RANKING ALL FICTIF LOVE INTERESTS BASED ON HOW GOOD I THINK THEY SMELL (WORST TO BEST) - PART 1
Welcome back guys to my own personal living hell this again. Today I will be examining your personal opinions on how good the Fictif characters smell and telling you where you are wrong. Once again, there is no room for suggestion or improvement; I am omnipotent and everything I say goes. If you don’t like it, come at me, if you want to see what it feels like to have a 5’0 woman kick your ass.
I had a request to rate more CGs from @honourlight and I’m going to! Until then, enjoy this. Or don’t. I didn’t particularly enjoy imagining these rank ass smells .
Disclaimer: some of these are based on appearance alone, since I haven’t played all routes. And please, don’t take this seriously. All the Fictif characters are sexy. They just might smell too.
1. Sage Lesath
Coming in hot (or at least he’d like to think so) at number ten is Sage. Some of you are going to get real pressed about this, so let me remind you that it is not my fault I am right. This man definitely smells like raw sweat and fourty pounds of intoxication wrapped up in a sweet sandwich of wet cat. He has got that je ne sais quoi, and by that I mean I have no clue what that absolute stank wafting off him might be. Go ahead and lick his tiddies, but don’t come crying if they taste like battery acid. People sleep with him for many reasons, but the aroma is not one of them.
2. Chava Cerilla
It would’ve been more pleasant to scoop my eyeballs out with a ice-cream scoop than to put my boo second last, but my mama didn’t raise no bitch so I’m going to be honest. This man smells to high heavens. I licked him once and could taste his rankness through the screen. If he was real I would be able to smell it from Canada. Chava definitely smells like if pure must personified decided to smoke pot during the fifteenth century when people bathed like one a month. I just know in real life that shirt would be about as clean as my search history. His hair would smell like freshly mown grass but only because there’s actually grass in it. Probably grows coffee beans in there too.
3. Sergio Jimenez
Are you upset? Good. Life is upsetting, as is how Sergio smells. How does he smell, you ask? Imagine you took a Ken doll, melted it down, extracted its essence, and combined it with Old Spice. That’s Eau de Sergio: 50% hair gel, 50% compensation for something in the form of a bottle probably labelled something like Black Ice. You know how kids used to get high off the smell of sharpies? I’m pretty sure you could do the same by simply sniffing this man. He is toxic in every sense.
4. Tess Rogers
I love this bitch but I have to be honest: she smells. Tess Rogers has a layer of Cheeto dust thicker than Nicki’s ass caked ten miles deep under her nails and 100% uses two-in-one shampoo and conditioner. She would definitely skip class to make out with a cotton-candy scented vape pen, and if you caught her would give you stank eye that still pales in comparison to the way she literally reeks. Just because you wanna be one of the guys, Tess, doesn’t give you reason to smell like them.
5. Miguel Bravo
I’ve barely talked to him, but even without buying his bonus scene I can tell this man smells like ass. Hunny, someone needs to tell you that whiskey and leather is not tasteful, it’s a nose-full, and it’s clogging my goddamn nostrils. It is not your sheer beauty that is leaving the people speechless, it’s the smell of gasoline blocking off their alveoli. Miguel smells like every man that stared into a glass of scotch at a bar ever. I don’t care how metaphorically broken inside and desperate for love you may be, take a shower before your stench bursts my goddamn lungs.
6. Anisa Anka
This is the first time in this list that I’m going to come out and say this, but I think Anisa smells fine. Not fine like Idris Elba fine, more like you should probably be fined for smelling like that but you’re cute so I’ll let it slide. You know those bottles at Claire’s scented something ridiculous like marshmallow gumdrops and unicorn barf? Anisa smells like that on a good day. It’s a little odd, enough to make you question your sanity, but withstandable. On a bad day, well, this girl wants to eat dolphins. She would probably take furniture polish and spray it on herself for absolutely no fucking reason.
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Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk and I will see you all again in part two.
