Godliness is not heterosexuality
God’s word does not deal in modern categories of sexual orientation: condemning one, absolving another. Instead, the God who reveals himself in its pages simply limits his gift of sex to the publicly recognised, lifelong union of a man and a woman (Genesis 2:24) and highlights the need for all to keep to this protective standard in both actions and attitudes (Matthew 5:28). Obedience to these commands is one of the ways in which we are urged to love God and our neighbour, in response to all of the forgiving love he’s already shown us, and for our own good.
But, of course, all Christians have damaged ourselves and others by our failure to live out these commands – in both reality, and our fantasies. What seems to matter to God is this painful fact, not the gender of the subject of our affections at any given time: all sex (real or imagined) outside his invention of marriage is equally condemned in Scripture. This helps me if I’m ever tempted to think that it would be better for me to lust over a woman than a man, or that I would have more sin to confess if I’d had sex with a man I can’t be married to, rather than with a woman I’m not married to. Godliness is not heterosexuality: when it comes to sexual ethics, it is keeping God’s good gift of sex for opposite-sex marriage, something that we should all be seeking to do.
Godliness is not heterosexuality: when it comes to sexual ethics, it is keeping God’s good gift of sex for marriage, something that we should all be seeking to do. And, of course, true godliness is always more than just sexual ethics. It involves acting justly, loving mercy and walking humbly with God in every area of our lives (Micah 6:8). In the past, there has been a great danger of heterosexual self-righteousness amongst Christians – looking down on their homosexual sisters and brothers whilst failing to see the equally damaging patterns of other sinful actions and attitudes in their own lives.
There has also been a lack of appreciation of how God often uses life-long struggles with sin in one area of a believer’s life to bring about godliness in many others. In his autobiography The Sacred Journey American writer and pastor Frederick Buechner poses the good question: ‘What about sin itself as a means of grace?’ 6 So often the beautiful godliness we benefit from in a friend’s life is the product of a painful battle within and this should not be an unusual idea for those who’ve read of the personal struggles that Paul records throughout 2 Corinthians. Many of those involved in Living Out testify to the good God has done in and through us because of our experience of same-sex attraction. Godliness is not heterosexuality – in fact, we would say that we are perhaps more godly due to our homosexuality than anything else. 7
One caution By now it should be crystal clear that Living Out does not support any ‘gay cure’ or run or recommend any ‘reparative therapy’. But whilst we make that clear, we do also want to seek to protect the right of anyone to access pastoral care and counselling from those who hold to the traditional Christian belief that sex is for marriage between a man and a woman. Some of the efforts to ban ‘reparative therapy’ are in danger of creating a culture of fear for the pastor who is asked to pray for the church member struggling with unwanted sexual feelings, or could make it impossible for that church member to access any counselling that will be supportive of their efforts to live out Christian sexual ethics (and change previous patterns of behaviour). Good pastoral care and counselling does not impose views on people – that was a major failing of the ‘reparative therapy’ movement - but it would be cruelly ironic if attempts to ban that sort behaviour have the same effect on same-sex attracted Christians today who want help from pastors or professionals with their sexuality (or anything else). We are encouraged that the Royal College of Psychiatrists recognises the need to protect this right:
It is also the case that for people who are unhappy about their sexual orientation – whether heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual – there may be grounds for exploring therapeutic options to help them live more comfortably with it, reduce their distress and reach a greater degree of acceptance of their sexual orientation. 8
Many of us have benefitted from such help, others have never sought it, but we want to make sure all people can access the support they need from those who either share their beliefs or, at least, will not seek to impose their own.
https://www.livingout.org/resources/articles/7/does-living-out-support-gay-cure-or-reparative-therapy
