This took a tad bit longer to make because I’ve been so busy, but here is a little thing got @srarrynightwanderer‘s Hamlet radio AU.
“And we’re back listeners with Hamlet taking up our usual scheduled program to squeeze in another one of his existential hours.”
“Hey!”
With a glare, Hamlet lightly shoved Horatio. Horatio let out a good-natured chuckle at his friend’s daily antics. They had been working together at the local college radio station for a solid year at this point and friends for even longer. Never in a million years would Horatio ever thought that he would be roped into doing something like this. He was never one for the limelight so when Hamlet asked if he wanted to co-host with him, Horatio was certainly caught off guard. He was hesitant at first, but Hamlet looked so excited. It would’ve been cruel for him to say no.
A pair of headphones comfortably nestled onto his ears, a soft smile played on his lips as he watched Hamlet fire off into one of his many long-winded rants. The sleep-deprived student flailing his arms around violently as if it would help convey his message.
“As I was saying, I am not saying that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are the same people but have you ever seen Ros and Guil both in the same room together before. Honestly listeners, back me up here.”
Horatio rolled his eyes, taking a sip of coffee. This was getting ridiculous at this point.
“You can’t see him right now, but Horatio is rolling his eyes at me right now,” Hamlet grumbled, slumping into his chair. “Is there anything that you would like to add, oh wise one.”
Horatio brought the microphone closer to him and said, “I would like to say, Hamlet, you are definitely taking a nap after this and-”
With quick succession, Horatio snatched the cup of coffee from Hamlet’s hand. Luckily not spilling the drink all over the table. And he slid it down the desk to where Hamlet could not reach like he has done time and time again. Hamlet lunged for the essence of his very existence, knocking over everything in his path. Horatio couldn’t help but wince. He did not envy any of the listeners at the moment.
Hamlet’s head suddenly jerked back, and the headphones around his ears slipped off of his head. With a clatter, they dropped down onto the desk. A string of cursed escaped his lips, but Horatio was too busy laughing to even reach for the censor button. He would just have to apologize to the listeners some other time.
"Screw you," Hamlet hissed.
Horatio attempted to stifle his laughter. "You know I'm only doing this for your own good," He said in between breaths.
Hamlet pushed himself up and snatched his headphones from the ground with an adorable scowl on his face.
"That's a load of BS and you know it."
Horatio raised a quizzical brow. "Oh is it?" He asked, deliberately baiting Hamlet, knowingly.
"Of course it is."
"So you're telling me that trying to convince the listeners and I that Ros and Guil are the same person for a good twenty minutes is something that a rational person would do?"
"I-"
"Especially since we literally had lunch with both of them yesterday."
Hamlet opened his mouth to protest but immediately closed it. He had gotten him there. "That is one occasion," he protested weakly.
"Do you really want to do this right now?" An amused smile quirked on his lips.
"There is nothing you can use against me," Hamlet said, the tips of his ears reddening.
Horatio leaned over and flipped a switch. It was his funeral. "Alright listeners, call in prove my point. What other ridiculous conspiracy theories has Hamlet come up this week because of sleep deprivation."
Suddenly red lights began to light up on their phone line. A grin stretched across Horatio's face. "Would you look at that, the phone lines are all lit up."
Hamlet's face contorted into one of betrayal.
"Do you want to do the honors, my lord?"
"Horatio you are making it really hard not to punch that pretty little face of yours."
“You called me pretty, I’m flattered, My lord.”
Hamlet's face had now become a shocking crimson. He quickly pressed one of the buttons and through gritted teeth, he said, "Line five, you are live."
"And I have a story for you."
Horatio yanked the phone line away from Hamlet before he could press the end call button. He wasn’t going to get out of this one. Hamlet buried his face into his hands, dreading what was to come.
“Laertes if it wasn’t for the law of the land, I would’ve slaughtered you.”
Laughter crackled into their headphone. “You’re skinny ass wouldn’t even be able to lay a finger on me.”
“Laertes, what story do you have for us today?” Horatio smoothly cut in. It wasn’t every day that Horatio would willingly let Laertes go off to tease and/or antagonize Hamlet, but this was too good of an opportunity to pass.
“Yes, of course, thank you, Horatio.” To apologize in advance Horatio slid the cup of coffee back in Hamlet’s reach. “So I was just minding my own business.”
“Sure you were.” Hamlet took a long sip of his coffee.
“Oh shut up, My Chemical Garbage,” Laertes hissed. “Like I was saying, I was just minding my goddamn business when I just happen to run into one Oliva Dutchess, and she told me that you had spent a good fifteen minutes trying to convince her that Mercutio was a child of the Fae. She told me that apparently, you were saying that his mom was Queen Mab the fairies midwife or some shit like that. Who the fuck is Queen Mab, Hamlet?”
“Queen Mab?” Horatio asked incredulously. He recalled hearing something about a Queen Mab before then it hit him. “From Mercutio’s acid trip?!”
“What the fuck Hamlet?”
“Benvolio told me-”
“Benvolio? You trusted Benvolio MONTAGUE?!”
“Better him than Romeo!”
Laertes paused. “I mean you got me there.”
“Asshole.”
“Bitch.”
“Okay thank you for calling Laertes! See you in history!”
“Yeah, see you.”
The line went dead and Horatio turned to Hamlet with a brow raised. Another line or?
“Okay, okay I get it,” Hamlet grumbled, “Jesus Christ. Now for our regularly scheduled program.”
