To be honest, Souma just wishes he wasn't stuck in an infirmary bed. He gets it - his body still isn't entirely back in shape, he needs to recover from the whole kidnapping incident, but it just doesn't feel right. He's never been good at the whole just lying around and letting others take care of you deal. Or, well, not really when everything else feels like it's just chaos.
Sure, Shuusuke has been making more than frequent visits, and being able to joke around about Shuusuke having to take care of him now is a definite upside to this situation. But it's the only upside. Even if Shuusuke is okay and Souma himself is - relatively speaking - better than he could have ended up, he knows that Haku and Eiri didn't end up so lucky. And even if Shuusuke carefully keeps informing him of how all of that is going and even if Eiri is getting better and will (for better or worse) be his usual self again sooner or later, it's all still worrying.
And here Souma has been lying in bed instead of helping. Not that there can be done much about the situation - nothing about Eiri, anyway. And thanks to the combined efforts of the people working in the infirmary and Shuusuke's keen insticts, Haku has already been brought over to his room, even if all Souma can offer is his company. Anything's got to be better than Haku sitting miserably by Eiri's bedside all day and night without even properly eating, at least.
But today it's different. It's not anyone subtly or not very subtly trying to get Haku out of that other room, it's Haku making his way over to Souma's bed by himself.
Not under any normal circumstances though. It's already late at night, and even though Souma knows that he ought to be asleep by now, it still hasn't been easy for him to pick his normal sleep schedule back up. Not that he isn't trying all the same - it's the sound of the door being opened that actually makes him open his eyes to slits, enough to see who's there and notice a tall shadow looming over his bed, faintly illuminated from behind by the dimmed lights in the hallway.
Even if it's hard to make out a face, Souma already knows who it is. A figure like a tall and heavy shadow can only belong to one person. One of the few people who would bother to visit him at this time of night, anyway.
But Haku doesn't ask if he's awake. Souma doesn't quite stir, like he's waiting to see what will happen next, but Haku just stands there. If he didn't know the other better, he might have sworn it was some kind of really strange practical joke.
Moments pass, and at least Souma is entirely sure that he won't be able to sleep comfortably knowing that Haku is standing there feeling who knows what specifically, so he figures he should move and at least ask what's wrong--
But right before he can do that, Haku speaks up first. "I'm sorry."
The words freeze Souma in place for a moment, mind buzzing with the possibilities, but after another moment the other continues.
For a moment the words don't even make sense to Souma, considering he doesn't think he has even a single thing to blame Haku for. But when he thinks about it a little more, he realises what this is about. He's been around Church for long enough to have picked up the rumors a long time ago. Haku is a jinx - a guy whose Messiah always die. And Souma has seen how uncomfortable it makes Haku too from miniscule changes in expressions whenever someone brought it up.
But he knows. It doesn't make Haku uncomfortable since he doesn't like it when people speak badly of him, but it makes Haku uncomfortable because he really believes in those ridiculous words. He really thinks he's a jinx. He's seen some of the looks that Haku shot him after everything with Haruki - not sympathetic, but apologetic. Like those words from others have really pushed him so far that he doesn't just think his Messiah will die because of him, but that the effects stretch on to include everyone he's ever been in contact with. Including Souma, who had been trying so hard to pull the other out of his shell and trying to make Haku and Eiri get along a little bit better.
It makes a nauseating feeling bubble up in Souma's stomach. He's not sure how to place it - anger, maybe, frustration - but there's just the feeling that none of this is right. Stuff like this can't be caused just by a person's sheer presence. It's bullshit, and the idea that other people can really drive that idea home just with their words pisses him off. Why should Haku have to be driven to apologize for something that's not even close to being his fault?
He grabs a handful of the bedsheets under his blanket, and out of sheer emotional instinct he almost moves to tell Haku that he should stop apologizing, that it's not his fault, that he shouldn't have to feel guilty about this on top of everything else that's going on--
But a moment later some reasoning does kick in, and Souma realises why Haku must have come to say it now of all moments. Why he didn't do it during one of the many times he had been maneuvered into Souma's room. He probably thinks Souma is asleep, considering he hasn't moved so far. It's something he didn't want to say to Souma's face and have to listen to some response.
It's not as if every instinct isn't still screaming at him about how wrong this all is, but with Haku there's always something about him that feels like he's been bent so much already that giving him just that extra shove will make him break. And Souma doesn't exactly know how much of a shove it will be to reveal he heard that just now.
(Even if lying to Haku feels wrong too - dammit, he's going to lie here awake all night debating that, isn't he?)
Although it seems the window of opportunity has passed anyway. Haku lingers for a few moments after his last few words, but he doesn't say anything else, and then he turns around to leave the room. Doubtlessly to go back to staring at Eiri's nearly lifeless body.
Smacking his hand against the side of the bed in frustration (not a good idea, considering just how much he winces at it), Souma decides he'll have to make sure to ask Shuusuke to somehow bring Haku over tomorrow.
