#harbingerloki

[hiridraws]

@harbingerloki bought me Hiveswap last night, so i drew this as a thank you! I’ve been meaning to dust off my portrait skills for a while now, so thanks for the opportunity! 

[noselfpreservation]

ukelpie: What is it supposed to be then, a mass hallucination O_o?? Also, 'think slower' has to be the easiest solution ever presented to that problem, wtf. Honestly, try to get a second opinion to... whatever that was. harbingerloki: Wtf. I wish I had the magical unicorn power of thinking slower, like god, WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT????

runeburnz: That's just terrible! I hope you can find someone different. Can't believe someone in this day and age can be a licensed therapist and not believe ADHD is real

moxie-moth: what the actual fuk

thoughttrainderailed: SO CLEARLY THE PILLS YOU NEED SHOULD COST NOTHING. BECAUSE THEY'RE JUST SUGAR RIGHT. NO CHEMICALS INVOLVED TO TREAT A FAKE ILLNESS.

I even tried explaining it the best way I could.  ADHD isn't just thinking fast or being physically jittery?  Like, I will have to pee, stand up, and literally not know why I stood up.  I have to announce out loud what I am doing so that, when I inevitably stand up and forget, I can ask what I'd just said seconds earlier and Meg and Wade can tell me.  I'll have my pills in my hand, drink some water, pop them in my mouth, and swallow, and not know, right then, if I just took my meds or if I was about to.  I can't focus on shit all if it doesn't interest 100% of me, but when something does interest 100% of me, I hyper-focus, and don't even get up for thirteen hours. I tried explaining that, for me, having ADHD is like... all of my thoughts are on pieces of confetti.  For some people, important thoughts are a different color from everyday thoughts like, "Wow that is a very pink shirt" as opposed to, "I need to get my taxes done by tomorrow".  But for me, every piece of confetti is the same color, and they're all falling down around me rapidly.  I can reach out and grab some, but I don't have time to sift trough them until I reach out to catch more thoughts, and I have to throw the ones I'd caught before that to the ground.  And so on and so forth.  We literally cannot hold onto thoughts,  It's like trying to keep water in a noodle strainer.  It all just falls through the holes, even if you're actively pouring more in. I didn't even get to talk about the over-stimulation problems, the NEED to be moving at least one part of my body at all times (messing with my hands, jiggling my leg, doing SOMETHING), the problems with understanding people when they talk (sometimes it sounds like they're speaking an alien language and I literally cannot understand them), and the inability to take any perceived rejection/failure (getting unreasonably distraught or furious when I think someone is brushing me off or has told me I've failed), and everything else... I just started voicing my thoughts, because... well, okay, so we had to move to a new office because of the severe flooding.  The walls were thinner, and I could hear the woman talking in the next room, and it was making me unable to talk, because I was hearing her, and I couldn't get through my sentences.  The therapist tried putting water sounds on her phone for ambient noise, but then I was hearing the woman next door, the ambient noise, my thoughts, and what I'm trying to say, AND the therapist's questions.  The ambient sound was water flowing, and I told her I couldn't do this much, that it was making me remember every time I've ever heard the sound of rushing water.  She asked what was so bad about that, and I thought she meant, like, being unable to get away from hundreds of thoughts falling around me at once.  Turns out she meant why was the sound of water specifically so bad.  So I started telling her the word-association game that is my brain, which operates on 10x speed, and she thought I was rushing because of anxiety and working myself up into a panic.  I was not.  I was just listing my thoughts, but I couldn't work as fast as my brain, so I was lagging behind.  That was when she told me to take a deep breath and think slower.  And that thinking slower was my only problem.  That ADHD isn't real and the rushing thoughts is just anxiety. I.  I was very upset, because she was rejecting me and it felt like I'd pitfalled down into a ditch.  I can try to explain it better next time (by writing it out and reading off the paper), but... it really hurt.  And I don't understand how she thinks all of these symptoms is JUST anxiety.  Yes, I HAVE anxiety.  Yes, I HAVE depression.  But I ALSO have ADHD.  And if hearing me talking about it in detail that one time for the few minutes I did freaked her out so much, how does she think I feel?  I've had to live trapped in this body with this brain for my entire life.

[olivieraa]

harbingerloki replied to your post “I had a good day today Because something I’ve been anxious about for a...”

Congrats!!!

Thank you! ^^

[voltageinccgs]

shadowdui @harbingerloki mignonnefeuille + anon Thank you for responding to my post! (tumblr isn't letting me tag harbingerloki for some reason :/)

[olivieraa]

harbingerloki replied to your post:Guys, is this scene in FMA sexualising Winry? I...

No, it’s not. She’s not doing something to be sexy. She’s changing her outfit. The sexualising is being done by the viewer/artist.

Yeah it was mainly them asking, since I said FMA doesn’t sexualise women at any point, why was the scene of her changing even RELEVANT to the plot if not to sexualise her

And I draw a blank :’D

[obsessivedilettante]

harbingerloki replied to your post:Is there anything light’n’fluffy airing right now?...

How is dr frost? I haven’t started it but it’s on my bookmarks to be watched

I like it! It feels very... "American," for lack of a better word. For whatever reason (the reading of people's micro-expressions due to psychology, I think?), I keep comparing it to Lie to Me.

While there is a faint thread tying everything together, it's more of a procedural and the "case of the week" than anything else, but the cases are all really interesting and I like all the characters.

Especially Frost's assistant, Sung Ah. She's delightful.

Tbh I wouldn't be surprised if they ran another season or two, like OCN's done with TEN, Vampire Prosecutor, and God's Quiz. Nor would I mind, because I'd totally watch it.

[obsessivedilettante]

harbingerloki replied to your post “That’s it — I’m officially in love with 1N2D again. It reminds me of...”

1n2d?

Stands for "1 Night 2 Days." It's a Korean variety show that centers around a group of guys who travel around the country, spending a night somewhere (hence the title :p). The official purpose is to highlight beautiful and interesting places around Korea, but realistically we watch it because the cast is basically tortured. They have to play ridiculous games and complete crazy missions to earn their food and lodgings (and always there will be those who are stuck sleeping outside).

It's been going on for years -- the first season lasted five years, the second season was two years, and they just started a new season. The first season is the best because the Producer is brilliantly eeeeeevil in the games he comes up with, not to mention it had the best cast. I like the middle years of season 1 the best, personally. Season 2, they switched producers and my favorite members of the original cast decided not to continue, so I lost interest (and from what I heard, it wasn't that great, either). Which is why I think I love the new season -- the PD is actually one who cut his teeth on this show and so he's very familiar with how the original PD did things, and so it feels like the old 1N2D.

It used to be my favorite Korean variety show until they started season 2, and now I'm thinking it might eventually become my favorite once again.

(Ok, that was probably more than you were asking for -- but I'm just so excited this show is fun again.)

[obsessivedilettante]

harbingerloki replied to your post: I just remembered I bought milk last n...

Milk in tea? Is that actually good?

YES.

...although I guess it depends on what kind of tea you use. I call "tea" that deliciously dark black stuff that is as close to coffee as I will ever get (none of that Earl Grey nonsense). So it kinda needs a little something to help cut the strong tannic bitterness. I also find it helpful in cooling a cup to a drinkable temperature that is not completely scalding.

The other stuff, like herbal teas and green teas (which are not, in my mind, "tea")... probably wouldn't be good with milk, I don't think. Too delicate.