#hel writing

[hel-phoenyx]

The bufoonery of love

Kaizarz belongs to @corneille-but-not-the-author and Arata to @noa-de-cajou

______

In my hand, the phone rings only once.

I don't have to wait long before the enthousiastic voice of my beloved best friend beams through the speakers.

"Tyr ! You're already here ?"

I smile. His enthousiasm is a delight to hear, even more to see. As usual, he sounds so happy to hear me. It makes my heart flutter.

Far away seems to be the time when he was uneasy next to me. Even if it was only a few months ago.

I can almost hear Arata's voice behind him, unintelligible but probably asking who this is. I suppose they either came back or are on the road.

"Yeah, I am early, is that a problem ? I can wait outside if you're not here..."

"No, no, it's good, we just came back with Arata ! I'm just fighting with his wheelchair, wretched thing of Satan... Com'on Arata stop laughing this is a litteral brain teaser !"

Despite what he says, Arata is still laughing, it's so easily perceivable. And, much to Kaizarz's chagrin, I join him though the phone, leaning on the door of his building with a huge smile on my face.

"Aren't you someone who likes those challenges ?"

"Oh, shut uuuuup, Tyyyyyr."

"I love you too. Come and open the door, I can help you with Satan's incarnate."

I hear a huff through the phone, then rummaging inside and a click following the sound of a buzzer indicates me I can finally go through the obstacle between me and my loved ones that is the front door. Perfect. Only need to park my scooter to a good place and I will be able to save the day like a knight in shining armor.

I climb the stairs the quickest I can and sure enough, there he is, waiting for me on the threshold of his flat, arms opened wide and face beaming with joy. And I would be foolish to not take the occasion. I don't have a lot of opportunities to cuddle and by god if Kaizarz isn't the most comfortable pillow I ever had the honor of laying my head against may the Christ I don't believe in nail me to the cross.

He closes his arms around me and I rest against his chest, soothed by the sound of his beating heart. Never have I ever been more grateful for someone to be alive.

We could stay like that for a while, if gods will it. If not for a teeny tiny little problem.

"I wouldn't want to interrupt," says the amused voice of Arata from the living room, "but I am still on sofa arrest, if you don't mind helping me."

I have a little laugh from Kaizarz's chest, right before he lets me go seemingly remembering the Wheelchair Problem, before entering the flat grinning.

"If you're that jealous, Arata, I can come give you a hug too..."

"Well, I certainly didn't ask to be crushed today, he answers with the same glee in his voice. So please get my legs working before breaking my ribs, will you ?"

But of course. Kaizarz has a little embarassed shrug, and we both go to the living room, where sure enough is the wheelchair half-deployed and Arata sitting on the couch, holding a glass of water. I suppose his forced immobility warranted something fresh.

He still looks tired, but seeing a smile on his face is relaxing, after spending so long worrying about him. And Kaizarz seems happier, too, seeing him in a good mood. Even if right now he's back to the puzzle grunting against "stupid complicated mobility aids with no user manual".

I sit down next to him after saying hello to Arata, and take a look at the problem. Hmmm. Complicated, but nothing I can't handle. Usually, C takes care of it, but I've watched over the process countless times, since I was very often the first one at the session.

And Kaizarz who is often here after Arata seems to have no idea how to proceed.

"Aren't you supposed to be an engineer, Kai ?"

"In ecoconception, not... Whatever wheelchairs are !"

"Biomedical devices, my dear. Come on, I'm a pro, let me do the thing..."

My best friend huffs again, but lets me use all my Ph.D expertise (useless in this situation I went in marine biology) to rebuilt the nefarious device from scratch, and soon enough with three and a half hands Arata gets his wheels back. Which brings a victory scream out of my best friend.

"Ha ! Take that you stupid chair."

He looks so happy to win against the device it's sweet. I wanna kiss his stupid face. But, even if we were together that way, not a good thing to do in front of Arata.

I lean against the sofa next to where Arata is sat, and Kaizarz gets up, his massive frame towering over both of us. Hottest thing i have ever seen.

But from my position I have all the opportunity to notice the t-shirt he is now wearing under his outside jacket he still hasn't got off. A new one, black, with something that looks like a dragon bleached on it. Masterfully designed, I recognize Hector's doing. He dabbled in shirt-painting a few months ago.

And it is very surprising to see one of Hector's works of art on Kaizarz.

"New shirt ?"

He lowers his eyes.

"This ? Oh, yeah ! Fenrir's birthday present. It's nice, honestly, and it's my size, so I thought I would make an effort and wear it today..."

"Oh, so it was the infamous birthday present, smiles Arata from the couch. I was worried he would prank you, or worse."

Yeah, me too. But this doesn't seem too bad, and he found something Kaizarz could actually use, without tricks or revenges at least noticeable at first glance. If he wore it all day I can be assured Fenrir didn't do anything to the present, like itching powder or anything. You never know about what he can do to Kaizarz specifically.

But it looks like he really wants to amend. That's a good thing. And a nice shirt. I may steal it sometimes.

I mean, I am a clothes-scavenger, and I need a revenge against the stealing my roommates and girlfriends do to my stuff, even if no relationship.

"Okay, says Kaizarz while starting to get his jacket off. Make yourselves comfortable while I get us some refreshments and then we can start talking about betrayals and scheming... Want something Tyr ?"

"If you still have root beer I would be glad to steal you one. Else, water or juice is fine, don't wanna be drunk at this time of the day."

"I'll go check if Matilda didn't steal them all before leaving, be right back !"

He turns around towards the kitchen, jacket half-off. The shirt seems to be tight enough to let me see the line of his back muscles, thank you so much for that Fenrir- wait. what's that written on the middle ?

"Hey, Kaizarz, can you turn around and get your jacket off, please ? I need to check something."

"Daring are we, Tyr ?" says Arata laughing.

I ignore him. Even of the joke is a good one, it's not what's preoccupying me.

Kaizarz blinks, cheeks a little red.

"Uh.... Is there something wrong, Tyr ?"

"Nothing, nothing, dear. I just need to see the entirety of the back of this shirt."

"Uh. We have petnames now ?"

"I always did, you were just too oblivious to hear them. Pretty please ? There's something written on the back."

Visibly intrigued, Kaizarz lets go of his jacket, and turns around so his back is facing me. The shirt really is tight enough for me to see his muscles, Fenrir probably used my size as a reference. But what matters to me is the written text. Also bleached, in a funny police, it's a bit hard to read but if only I could-

"I noticed the text, says Kaizarz while I let my eyes wander, but I didn't get it. The sentence isn't even complete, like, what does that mean ?"

"An inside joke, maybe," says Arata.

"In that case, not for me, we never had any... Tyr ?"

"Yeah, yeah, just a second, I-"

My eyes skim to the last of the sentence right at the end of my own reflexion.

"Oh motherfucker."

Fenrir I swear to god I am gonna murder you. Arata was right, it is an inside joke, but targeted to me, and jesus christ what a fucking joke it is to offer Kaizarz a fucking shirt marked with a dragon

And then getting Hector's help to bleach "My favorite ride is a" on it.

I'm killing them both tomorrow.

Because of course Kaizarz didn't understand that the complete sentence is "My favorite ride is a dragon". And of course it seems innocuous like this, who wouldn't want to ride a dragon, it's my dream in more ways than one, if only for a little. teeny. tiny. detail.

Startled, Kaizarz jumps back, suddenly very worried.

"What is it ?! An inside joke I can't understand ?!"

"I mean yes but also no. Fenrir is a sneaky little shit who had a very precise goal with this shirt. What do you think is written on the back ?"

"Uuuuuuuuh.... "My favorite ride is a" with no text afterwards ?"

"Yep. What is on the front ?"

"A dragon ?"

"What do those two elements form in a complete sentence."

"Uuuuuuh... My favorite ride is a dragon ?!"

Kaizarz looks more and more panicked. I'm sorry love, I just need you to understand Fenrir's thought process. And why I am both on the verge of laughing and absolutely infuriated.

In a quick gesture, I lift up my shirt. Both their eyes widen, but my goal was not to show off my muscle mass, rather to point at something at the left of my torso, my most recent tattoo featuring a sea dragon, courtesy of Hector.

Well okay, maybe I am showing off a little.

"And what is that ?"

"Hey why are you undressing ?!"

"Please, this isn't the first time you saw me shirtless. Just answer my question."

I let my finger run on the dragon's body, followed by Kaizarz and Arata's eyes.

"A dragon- I still don't get it, Tyr..."

I sigh.

"Kaizarz, my friend, I am covered in dragons, this is like my third dragon tattoo. My Internet name is deepseadragon. I always play draconic sorcerers or dragonborn in TTRPGs. I own a shittown of dragon merch. Among the seven, I AM the dragon."

"So when Fenrir got me that-"

"He had me in mind as the dragon. And I guess I don't have to tell you what it means to ride someone in slang."

A few seconds pass. And then his face instantly turns white.

"Holy crap that fucking..."

"Inside sex joke, I have to say that is a good one, Arata laughs. And hard to understand if you're not Tyr. I mean, I didn't get it either."

"Thai is not the point like- Aaaaaaah the present is ruined now ! I need to take this off I wasn't in the mood for thaaaat !"

And saying that he hurriedly tugs on the Nefarious Present to get it out of his body. Revealing to us both the chiseling of his torso and- don't drool, Tyr, do not, you know how he feels about sex, this is not the moment to make him uncomfortable especially after Fenrir's little stunt-

I quickly put a hand to my eyes hoping I am not blushing too much.

"Jeez, Kaizarz ! At least get a room before showing off !"

"But you also saw me shirtless countless times ???"

"I think you both realise how wrong you were to display skin," says Arata from his corner of the sofa, slightly red too. "Which I am not against, mind you, not a prude, but probably not right now while we discover Kaizarz was wearing a sex joke all day ?"

"You're absolutely not helping Arata !"

"It was certainly not my intention, Kaizarz..."

A moment of silence. And then all three of us just burst out laughing.

We probably make a funny show, me shirt still a bit up, Kaizarz with his now in his hands, and Arata looking at us from the sofa, all of us belly-laughing over a stupid prank from my best friend to the man I love more than anything.

We spend a little time like this, unable to stop. Everytime one of us tries, a look to the shirt, or to Kaizarz that is redder and redder, or to me still looking anywhere else than his pecs, makes us start again for five other minutes.

Finally, though, Kaizarz takes a deep breath, and puts the shirt on the table.

"I'mma put on something else, no offense to Fenrir but I am not wearing his prank incarnate until I find a way to turn it against him. All in good spirits, of course."

"Of course. and I will make sure to gut him tomorrow all in good spirits. Obviously."

Kaizarz snorts and pats my head. I am so close from purring like a cat.

"I'll be right back, you two."

And there he goes to his room, leaving only Arata and me in the living room. Arata looking at me with a conspiratory look.

"So. The Big Bad Wolf feels comfortable making sex jokes between you and a man he is supposed to hate."

"Looks like it. I... Am glad, honestly. Even if he could avoid the sex joke."

"Well. We got a good laugh out of it. And we can also talk on how to make him lose his mind over the failure of his prank."

I love that slightly evil gleam in his eyes I see.

"I like how you think."

We are here for scheming, after all.

[hel-phoenyx]

Arata belongs to @noa-de-cajou , Kaizarz to @corneille-but-not-the-author, Meili (mentioned) to @azeler , Domhildr (mrntioned) to @soupedepates and Oli (mentioned) to @me-thal

____

It's complicated, having your crush's lover in your vicinity. Especially when your own feelings aren't reciprocated.

A few people would say that is a thing that happens. That it's karma for my own wife, once his fiancee. That my own hatred for the guy is the result of petty jealousy and that I should let it go.

Kaizarz is giving me so much shit for that.

It's annoying.

It's annoying as hell.

It's also especially painful because Kaizarz of all people gets it the least. He doesn't even begin to fathom how painful it was to see his dead body on his bed. To say goodbye to him for his own good. To face his killer and see him recover, change, be accepted on his journey to redemption, be forgiven, be loved while I could never get that chance.

The few people I can talk to about it with are either dead, dying, or either love or hate Kaizarz so wouldn't get it.

Bitch, if jealousy was the only problem, you'd think Oli wouldn't get regularly in my bed just to lay there and be pretty without consequences, wouldn't you?

Ahem.

So.

Yeah.

Complicated.

And.

Well.

You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation. Heating up broth with a sick as fuck Raja on my couch spitting out his formerly-plagued lungs.

Well, when I went back from my trip, a very nice trip mind you, establishing a commercial route between us and the Mandate which was practically begging the Coast for commercial treaties, I found a certain someone coughing the shit out of himself that apparently "fell sick during a stay and felt like he couldn't overstay his welcome".

And as I know how sicknesses can plague an entire nation, I simply couldn't let that imbecile bring back the krakenese fever to Ananiikom. Too dangerous for their south-dwellers' body. So I took it upon myself to bring him here and send Ashildr to warn the other komis not to leave yet. She's a resourceful child, and I'm honestly more afraid she'd try to bite the sailors rather than they'd hurt her.

Heh. It would have been funny.

Arata is once again coughing on the blanket I lent him. He looks beat. I mean, can't do worse than the time he was dying from the komi plague, but still worrying. His body seems to keep a certain fragility after all these years, despite the reward from the goddess of Death.

I roll my eyes.

"The broth is almost done, think you can stop yourself from coughing blood on my sheets until then?"

"I'll.... Be fine, thank you."

I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, right, fine, and I am the Kraken-King."

Never again.

"You're full of shit, I can hear the viruses in your voice from here."

A chuckle from under the covers. Well, at least he still has the energy to fucking make fun of me.

"So.... You can hear microorganisms? Nice hearing you got there."

"I can also hear your sarcasm, so shut up and preserve your throat. You're not handling the krakenite winter very well, might I remind you."

Silence. Finally. I fill a bowl of the broth, a nice, chicken one with lots of vegetables since Kriss told me that was good for sick people. Can't say she's right or not, both her, I and Ash need at least bloody red meat when we're sick, my daughter more than me.

It seems to work on Arata, though. When he drinks it, I see a few colors coming back on his face. Good.

He gulps down half the thing before handing me the bowl back. Bad appetite, huh. Not good.

"Thanks...."

"Don't mention it. If I let you die from that kind of stupid shit Kaizarz will never let me live this down."

Then again

Maybe then he would understand.

The pain.

The anger.

The burning hatred when I learnt what Arata planned to do with his soul.

The fear of never seeing him again.

Everything he simply brushes off as jealousy.

I don't keep grudges, especially towards Kaizarz.

Except this one.

I shake my head. Bah. I stopped wanting to kill the bastard long ago. He never gave me a reason to, a legitimate one. He's trying a better path. And for all the shit I've given him, justified or not, he still kept his cool and accepted me as the head of diplomacy in the kingdom.

We even had some pleasant conversations, about governing and birthrights and what it's like when everyone in power wants us dead, or even books and magic research and medecine, everytime I have to help establish the trading posts.

Don't think we'll ever be friends. But that's something, I suppose.

I put down thr half-drank broth and start tidying up the covers around him. For a fever, he'll need to sweat a bit more, Kriss told me. And my sister is a bitch but planning a royal murder is out of her range.

Gods, he looks awful. All this for a cold?

"You probably should sleep."

He nods.

"Surely.... Is Kaizarz aware I had to extend my stay?"

I didn't quite have the time to tell him.

"No, not really."

Or I simply didn't want him fussing all around and witness what I could never have gotten.

"He'll probably notice something once he sees your boat in the pier, though."

I need calm to treat a patient. Not a worried king pacing everywhere. Especially for just a cold.

I'll get Moldekai later, once I'm sure I'm not seeing that twig break in half from his own coughing. Which seems to be in good way since he's perking up a bit.

"That's.... Good. Wouldn't want.... Want him to worry.... Too much."

I roll my eyes with a sarcastic chuckle.

"Kaizarz The Liberator Laangfisk? Worrying too much? What an unlikely outcome....."

"Surely he wouldn't come barging.... In your room once he learns I'm here dying on your couch."

"Surely not."

A few seconds of silence. And then, a commong laughter erupts from both our throats.

Mine is full of sneers and his interrupted by coughing and sniffing. It's still nice to share.

Have we ever laughed together like this? At the expense of a common loved one that, no offense, Kaizarz, deserves the mockery? Or just to indulge in something very funny?

Ha. At least he has the energy to laugh. Even if it sounds ridiculous.

***

I had to get Moldekai more than once and, in the end, warn Kaizarz about the sick komi royal in my bed because that didn't get much better afterwards. But hey, at least I earned him a few days of peace without a worried king pacing everywhere.

Because as I thought, Kaizarz, once he learnt about the cold, was all over him. Changed his staying place from my room to his, covered him in attention, ran everywhere for medicine or everything needed. Everytime he did I felt my heart sinking, more than the usual.

Oh to be weak and frail and taken care of.

Or, rather, to be in a world where nobody would care about me being weak and frail and taken care of.

If I was allowed to

Maybe I wouldn't have ruined all I ever wanted.

But hey. For Arata, it at least worked. We're on the pier saying our goodbyes, and after a long conversation with Kaizarz about whatever those two are talking about, he comes to me. Still a bit pale and tired, but breathing normally, this time.

"I have to thank you again for taking care of me."

I shrug.

"Hey. Matter of life and death. As I said, if you died, I would probably have followed at the blades of Kaizarz's greataxe considering how protective he was this week..."

Hearing his name, said Kaizarz turns towards us, sporting once again that adorably lost expression. But I am in my late twenties and not letting that get to me. So I simply pull my tongue at him. Yeah, wonder if we're mocking you like I do every time you talk to him and look at me with pity.

Arata follows my eyes and chuckles.

"He certainly is dramatic is he?"

"I think it's a royal bloodline requirement."

He smiles, then bows down a little, readjusting his glasses.

"In this case, I salute you, the true King of theatrics. May their Majesty wish me a good trip."

Oh the little-

And he has the gall to turn around and flee laughing before I even could strike him with lightning?! Well, I won't, this was funny. But still.

Not a lot of people can call me your Majesty and survive.

And yet.

Kaizarz walks next to me, puts his hand on my shoulder once the terrible raja is on his boat out of sight. He is smiling.

"It's nice to see you're tolerating him. I hate fights like yours."

"Says the warrior."

"Well, this kind of fight is easily resolved, I just knock you down and prove my superiority~"

I smile a little.

"You want Varunastra up your ass, Kaizarz?"

"Please no, it's already painful enough as a trident!"

He bursts out laughing on this sentence, or probably because I am shaking my changeling weapon with false threats of ass-ripping on my face. And, since I am after all, very weak, I can't help but join him.

That hilarity moment done, I turn towards the pier and look at the boat leaving.

"Y'know what?"

"Yeah?"

I smile towards the komi ship.

"I'm starting to understand what you saw in him."

A big hand pats my head with affection. And then, I hear a teasing laugh.

"Like, how pretty and smart he is, huh?"

"Not what I said, and if you keep teasing me I will test if your balls can grow back once cut off."

"HA! Just try, my friend."

***

What he saw in him. I mean, yeah, I'm not blind, I think, back to my room. I know how to recognize pretty. Even back then, with the tumors, I could see it. He had this way of carrying himself even afflicted with the plague, and when Kaizarz was here, he was glowing.

I'm far from stupid and knew how gay they were even before the murder. Wouldn't have had anything against it if not for said murder.

Hard to resist to that after all. Or to his brain and chill. Kaizarz needs chill in his life, especially since Domi and I were drama queens and Meili had a sword stuck in his ass.

You would have laughed about that wouldn't you buddy? I miss you. I'll always wonder if you miss me too, up there.

I wonder what you would have thought about that.

Oli already forgave him. Domhildr can't keep a grudge for very long. Skuld doesn't care. I still don't know about you.

Then again, I don't know what you were thinking at all times.

And Kaizarz mocking me on shit like I'm not doing a tremendous effort to accept the bastard in my life.

Because he's still a bastard that tried to burn my loved one's soul no matter how pretty and chill and smary he can be and how he seems to be way more forgiving that I'll ever be and how gentle even the jokes were-

...

...

wait.

In the Kraken court's castle, the winter usually brings down silence and calm.

Today, the ripping scream of a booming swear word from the bottom of the defiled Prince's throat tears through this soothing atmosphere, startling all of the inhabitants.

Because it seems history is a circle, and so are feelings.

[hel-phoenyx]

Friends and family

Skuld (mentioned) and Kaizarz belong to @corneille-but-not-the-author and Canopus to @noa-de-cajou

My nights have not been full of much sleep since the birth of my daughter.

For several reasons. The first one being I am still very worried about Skuld. She looks so tired and I can't shake the feeling I have almost lost her, back then in that infirmary when she gave birth while I couldn't be here to help.

The second one is that even though Ashildr was born in a lot of difficulties, she seems to have enough energy to cry every night for one of us. Right now, everyone on the boat is relaying to check if she's still in good health, especially Kaizarz that I have never seen this overzealous, but still, no problems doesn't mean restful nights.

And the last one is simply my usual nightmares. I still see Kaizarz unresponsive on his bed back there in Ananiikom, then him reduced to smitherens by Hrotheim in the Hall of Glory, and now Skuld closing her eyes for a time that felt like forever. It changes from the drowning of the Lycan, but I don't know if it's because I have processed this grief or just if I have whole new ways to suffer, now.

This is probably the reason why I decided to acknowledge Canopus's effort and read the little texts he gave me, at first to give me a distraction from the birth. It didn't work, not that I didn't want it to, but I couldn't read them back then since Domhildr did her little show (gods I love that woman) and Kaizarz didn't want to. Which was the first reason I asked Canopus in the first place.

So. That's me. You're probably wondering why I ended up in this situation. The situation being me bent over my desk red as fuck and feeling my insides twitch at every move I do.

Damn it Canopus. It's not like you're a decent writer. You are, but I've been used to the thousands-years-old talent of Ink's darling revolutionnary writer. It's just that I realise that I've been pent-up a long time and my preference to men is very much showing right now.

Worst is probably my luck absolutely abysmal with said men because, why are all the one I fall in love with and would want to do that with them either dead, not returning any of my feelings or not interested in sex, sometimes all of this at the same time ?

Bah. It's funny really. The rejection didn't kill that in me I guess, probably never will, but hey. It is what it is. That won't kill me, anyway.

Anyway. I put down the papers with a huge, huge sigh, try to regain my composure, think about something else that is NOT Kaizarz. In this situation, I mean. Gods.

Eh, speaking of Kaizarz. Didn't I have something to show him ?

He seems to have witnessed a lot of things in the Hall of Glory I wonder if this would now be enough to bypass his innocence.

I think I have a genius idea.

After having taken some time to recollect myself, i take a paper from my current diary and write a little note on it. One second of hesitation later and I draw a little heart next to the note. Well. We did say no more repression.

Canopus is on the deck when I find him, seemingly used to his seasickness, now. At least he's not vomiting everywhere when I find him. That's a progress. And even though he's still a bit pale he has all the energy to throw that very annoying smile at me.

"Tyyyyyyr ! You look very crimson there my gal, anything wrong ?"

Of course it's the first thing he remarks. He's not crazy perceptive, all the contrary, but despite my very blue scales my cheeks are stil red-blood, even though the images are now somewhere deep in my brain.

"Yeah, no thanks to you, Canopus. How did you write as much in like five days."

"Sheer half-elf audacity. Glad you like it~"

I roll my eyes for all answer, but that doesn't stop him at all. All the contrary, he smiles even more now.

"Now tell me, what was your favorite part. Was that the male pregnancy, the whole chivalrous knight kink, the five-hours-long-"

"I would like you to stop talking now."

He makes the zipping mouth sign, still smiling, but too late, the images are back. Because of course he had to hit many of my weaknesses with that text. What would that have been if it was written like Ilya's. I would have died from blue balls, probably.

Anyway.

"I am very curious about the genosian technology described to knock up a person with no womb whatsoever but this is not why I'm here."

"You wanna get pregnant after how Skuld took it ????"

"Stop being so dramatic, I said I was curious, not willing to try it."

Even though....

No. Back off, images ! Shoo !

Anyway.

"I have, actually, something I wanna ask of you."

"Oooooooh, Tyrfing Harkyrsen, Storm-Forged is actually asking for my aid ? What is it, what is it ?"

I lift my little package with a slight smile. Containing the note I wrote earlier, a sweet "Courtesy of Canopus <3" written in my best handwriting and all the images-making-pages I just spent my morning reading.

"You remember what we promised when you told me you were writing it ?"

"Yes, show it to Kaizarz first, why ?"

"Kaizarz is the best plan-thwarter so I don't blame either of us for this breach in contract. Buuuuut I still want to see his face, especially after reading it. Soooooooo......."

Canopus hesitates a bit, seemingly lost in thought, before I see a light gleam in those grey eyes I could not hold, weeks ago.

No. Months, in fact.

"You want to give it to him."

"In fact, I want to put it in his room. He is too nice, I know he will not throw it without reading it first, he respects everyone's work too much. And seeing a Kraken-King redder than his beard would be, actually, delicious."

In more than one way.

"So you need me to distract him."

I wink.

"You understand me. Get the king out of his bedroom for a few minutes, it's all I ask of you."

I can say a lot of things about Canopus, but not that he's a half-asser. A few minutes after this little conversation our rookie is already dragging our king outside with his usual flair. I am glad he has a taste for theatrics, for once. It's giving me all the opportunities I need.

So. Going in his room on tiptoes, not getting spotted by Meili who lurks around or Nru who's still hasn't flew away, it seems. It's a funny sight, really, to see me, the almost seven feet tall giant, walking the more discreetly I can towards my king's room with a hand full of filth lovingly crafted by the last addition to our crew, but sadly, no one is here to see it.

Maybe I'll tell Skuld later. I'm sure she would laugh a lot.

But first, I have a mission.

No one in the room, not even Hugni. Furthermore, it's spotless. Kaizarz has never been a neat freak, at least not to this point, but I guess the stress of the last days made him one. Perfect. The anomaly will be even more noticeable.

I walk to his desk looking around to be sure the current victim will not surprise me trespassing, but Canopus is doing a good job, because I can lay down the papers in absolute tranquility, check if they're in the good order twice and put up the note in the most obvious way possible. And even after a few minutes of this arrangement, still no Kaizarz.

The room looks so much better now that there isn't his body in it.

I remember spending my nights during the weeks of travel between Ananiikom and Astren sobbing next to his bed and praying in vain he would wake up to calm down the storm as much as dry my tears.

He never did. But I'm not one to lay there and cry, not anymore. Getting him back was the most difficult feat of my life but I did it and now I fully intend to give him my century of life and the eternity of death.

Well. No use dwelling in the past. He's here now, that's all that matters.

Let's get out before he truly gets back here.

I have the time to help feed Ashildr, swim a few miles and talk with Oli about nothing in particular before I spot a figure walking towards me. Giant, armored, crown on the head, and, to my delightful surprise, indeed redder than his beard.

He walks toward me pouting while I'm tidying up the ropes on board and I can't restrain a oh so satisfied smile in his direction.

"Is there a problem, Kaizarz ?"

His eyes, beautiful, deep blue eyes catch mine with a strength I feel deep in my bones.

"Do I owe you what I found on my desk, Tyr ?"

"Now now, why would you believe that. Wasn't the culprit clearly indicated ?"

He squints his eyes.

"Tyr, you are a horrible liar, you just confirmed to me you knew about that and even if you could fool me I know your handwriting."

My dear, sweet friend, I didn't even intend to lie to you, those times are over, and I know you still wouldn't be able to catch me lying if I wanted to.

I still smile a bit more.

"Well, I am not entirely lying. Canopus wrote that, not me."

"I noticed. The whole thing about the... What was that ? Insemination thing or something sounded very Canopus-y."

"You can talk to him about that.~"

He rolls his eyes, still red, yet I see something, I spot like a corner of his mout twitching, raising, just a little. Just for a while.

"Tyyyyyyyyyyr......"

"Yes, Kaizarz, my darling best friend that I love very very much ?"

He shakes his head. Still, he can't stop himself from smiling, I can see it. And by the gods, I would kill for that smile. Forever and ever.

"Why do I feel like I have been pranked."

"Get used to it.~"

"So I have indeed been pranked."

I would very much like to laugh, but a big hand in a gauntlet grabs my cheek before I can do anything more, before softly pinching my flesh. The metal against my scales is making such a soothing noice that I can't say anything, anymore.

He shakes his hand again, the red slowly retracting from his cheeks, leaving its place to a smile.

"What am I gonna do with you, eh."

I smile, my diction hardened by the cheek pinch.

"Not getting rid of me anytime schoon, that's chertain."

His smile gets even bigger.

"I sure hope so."

[hel-phoenyx]

I love you

"I love you. I thought you felt the same, at some point, but you didn't. I don't know if you mislead me of if it is just your way to love. I don't blame you. I always thought I was a hard one to love properly."

"I love you. Not the way you want or hope, and I am sorry for that. I do not want to inflict on people the pain I live. But I must be honest with you. And ask if you would still have me despite that. I want to live with you no matter how."

"I love you. You saved me, protected me, even today you inspire me to live even if I went from one kind of broken to another. It's for you I came back to that place with that awful, awful man, it's for you I'll try living honestly."

"I love you. A lot of my behaviors with people I love are learned ones, I thrive on reciprocation. No matter which. I may not have the instinct to kiss you, touch you, learn you, my heart may not be beating faster when you're here, but I want to do all those things with you."

"I love you. I hope you're not giving everything back out of guilt. I fear it sometimes, but then I remember how we lived, when he was still alive. I remember how free we were to love and be loved without expecting a return."

"I love you. It's the easiest thing I have ever done. You help me accept the fact we can be loved without being "loved". Thank you so much for that."

"I love you; You're the only thing left of happier times. You inspire me to be my own person. Love who I love, hate who I hate, be braver, stronger, better. You deserve every parcel of love people are ready to give you even if I don't approve of the people you love."

"I love you. I need to do something for your throat. The idea of you in pain is unbearable. I hope you're not angry with me for the people I chose to prioritize."

"I love you. I won't ever like your friend, tho. He crushed my skull and throat under the guise of self-defense, made you suffer, never understood us, only our memory through you. Still, I have no ill feelings for him. I know you love him for a good reason. I can't resent you for that. I am not Fenrir."

"I love you. You gave me a reason to come back home. To keep going. To face the pain and accept it as part of myself. Our childhood is gone and so are my hopes and dreams, but I found new ones, and it's in a big part thanks to you."

"I love you. I'll wait for you."

"I love you. I'll stay alive for you."

"I promise."

[hel-phoenyx]

Home

Kaizarz (mentioned) belongs to @corneille-but-not-the-author

They're running away, the fools, the cowards. Got all into their boat and run fast enough for me to think they at least have a water mage or scroll to escape my dominion. Bah. Not like I would drown them. I don't do that much, especially if I am not sure of how empty their holds are. I can't sacrifice innocent people.

A tracking spell is much better for this kind of things and I have talented mages on board.

Blood stinks everywhere on the boat. My crew, or rather, what was left of that surprise attack, looks at the runaways with rage in the eyes. I know for what. All those years, and I always selected those who shared my wish for freedom for everyone to step on my ship.

This is how you make a tight crew. This is how we managed to survive with more than half my people after a necromancer attack. This is how I know I will get home.

... Too bad Fen won't be awarded the same luxury.

He lies here, in his own blood, my second-in-command since he was in age to take up duties, eyes wide open and hands crispated on his sword. I think about his husband, who spent more time away from him than near. I think about his beasts, maintained alive through blood magic, that don't understand why they're dying now.

I think about his mother, close from the nineties and still unchanging, waiting for him to go back home.

My other second-in-command, trusted assistant to handle the crew, is already walking through the pools of blood, giving her orders to everyone. She's a gem, my Solina. Made from nothing, became the ship's everything. I don't know if I'd be as successful in my anti-slavery endeavors without her to manage this ragtag bunch of assholes.

With all... My affection.

"I need a count of the wounded and the dead, and bring out the board doctor as soon as possible, and by that I mean immediatly. In the next few seconds I need a man at the helm and the lookout in order, the tracking spell can only do so much, we need to follow them..."

Yes, she's a capable woman, Solina. No family name, I hoped she could earn a title under my command. But, maybe it is too late.

Too late to earn glory.

I raise my hand to cut the litany of my trusted advisor.

"No."

She stops dead in her tracks, turn towards me. I hold her gaze.

"We are going home."

The shouting of a few in the crew covers the sound of the waves, and she, forty and still so hot-blooded sometimes, covers everything up with her very own incredulity.

Sometimes a few of the sailors, the less wounded ones, join in the screming match.

"Home ?! Cap'tain, you don't think-"

"They massacred half of us and think they can escape-"

"The slaves they harbor must be set free and safe before anything else !"

"And we need revenge for our fallen comrades-"

"We can't stay on such a defeat, captain, Solina shouts higher than anyone. No one will accept it ! It's simply against honor !"

Yeah. Honor. I didn't try to uproot it in you, because it's deep in the foundations of this damn country. No matter how much I prefer reason. I think it's a noble thing to have. But mostly, and right now, a hindrance.

I wait until she finishes her tirade, before standing up in the mess they left.

"Honor is a thing. But we're down half the crew, with a few of our most skilled fighters down or dead. If we carry on until their hiding place, it's gonna be worse, because we don't know how many they are, how well the others are skilled in necromancy, or even if they have other cards up their sleeves."

A few of my people shiver. They probably remember how one of the mages only had one word to say to kill the most overzealous recruits, determined but weak and not well-protected against death curses.

The arguments still don't carry to the enraged.

"We won't know anything either if we run away, for Ocean's sake !"

I shake my head.

"We would have to hope for the tracking spell. But following them would be a suicide mission. They got Fen, Solina. A skilled fighter that is armed against necromancy."

And has the Heir of Vanasul. Even if his version is weakened compared to mine

Or even the king's.

The royalty's enhanced vitality was not enough to protect him.

There is no wonder I do not want to continue.

No wonder....

I blink. Solina still isn't done.

"But captain... M'lord, with all due respect, we have you ! They took us by surprise, but if we could catch them before they get to their hideout..."

"I said no. We're going home, and that's final."

"Tyrfing-"

"There's another problem."

I did not want to get there.

I did not want to worry the crew more than necessary.

But in front of the arguments she's bringing in,

I have no choice but to.

Slowly, I walk next to her. Releasing a little pressure.

Enough for it to drip down my back.

She immediatly falls silent.

How could she say anything else ?

The dripping is loud enough to cover everyting

And the smell of blood is intoxicating.

Silence. I only hear the waves hitting the hull.

Everyone is looking at the ground.

At the pool of blood under me.

It's small. It's not worrying, normally, for anyone that can recreate blood in a few minutes of time. But it is still dripping. A droplet after another.

They know it is not normal.

I am heir of Vanasul. Descendant of royalty. I hold the blood of gods.

No wound can still keep its grip on me that long.

I smile. No one believes me.

"I guess the one who struck me used a necromantic curse. It's not a simple back wound. I can't regenerate."

They know what that means.

Without a good cursebreaker, I won't recover. And the few we have died on this boat or are still at home.

We're too far away from the coasts.

It is already too late.

"The assholes, says Siegbert, a new addition to the crew. They got you in the back like cowards."

Cowards, huh ? I know a thing of two about being a coward. About striking people in the back. Once, people saw me as an expert and I did nothing to correct them. But there's no flaw in that logic. The logic of the Coast. Still there, after all these years.

Fenrir would not be proud.

I have a lot of things I'd want to say.

But I stay silent.

Instead of which, it's Solina who speaks again.

"... We need to bring you home, captain."

"Home. Yeah."

"With your... Regenerative abilities, and the doctors... You can hold on a few more days, right ? Right ?!" A timid voice asks.

I smile a bit more. Friede, the youngest crew member, here for the admiration of their heroes. They've witnessed many things, heard many tales around a light and a few barrels of beer, and still believe heroes are immortal.

They never are. I lost too many during my long life.

Eighty one years, not a bad score for me, isn't it ?

But it won't get much further. Even if I can hold on

I have to.

The curse will surely eat me from the inside. The time we'll take to come back home will doom me.

I will be dead in a few days as much as I cling to life.

I can't say that to that sixteen-years-old I was once who was so enthousiastic to work under my command.

I can't say to myself that I will die away from home.

I want to see you just one last time.

So I simply sit down on a crate and shrug. Gods, the very move is painful.

"Well, with good enough medical attention and concentration, maybe I can hold on a few more days. Enough to come back."

Home.

Home is were the heart is.

Mine never changed places.

I miss the warmth of home.

I want to be home again.

The medics still alive disinfect and bandage my wound while the newly only second-in-command gives her orders for us to get back.

I see the grimaces on their faces every time they clean it.

I know it gets uglier by the minute.

I want to be home.

The pain is unbearable. I can feel my insides necrotize. Today I vomited my meal. Blood and gangrena came with it.

It is the end of the road.

I want my last breath to be taken in a comfortable place.

I can't die away from home.

I am pretty sure my heart stopped fully beating yesterday. Only the regular pulse of magic from my bloodline keeps my body from decaying.

I can't die yet.

The coast is in sight. We are so close.

I want to die home.

I spotted my crew members cry more than once. They smile when I am here and when I give them orders like nothing happens, but we all know that only willpower and magic maintain my blood in my body and my insides working enough for me to move.

I tell them it's gonna be okay. That I am proud of them. I am. I don't say that enough. I am proud of what they became. Proud of what I've done with them.

I had a good life.

Death is not that scary, when you came back once.

Still

I don't want to die yet.

I want to see your face

One last time.

The ship enters the pier, we're welcomed by enthousiasm and merry exclamations. They haven't noticed I asked for the flag to be at half-mast. Losses are a constant of the krakenese life.

They were a constant of the journey.

I made peace with that.

Still

I cannot die

Without having talked to you again.

I wanna see your smile when you look at me.

I wanna hear your voice teasing me.

I wanna lose myself in your eyes in-between the happiness and loss.

I wanna feel the weight of your hand on my shoulder or head.

I wanna draw our swords and fight you one last time.

With real weapons or wooden swords like it all began.

My friend. My love. My sun.

My home.

Wait for me. I am coming back one last time.

Maybe then you'll understand why the Tyrant smiled in death.

I haven't seen him, but I think now I get it.

I did what I had to.

You're the only regret I will leave behind.

Sorry to leave you like this. I know it will hurt. I can already imagine it. I was the last one. Everyone left one way or another.

Don't join me just yet, alright ?

You still have so much to live for.

[hel-phoenyx]

In another time

In another time,

I never met you.

Coming to the castle became a torture.

I gave in to the hatred of your family.

Who knows how I died. Killed, withered, forgotten. Without any other purpose than to fight and hate.

___

In another time,

I let him kill you.

Never forgave him. Never forgave myself.

Ended up killing him. Closing the circle. Plunging our country into hatred.

The diginfied heir of my grandfather.

___

In another time,

I stopped him.

Before he could act. You never noticed. You still loved me as a friend. Nothing would have changed.

Would it have been better ? In chess, a stalemate is still a stalemate. You would have me, but I wouldn't have you.

And one day, I would have given up.

I would have killed her.

What would you do then ?

To your mother's murderer ?

___

In another time,

I killed him.

You're alive. I'm not the traitor. They are still alive.

They would have hated me. I would have hated myself.

Who does that to the man they planned to marry ?

Hate is a strong force when it is let loose.

___

In another time,

I was never born.

Would you be happier then ?

___

In another time,

I killed you.

Plunged my sword into your heart and broke mine in the process.

Took your head and lost mine.

Became the monster you were promised.

___

In another time,

I told you.

Those three words I buried for so long.

...

I hoped it would have been better for us.

But nothing changed.

___

In another time,

I killed you.

At least that what I thought. Watched you fall. Felt you drown. Felt myself slip.

I don't know how you survived. I didn't. I died that day and a monster took my place. A monster who hurt his friends. Killed them. Destroyed the throne he swore to shoulder and the country he wanted to lift up.

...

You're here now.

Please kissll me.

___

In another time,

I stayed.

You think I should have. But I know. It would have broken me even more surely.

I can't stand contempt. I can't stand pity. The unknown would have killed me.

What kind of husk did you wish for ?

___

In another life,

I resisted.

My loyalty was stronger.

I let it burn me from the inside until there was nothing else left.

All this for what ?

You can't love an empty shell.

It empties you until there's nothing left

But the monster.

___

In every life you're here,

I wonder

Are we really fated to destroy each other ?

___

Did we break the cycle ?

Is this really the best world we can have ?

I don't know.

It hurts.

I wished for more.

I still do.

Yet

Seeing you smile

To a world that deserves it

Was worth every pain.

Now our end will not be burning consuming us and all around the world.

You can be the warmth of the sun

And I shall be the clouds

Behind which you can stay hidden

When the heat becomes too much

For both of us.

This time I will see you tomorrow.

In this life

I raise to you from my heart that will never stop to beat for you and only you

A toast to forever, my real first and best friend.

[hel-phoenyx]

Focus

Kaizarz, Valentina Odin and a shitload of other characters belong to @corneille-but-not-the-author, Oli belongs to @me-thal, Meili to @azeler, Domhildr to @soupedepates and Canopus to @noa-de-cajou

___

I don't hear the voices anymore.

That's certainly enjoyable. I don't know why, but I am not gonna spit on it. Would it be because I am now out of their reach, here in the land of the dead, or simply because I am too focused on my only mission to hear them, it is still needed. I'll have other problems in a few time. Don't know how much.

Time is complicated to follow here in the Hall of Glory.

"You should get down, says lady Nru once we reach the shore of this place I would have found so majestic in any other moment. I'll have a few things to take care of, I'll find you later, is that okay for you ?"

I didn't even heard the rest of her sentence. l already jumped. One move, two and here I am on the shore, stepping on the grounds of the greatest warriors that ever lived. I'd never thought I'd be here even in my wildest dreams. I don't care.

I need to find him. I went here to find him. I have to.

I start walking, at the head of the group, eyes focused on the goal. Lady Nru told us to follow the gold thread. We couldn't touch it, except Oli that was overloaded with information, their own terms. All right. They're okay. It's all that matters.

And I only need to follow.

He's at the end. I know it.

The others follow me. Some times I hear them slow down, or even stop, to admire the legendary warriors, or just how paradisiac the surroundings are. Meili lingers behind, eyes attracted by what I think is a Witch warrior on a dragon. Dragon-Knight, Valentina said. A remain of the Draconic Wars. I remember studying them in length. I wanted to hear all about Harkyr's role in them, how humans would be in symbiosis with dragons in more than one way.

I don't care.

I need to focus.

Walk. One step. Another.

He is so close.

Domhildr asks about a family leisuring on a blanket. Canopus points sometimes heroes that have been well-know in his country. Valentina talks about the head of the South Blade, the Praetor. They all stop at least a few seconds at some point.

I keep walking.

Keep going.

Only a few more steps.

I don't need the Hall of Glory.

I need to see him again.

An uproar, somewhere. It's the direction of the golden thread. "We should go", says Valentina.

I agree. It's there. I know it.

Keep walking.

The Hall is full of heroes of legend, people I have read and read again about their stories, sometimes illegally. I almost see a glitch in the distance. Somewhere on my way a giant of mist and a dwarf in turquoise are exchanging blows with a huge smile. Two women, demons probably, smile at us while walking past and Domhildr salutes them with an enthousiastic wave.

I keep walking.

Focus.

I can be in awe about the heroes from my stories later.

Keep walking.

He is at the end of the thread.

the noise gets stronger once we enter what looks like a village. Don't know which country. There is too many people. Too many heroes. I, we stand out like a sore thumb, here, not quite dead among the past, people among the heroes. I can feel my heartbeat getting faster, my breath sharper.

I hate crowds.

No matter.

Focus.

I need to find him.

I will find him.

I

There he is.

Without his armor for the first time in ages.

No crown on his head.

Covered in blood and wounds.

Ginger of his beard tainted with burgundy.

He raises his fists, and in front of him his adversary, who is it ? I'm sure I have seen him somewhere. I don't care. Blocks the hit before sending him away in the middle of the arena of fortune they're fighting in. A smile behind his black beard.

He is losing.

He hasn't lost so badly since War.

He is here.

I haven't see him breathing since two whole months.

He is standing up.

My last memory is of him laying down, eyes closed by Arata's damned spell.

He is still fighting.

And here I thought I would one day be the first one to finally get him to yield.

He hasn't noticed us, yet, still focused on his fight. I am focused on him. I hear the others mumbling, behind my back, I can't hear anything. I think I've caught Valentina say something like "Dad", how lucky she is to find her father here, mine surely can't be, he is too much of a coward to even reach those heights. The only thing that matter is this fight, and my friend here in the arena, the blood sipping red from his wounds, red, red like

Like

This glint of light

I catch in the crowd

It's red

It's white

I know this shape

I know this shine

It's

It's on my back.

Focus, T̷̺̈̍y̵̠̕r̸͔̫̹̋f̷̖̍͝ȋ̷̩̾̑n̵̜̖̥͊ĝ̸͈.

Do not cross the eyes of the murderer.

Do not feel your sword, your weapon, shivering on your back.

Do not look at the face of the one who took everything from your family

And didn't even care about the people until it was too late.

Focus.

Kaizarz is here and it's all that's important

He's wounded and it's not even from you

He's losing and it's the first time you see it

He is here eyes open and moving in front of you

He is here

He is here

He is

Why the fuck does Odin II Laangfisk have m̵̼̮͕̈́y̶̜͌̃ ̷̺͍̺̿s̴̙͊ẇ̵̖͓͓̀̃ơ̵̦̙̓ṟ̵͍͗̂̓d̸͕̉ ??????

[hel-phoenyx]

Stay

Kaizarz belongs to @corneille-but-not-the-author

_

The crowning ended a few minutes ago. More than a few, maybe, but everything has been a blur in my head, from the moment I set foot in the castle for the first time in two years to the sun setting in-between the last remains of a june seastorm.

I don't know what I am still doing here. I hate this place. Always has. There is nothing for me there, not anymore. Only the pity and the contempt and the eyes and the eyes and the eyes and the eyes and the eyes and

Even my coat, heavy on my shoulders, isn't enough to shield me from that weight. I doubt its former owner would want to protect me, anyway. It is, still, the best cover I had. From unwanted looks, from the cold of the storm, and from everything let out by my return in the castle.

Why am I here again ? There's nothing for me here, my whole family is dead, every last one of them, or I am dead to them and it is the same thing in the laws of this world. I could have ran away, started a new life somewhere, somewhere I'll not be the defiled prince, the abhorrent spawn, or the traitor, only a speck of dust in the universe-

Ah.

Right.

I promised.

I promised you I would be here, a long time ago. Here for when the crown is finally on your red locks and your smile shines brighter under the silver.

I suppose even if I tried to take it from you and it cost me everything I still had it in me to fulfill that old promise.

But it's over. I talked to you, even though I couldn't give you that rune. I am not sure I can. It's painful enough seeing your face. The crowning has ended a long time ago and you are now with our your other friends, talking about who knows what but probably king shit. Maybe weddings. The duty of the royal lineage still carries on.

That's why you were born. And that's why we shouldn't have been.

Mother just made a foolish decision for she was in love and happy and couldn't think of the consequences, laying down before me as I stand next to the side door of the palace.

I should just go away now. I have nothing left to fulfill. I hate this place. I don't want to cause more pain. I feel pulled back into a mask I never wanted. Trapped in a destiny I couldn't fulfill.

Maybe at least I have given you a proper goodbye, my friend.

I start walking towards the door. Back home it is. Maybe I'll pack my bags for good, this time. I am sick of the Kraken Coast, seeing all the pain and the grime and having done nothing to fix it, but I can't do anything. I proved it. And even though I can't die

Stop... Stop dying ! That is an order, you hear me ??

I don't think I can live either, if I stay here.

I can't see the sun.

A few steps. and then, something blocking my path. A hand. A hand catching my wrist from behind.

I don't need to turn around. I already know.

"Where are you going ?"

I turn around to face, for the second time today, the newly crowned king.

You still have the crown on your head, it will never leave you, entwined to your skull like a circle of thorns.

Freeing you from that curse means nothing anymore. I can't shoulder the burden of the divine right of kings.

You are looking at me with eyes full of something I cannot describe. Widened and brows furrowed.

Stop.

I can't go any further. I don't have the strength in more ways than one.

This is painful.

I just look at you back behind the hood.

"Home."

"So soon ?"

Let me go.

"The crowning is over, isn't it ?"

I can't let anything show. I don't even know if I have anything. Two years and my only specks of emotion were given to Skuld. Today and I am facing you and there is something scratching at my ribcage and it can't get out and I don't know what is it and I feel so empty but your eyes are so full but

It hurts.

Your eyes have not left me. I don't know what you are thinking. I never have. It's giving me goosebumps even looking at you. Will you kill me ? Will you beg for me ? Will you cast me away ? Will you keep me as the eternal reminder of my helplessness ?

It hurts not to know.

Finally your grasp tighten on my wrist and something shines on your face and I don't know what is it and I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't

"Would you stay at least the night ?"

My own eyes widen.

"What do you mean."

"I, uh, I have a lot of place, for you. It's easy finding you a room. And I don't know how you've been, these last months, but, you, maybe would be more comfortable ?"

No. No. Not in the castle. Not here. Not in a place where you could look at me with those eyes. I should rip myself from you and run away. I can't. I can't do this again. I don't want to do this again. This'll only hurt you.

Both of us.

Why can't I move ?

I just

Look at you

And those eyes

And this smile I can't see but yearn for so badly.

"This.... is gonna attract a lof of unwanted attention, your Majesty."

He grits his teeth at the epithet. And finally for the first time in forever I discern the anger in his face.

"Screw that."

His hold tightens again.

"Stay."

His eyes are on me.

"Please."

This time I know what he is thinking.

It is strangely comforting to finally have something.

Even if it is your anger.

At least I know you still feel for me.

Something is stinging my eyes.

Something is making my heart beat again.

Nothing shows on my face.

".... Alright. For the night, then."

I hate the castle. i hate it so badly. The only idea of staying in-between those walls is enough to make me vomit.

I want away.

But he wants me here.

And for a fleeting moment it is more than enough.

The sun shines again.