#hhu ask

[okamirayne]

I was rereading BtB after trying to find it again for a YEAR and only JUST realized you are still uploading chapters (albeit slower and WAY spaced out) & wanted to come to your tumblr to express how much this fanfic has quite literally shaken and changed my perspective on shikaneji; id even go as far as to confidently claim your series singlehandedly had been the reason why i adore shikaneji as much as I do, and i hope to see the completion of the fifth(?) installment of the series (not soon but definitely wish to BE THERE when it finally finishes) ♥️

Hey there, @apitofvipers

Thanks for taking the time to reach out here on Tumblr, luv. 🫶🏼Appreciated! Firstly, mucho thanks for the warmth, love, and goodwill you've shown my BtB series. I'm super grateful for that support (and kindness) and am super-duper chuffed to learn that you're re-reading the story!

"I [...] wanted to come to your tumblr to express how much this fanfic has quite literally shaken and changed my perspective on shikaneji; id even go as far as to confidently claim your series singlehandedly had been the reason why i adore shikaneji as much as I do..."

You're awesome. 🫶🏼 The mix of what I'm feeling (humility, wonder, excitement, and gratitude) is such a difficult state to communicate in response to what you said. Knowing that my creative madness made a difference to how much you adore this very special pairing is just beyond my capacity to word right now.

Thank. You. 💜

i hope to see the completion of the fifth(?) installment of the series (not soon but definitely wish to BE THERE when it finally finishes) ♥️

😅 Ha, yeah...unfortunately, I suffer from the masochistic affliction known as 'Never Ending Story Syndrome' (now affectionally known as 'Nessy' lol)...in which stories that enter my mental airspace continue to orbit my brain like undying stars, long, long, long after I assume they've burnt through all their headcanon-hydrogen.

My HHU caveat remains: Break to Breathe should most definitely be considered a stand-alone 4-part series starting with BtB and ending with UtS. Heaven Hold Us was/is a BtB-verse pet project that slipped its feeble leash and occasionally manages to wrestle itself free from my brainpan every now and then. Due to several huge and uncompromising factors, I cannot afford HHU the same commitment I did the original series (which I was always going to complete come hell or high water). I never say never regarding updates etc because I know better than to do that when plagued with Nessy.

Thank you again for your sweet words and fab support! Appreciate it so, so much. 💜🥰💜

[okamirayne]

ZOMG RAYNE! This scene! "The gelatinous shit binding them together simply stretches and recoils, throwing them up and pulling them apart before it rubberband-snaps them back together again, causing snarling mouths to collide; teeth clacking, lips splitting, faces hot with— "WHY IS IT ALWAYS YOU!?" AAAAH!!! Is that the anime filler scene!??? If so LOVE THAT YOU INCLUDED THAT!

Ha! Anon! You got it.

Is that the anime filler scene!???

Oh hell yes indeed it was! ;) Glad you enjoyed the flashback ;)

[okamirayne]

hey rayne!! this question isn't in any way meant to pressure you it's purely 100% me just being a curious nosy hoe BUT now that you have a plot planned out for heaven hold us, do you think it's gonna reach the length of btb or uts overall and pretty much be an official installment in the series (rather than just a series of one shots)? or is this not something you can estimate at this point?

Hello there, dear Anon!

Oh lord take the wheel...that is definitely something I cannot estimate at this point. The official BtB series was intended to end with UtS, and to this day those four instalments should still be considered a standalone series. I just decided, in a blinding stroke of madness, to be a total masochist, write Post-War, and go full crazy...

Never go FULL crazy, kids...

Seriously though...

I made the mistake of thinking I could fix what I THOUGHT was writer's block by setting aside my frozen original works and delving balls-deep back into the BtB realm to get my creativity going again...

Not smart.

I ended up in total BURNOUT instead. And I'm still trying to recover from this excruciating place and dig myself out of the barren hell-pit where all my creativity used to be.

That being said, I have tried to give what I can to HHU, whenever I am physically and emotionally capable of giving it. This is my continued way of thanking those who have reached out, reviewed and supported my fanfics. It may not be sustainable for me, but if I'm able, I will always try.

I mean every word when I say how much reader feedback and support has meant and continues to mean to me. <3

It breaks my heart that pushing myself to forge ahead with fanfic often results in one step forwards and two steps back after writing and posting...hence why I'm no longer pounding out chapters like I did back when writing the standalone instalments (BtB, OtC, Requiem and UtS)...it's fucking hard as hell to do what I once did...what it requires demands so much...

And I need to be able to meet these demands...to do what I once did...give what I have to give...and to give it where my heart lives, which is with my original works.

I miss my original stories and characters desperately...I owe them their time and their deliverance. They are my raison d'être...my ikigai. Fanfiction was always one of the joyful, awesome, and beautiful means of finding my way and developing my voice as a storyteller, but it's not the end destination.

That would be my original works.

And there are a lot of them.

And those babies are going to require my all.

That's why I can't ever make promises concerning HHU and urge readers to hold to the original four instalments of BtB as standalone.

If I possessed the capacity to write original works and fanfic at the same time, I would. But given where I'm at in my life right now, with other demands and dreams, I hope readers understand that I can no longer realistically do this...and that I've always strived to give what I can, when I can, with all I have.

I truly hope that Break to Breathe, from start (BtB) to finish (UtS) will always be testament to that fact.

I am beyond thankful for the love shown for this series -- as I am for the patience, kindness, and understanding given by those who've shown such enduring and phenomenal support with their messages and reviews. <3 That allowed me to finish, to complete, what I set out to do when I first started BtB. And in the interim between my original works, it allowed/allows me to give what I can to HHU.

Thanks for your question, Anon. I didn't realise until answering, how much I needed to get this off my chest and reiterate its importance. Thank you. 💜

[okamirayne]

Hi! I just want to start by saying I absolutely adore your btb series! That said, I'm a little nervous to read the new one considering it's set around when Neji dies. So I just wanted to ask, if you are okay with answering, if Neji dies in this series or are you going to do a canon divergence where he lives? I just want to be mentally prepared when I read it, I read the first two chapters already and was a little taken aback by Ino's breakdown 😅 but I love your writing and this series so much I just want to make sure I can properly enjoy it.

Hello there, my lovely! 💜

Thank you so much for your warm words and your support for the series! 🥰

[…] l just wanted to ask, if you are okay with answering, if Neji dies in this series or are you going to do a canon divergence where he lives?

No problem, luv. I can answer that as I appreciate that MC deaths are not fun for fans. Let me assure you that while Neji is initially dead in HHU (as per canon), I was always going to Avenger’s Assemble my outraged Ass and Fix It Fic this situation.

Short answer:

I read the first two chapters already and was a little taken aback by Ino's breakdown…

😅 Hell yeah, you and Genma both. Grief has not been kind to our Ino.

…but I love your writing and this series so much I just want to make sure I can properly enjoy it.

Aw, you sweetheart. I completely appreciate that. Shit is heavy enough in the world right now. A wicked little Angster I may be, but I don’t like writing angst for the sake of angst...contrary to what the characters might have you believe 😉

I tackle dark themes in BtB but those shadows must always be offset with light—and HHU was conceived no differently in that regard.

For those venturing past the standalone series (the first 4 parts) I admit, like Requiem, HHU starts on a darker note due to it being post War—that was always going to be rough. But similar to UtS, it would be about the journey through the valleys of the shadow. Despair and darkness is not the final destination. ✨💛✨

Thank you so much again for the love you’ve expressed for my madness! I’m touched that my writing has connected with you 🙏🏼🥰

[okamirayne]

Question🙋‍♀️

Have you thought about what any of the characters tsukuyomi dreams were?

I refuse to believe that Ino's and Kiba's were, what was portrayed in cannon? filler? Idk, and I imagine things would be slightly different in the btb verse.

Sorry if any of this has already been hinted at/explored in HHU. It's been a while since I've read it, and my memory is kinda shit😅 Guess it's time for a reread😆

Hey there, Anon!

Have you thought about what any of the characters Tsukuyomi dreams were?

Absolutely! Big time.

I refuse to believe that Ino's and Kiba's were, what was portrayed in cannon? filler? Idk, and I imagine things would be slightly different in the btb verse.

I agree with you 100% and can confirm that the BtB-verse Tsukuyomi dreams differ HUGELY from canon. Definitely so for Ino and Kiba!

Sorry if any of this has already been hinted at/explored in HHU. It's been a while since I've read it, and my memory is kinda shit😅 Guess it's time for a reread😆

No need to apologise, my lovely! It's been alluded to by Genma and Raidō in HHU (chapter one):

"What? What do you want from me, Rai?" "I want you to tell me what you saw." On any other occasion, those words might've been ambiguous and curveball-worthy. But Genma knew what they meant, what they referred to…what they threatened. He cut Raidō a look, bronze eyes tapering into warning slits while he chewed on steel and silence for a good ten count before he simply shook his head. "No." "You want to know what I saw?" "No." "Asuma. I saw Asuma. I saw Hayate. And a whole lot of other ghosts." Cursing, Genma pulled his wrist free and pushed away, felt Raidō's fingers trail his arm and catch at the crook of his elbow, gripping hard. "Saddest part, Gen? I knew it wasn't real." God. "It doesn't matter." "It matters. Everyone else believed…everyone else had something to hold onto…everyone else had hope." "It wasn't about hope. It was a mindfuck, Rai. It wasn't real." "I know," Raidō snapped, eyes burning with fever – and not the sickness kind. "I knew. Knew it wasn't real even when it should've been…gods, what the hell does that say about me?" — HEAVEN HOLD US, CH.1

It's been hinted at elsewhere in HHU, but this gives an indication that the dreams the characters experienced in the BtB-verse diverge from canon pretty sharply.

Thank you for your message, Anon! Great to hear from you. 🩷

[okamirayne]

With all the stuff going on in HHU, I keep thinking about the 'angel eye' kid, Shikamaru probably needs another hug and cookie right about now.

And how's our stupid bird coping?

Also, does Naruto's mental link with Shikamaru go both ways?

Hi Anon!

With all the stuff going on in HHU, I keep thinking about the 'angel eye' kid, Shikamaru probably needs another hug and cookie right about now.

Aw, Maki. Yep. Probably. Pretty much.

And how's our stupid bird coping?

Poor little guy. He's missing his game of 'Run and Get Dive-Bombed' but he's being taken care of.

Also, does Naruto's mental link with Shikamaru go both ways?

Now there's a great question.

I am going to hold off answering, on account of potential spoiler material, but it's a delicious thing to ponder, isn't it? 😉

[okamirayne]

Hiya Rayne-chan! Just dropping by to send some love and to thank you again for the latest chapter. I think I've read it like five times now 😅. How are you managing the next chapter? Are you pacing yourself ok? (Provided you're still writing HHU! Not meant as pressure!) Your latest burnout post was really interesting and I hope that you're taking care of yourself. Mwah! xoxox 💋💋

Hey there, Anon!

Awww, thanks for the love, sweetie. Consider it absorbed by osmosis.

[...] thank you again for the latest chapter. I think I've read it like five times now 😅

Oh bless you. You're welcome! I'm so happy you've enjoyed it so much.

How are you managing the next chapter? Are you pacing yourself ok? (Provided you're still writing HHU! Not meant as pressure!)

You're very sweet to enquire, and I appreciate the no-pressure caveat. 🥰 Oh yes, I'm cracking on with Chapter 9 and hope to have it out shortly. Argh. It frustrates me that I can't produce at the level I used to...which risks me sounding like a mouth-breathing hypocrite given the Burnout Recovery journey.

I need to get over my old narrative and work with what energy and time I have to spare. Which is precisely what I'm doing. I'm presently 14,000 words into this chapter...and I haven't even changed scene yet....oh....

Faaarrrrrkkkk......

*laughs hysterically, manically, TRAGICALLY*....

I don't know why this always happens...but in this case I'll blame beautiful, bloody Hiashi...and his bastard, bloody father.

Trying to take care of myself, yes. It's a steep learning curve for the stupider (bad-habit) parts of my brain. Thanks again, sweetie. I hope you enjoy the next chapter when it's finally bloody posted. I appreciate the love!💜💜💜

[okamirayne]

Hi Rayne! 😘 This is a no-pressure ASK so don’t worry if you don’t want to answer! Also please don’t see this as pressure for you to write (and appease this lurker lol) but only as interest 🧡. Even if you never write more for BtB/HHU, when u said u had the plot worked out I had to ask b/coz I have no self control (ha ADHD FTW!) and my btb headcanons are screaming for info. Was so psyched about Naru & Sas, any more new / POV characters u had planned on appearing/writing? Mwah! 💋 Lovings!

Hi Anon! Thank you for your ASK and your curiosity🥹 You sweet people who show interest are helping heal the third degree burns on my writer’s spirit from burnout. ❤️‍🩹🙏🏼 Thank you. You’re all just so awesome 🫶🏼

Thank you also for the no-pressure caveat. I truly appreciate that understanding 💜

[…] when u said u had the plot worked out I had to ask b/coz I have no self control (ha ADHD FTW!) and my btb headcanons are screaming for info.

🤣😂 Love this. Well I’ve got it worked out insofar as I usually do (the big plot points) with huge wiggle room for surprises and shifts…I’ve already had a few and that’s only from 8 chapters 😧 Writing certain characters always throws such delightful or disturbing curveballs!

Was so psyched about Naru & Sas,

Ah yay! 😮‍💨 I’m chuffed you’re happy to see Sasuke and Naruto as MCs. Being in their headspace is very interesting, challenging, and humbling. And as always I hope to do them justice 🙏🏼 with narrative license within the BtB world. So thank you for the thumbs up! 👍🏼

any more new / POV characters u had planned on appearing/writing?

Oh, ho, ho! It’s gif time. I have no self-control either in this realm 😆 Not sure if they’ll all be in POV capacity but some may very well be.

Characters lined up:

Possibly others? That’s where the wiggle room comes in. Others may pop up. Or pop in. Not sure these next ones class as new but they’re in there:

Again, possibly more. Other Hyūga members too…ah, and then there’s the OG Konoha 11 chūnin that’ll be popping up 🥰 Unresolved issues abound! Especially for Tenten, Lee, and of course Ino & Kiba…Chōji 😢…Hinata…Sakura (re: Sasuke)…it’s a messy aftermath…

Thanks again, Anon for your interest and your understanding 💜