My Calling
Your calling shows up in your childhood and keeps coming back throughout your life. Here is how I tried to figure out what is my calling. Creative expression and power of observing beauty in ordinary things On a dark, no-moon summer night I reached the lakeside near my home. One of my uncles, a cousin brother to my father, carried me in his lap and took me there for a little outing. The wavy vertical reflection of the streetlights on the water were the first thing to catch my fancy . “Look, how the lights are melting in the water”, I pointed out towards the lake and told my uncle. I looked around and could not see much in the darkness. I looked up. Though there was no moon, the sky was smog-free, glittering with stars. I raised my little hand towards the sky and pointed at a star, “The sky looks so beautiful. Can you see that star? It is looking like a sparkling dot on the forehead of the sky, like the one mom puts on when she dresses up,” I told my uncle. He noted my ability to express creatively and conveyed the same to my mum after returning home with me. He told her, “Your daughter could be a poet one day.” That was my very first memory about my spontaneous response as a child towards images and nature. When I reflect on it, I realize my inner self connecting with the present surroundings. I see my ability to observe beauty in mundane things. Though blunted by the worries of the world, I do notice some sparkles in my musings even today.
Ability to feel oneness with nature, being in the present I am aware of my natural ability to feel the calming stillness and poignant poise of the universe. The way it cradles the enormous play of contradictory yet complementary forces of life and death, creation and destruction, intrigues me. As a child, I would find myself playing alone with my earthen and brass toy utensils under the shade of a tree. Yet, I did not feel I was alone. The tree, the butterflies and the bees, the sparrows gave me company. I spoke to them. I felt their lively presence and my oneness with them. Now, I realize, I was so much in sync with nature. After living in the concrete jungle for almost the better half of my life, I still seek oneness. I have not forgotten my relationship with nature – where I come from, where I belong and where I would go back. I do feel it sometimes by looking at the tree outside my window or the indoor plant in my room. Ability to feel the pure joy in the positive energy of life In late-winter afternoons, I insisted to sit outside my home. The local tribal people would come in a flock to sweep the fallen dry leaves. The picture still sticks to my memory. The young tribal women would sweep the spread of crunchy faded leaves into a heap. Their toned bodies would be wrapped in colorful cotton saris. They wore seasonal local flowers in their hair buns behind their ears. They would sing folk songs in a typical aboriginal tune while doing their work. The men would sing along by way of whistling. They would help the women collect the dry leaves and twigs into a heap and then light it up in a fire. I did not understand what they said to each other while doing their work. Now I know the men would crack some jokes or playfully tease the women and they would giggle and quip back. I watched them with so much wonder and amazement. The smoke billowing up from the burnt leaves wafted in the winter-on-retreat breeze. I would feel a mild burning sensation in my eyes and nostrils. I would still sit there and not respond to my mother calling me out to return home. I would sit there as if as a spectator of the eternal drama of life playing out on the earth. I perceived the whole scenario through all my senses as it was. I keenly watched everything. I felt a pure joy – not induced by any purpose or plan. I stayed there as a part of the scene, without any thoughts or emotions shadowing my sense of being. In retrospect that was the ‘self’, the consciousness as an objective observer. It is present in all. It is independent of concepts, perspective and perceptions. As we grow, we lose the ability to feel pure joy and happiness inherent in our being. I don’t think as an adult I could retain the ability to tap in that ability. I am again in search of it. At least I am aware of where my happiness lies. You may have more than one calling and develop one or each of them into a successful career or business. My innate attraction to handicraft, writing, storytelling Gradually, I discovered my innate attraction towards handcrafted products. I grew up in a home full of such items. They appealed to my inherent sense of aesthetics. They ignited my imagination with curiosity and care. I liked my mother's walnut jewellery box with Kashmiri floral curving on it. The lacquered wood, bright red, handprinted powder case on my mother’s dresser attracted me a lot. She bought it from Mysore. My mom loved tuberoses. She would organize a few sticks of it in he grey Bidri long neck metal flower vases with slivery inlay work on it. This was from Hyderabad. It would be kept on a Kashmiri, small teapoy in the drawing-room. There were quite a many items from Kashmir. There was a Kashmiri carved-wood book holder on the bookshelf. The cane center table from Assam sat on a Kashmiri ‘Namda’ rug. I was also very fond of the heavy, metal coin box with Bidri work on it from Aurangabad in my mother’s cupboard. I would keep staring at the set of sherbet glasses in the kitchen cabinet in fluorescent colors. The delicate, transparent, animal figurines in handblown colorful glass, decorated our living room shelves. Those were from Firozabad, Uttar Pradesh. The crocheted tea coasters and the porcelain tea set in the sideboard were so elegant. I loved my mother’s collection of marble and sandstone miniatures. She bought them from Puri, Jabalpur and Agra. Then, I did not know those were handmade by artisans from various parts of my country. Later, as I grew up, I developed a curiosity for the products as well as an affinity with their creators. For my line of clothes and interior decoration, I preferred handloom and handcrafted products. I developed an interest in the various crafts of India for its heritage and nature friendly values. The human story element in it, its economic value for rural India and last, but not least, its beauty appealed to me. I ended up trying to be a micro-entrepreneur in this sector. At the same time, I started writing poems. It was around the 7th or 8th year of my life. I co-authored my first poem with my first childhood friend, my namesake too. It was about the current hairstyle of young guys – sort of a comical view on men’s contemporary fashion sense! My second poem was about the moon and the charkha spinning old lady. I would lay flat on my back on the green, slightly prickly grasses of the park behind my home. I would look at the matt white, almost a full moon in the pre-dust, pale blue sky. I read about an old woman who lived in the moon and spun reels of white thread out of heaps of cotton in a fairy tale. I would imagine her working at her spinning wheel while looking at the shadows on that early evening moon. Since then, I have always been expressing my deeper thoughts and feelings through writing. In my adult life, I worked as a professional writer. Right from my early teens, I found my enthusiasm in telling stories. I had the ability to observe, visualize, recall, and represent. Few of my school teachers noticed it. They would deploy me to keep the class engaged by telling my fellow students a story. These qualities came in handy when, later in my life, I worked as a feature journalist, a blogger, and a writer. Ability to think critically and freely During my late teenage, I often found myself debating with my elders. I raised questions on the social and moral educations they imparted. I questioned many things the established system wanted me to believe. I took part and enjoyed the religious occasions for their festive and family spirit. But I could never develop faith in worshipping deities or following rituals. My spiritual thoughts formed in my mind without any formal knowledge. Initially, it did not have any conscious allegiance to any dogma, or ‘ism’. I never hero-worshipped any individual. Be it celebrities, politicians, spiritual gurus, teachers, or social reformers. Rather, I always wanted to learn from or focus on their work, thoughts, and philosophy. It helped me in working on various types of feature stories. Connecting with people through heart Though I was never an extrovert, right from childhood I felt the natural urge to connect to people on the empathetic ground. It helped me to not develop arrogance and pride; it helped me to remain grounded. It encouraged me to be curious about human psychology and behavioral science. Currently, I have embarked on a new journey as a certified Life Coach. My motivation is to help people in their endeavor to live a better life.. The work challenges my evolution as a better version of myself. It involves dealing with one's own tendencies to be judgmental, biased and egotist. a helping profession of a Life Coach needs self-study.
Courage, conviction, adaptability, zeal to learn new things and resilience in face of challenge When thrown into challenging situations in life, I found myself wading and surfing through the waves of upheavals. I faced and responded to the demand of the situation. I had my share of slipping off my surfing board. Sometimes I drowned in the turbulent water of adversity. I experienced my and other’s vulnerabilities. I did make mistakes and wrong decisions giving way to more problems. While in my endeavors to make, restore or rebuild things, I ended up breaking a few. I caused hurt to my loved ones, loss and damage to them. It taught me some practical lessons that everyone should know to be more in control of one’s mind, money and matter. At the same time, it taught me to see life in its larger perspective. It taught me to forgive and give everyone, including myself, another chance. It taught me not to lose faith in the innate richness and healing process of life. I got to know the power of human mind. It constantly challenges me to rise above ego and objectively deal with people and situations. It helps me to evolve. I broke free of my comfort zones. I came out of my marital home, went to court seeking a divorce, raised children as a single parent. I was a homemaker. But I went out, sought and tried different jobs for supporting myself and my family. I did my stints at HR, direct marketing, hotel front desk, home food service, selling saris, IT job till finally I got into my kind of jobs in feature journalism and writing. At every job I learnt new skills, got acquainted with new work culture, came across various types of people. I experienced workplace harassment. Yet I had to deliver what was expected of me. Till the time I got into a writing job, I accepted and tried every other opportunity that came my way. Those were neither my calling nor I wanted to carve a career out of them. I had to do them to meet the urgent needs of my family during the huge financial crisis. There was no option to plan a career, pick and choose. This expanded my horizon of understanding people and situations from different perspectives. I leant to do it without the temptation of judging them. It helps me in my service as a Life Coach. My energy synergy I have observed bright, sunny, cool mornings energize me the most. Hope, faith in life-force, urge to work, gratitude peak in my mind during this time. Dusk sees an ebb of energy and agility in me. It feels little depressing during this time. Another day gone from my life, another day closer to my grave makes me feel a bit low at this point. It is very important to spend a productive day. Being present in the present helps to beat the blue a crimson sunset brings in. But post evening I find my mind being able to focus on work again, especially writing. Understanding one’s energy synergy helps in aligning his/her work schedule. It boosts best productivity. My exploration list It contains the things I want to do or would do imagining no constraints or limitations stopping me. Such a list also indicates where our calling lies. Though I prefer to keep it to myself, I will share a couple of things from my exploration list here . Travelling tops it. Next is starting a co-creative learning center and a staycation.
