The past couple of weeks, talk of Lil Kim’s new look have flooded social media. I’ve read everything from mean and hateful comments to “it’s her life so why should I care” comments. In taking all of it in, I’ve realized that very few have come to see the big picture. The issue is more than just lighter and straighter hair. This goes back to the definition of beauty and how/why lightening up your look ever became a thought of necessity.
Now I tried writing this piece several times but couldn’t seem to get it quite right but recently I started to watch the TV show Underground and everything began to fall into place. Lil Kim has mentioned in past interviews that men have left her for lighter more European looking women. She stated that she’s been called ugly for being darker and it took a toll on her self-esteem. Lil Kim was a beautiful woman. Not just to me but thousands of other will agree. So what on earth would make her or the men in her life judge her beauty based off the color of her skin? Let’s dig in. The idea that the closer to white the better, came from the separation of light skin slaves and dark skin slaves. The fairer you were the better chance you had of working in the house and the darker you were the harder you worked in the field. This created such strong animosity amongst slaves, making them turn on each other just for a chance to get closer to the one that enslaved them. They forgot the reality that they lived in. No matter where you worked on that plantation, you were still a slave and the color of your skin didn’t save you from scrutiny.
Fast for a little over 100 years and the problem still exists today. Black people are still being shamed for their natural hair, wide nose, big hips, and deeper hues of melanin. Meanwhile others imitate our look and call it fashion. It’s almost like we aren’t allows to be us but everyone else can dip into the black culture for kicks. On top of that, the dating world is seems bleak for women of color. Black women are the least desired of all women. Least of all by our own men. I remember being in high school and hearing a black guy say he flat out doesn’t date black women. He disowned us for every stereotypical reason in the book. In the words of Beyoncé “Becky with the good hair” was and is still more desirable. How is this supposed to make black women feel? We are taught to be strong and bold but criticized for following through. We have to be just as good as everyone else but have to work twice as hard to prove it. We are told we are beautiful but that’s only if we have a fairer skin tone, light eyes, and not so kinky hair.
We aren’t the only ethnicity suffering from colorism. This problem is throughout countries like India, Sri Lanka, Korea and Brazil. There are commercials with women lightening their skin to get the man – I’m dead serious: click here to see one. The entire Korean beauty market is centered on being lighter with bigger eyes to look whiter so you can be beautiful. Ms. Brazil de-crowned their beauty queen in 2013 because she was too black. It’s heartbreaking to know that colorism is still so strong throughout the world.
My hope and prayer is we take the time to not only love the things that make us beautifully unique, but that we as women lift each other up. Get rid of team light skin vs team dark skin. Stop alienating each other for childish reasons. I wish I could say that before the next year rolls around, there will be a shift is what defines beauty but in reality that won’t happen. I will take a lot of time. In the meantime, take a moment to tell yourself you are beautiful and share that same love with a friend. If we don’t lift each other up, no one else will.
