I was 11 when I first saw her. At that point in any eleven year-old's life, I should somehow be plotting some genius masterplan to win my parents back against the new girl in my mother's arms. That new girl who everyone just laid eyes on but already had all the attention the minute that my parents jumped for joy at the two lines shown by a small device which to me, back then, seemed like just another weird-looking thermometer. That new girl who's still just a stranger but was already dearly loved. I can tell by the way they were both looking at her, the way their eyes shone with tears of unexplainable happiness, the way my mother - MY mother - was holding her as if she were to be crowned queen someday. That new girl who ruined my chances of getting everything I want and being the only shining star in my parents' night sky yet she didn't even know us. She didn't even know how she had hurt my mother with back pains and drove her to crankiness all the time. Instead, I looked at her. No. I stared at her, in complete awe and silence. I touched one of her tiny hands and when I decided to mask how mesmerized I was to my parents, I asked them, "who is she?" Which was a dumb thing to do. They laughed. I did, too, because I know who exactly she is. And my parents know, no questions needed. They know she was the one I've been waiting for and kept wishing and praying to God for. Who else could she be, other than the sister I kept writing to Santa for, thinking one Christmas morning a girl would show up in a huge red and green sock outside my bedroom window and ask me to play with her? For eleven years, I've been an only child. I can't even begin to explain how sad that was. Rainy nights without someone I could hide with under the blankets. Lonely afternoons playing by myself. No one to braid or laugh with and share silly theories I've come up with as a kid. Eleven years I've been just Batman. Just Dora. Just Spongebob. Just Elsa. Can you imagine macaroni without cheese? That was my life until she came into the scene. Everything went from good to perfect. I don't have an idea how she does it, but I'm thankful she does. Now that she's here, my life went from all-about-me to all-about-us. Me and her against the world. Well, the fairytale can't go on forever because this is real life and that going through teenage years could break someone, including me. It was difficult, what with all the thoughts eating me up and everything else feeling like hands around my neck but I could say I won because I'm still here, happy and willing to go on. That is, because of her. She is a living, breathing reminder that I should be someone for her to look up to, not the one haunting her dreams at night. I should be there for her and take care of her because I'm her older sister. I should set an example and stop her in case she might want to run away. I should teach her math, answer her questions about our mysterious life, tell her pieces of advice she will need and be her best friend (because what are sisters for?) What sort of sick f--k am I to ruin that? She needs me as much as I need her and I know that with each other's backs, we could go through this hell of a life without so much a burn. She is the stars, the brightest places in the darkness that almost swallowed me. It's funny that when I was 11, I had no idea that my sister would mean so much more than just a playmate or a partner-in-crime or a thunder buddy. I never knew she could make my whole universe as lovely as it is now. @jenniferniven 💜