Now what?
As I stood in my modest kitchen, carefully measuring, weighing and mixing the ingredients needed for a new cupcake recipe I found in a book, my phone went off and I shifted my gaze from the recipe book in front of me only to see yet another notification flashing across my screen. I rolled my eyes as I read who the message was from. The person whose name is currently across my phone has been bugging me for the past half hour, not letting up even when my replies dwindled and I shifted my focus to baking. Wiping my hands on a kitchen towel, I swiped my phone screen to look at the messages I received on Instagram direct.
@harrystyles: Why have you stopped responding?
Did I do something?
OK, ok I get it you’re not going to talk but I’ll tell you what love, just come out for coffee
with me tomorrow and I promise I’ll stop messaging.
Hello?
All of that sent in quick succession, not to the mention the previous messages since he started communicating with me on my social media account today, almost 40 minutes ago now. The last message was sent a good 10 minutes after the previous one. I let out a small huff before finally giving in.
@lungingforlollies: Hi again! Sorry, I was just a bit occupied.
His reply came almost immediately.
@harrystyles: That’s ok. Am I interrupting something?
@lungingforlollies: Not quite J I was just about to bake when I got your first message. Went ahead to do just that. Didn’t mean to be rude.
@harrystyles: I used to work in a bakery, if you need any help
@lungingforlollies: Haha, I think almost everyone knows. You’re so modest.
@harrystyles: I was only being nice ;)
@lungingforlollies: All’s good. Thank you for your very generous offer though.
@harrystyles: You’re very welcome, but you still haven’t given me an answer.
@lungingforlollies: Sorry?
@harrystyles: Coffee? With me? Tomorrow?
Here I thought I’d distracted him enough for him to not notice my lack of response. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be in the company of the ever charming Harry Styles. We all know he’s easy on the eyes, (ok so that’s a bit of an understatement) and above all lovely to be around. Harry and I share a few mutual friends and of late I’ve also become acquainted with his very pretty older sister. Both of which has cornered me into this conversation I was in.
@lungingforlollies: If I go will you stop messaging me on this?
@harrystyles: Are you saying I should ask for your number instead?
@lungingforlollies: Ha-ha
@harrystyles: I’m asking for it either way. It’s a lot easier to get to you. I mean you can always avoid reading your messages here, but if I’m constantly calling and texting you…
@lungingforlollies: You really know how to plead your case :/
@harrystyles: Don’t I just? That aside, promise I’m not going to go all stalker on you. May I please have the delightful sequence of numbers that would magically allow me to speak to you?
@lungingforlollies: Well, since you asked ever so nicely
So with that I caved even more and sent him my number. Almost immediately I got a text from an unsaved number, asking me a silly question relating to the night we first knew of each other’s existence (him knowing I exist more than the other way around) as if I had lied and given him a fake number. “You passed the identity test,” was his reply to my response of said question. I finally got him to give me the time and place for the next day since I insisted on getting there myself. If he picked me up, I wouldn’t be able to get it out of my head that it was a date. I didn’t need that to prey on my anxiety. It was a tough struggle on my part to get him to agree to that but he relented when I threatened to stand him up if he kept arguing with me about it. With a final confirmation from me, Harry sent me one last text before keeping true to his word.
I know women out there who would (not literally) kill to be in my place right now, but I was far from excited. Harry made me nervous. Despite how comfortable it was being around him the handful of times we’ve met, I’ve always felt small and plain and possibly even intimidated by him. I could blend easily into the crowd which Harry would more than certainly stand out from. I’m an educator (because honestly teachers do not simply teach) by trade, currently enjoying some personal time off before I decide to either go back to molding the future of the nation or to change my career all together. Harry on the other hand, well you know what he does. That coupled with the fact that we share some mutual friends who lead pretty impressive lives, made me feel like Harry was barking up the wrong tree if he thought he’s going to have an interesting time getting to know me better.
I’d very briefly met Harry for the first time about a year or two ago when I was invited on a night out by a friend who happens to be a part of his tour crew. I had made a few more new friends that night but have somehow managed to avoid any proper interactions with Harry. The new friends I made that night was how he found my Instagram account. Lou had tagged me in a few pictures, the most recent of them were from not too long ago, on a night out where I got along swimmingly well with someone I was just introduced to. I thought she’d looked like someone familiar until I realized that was Gem. I knew the whole time that Harry had a sister but have only heard of her in conversations and have not met her once till that night. Harry had managed to slip in a DM as the number of photos of me and some of our mutual friends increased. I was swooning at first but when I finally took deep breaths and calmed down I wasn’t so sure about how I felt. His decision to not follow me immediately caught me off guard, might’ve even upset me a little until I finally realise that that was probably a calculated move on his part to not shine the limelight on plain ‘ol me while still giving him the privacy to keep in touch. He’d admitted to being quite cautious when around me because I seem to always avoid him like the plague, which was why he didn’t immediately try to contact me on any platforms. Imagine that, Harry Styles was afraid of me at some point! In the course of our chats I learnt that him finding out I was a teacher made it even worse. He was overly cautious about how dumb he would sound or how I was probably avoiding him because he never got a degree. I, on the other hand, was too embarrassed to tell him that I found him far too kind, too charming and too good looking to be in the company of someone such as myself. So instead I told him that I saw that he was always busy and so I made it a point to not bother him. This of course didn’t go down quite well with him and it seemed like he felt really bad about it but I never said anything to ease him of his worries. Maybe that was why he insisted on checking up on me when he can.
Harry’s first message came a while back while he was still on tour. They were sporadic and rather random but almost always sweet and funny. But since he’s been back in between his many commitments the messages have been constant and it seemed like the more I replied the more I’m encouraging him. I tried not to reply immediately or just giving him short responses, but Harry didn’t seem fazed. He’d acknowledge my response and then gave me some time before contacting me again. If anything, I think it was his plan to lure me further into his trap. The more time he gave me between his messages, the more conversation I’d spark, asking him open ended questions about himself and his week when I finally heard from him. I suppose it’s been ingrained in me as a teacher to constantly ask open ended questions and encourage conversation, isn’t it?
As I moved to bake my long forgotten batter, I ran through a few outfit options for the next day. I may still be quite reluctant to see him in person (it was way easier and more comfortable for me to innocently flirt and talk to him online), but a girl still has to look good and for me that sometimes require a large amount of planning. By the time the oven beeped to signal that my cupcakes were ready, I had still not decided on any outfit. In fact, I was contemplating cancelling but I felt like I owed it to him for putting up with my sometimes lack luster effort at keeping the conversations going. I’ll just have to suck it up and go, but what if he doesn’t show?