Am I changing?
It’s been more than 4 months now that I have moved to the bay area.
I still have yet to hang out on the weekend with anyone who is not my boyfriend or a visiting friend.
I still have yet to make a “friend” here.
I have acquaintances and semi-friends at work, sure. But those have not extended to outside of work and I don’t know entirely if any will in the future.
Last weekend I visited Seattle and hung out with some friends for a Halloween party. That’s probably the most socializing I’ve done since the beginning of summer, before I moved.
I wonder if I have changed. Have I become more reserved? Less enthusiastic about enjoying life and forming bonds with people?
Certainly I think I have become rusty on my small-talk and meeting new people social skills. While they are not all that important, I recall being better at it in college. At least more confident in my social skills. Now I’m not sure.
At work it is different. It has gotten better since the first month or two when I worried about who to eat lunch with or having to eat by myself at my desk (which actually many people do). Now I at least tag along with some people and have formed tentative friendships with a few. But it is still hard to tell if they are really friendships. They are coworkers. Many are older than me. It is harder for me to find commonalities and I also just find myself...uninterested.
Last summer I wanted to get to know my fellow interns, and even interns from other companies. Now...I don’t put in effort into making those connections.
I’m not sure what to do. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to make friends anymore. After college...I know it is harder, in general. But i want to have a support network. I have enough extroverted traits in me that I crave that social interaction.
I don’t know. I feel a bit like a failure.