please don't fall in love again - y.j.w.
summary — after your last relationship, you swore you'd never fall for anyone again. that is, until you met a certain yang jungwon.
pairing — friend!jungwon x fem!reader
genre — angst and fluff, university!au, slight crack, slow-burn
wc — 5.1k
warnings — tbh nothing i think
a/n — based on a true story 👍🏽 just finished uni! so here is a present for u all. also i feel like there are a few slightly niche references in this too so apologies if they confuse u but i promise they have nothing to do with the overall plot. i tried a slightly different approach to writing with this one but i hope u enjoyyyy
your last break up broke you. after it ended, you had rebuilt your walls brick by brick, vowing to never let anyone in again. the world shattering experience of your ex leaving you for the person they said “was just a friend” was too much for you to bear again. ever since then, you steered clear of anyone you found even remotely cute, in fear that you would get hurt again. that was until a certain dimpled boy came along.
it’s the third week of your senior year of university and you were walking to class, half asleep due to your heavy lack of rest (average uni student activities). just as you check your phone for the time, a firm body bumps into you, knocking you to the ground.
“oh my god, i’m so sorry! i didn’t see you there,” his voice, as sweet as honey, calls out to you. you only notice his appearance once he reaches his hand out to help you up. his golden locks were flowing in the wind while big worried eyes stared down at you. with the way he was glowing, you could only assume that he was tapped by King Midas himself. your heart speeds up just by looking at him--god, is it even possible to look this adorable when worried? a couple of seconds pass and you realize that since you got lost in your little marvelling session, you had forgotten to answer him. immediately, you get right up and brush yourself off. “i’m fine, thanks.” you brush past him, hoping you don’t come across him and his gorgeous face again.
what you don’t realize is that the cute stranger himself has plans of his own.
you finally get to your class, proud of yourself for successfully dodging that bullet of a boy. just as you’re settling into your seat, a wave of vanilla and musk fills your senses. when you turn to face the direction of the scent, you’re met with a familiar face.
“hey. you ran away from me pretty quick back there.”
this cannot be happening right now.
there he is, the mysterious stranger that brought you to your knees (literally and figuratively). the shock mixed with the rapid increase of your heart rate has you staring at him with your jaw slack. your silly reaction induces a small, boyish giggle to fall past the stranger’s lips. “what, cat got your tongue?” he asks with a slight lilt in his voice.
“what, no-- what? no! wait, how did you get here? were you always in this class? who are you?” as the jumble of words keep tumbling out of you, his teasing grin grows wider and wider, causing his dimples to peak through.
“okay, let me stop you right there so you don’t embarrass yourself.” he chuckles. “to answer your questions, i got here by walking, which you would have seen if you didn’t run away so fast. yes, i have always been in this class, but i usually sit at the back. and my name is jungwon. i’m a senior, but i’m taking this class as an elective.”
forcing yourself to stop gawking at him, you foster up the courage to respond.
“oh.”
alright, maybe you were being a bit overzealous. you try to think of something else to say, but jungwon beats you to it.
“oh? is that all i get in return?” he asks with a mocking pout. there’s no malice behind his words; at this point he’s just teasing you for the fun of it. however, his reply helps you realize that there’s no reason for you to be acting like a shy little schoolgirl right now. jungwon is literally just a boy. you roll your eyes at him before responding, causing him to raise an eyebrow as his teasing grin returns.
“if you let me finish, i would’ve asked you why you decided to sit up front today, instead of sitting at the back, like you usually do,” you bite back at him.
“i saw you sitting here at the front, and after knocking you over, i thought it would only make sense for me to sit next to you and make sure you were alright.”
“well, i’m fine. you can go back now,” you say without looking at him.
after a beat passes, he responds. “no. i want to sit here. you intrigue me.” with how quick it happened, you almost missed the way his gaze fled to your lips for a split second. key word: almost.
you’re about to tell him to just go to the back when your professor starts their lecture, cutting you off. jungwon smiles cheekily at you as he opens his laptop, getting ready to take notes. it’s okay, this is only a one time thing, you tell yourself. tomorrow, he won’t even remember this interaction, and you’ll be back to sitting by yourself. all alone. which is how it should be. right?
on the other hand, jungwon is having the time of his life. he’s seen you in class before, and with a face like yours, he knew you would cause him trouble. lucky for him, he loves a little bit of chaos. accidentally bumping into you gave him the perfect opportunity to get closer to you.
after class, jungwon goes up to your professor to ask them a question about the upcoming midterm, which you take as an opportunity to leave without having to talk to him again. as you’re rushing out, you hear him call out a loud wait!, which you effectively ignore.
jungwon hastily packs up his things to go after you, but to his dismay, you’re already lost in the sea of post-class students. he doesn’t mind though. tomorrow is a new day.
---
the next day, you sit in the front row of the class, prepared to listen, take notes, then leave without having to speak to anyone, just as usual. but, your plans are once again fumbled by the same blond haired boy.
when you hear the seat next to you being taken, you don’t even need to look. the scent of vanilla and mischief gives him away instantly.
“hi, pretty.”
still not looking at him, you answer back coldly while getting your laptop ready, “what are you doing? what happened to sitting at the back?”
jungwon fakes hurt at your comments, clutching his chest like he was freshly wounded. “i told you, you intrigue me. so, i want to sit with you. also, you still haven’t told me your name.”
refusing to let this conversation go on for longer than it needs to, you give him your name.
jungwon smiles at you. “y/n. hm. suits you.” the fondness in his eyes catches you off guard, so you avert your eyes as subtly as possible, pretending to focus on your professor preparing to start the lecture. what you don’t see is jungwon still looking at you with a small smile on his face.
the lecture starts and ends just like any other class. you gather your belongings, ready to leave when jungwon stops you.
“wait, y/n! don’t go yet,” he says hurriedly before you take your first step out the door. “yeah, jungwon, what’s up?” you reply apathetically.
“come with me.”
you blink at him, completely thrown off. “huh?”
“the midterm is next week, come study with me.” his tone is casual, as if you guys were best friends and this was normal. usually, you wouldn’t be opposed to a study session with a friend. that being said, you’ve had a weird feeling in your gut ever since you met jungwon yesterday. it’s the same feeling you had when you first met your ex. and if there’s one thing you’re sure of, it’s that you would do anything not to let that situation occur again.
“i don’t know…”
“pleeeeease. i need to study and i know i’ll be more motivated to study if i have you there with me! we can study together and help each other with the modules, pleasepleasepleaseplease” he’s practically begging at this point. those brown expressive orbs of his are so dangerous, but you won’t let them faze you…after this one time.
“fine, let’s go.” jungwon’s face lights up. deep dimples form on his cherubic cheeks, causing a strong bright blush to form on yours.
oh yeah, this was a mistake.
---
the two of you reach the campus café and start the study session. everything was going normally, until jungwon needed help with a specific module.
“it doesn’t make any sense! if DNA polymerase can only add nucleotides in one direction, how does it replicate both strands?” you let a smile slip at his endearing confusion, before moving closer to explain the concept to him. while pointing at the textbook diagrams, your fingers brush against his. your hand twitches before you move it away from jungwon’s own warm hand. as you finish clarifying everything, you glance at him to ensure he’s following. as you were so immersed in the topic, you didn’t realize how close you two had gotten. when you turn to him, your faces are only mere centimeters away. your eyes widen as you move back immediately and clear your throat. “uh, does that make more sense now?” you ask, averting your eyes. jungwon chuckles at your awkwardness. he leans back in his chair, tapping his pen. “that sounds… complicated. i don’t think i get it, you’re gonna have to explain it again.” he smirks at you.
you roll your eyes at him. “shut up, i know you understand now.”
“no, i don’t. i really need you to explain it to me again. just one more time, i swear.” good thing he didn’t swear on anyone important because jungwon is lying through his teeth and he knows it. he understood the material ten minutes ago. he just likes the way your voice sounds when you’re focused, the way you get all serious and smart. it makes his heart beat a little faster. not that you need to know that.
“alright, once more, and then i’m going back to my module.”
“sounds good, pretty.”
you feigned indifference at his words and explained the concept one more time, just as jungwon asked you to. after you finish simplifying it for him, you look at him and are shocked to see that he’s already looking at you. again, you pretend you don’t notice. “do you get it now? if you say no, i know you’re lying.” you tell him sharply. his eyes are still fixed on yours, his gaze feeling like a weight on your shoulders, making you fidget.
“yeah. i get it now,” he says, voice softening. “thanks for explaining.”
you nod, eyes flitting everywhere but on him. you clear your throat. “yeah, no problem.” the air around the two of you had you feeling claustrophobic with how thick the tension was. it doesn’t lessen even as you move back to the other side of the table. continuing with your module, you reflect on the past couple minutes. what the hell was that? you decide not to address it, as that’s the safest option. if you start thinking too deeply about this, you’ll fall down a rabbit hole that you cannot deal with right now.
jungwon doesn’t think anything of it--he’s actually enjoying the underlying current between you two. however, as much as he’s interested, jungwon was raised a gentleman. you’re not reciprocating the flirting, and he’s alright with that. he decides that although he won’t actively pursue you, there’s no harm in a little friendly banter flirting every now and then.
for the rest of the session, you two sit in silence and study, with jungwon occasionally lightening the mood with a joke or complaint about the course content.
---
eventually, these study sessions become a regular thing. months go by, and you’re now nearing the end of the year. by now, you and jungwon are attached at the hip. yes, you were originally terrified to get intertwined with him due to his sweet, boyish charm, but it’s fine now. you two are friends…that’s all. duh.
it’s friday afternoon and the two of you are currently laying on the floor of jungwon’s room. what started as a study session quickly turned into you and jungwon leaning against his bed and watching stupid little tiktoks on his phone. after hours of doom scrolling, you both get up to do the “seeing if we dance the same while blindfolded” trend. you both sit on his bed to rewatch the tiktok you just filmed and while the whole thing had you guys uncontrollably laughing, you absolutely lost it when jungwon started slut-dropping to stereo love.
“what the fuck, jungwon, in what world did you think i would do all that to stereo love?” your eyes are spilling tears as you cry laughing at his weird antics.
whoever said laughter is contagious was onto something because as you laugh harder and harder while rewatching the video, jungwon starts unconsciously mimicking your amusement. he can’t take his eyes off you right now. sure, to anyone else, you’re just laughing at something stupid. to jungwon, there’s a bright, vibrant aura radiating off of you. say he has skin damage the way your rays are seeping into him. seeing you like this, jungwon knows he would do anything for you to be this happy all the time. but, he knows he can’t let you know that. he knows you don’t see him that way, and that’s alright. he’s alright. no, it doesn’t eat away at him at all. and he definitely doesn’t think about it every night before bed. in all honestly, he’s more than delighted to keep his feelings to himself, as long as it means he gets to keep you near him.
“what do you mean? the trend is “seeing if we dance the same” not “trying to match each other’s freak!”” jungwon responds to you, matching your mirth.
his reply has you laughing even harder (if possible), with both of you collapsing onto his bed. jungwon’s eyes are still on you, and the laughter dies down and fades into something else, something warmer. scarier. you’re facing each other, eyes locked on one another with soft smiles gracing your features. the room gets quiet--the only things filling your senses are the ticking of the clock and the faint scent of vanilla coming off of him.
time stops. as you’re lost in each other’s gaze, you both instinctively lean in. it’s so slow, almost as if you’re not even moving. like if you move too fast, it’ll ruin whatever is happening right now. just as your lips are about to touch, the clanging of your phone falling off the bed snaps you out of your haze.
your eyes widen and you frantically sit up. frozen in your spot, you say nothing while attempting to get your thoughts together. what was that? you guys are just friends, how could either of you let that go so far? that was so wrong but the strangest and most terrifying part of it all was that it felt so right. so safe. and if you know one thing for sure, it’s that safe is the most dangerous thing of all. this new, confusing atmosphere takes you back to your past relationship. everything’s all happy and fun at the beginning, but as soon as things go further, it all falls apart. with jungwon, you can’t let that happen. you can’t allow yourself to get hurt again. but, that won’t happen, right? because you’re just friends. yeah, that sounds about right.
jungwon, still laying on the bed, stares at the back of your head for a bit before sitting up next to you. he felt it too--the simmering tension, the ache, the want. did he misread that? probably. again, he knows your feelings about him, or lack thereof. he mentally slaps himself for even letting that happen. unable to decipher what’s going on in your head and also not wanting to know, he sits quietly with you for a second before breaking the silence.
“wanna go get ice cream?”
“yeah.”
weaved into that short interaction is the unsaid vow to never speak of this again.
a vow that you both took very seriously, especially considering that if it wasn’t seared into the front of your brain, you would’ve forgotten it even happened.
a few days pass, and still, neither of you bring up the elephant in the room. it’s almost like a cruel, mentally taxing game--the first person to crack loses.
just like any day before the incident that shall not be named, the both of you stroll into class together and take your seats in the front row. you’re both engaged in your daily extremely stupid pre-class debate (today’s topic: is water wet? yes or no + provide a thesis statement), when your TA walks by to hand out some worksheets. “make sure this is finished by next class, alright? you two make an adorable couple, by the way.” jungwon smiles at this, but for you, it’s not a compliment. in fact, your blood runs cold the second your TA’s words hit your ears. jungwon’s playful shaking of your arm wakes you from your trance.
“y/n, did you hear that? we make a cute couple, oooooh,” jungwon says, still wiggling your arm around. feeling conflicted and terrified, you snatch your arm away and bolt out of the room. jungwon sits there for a second, completely dumbfounded.
you throw yourself into the first empty room you find and press your hands onto the cool surface of one of the tables. your heart is beating in your ears and everything feels so, so overwhelming. being called “a couple” freaks you out to no end. a couple??? no, that’s not what this is. we’re friends. just friends. right? your mind is everywhere right now, the drawers in your brain are overflowing with thoughts and emotions, and you just can’t keep up. god, y/n, get it together. it’s just a stupid little comment. minutes pass, and after you finally calm yourself down, you go back to your class, where your lecture has already started.
“hey, everything okay, pretty? that was really sudden,” jungwon whispers to you as you take your seat, concern laced all throughout his tone.
you don’t even look at him as you respond with, “yeah, all good.”
“you sure? you can tell me if something’s up.” his eyes are almost glued to the side of your face.
“nothing’s wrong. just, uh, girl problems.”
slightly taken aback, jungwon replies. “oh, okay. you promise?”
why is he still asking? “yeah, just y’know. periods, cramps. tampons. menstrual cups. all that good stuff. pads.” you stumble out more feminine hygiene products in hopes that he stops asking, and to your satisfaction, it works.
what you don’t realize is that jungwon is no idiot. he knows you’re lying. obviously. his heart drops knowing that you feel as if you can’t tell him what’s going on. he can’t even blame you, because he knows he’s the problem. ever since your almost-kiss, he’s been beating himself up about the fact that he let that happen. because now, the distance between you feels impossible to cross. and he can’t help but think that maybe he deserves that.
after a seemingly endless class finally ends, jungwon asks if you two are still on for your study session that day. as much as you want to go to it, you know you can’t. much to your dismay, you can’t deny anymore that whatever is between you and jungwon is more than friendship. and that terrifies you.
“uh, i think i’m gonna pass. just because, y’know. cramps.”
“oh, okay. yeah, no problem, y/n. i hope you feel better soon.” he says with a soft smile. if you didn’t know him any better, you wouldn’t give that response a second thought. but, you know him, and you know there’s an underlying inference hidden between his words. you just can’t tell what it is. and honestly, you’re not sure if you want to know. you give him a polite smile before heading home.
ever since that day, you’ve found a new excuse for everytime jungwon asked you if you were down for a study session. it was clear through his texts that it was starting to bother him, but he never explicitly said anything. you even stopped showing up to classes to avoid him. you know it’s wrong because he hasn’t necessarily done anything wrong, but you can’t help but be selfish here.
by using these tactics to avoid him, you’ve successfully had two jungwonless weeks. unfortunately for you, you forgot that you and jungwon have each other’s class schedules. meaning that he could find you at any other class whenever he wanted. he wouldn’t do that though… he’s not that insane, you think to yourself.
but oh, he is.
you’re the last one in the classroom after your lecture ends, as you were still gathering your things. your back is facing the entrance while you pack your last item. just as you’re about to leave, you hear it. the slow, soft footsteps walking towards you. that could be anybody, right? that’s what you told yourself until it started surrounding you--the gentle waves of vanilla and musk. the scent that always adorned jungwon’s skin and clothes whenever you were graced with his presence. however, right now his presence didn’t feel graceful at all. this time, it felt suffocating. you had to leave immediately.
you turn around and try to walk out as quickly as you can without even doing so much as looking him, but he’s quicker. he grabs your arm before you can leave the room. just as you’re about to protest, jungwon breaks the silence.
“don’t.” he means it to be stern, but it only comes out sweetly. he can’t help it--he can never be anything less than kind to you, even when you’re not mirroring that sentiment.
“let me go,” you spit out.
“no. not until you tell me what’s going on right now. don’t you think i deserve that much, y/n?” he sounds off. sad. defeated, almost. you know you’re the reason for it, but you know you have to put yourself first. you swore not to let anyone in again. and that’s a promise you have to keep.
“why did you come here, jungwon?” you continue to avoid looking at him as you still haven’t built up the courage to.
“oh, c’mon. you’ve been ignoring me for two weeks now. i could’ve found you way earlier but wanted to give you the space you needed,” his shoulders slump as he continues, “but this, y/n, is just too much. just tell me what’s up, that’s all i’m asking, pretty.”
your heart breaks at the sound of your pet name, so heavy with sorrow it barely sounds like him. at last, you look up at him only to see a shell of the boy you once knew. his cheekbones are the slightest bit more defined and purple skies have made their way under his lash line. his eyes bore into yours, silently pleading for you to just talk to him.
you break away from his intense gaze to give him the answers he so clearly needs. “this is the problem, jungwon. you can’t just… say that to me.”
his grip on you loosens slightly. “say what?”
frustration begins creeping into your tone as you yank your arm free. “you can’t just be all sweet to me, and call me pretty whenever you want as if it doesn’t--” you stop yourself before you say too much. “you just can’t do that, jungwon. we’re friends. that’s all.”
“no, wait, finish your sentence. as if it doesn’t what? what could be so bad about me being nice to you? tell me.” he says, voice raised a bit. he can see them--the cracks in your carefully built exterior are starting to show. with you standing in front of him, spewing all this bullshit, it’s clear as day: you like him too. so, why can’t you just admit it?
“friends aren’t supposed to act the way we do.” you say with forced indifference.
“well, maybe i don’t just want to be friends. don’t you get it?” jungwon closes the gap between you, gently holding your shoulders. “god, y/n, i’ve been in love with you since the moment i met you. i didn’t want to tell you to avoid ruining our friendship, but at some point, we have to be honest with ourselves. what we have was never just a friendship. and i know you know it too.”
this is officially too much for you. you pull away from him once more. “okay, jungwon, i really can’t do this right now,” your voice trembles as you spiral through a roller coaster of emotions. you have to get out of there. just as you’re about to leave the room, jungwon says something that stops you dead in your tracks.
“why can’t you just let yourself be happy?”
his voice is barely above a whisper, but it still manages to knock the wind out of you.
you turn right back around. “what?” you are enraged. fuming. “do you really think it’s that easy? you think i want to be the way that i am? sorry to break it to you, but i can’t fucking help it, jungwon. you think everything is so simple, so happy and colourful, but you will never understand what it’s like to be trapped in your own mind.” jungwon can see the white, hot steam blowing out of your ears. he should be scared, yes, but right now, he’s relieved. relieved that you’re talking to him. relieved that you’re still here. relieved that you’re not hiding from him behind a wall of apathy anymore.
“y/n--”
“no. you don’t get it. i’m fucked up, jungwon.” your eyes start to glisten with unshed tears. “i don’t get to just choose happiness. some days i can barely breathe, but you?” your voice falters. “you make it feel easy. and that scares the hell out of me.”
jungwon takes a step closer, his eyes searching yours. “but i want to help. you don’t have to go through this alone--”
“no, but i do!” you cut him off, voice sharp and shaking. “because the second i let someone in, they leave. and who am i left with? myself! i can’t keep letting myself fall apart just to be the one who has to pick up the pieces again. i won’t.” every word falls out faster than the last. “you say you love me, but love doesn’t fix people. it’s just another way to get hurt.”
jungwon stays silent, absorbing every syllable like a punch to the gut.
“so, yeah, maybe you’re right, and i don’t let myself be happy.” you finally say, your voice quieter now, bitter around the edges. “maybe i’m the problem. maybe i ruin everything before it even starts. at least that way, i’m the one in control.”
“but, y/n, it doesn’t have to be like that. yes, you’ve had some tough experiences, but you’re not broken. everything you’ve gone through, everything you’ve shared with me, it’s all part of what makes you you.” jungwon moves closer and delicately takes your face into his warm hands. “i know it’s hard to see it this way but your past experiences are not predictive of your future ones. you can’t live your life trying not to get hurt, y/n, you deserve to be happy. that’s all i want for you, whether it’s with me or without me. even if i’m not on the field with you, i’ll be on the sidelines, cheering you on. always.” he says while tucking some stray hairs behind your ear. the way he looks at you is so soft, his eyes overflowing with love and care.
“i don’t want to do it without you, jungwon. i always want you right next to me, but i’m scared.”
“i understand, pretty. and i know it’s scary, but you’re just gonna have to trust me, okay?” he says while wiping some fresh tears from your cheeks, which are now coloured with raw emotion. huh, you didn’t even realize you were crying. “i’ve never let you down before, have i?” you sniffle and shake your head no, the faintest smile adorning your face. “exactly. and that will never change.”
your eyes are trained on his face as you process his words. your expression is a mixture of fear, relief, sadness, and hope. jungwon doesn’t say anything either. he silently continues wiping your tears, his thumbs ever so slightly grazing your cheeks as he gives you time to digest everything.
“okay.” you muster out a whisper as loud as you can manage, but as quiet as a mouse.
“okay?” he asks, needing a confirmation about whether you mean what he thinks you mean.
“yeah. okay. i love you, jungwon. and i want to be with you. i trust you.”
jungwon’s entire face lights up at your statement, his elation causing him to pull you into his strong embrace. maybe a bit too strong.
“jungwon, i can’t breathe,” you giggle out.
he lets go as soon as he hears your words. “oh my god, i’m so sorry! i just can’t believe this is happening right now.” his ears turn red with embarrassment, and you giggle at his endearingness. the sound of your laughter, no matter how slight, makes his heart soar. he loves you so much. it’s the kind of love that makes his heart ache, in the best way. once again, his hands come up to cup your cheeks, as he gazes at you. he might as well have had hearts bouncing out of his pupils. “can i kiss you?”
“yeah.” your smile mirrors his as he tilts your chin up, pressing a short, tender kiss to your lips. when he pulls away, it’s like the whole world goes quiet. just the two of you beaming at each other, like nothing else matters. and truly, in this moment, it doesn’t. as long as you have each other, nothing else matters.
for the first time in a long time, you believe that love doesn’t have to mean pain. no guilt, no fear, you can finally just be happy, and it’s what you deserve.
a/n: to all readers, no matter who u are, u always, always, deserve happiness! please do not ever think otherwise and make sure u always do what makes u happy :-) i love u all and i hope u love urself just as much