There’s monsters with a human kink, and then there’s the fully-dedicated human weebs. I’m talking about monsters with a human obsession. Certified, unapologetic human simps. So what if they might be fictional? No other monster could ever compare!
They have folders upon folders of human fanart, they’ve read all the fanfiction, their bachelor home is crowded with human-themed merch.
Bonus: human media will occasionally glitch its way into the monster realm, and they assume it must be remnants from a long-lost show or made-up story.
“This is my mate’s shrine,” one monster writes on a human fan forum. Attached to his message is a photo of…you? It’s neatly framed in lacy border, placed on a table surrounded by flowers and an empty plate. It’s a pretend date.
“Some might call me pathetic, but I don’t care. I’m yet to find the source for this character; all I have is this image. Alas, it’s enough for me.”
Within minutes, another beastly creature responds:
“Hey! That’s my mate, I found them first,” they declare, including a picture of a similar shrine, this time with a different photo of you that has somehow made it to their world.
If only you were real! They’d do anything to have you...
Tiefling with a human kink finally bags a human baddie. He’s sweating just trynna act normal and not ask the human a really indecent question
"Do you cu-" clearing his throat, Ardour tail's end dug into his ankle. "Come." He corrected himself, "Do you come here often?" The tail curled around his leg tightly.
"Here?...my own house?" Expecting irony or the build up to a joke, turning your gaze away from the TV screen as you lowered the remote to face him.
Only to be met with a sincere expression. For a second, the suspicion of the guy in front of you being an idiot crosses your mind before you immediately brush it aside.
"I guess. You know, since I live here." You went back to scrolling through the list of movies.
"Cool cool."
Ardour's sharp claws traced the soft surface of the couch underneath him, taking advantage of your distracted gaze to blatantly trail his gaze up and down your thighs. Drinking in the sight of your hips. Hand curling into a fist to prevent his claws from tearing the couch.
Humans are really...so squishy. He pictures your own hand pressing between your thighs, touching yourself and chasing pleasure with desperation. How different would his own hand feel around you? Would you like grinding against the bumps and sharp bones underneath his skin? Would you enjoy the rough infernal texture of his skin against your fragile, easily injured human one?
"Did you ever fuck yourself on this couch?"
He can't say that.
"Did I ever what?"
"Uh...meet a tiefling before? Other than me?"
"No not really." You press the remote's button harder than usual, "you're my first" your eyes suddenly find the floor interesting before going back to your scrolling.
Your first.
Ardour closes his eyes, taking a sharp breath.
Your first infernal cock to stretch you open and fill your insides with his cum. The big bad tiefling defiling the pretty human, pouring sin down your throat.
"Have you tasted a tiefling's cum before? Would you like to?"
No.
Inviting him to your house, allowing him to see you in your comfortable clothes, complimenting his horns.
Being such a fucking tease.
Heats build up inside him. Putting a small pillow on his lap to cover the growing tent between his legs as he scoots over to you.
"You've never had a cock littered with bumps before, You've never been properly fucked so just bend over and-"
Shut it.
Behave. Act normal. He can't fuck up another date with a human.
...maybe if he starts innocently? You don't know much about tieflings so he can always play that card.
Ardour's tail leaves his leg as it wraps the other way towards you, settling on your lap and brushing against your stomach.
The strange sensation makes you glance down at it, a questioning look on your face.
"Oh sorry!" He fiegns ignorance, "it does that sometimes, it has a mind of its own."
He watches as you take in the false information he's feeding you at face value. Smiling and saying it's no problem.
"Is it okay if I-" your other hand moves towards your lap.
"You can touch it." Ardour immediately replies, "I don't mind. You can even kiss and lick it, shove it down your throat to get it wet enough so I can use it to open up your tight-"
Stop.
"And my horns too, if you want. I saw you glancing at them" he says instead.
You beam at his words, delightful surprise in your eyes before a conflict of embarrassment washes over you at realising he noticed your glances.
Still, you nod eagerly.
The sight of you has his heart in a vice grip. Is curiosity really this adorably intense in humans?
He scoots even closer, his knee brushing against your own as he lowers his head to present his horns. His position's slight resemblance of a bow doesn't go past him as his his sharp pointy teeth bite his lower lip to suppress a whimper.
A tiefling bowing to a human. It feels fitting in a way. It was your race that was slutty brave enough to get fucked mate with demons, gracing the tieflings with the gift of existence.
Worshipping the humans is a thought many races would scoff over. The notion by itself is enough to send a high elf into hysterical laughter.
Yet all he can think about is kissing up your feet, licking your ankle, gnawing at your thigh with his razorsharp teeth until you have mercy and spread your legs open.
"Do I have to beg to sleep with you? Do you want to see me kneeling on the floor pleading for your permission to touch myself?"
He can't make up his mind if he wants to worship you or put you in your place the same way his demon ancestors must have.
Just what kind of humiliating acts the humans submitted to in order for the demons to agree to breed them? What kind of degradation did the human kind endure while being stuffed with burning hot cum or being milked for all of their worth?
...do you miss it? Do you want him to replicate it?
"I'll ruin you to anyone else. Fuck all of your holes and plug the cum inside with my tail. Make you nothing but a pathetic fleshlight for me to use and squeeze like my ancestors have always done to your kind, human."
His thoughts are cut short by the feeling of your finger tracing up his horn, testing the waters.
The feeling is electric on his end. His teeth dig deeper into his lips as he suppresses any sounds threatening to slip out.
"Please touch me. Fuck please please, I want you to pull them. Pull my horns. I don't care if you break them. Just don't stop."
Bit by bit, your touches get bolder, abandoning the remote to wrap both of your hands around his horns. Stroking up and down, brushing the tips and experimenting with this new texture to your heart's content.
This new position presses your chest against his face without realising it. Ardour feels his hands shaking as he stares in front of him.
The urge to touch you, squeeze you and bite you. Mark every corner of your body until you can't look in a mirror without the ghost feeling of his touches hovering over your skin.
This was his plan. This was his doing, so why does it feel like he bit off more than he can chew?
A throbbing between his legs, his cock painfully hard. His claws tear through the pillow on his lap as he drags his fingers dow, imagining it's your plush thighs instead.
"That weird elf wasn't kidding when he said the human body was made for nothing but sex." His hand slips underneath the pillow to press against his aching cock for any sort of relief. "You're not even aware of how much of a slut you're being, are you? That's how in your nature it is."
Ah.
His eyes open wide in panic as your hands abruptly stop touching his horns.
Found your humanfucker scenarios and I feel like I have found a treasure chest of fics. Thank you for making them and thank you anons for suggesting some of them
I'm very happy to hear that, pookie! What can I say, we've got a good partnership going on here. I feel like this meme I made a long time ago is accurate still.
Yan!Monster who is a famous author of human fiction. If a monster has a human kink, they’ve heard of him. They’ve read his books.
“The human’s husband”
“The human from the office”
“Human Farm”
“Kidnapping a human”
These are just some examples of his written debauchery. One detail, however, bothers him terribly: he doesn’t actually know much about humans. In fact, he’s never seen one with his own eyes. Hard to believe given the intricate details penned in each of his masterpieces, but it’s a cold, shameful truth.
Now, he’s not entirely to blame. Humans are a rare sight. So rare, in fact, most are considered an urban legend. Which is why his readers don’t mind the potential inaccuracies. A true master of the arts, however, strives for perfection. That’s what he always tells himself, that's his never-ending source of anguish.
Imagine his surprise when, on his most recent hiking trip, he stumbles upon the creature. You. A glitch in the matrix? An error in the grand code? You ask yourself the same question, staring wide-eyed at the enormous, unholy beast before you.
This is the chance of a lifetime. One he might never encounter again. His heart threatens to burst out his chest, pumping with anxiety, anticipation, eagerness. The potential! The research possibilities! No other monster could ever come close to his accurate depictions of a human’s body. Not only that, but unlike everyone else having to rely on printed dreams, he’d have access to the real deal. No more lustful scribbles in the middle of the night. He could have you.
you made me obsessed with the idea of human kink. what make them feral about humans? is it something most monsters think it's hot but are ashamed of admitting it? would the monster's parents be like "oh fuck we raised a perv. no way that thing will be part of our bloodline"?
I think it'd be similar to the human alternative, you know?
For humanoid monsters, humans might be just a quirky, exotic little detour. Sure, they may have fewer limbs, or lack the scales, but there's some resemblance in there. It's kinky, but not outrageous. Most monsters can see the appeal without being too judgmental.
If we're talking eldritch blasphemies and abstract, amorphous creatures...we're in "hear me out" territory. Reactions could range from "whatever does it for you, man", to "what in the cosmic horror is this bipedal existence?" It's the eccentricity of it that attracts them greatly.
Imagine monsters having these exact same intricate discussions, with "human fucker" spectrums, essays explaining what counts as human and what doesn't, gradients of human kink...Do they find it extra cute when humans dress up as creatures? Maybe putting on some horns, or cat ears, or masks.
"I kind of like cosplaying humans", one monster confesses in a forum.
"Can you even call yourself a true human fucker if you want them to look as monstrous as possible? Just say you like spicy monsters."
"Yeah, I prefer them as raw as they come. I'm talking feet, no tails, no horns."
You know, some hotels actually have a “menu” that you can buy pillows, blankets, etc. to be shipped home. So you know what that means 😉
This hotel monster fucking talk now has me thinking of another off shoot idea. A human adoption agency…😗
Need a human for emotional support, disability service support, or sexual support? Adopt one today! 🥰
-👘
P.S. Been a while since I’ve dropped by. I hope you’re doing well in life, Ozzgin!
I have reached a point where, after a particularly deranged post, I'll find myself wondering if you're going to come up with something in response. 😭 No pressure or anything, just found it funny. And I'm doing well! Hope the same goes for you, anon.
Imagine showing up for a photo shoot, thinking it must be for some fashion magazine or online ad. The agent on the street who hurried you inside barely gave you any details, but promised it’s nothing shady. You were much too flattered to be scouted like that, and much too eager to see the promised payment to consider the logistics of it.
You didn’t expect, however, to appear in a shopping catalog for monsters as some sort of household pet to be permanently adopted.
The adoption agency, similarly, didn’t expect the ridiculous demand for you. Phone calls, emails, monsters showing up at their office, all demanding to purchase you.
They have to go for a bidding system, shoving you onto a stage, into the blinding spotlight. You can only stand, fidget, and observe helplessly. One tentacle is raised, and a price is stated. Another clawed hand outbids it.
