hi Sarah! asking this here as opposed to over DMs just in case someone needs it (and so it feels less urgent hopefully). anyway the job I'm trying to get is in peer support, which would make me a mandated reporter. obviously I'm tossing that rule right out the window til I move on or get fired, but while I have suicide hotlines and resources and such that don't involve the authorities, I'm almost certain I don't have any for abuse intervention. do you have any idea what to do in that situation, like with non-institutional resources? or should I just leave it? that option leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but like... the closest I've been to this hypothetical situation is gently urging friends to leave their abusive partners, so I'm a little bit out of my league here. tysm if you have any ideas/resources and no worries if not! (I'd have done my own research but like... idk I trust you more than random websites lol. might send this to some other ppl though if that helps take the pressure off)
Thank you so much for reaching out!! I am an adjunct instructor at two universities, at both of which I am also a mandated reporter. I add a disclaimer to my syllabi that students should *only* come to me disclosing sexual abuse, as well as the whole “thoughts of harming yourself/others”, if they actively want me to contact title IX or health services. I put in resources for Podmapping (Mia Mingus), Project LETS, and the Fireweed Collective, and offer in-class opportunities to draft a podmap / make connections with other students so that they have other options.
Project LETS is 1000% anti-cop, and has a resource for identifying abuse on their site. On the bottom of their site, they have a number that can be called or texted by anyone who needs support. Survived & Punished also has a superb guide to survivor support/defense that you might be able to learn from!
There’s also the short-term option of going to a peer respite center, if the person you’re working with wants to move away from their abuser but needs a place to regroup and rest first.
I can also offer you a bit of personal advice — I’ve helped friends leave abusive relationships and recognize / resist abuse from parents. The most helpful things I did were 1) to take a large amount of time out of my day just to listen & ask questions (e.g. if they describe an abusive behavior as if they deserved it, I’d ask “do you think it’s okay to treat another person that way?” And other phrases to start to deprogram them from the abuser’s logic) 2) include them in larger group activities with other friends, to help them build relationships and reverse isolation, and 3) be consistent - show up when you say you will, keep your promises, stay even keeled, even when they do something that infuriates or frustrates you (this is the hardest one).
There’s a delicate balance you have to strike, between treating them like a normal person / not with kid gloves, AND remembering that they need support that others may not. I think that, as a peer support worker, the most important thing you can do is to show and tell your client that you are on their side — not the side of their abuser OR the cops. Taking the time to listen, ask questions, and show up with kindness (even when they frustrate you) is a way of modeling that there are different, better ways of building relationships with others, relationships that your client more than deserves to have.
Hope this helps!
