Dear Joe Schmo,
Thank you for registering for on campus work. We are happy to inform you that you have been assigned a position. Please see full job assignment below.
Position Details:
Job Title: Stink Bitch
Supervisor: Coach Alexander Wagner
Start Date: September 15, 2026
Hours: Varies week to week
Rate of Pay: $12 per hour
As the hockey locker room stink bitch you will be involved in all levels of jock musk. Any aversions to all things gross must quickly be quelled as your life just got nasty! Hockey butts protein farts lucky jock straps! That doesn’t even begin to cover the rest of the hockey gear. You will be on the clock for all practices and home games but additionally you’re required to work all away games too. That means long nasty bus rides with the team and overnight stays in hotel rooms. And with Coach Wagner in charge of assigning rooms don’t expect to be put in a room with one of the nicer guys. Coach might even pair you off with himself if you’re lucky. He used to love getting midnight rimjobs from the team stink bitch back when we were athletes. You might want to take something for your stomach beforehand though cause Coach’s ass is like a shag carpet. And those away game fast food meals do not go down as easy for him like they used to. You’re gonna be tasting some sloppy farts!
Well, congratulations on the new job. And once you’re settled in I might even come give you a visit and see how well you’ve adjusted to your new role.
Smell ya later,
Dean Jackson Scott
(Due to a high influx of candidates this semester all job assignments are final and nonnegotiable.)
... I... oh fuck. I'll be wearing their ass musk across my face for months
