#horsethoughts

[oldmanhorseface]

mmmm 2 hamburgrr.... (bought 2 hamburger)

[petsqui]

Hoomans your inventions are very weird but entertaining #horsethoughts . From @imgur #petsqui #equestrian #zipper

[aweshitherewegoagain-blog]

What Horses Think About Humans

Falling off:

"Wow what a fucking idiot."

"Can she ride?"

"Uh, eh-scooose me! Don't kick me there, bish!"

"Ok. I'm sick of you now.Hasta la vista, baby!"

"Holy shit stickers! It's the flappy plastic thing! Run!"

"Aaaaaand that's enough cantering. Bye!"

"Ugh, I'm so sick of you and your ugly ass on my back. See ya!"

"Buh-bah, bitch!"

-

Tacking up:

"Oh great. Time to throw one of my infamous tantrums. Get out of my stall, little two-legged bone sack!"

"Oh here we fucking go!"

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Why? Why today?!"

"Sometimes I swear my human hates me."

"This fucking metal torture device. No bitch, I ain't opening my mouth for that thing!"

"Ew, get your fingers out of my mouth! Fine! I'll let you put it in! Just take your fingers out of my mouth!"

"Ow! Too tight! Can't.. breathe!"

"I feel like I just gained twenty stone."

"I hate these little leg warmers. They make my legs sweat!"

"Bitch, what did you just say? I do not have big ears! You have big eyes! Leave me and my ears alone!"

-

Getting on:

"Ugh. Let's just get this over with."

"Hey, little beginner muffin, do you know which hand is your left one? Didn't think so!"

"What if I just leg it right now and leave this place?"

"Hey, stop yanking the reins! If I have shift my weight over to one leg then I have to do it! Get over yourself!"

"What if the world is just a lie?"

"I swear if I don't get treats after this shit.."

"Ooh, all hell breaks loose now, mothafuckas!"

-

Riding:

"Yes, I get it, we're going on the right rein. No need to yank my mouth off."

"Now listen, little beginner muffin, I'm the boss. So if I decide I don't wanna go over those poles, I'm not gonna. Okay? Okay."

"Look at my footprints. Aren't they magnificent? I know, I made them myself."

"Ok.. That was nothing. Ah! What's that?!"

"This rider is fucking scared! Now I'm scared! We're all gonna die!"

"Now watch me trot, now watch me neigh-neigh! Now watch me trot, buck, watch me bray-bray!"

"I'm gonna clear this jump amazingly because I'm awesome."

"I haaaaaate my life! I haaate my life! Hey guys, I made up a song! Sing it with me!"

*All Horses*

"I HAAAAAATE MY LIFE! I HAAATE MY LIFE!"

"I'm usually Sandy Olsson, but today I wanna be Danny Zuko."

"Weeeeeee! We're soarin', flyin'! There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach!"

"Now we're gonna stop right here. I ain't moving."

"Woohoo! Bucking is fun!"

-

Feeding time:

"Oh, finally. Something humans are actually fucking useful for."

"Yay! Food!"

"Ew, that's got too many calories. If you think I'm eating that shit you're dead wrong."

"Ok. Thanks for the food. Bye."

"I don't appreciate you watching me eat. Can you leave?"

"This looks disgusting but since I'm a messy horse anyway, I'll eat it."

"I'm overweight and you know it but I'm gonna keep eating until you do something because I'm helpless and this is your fault, human."

"If you loved me you would have given me the right feed!"

"I'll eat this dry crap if you give me a mint afterwards, cool?"

"So you're just gonna watch me? Ok. That's fine."

"I wuv dish suh mush!"

"I'm a very messy eater as you know so you're probably gonna get splattered in feed. You've been warned."

-

Being bought:

"Oh lovely. New home. So excited."

"If I have to move around one more time I swear to Poseidon.."

"Thank God I'm out of that ring! I hate it in there!"

"Aww! You look nice! Love me!"

"Wee! I love boxes!"

"Ugh, I hate boxes."

"Let's get out of here already."

"I'm so bored. Can we leave?"

"New home, here I come!"

-

Getting shoes:

"Oh not this shit again!"

"Hello Mr. Farrier!"

"Can I just kick this dude in this face already?"

"Hey! Go easy with the feet there, Buttcheeks. Do you like your new nickname? I'm gonna call you that because it's the only thing I ever see when you're stooped over my legs."

"Hey, Mr. Farrier, wanna hear a joke? I'll take that as a yes. What did the Falabella say to the Clydesdale?.. Are you gonna answer me? Oh, I get it, you can't guess! Well, he said, 'Can I have trough of water? I'm a little hoarse!' Hahahahahahaha!! Why aren't you laughing?"

-

And finally, getting love:

"Okay, I love you too, two-legged muffin."

[acircuitdiaries]

My Horse's Thoughts During His First Show

Horse: Oh god mom its so early! oh wait breakfast time now?

Horse: Okay

Horse: Ehhh the waters cold waters cold water cold soap smells funny DONT GET THAT IN MY EYES! *shake*

Horse: Mom, I think I'm clean can I go back to sleep now?

Horse: Oh god the trailer not the trailer no no no no no no no no not going on the trailer not going on the trailer

Horse: mooooooom i want to get off and go home!

Horse: Ah! where am i mom? why are all these horses here?

Horse: okay you can just tie me to the trailer and I'll eat this hay all day

Horse: mom, my hairdo is too tight and I can't think right mom

Horse: OH MY GOD flowers scary jumps scary jumps people horses dog water flowers oh god mom this is so scary!

Horse: mom why is this thing stuck on my face get it off get it off GET IT OFF!

Horse: okay yay time to go home

Horse: lol jk i really really dont like the trailer

Horse: yayyyyy home sleep food roll grass