“what am i supposed to say?” she asked, coldness and irritation radiating off of her. “you expect me to tell you how much i hate him, right? that he drives me crazy, that i wish he wasn’t on the team, that i’ll never forgive him for leaving me on the side of the road.” the words came out slow and monotonous. “well, yes. all of those things are true. they are. but.. a part of me cares about him and knows that he’s probably just as broken as i am, if not more. and he just.. handles it differently. and sometimes, just sometimes, i wonder what happened to him that made him this person. because i... i don’t know. i guess a part of me cares about him. isn’t that just fucking stupid? because i honestly don’t even know if he gives a damn about me, beyond my use for the heist.” she took another large sip of her wine, shaking her head. “anyway. he’s an asshole.” she shrugged, clearing her throat softly. “and that’s all i’ll say about that.”
[ text ] ; u up? ?? i’m a bottle of wine deep and .. . you know
[ text ] ; attatched picture message.
✘ HATEFUL
[ text ] ; if you keep waking me up, i will shave off your fucking eyebrows. i fucking mean it, jace.
[ text ] ; you are literally the most infuriating human being i’ve ever met in my entire fucking life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[ text ] ; and that’s saying a lot!! because i was a cop!! for YEARS!!! i met SERIAL KILLERS ! ! ! ! !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
$ ACCIDENTAL
[ text ] ; i miss him, mom. i can’t stop thinking about how different my life would be if he was still here. i had a dream last night he was still alive and i woke up and i just could barely even get out of bed. sometimes i think a life without him isn’t even worth living...
[ text ] ; fuck. that obviously wasn’t meant for you. please ignore it. delete it. pretened you never got it. thnx.
today has been... a fucking whirlwind. it was heist day. and everything went off pretty much perfectly. but i’ll tell you all about that later. that’s not what this is about. this is about jace. how many times have i written about him? god, i swear, it’s like that man was put on this earth to infuriate me. especially because he’s so goddamn hot. annoying, stupid, reckless, dumb, asshole, infuriating, and god... sometimes i look at him and i just want to rip all of his clothes off and climb him like a fucking tree. of course, most of the time, i just want to literally punch him in the face. i’m genuinely surprised that i haven’t done that already, to be frank with you. one day i probably will slap him. it’s insane how the person that can make me feel so much anger and annoyance also can drive me absolutely fucking crazy... in the best way.
i swore to myself that nothing was going to happen. i swore to myself that the last time was the last time. so then why did i find myself getting so fucking excited for the heist?! besides all the usual excitment, i was practically counting down the days like a giddy schoolgirl excited to see her favorite band in concert. and he made that stupid fucking sly comment to me at the beginning and i swore that i would leave him alone. how could i ever fuck someone who was that fucking... annoying? it’s like everytime i look at him i’m like oh fuck.. and then he opens his fucking mouth and everything just fades away and i’m just so goddamn angry! he’s so stupidly good at his stupid fucking job too. it really is unfair how hot he looks in the fucking driver’s seat. ridiculous. shouldn’t be allowed!!!!!!!!!!
i’ll spare you the sordid details, but of course, it was fucking fantastic. of course it was. that’s what makes it fucking WORSE. so fucking annoying. this was the last time, diary. the LAST TIME!!!! someone’s gotta hold me to it. of course, then i’d actually have to tell someone. and i’d never live that down what with the way that we fight. stupid. stupid stupid stupid.
i think the stupidest thing of all is that we probably could get along if it weren’t for our insistance to be so fucking stubborn. sometimes i wonder... no. better not.
THE LAST TIME. i’m writing it down. so it is written, so it is done.
never again.
do you think he knows that he’s the first person i’ve been with since jacob? not that he would care anyway. not like it’s even remotely like what jacob and i had. not like it’s even anything remotely like the sex that we had. we are harsh and raw and rough and dirty and... there’s something real about it that i don’t think either one of us would ever talk about. but it doesn’t matter. because it’s NEVER happening again.
