#humout

[dramioneasks]

Hi! I just started posting a new fic called Spite Is a Form Of Collaboration.

It’s set during fifth year and is basically a comedy where Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy start a fake relationship to push back against the chaos of the year and exploit the politics of Hogwarts, especially the decrees from Dolores Umbridge.

The basic premise: if Hogwarts is going to become a political battlefield, Hermione and Draco might as well start playing politics.

The vibe is somewhere between comedy, political intrigue, and rom-com, a slow burn with Hermione and Draco using each other to survive OWLs, school drama, and the increasingly ridiculous rules of the year.

It also has side pairings like Harry/Theo and Ron/Pansy!

I’m planning on updating weekly (possibly biweekly). Thanks for checking it out if it sounds like your thing!

https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/212282216?style=creator

Awesome!!!

Spite Is a Form of Collaboration - incrackandwhite - M, WIP - The new decrees are humiliating, invasive, and completely unavoidable. Dating Draco Malfoy is, in Hermione Granger's opinion, an idea in exceptionally poor taste. Unfortunately, it's also the most convenient solution to several very irritating problems. Malfoy agrees to a relationship that neither of them wants for reasons entirely his own. It's meant to be temporary. Strategic. Completely fake. Naturally, it goes horribly wrong.

[slyeet]

Random hetro: why are u gay?

Me: oh i forgot to cancel my 7 day trial subscription of gay.

[terrypratchettparadise]

"I’ve never been there. Apparently it’s ruled by a Tyrant.”

“I hope we don’t meet him, then”

Teppic shook his head. “It’s not like that,” he said. “They have a new Tyrant every five years and they do something to him first.” He hesitated. “I think they ee-lect him.”

“Is that something like they do to tomcats and bulls and things?”

“Er.”

“You know. To make them stop fighting and be more peaceful.”

Teppic winced. “To be honest, I’m not sure,” he said. “But I don’t think so. They’ve got something they do it with, I think it’s called a mocracy, and it means everyone in the whole country can say who the new Tyrant is. One man, one—” He paused. The political history lesson seemed a very long while ago, and had introduced concepts never heard of in Djelibeybi or in Ankh-Morpork, for that matter. He had a stab at it anyway. “One man, one vet.”

“That’s for the eelecting, then?”

He shrugged. It might be, for all he knew. “The point is, though, that everyone can do it. They’re very proud of it. Everyone has—” he hesitated again, certain now that things were amiss—“the vet. Except for women, of course. And children. And criminals. And slaves. And stupid people. And people of foreign extractions. And people disapproved of for, er, various reasons. And lost of other people. But everyone apart from them. It’s a very enlightened civilization."

- Terry Pratchett - Pyramids

[hedgehogreads]

“Flinx is hardly half the cat he was.”

“Flinx?” said Rosie, astonished. “I’d’ve thought he’d be glad to be rid of me.”

“You know cats better than that,” said Katriona.

“Well . . . ,” said Rosie. “Flinx was so, you know, consistent.”

“Consistency is the first thing you should be suspicious of in a cat.”

 - Robin McKinley, Spindle’s End

[dramioneasks]

Don't Dare a Gryffindor by frecklesandbroomsticks - T, one-shot - It was all very ordinary. In the best way, of course; in a way none of them had been allowed to be for a very, very long time.

[terrypratchettparadise]

Contrary to popular belief and hope, people don't usually come running when they hear a scream. That's not how humans work. Humans look at other humans and say, 'Did you hear a scream?' because the first scream might have been you screaming inside your head, or a horse backfiring.

Terry Pratchett - Unseen Academicals 

[terrypratchettparadise]

If you try to take my bananas from me, I will reclaim them from your cold dead hands.

Terry Pratchett - Unseen Academicals

[terrypratchettparadise]

Maurice watched them argue again. Humans, eh? Think they're lords of creation. Not like us cats. We know we are. Ever see a cat feed a human? Case proven.

Terry Pratchett - The Amazing Maurice And His Educates Rodents