#hateemotions

[bronoun]

i been on and off crying all day because i finally found like... actual people and experiences with gender that match mine and i know i’ve presented transmasc online for so long but i always felt out of place and it’s such a relief 

[drunkoffthelight]

Having a sudden meltdown to the point of hyperventilating is always fun💃

[sunmuffin]

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I broke up with my boyfriend because it’s always me, him and his friends. Most of his friends are girls. And it’s not that I’m jealous they’re gonna screw each other or anything. Its just he KNOWS, me and them had this little conflict. I basically hate them. They’ve been accusing me for doing things and spreading it to my other close friends. So ya, I hate them. And I thought he would understand. I thought he would back away from them. I mean if you’re in a relationship, wouldn’t you stay away from the person your partner’s hate? Especially when you know your partner didn’t do anything wrong? Wouldnt you? Or am I too selfiesh? Am I asking too much? When he was jealous of this guy once, I actually broke off my friendship with that guy so my boyfriend would be less uncomfortable and it wasn’t easy. We were really good friends and all of our classes were the same. But I did it anyway. My boyfriend didn’t ask me to. But I did it because I want him to know I love him and other guys don’t matter to me. But now? When it’s the other way around, you called me selfish and unreasonable? And tell me I don’t listen to you and didn’t take care of YOUR feelings? I told you countless times why I don’t like those fucking girls. And you know I didn’t do anything wrong to them. But you still keep on telling me I’M wrong and stick by their side. I’m confuse. Who’s your girlfriend again? I’m confuse. I know you’re not intentionally hurting me when you were sticking up for your friend. I know you were just trying to save your relationship with your friends but at the same time save your relationship with me. I know you just wanted to be the middle man but to me you’re not. You were my fucking boyfriend. I’ll try my best to stick by you no matter what and I’m willing to cut ties with different guy friend if you feel uncomfortable. I would go till that extent. But I don’t even expect you to cut ties with your friends. I just wanted you to have my back and defend me and show me off or treat me I’m the first on your list. And if WORSE CASE SCENARIO you had to choose between me and your friends. I wished you would choose. There were SO MANY times when I told you this. SO many. I say can’t you just be by my side for once. But all you can fucking say is I’m so unreasonable and that I need to chill and etc etc. Just for once, even if you dont believe it, for once just say that I’m right. Or anything rly just to show me that you were on my side and would choose me over your friends with no hesitation. I love you. So much. And I want to continue loving you, but I’m sorry. I just can’t get over it. I can’t. And as much as I love you so so so much. And I want you bad so fucking bad, I KNOW things won’t be the same. I know it won’t work. Don’t you dare say I didn’t love you and that I get over you so easily. You pushed me and forced me to do this. So many times where i thought you would change. But you didnt. And now its too late even if you want. I’m sorry you’re hurting right now. I’m sorry I brought you nothing but pain. Sorry I was so clingy and became THAT girlfriend that is so annoying and get ‘jealous’ easily when you hang out with other girls. I hope this time apart will help you move on. And I am well aware that in our relationship i had my flaws too. I guess you're right, I've never done enough. I swear it wasn't intentional. I honestly thought was enough. I was never into big gesture. I thought having real, deep conversations were enough. I thought eventho we didn't meet, you would still understand bcs of my father. I thought it was enough. But I'm sorry it wasn't. And you're rifht, I should have tried harder. And im sorry i didnt. There’s a big part of me don’t want you to move on because I miss you so much. But we need this. Hopefully, with time, and with the support of those best girlfriends of yours, you’ll get through it. Thank you for all the thing you've done for me. Thank you for the picnic or breakfast, for you time, energy effort, everything. You did made me happy. I swear. And I wish you all the happiness in the world no matter what happened to us. I love you. Goodbye.

ps. you guys have no idea how relatable the song Stay With Me by Sam Smith is right now HAHAHAHAHA (omg way to spoil the mood). Like comeon seriously, “This ain’t love its clear to see but darling stay with me” and “But I know deep down I know this never works But can you lay w me so it doesnt hurt”. Like seriously? So much feels. I want you back so bad. i miss you so much. But i know deep down, what we have is not working.