t look good. All he can manage is to open his eyes halfway, he still can’t talk. As each day passes, you feel further away from hope until the first small signs of improvement come.
First, it was the departure of his fever. Then you could see his wound was starting the healing process, it would be a long one, it was a nasty wound, but at least it’s begun. You didn’t know what was going on in Kattegat, you didn’t know who won, you didn’t care. Your only sole thought was keeping Halfdan alive and getting him better.
The day he finally opened his eyes, you were seated on the side of the bed and washing his face and chest for him. You let the breeze dry his skin naturally and found yourself tracing the lines of his face tattoos with your eyes.
Feeling nostalgic, you recount the details of the first day you met. You were a bit shy, though you'd noticed the handsome mysterious Viking the moment he arrived, you had no plans of approaching him.
You worked at the market, minded your business, and had a small trusted group of friends. You didn’t really mingle with any of the people who tended to surround Halfdan and his brother. Your home was even on the outer edges of Kattegat, you liked it that way.
Going down memory lane, as you admire Halfdans face, you talked about your thoughts when you first saw him, and the first time you felt those brown eyes on you, watching you. You tell him how you felt when he approached you, and how that day forever changed your life. How his visits to Kattegat to see you were some of your happiest times. You also tell him how confusing it's been, being the object of his limited affections.
As you speak, your face is close to Halfdan’s. You smooth his blonde hair away from his face, his eyes open fully for the first time in days. You stop speaking abruptly, his brown eyes steal your breath away, and you feel your body flush with warmth.
Gods, you’ve missed those eyes, looking into Halfdans eyes was like gazing into obsidian mirrors, crystal balls, the unknown. His eyes could convey so many things, joy, bravery, amusement, darkness, death, coldness, they could give you a peek into his soul; something he kept guarded and very few could catch a glimpse of, but you have, you have more than once.
Halfdan lays still as he studies your face. His expression gives nothing away, not like the brief tears you saw the first night. Like two animals in the wild, you stare at each other, and your small home falls silent.
Halfdan’s expression softens. You see the fine lines near his eyes reveal themselves as the faintest smile curves on his lips. He winces in pain, then smiles again, his eyes never leaving your own,
“Valhalla wasn’t ready for me yet.” He smirks.
You smile and drop your head, then sigh with relief. His voice. You missed his voice. It’s a little different now, likely due to the trauma of the wound, and the healing process, and he hasn’t used his voice in days. But, it’s still him, and seeing the flicker of his humor feels like the biggest sign from the gods he will be okay.
“You are just too wild, even for a Viking Halfdan the Black," you say jokingly, " what can I say?”
As you smile at each other, he almost laughs but coughs instead. he twitches, then reaches for his wound as a pained expression fills his face.
“Careful you vile thing,” you rest your hand over his, “You are still wounded."
The sweet moment you shared diminishes as something dark moves in his eyes. He breaks eye contact and stares at the ceiling. Halfdan doesn’t have to speak, you know what he’s feeling.
Halfdan is one of the most Viking, Vikings you’ve ever met. You understood how important their way of life is to them, and for a warrior like him to die in battle is the ultimate honor.
To be so close to Vallahala, the sheer messed-up element of his brother stabbing him aside, must come with some sadness, even for a mostly non-emotional man like Halfdan. You think about the words he’s often said to his brother and to you, “ I feel the most alive in battle.”
“Hey,” you caress his arm, and he looks at you, “they may not be ready for you yet, but they will be, and it will be everything you’ve ever dreamed of, I know it.” He blinks, his eyes staring deeply into yours. “Valhalla watch out. Until then, I have you for a little longer. If you try to leave this bed before you are healed, I’ll kill you myself.”
Halfdan laughs, then groans. He tries to sit up on his own, you stop him and help, easing him into it. Sitting upright, Halfdan sighs and looks around the cottage he’s spent so much time in.
He feels a storm of words and emotions brewing inside of him but doesn’t know how to form them, which to say, which to keep to himself, what some of them even mean.
Instead of speaking, he continues to observe you, feeling gratitude in his heart. Everything about you comforted him, even when he didn’t realize he needed it, or wanted it. Your beautiful face, your touch, your eyes, your voice, your scent -
Before ending up injured in your bed, he already struggled with the things you aroused in him, the things you were making him feel. Now, he felt a mixture of relief and fear. It's a relief he could be with you at a time he felt so confused , lost...and something else he rarely felt and didn’t like one bit, being vulnerable.
Halfdan knew he couldn't give you what you wanted, what you deserved - he was never equipped to be that kind of guy. He never dreamed of falling in love, never sought it out, never wanted more than the shared pleasures of the flesh but you - you challenged him, you challenged everything he knew he wanted when it came to another person. What would being in your care mean for him, for the deep chaotic state of confusion he held so tightly guarded inside of his heart?
Halfdan also knew he would choose no other place to be right now, except with the Gods in Vahllaha. If he wasn't dead and still had time to fulfill on this plane, he knew he wanted to be with you, or at least near you for as long as he could. Even if it scared him.
A long time passes in silence as you just gaze at each other. You’ve been around Halfdan enough to know long silences came with the territory, but something about this one is different.
The closer you got to Halfdan (which was only so close, since he was the most guarded person you’ve ever met), you started to visualize these reflective, observant silences like still water. Everything seemed calm, but so much lies beneath.
This time, it felt like choppy seas, so much of what he kept below the surface was pressing forward. But, Halfdan, still maintaining self control, was holding back, keeping the water away from land.
Though you want to ask questions, and you want so badly to see inside, you don’t push. You’re just happy he’s alive, and for now, you’ll take that. You move close to him and rest your head on his shoulder. Placing a hand on his thigh, you close your eyes.
As you listen to Halfdan’s breathing, and his skin warms your own, you feel the threads of your broken heart rebuilding, coming back together; once again pulsing with life and hope as your heart rebuilds itself.
Halfdan moves his hand over yours and gives it a gentle squeeze. It feels weird for him, to do this. It's not the first time. You like grabbing his hands and he never really understood the whole thing. Not until now. It feels - warm, he feels even more connected to you. Halfdan closes his eyes, his hand still holding yours.
…
At first, you slept in a make-shift bed as he lay in your own. But after that day, you slept in your bed with him, the two of you always mindful of his healing wound. The following days were similar, except he moved around some more. You could tell he hated being helped, and his little fits of frustration often gained a laugh from you. He always liked your smile, and the sound of your laugh, so he didn't stay mad for long.
As his mobility and fluidity increased, he started to become more physical. It was during this time when the first kiss came, he surprised you as you both settled for bed. Before you could blow the candles out, he hovered over you and gently touched your face, staring deeply into your eyes before kissing you.
Some nights when you couldn't sleep, or in the afternoon when his body needed rest, which he would fight until he literally passed out, you would sit on the side of the bed and speak to him. Tell him all the things you wished you could say face to face.
You loved him, you trusted him with your life, but you knew Halfdan wasn't available, not really, not to anyone so there was only so much you could give too. You didn’t want your heart breaking any further by hoping for something that wouldn’t come. Though, you so badly wanted those things with him.
…
When the day finally comes, your stomach feels like cement. You wanted him to get better, of course, but healed Halfdan meant you had to say goodbye. He wasn’t going to stay and now all you would have was the last few months to hold close.
In the days leading up to his departure, you were silent. Each day you shut yourself down little by little. You hoped, by doing so, when the day arrived to see him off, you could do so without crying, without showing any emotion at all.
Halfdan always paid close attention to you. His keen observation increased leading up to his departure. Every once in a while he’d make a joke or ask you, in his way, what was wrong with you. You came up with some vague answers and after staring at each other for a while, he’d change the subject.
One of the things on your mind was life without Halfdan, and what that would look like. You wanted love, you wanted companionship, you wanted the person to be there, in the flesh, close, and for them to open themselves up to you. To have this meant letting Halfdan go and giving some other man a chance with your heart. It’s a hard thing to even phantom when the only man you want can’t, or won't, give you his.
…
The storm the night before is just a memory as clear skies and a cool breeze move through Kattegat. The nice weather doesn't match how grey and heavy you feel inside.
You stayed back most of the time as Halfdan did last-minute things, and tied up loose ends. You waited until everyone else said their farewells until you left the house.
When you stood on the dock, Halfdan next to you, you fixed your eyes on the ship itself. It was a work of art, but Floki’s ships always were. He just made this one extra special for Halfdan.
You stand as still as possible, your arms closed tight around your body. Halfdans speaking to you, thanking you for what you’ve done, the words mean something to you, but you still can’t look at him.
“Where will you go?” You eventually ask, still staring forward.
“To see more of the world.” He answered.
You can feel Halfdan staring at you. But you can’t look at him. Your resolve is starting to break, you feel tears in the corner of your eyes.
“You have more to see. I know it will be wonderful,” you pause and take a deep controlled breath, “take care of yourself, Halfdan.”
Still not looking at him, you turned around with intention of heading away from the ship.
Halfan grabs you by the arm and spins you around, gripping your shoulders tight with his hands, he stares at you, a wildness in his eyes mixed with heavy emotion.
“I- I have to go, Halfdan.” You choke out the words and swallow the cry in your throat.
Visually you can tell he’s battling with himself, like he wants to say something. It’s not until you pull back, does he finally spit out the words,
“I heard everything, everything you said when you thought I was sleeping.”
You drop your gaze. Instead of feeling glad, you feel sad, it's not like it matters, not with him, you thought.
“Look at me,” Haldan says. You raise your eyes to meet his, “I have more of the world to see. I want to see it with you.”
Suddenly the feeling of moving through heavy clouds clears, and your body feels weightless. But you also feel annoyed. He tells you this, now, now? Right as he’s about to sail off?
Overcome with annoyance and hot anger, you pull one of your arms free and slap him across the face. “ I love you Halfdan, but you drive me crazy!”
Halfdan laughs and touches his cheek, his eyes meeting yours, “you really put all your weight in that one.”
“Well, you deserved it.” You huff.
Halfdan grabs your face and pulls you close, his lips covering your own in a heated kiss. When you break for air, he keeps you close.
“I love you too. The slap was nice.” He smirks.
“Gods, what do I do with you!” You shove him away and head away from the boat. Your heart expanding as the words replay in your mind and heart, he does love you, he loves you. Halfdan's heart is yours.
“Where are you going?” He calls out.
“To get my things, of course, I’m coming with you!” You shake your head while smiling and head toward your house.
Halfdan catches up and sweeps you into his arms, planting another wild kiss on your lips.
He wasn’t sure what life had in store for him after this, and he knew he had some work to do because he wasn’t going to lose you, even if he had to learn to do things that made him uncomfortable or were new to him.
As you pack up your things, only taking what matters most, you catch glimpses of Halfdan watching you from the doorway. His arms crossed in a comfortable position as he smiles at you.
“Hey, I took care of you for months, are you going to help over here or just watch?” You ask and toss him a sack.
Halfdan laughs, " all this fire in you, I like it!” He grabs the sack and starts packing things with you.
…
Months later
Kicking your feet in the cool stream of water, you look out at the landscape. This time you’ve found yourselves on lush green land, you can see mountains in the distance.
You had a few ideas growing up about what your life could be, but you didn’t imagine this, not at first. It was an unrealized dream for a long time, being an adventurer. It was something Halfdan inspired within you, you just never thought you could do it.
You lean over, glimpsing at your reflection in the water. You’re a different version of that shy, at times fiery girl from the village. You’ve grown more confident about yourself, about that fire within you, the same fire you used to hide or dampen. You feel the most yourself you have ever been.
Looking downstream, you see Halfdan catching fish for dinner. You smile as he curses under his breath, one gets away. You feel the most content you've ever felt before and thank the Gods for bringing him back to you, it was the only way you could have this, the only way Halfdan could let himself have this.
Halfdan tosses the second fish in the bucket and glances to his left, he catches you lovingly observing him. Halfdan smirks and shakes his hair away from his face. In the distance, he can see where you two docked the ship.
For a long time, as he healed on your bed he was confused, angry, and hurt, he didn’t understand why he didn’t die. But now everything made sense. Halfdan knew he was a great warrior, a dedicated warrior, a dedicated Viking through and through but he was given a second chance to experience more, more on his own, and more with you.
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