Idea-Etiquette Tips For the Idea-Receiver (3:3)
[Part 3 of 3]
[Go back to Part 2: Idea-Etiquette Tips For the Idea-Giver]
[Or back to Part 1: Thoughts on Etiquette around Idea Giving/Pitching & Receiving]
I'm not an expert idea-receiver, by any means. Again, probably the only ones who have lots of on-the-job training in this area are VC's and executives. Maybe we should get some of them to help by contributing their own etiquette tips! In the meantime, here's some simple things that I've found can help. It also can generally help to remember that the idea-giver is a human being, you should try to add goodness to the world, and that the idea is literally the idea-giver's baby. :)
1.What does the idea-giver seem to want from me? And am I in an "open" enough mindset to be receiving ideas right now? Nobody said all the idea-givers follow any idea-giving etiquette either (sigh). So they may not tell you what they're hoping to get from you. But, generally they're sending out enough signals where you can figure this out. You could also just ask... It really can't be underestimated how helpful it is just knowing what the person wants. For example, they may just need you to be an idea-cheerleader today. You should also be mindful of your idea-receiving mindset right now - and whether you may not be open to giving this person what they need. As an engineer, I can't tell you how many times I've had people start burbling feature after feature at me, that I should add to whatever project I was on at the time. And, for an engineer who is currently heads-down-fixing-XYZ-bug, this is pure and total hell. We'd probably rather die to escape your idea at that point. Maybe I should have just told the person that I couldn't handle receiving ideas at that particular moment? That I would get back to them when I was in a more open, receiving mindset? I can tell you it has been fabulous receiving ideas for a project that is currently in a good state. I'm gonna try to more actively put this one into action - I'll let you know how it goes.
2.How much would I personally be willing to invest in this idea? Nothing at all is a perfectly fine answer, hehe. But think about it. The person may be asking for money or your time, and I know, you think you're so busy or poor, you don't have any to give. But maybe you're willing to invest just a tiny bit to get them connected to the next person? Maybe not, that's ok. There's only 24 hours in a day & only so much money in the world. However, I have found that these things tend to magically appear out of thin air, where they didn't otherwise exist beforehand, if you are presented with something you're personally willing to invest in, so keep that in mind. :) Also keep in mind that *refining* or *adding to* their idea is a kind of investment (of your time / effort). It may start to happen so quickly that you skip ahead, but I encourage you to be patient and read #3 first, which aims at helping you be polite in this situation.
3.What feedback should I give to the idea-giver? You know your answer to the last question? Great. Now, be careful! Don't say that shit outloud without thinking it thru first! This is probably how we lose friends and make enemies. I think your feedback should fall into the broad categories of "will support" or "will not support [at this time]," rather than "positive" or "negative." I suggest that because, again, remember that this idea is the idea-givers baby? I think it is socially acceptable to say you're not gonna put somebody's kid thru college, but, calling him ugly? Not so much... I would recommend politely stating whatever your answer to #2 was. If your answer to #2 fell into the "will support" category, is this consistent with the kind of support the idea-giver was asking for, according to your assessment of #1? If it isn't, I'm pretty sure you should get some kind of handshake from the idea-giver that you giving this type of support is ok before rushing forward with the details of that support, etc. I figure this is especially important in the case where you want to build upon their idea / refine it / turn it into your own awesome baby. If the giver wasn't open to that and you start doing it, things are probably going to go badly. :\ But, if they accept your new offer, or if you agreed to their original offer: yay-you-guys! You have a successful idea-marriage! If they didn't accept your new offer, or if you decided that you were going to go with the "will not support" version, I think you guys should both just agree to peacefully let it go. That you'll *just be friends* rather than prolong this *idea-date* and force the relationship to work. I say this because I've seen it *so-obviously-bad* from both angles: idea-givers who are chasing a particular idea-receiver like a sad puppy even though the idea-receiver is so *obviously* uninterested (in giving funding, time, support, etc), and from idea-receivers who blindly push unwelcome support back on an idea-giver that doesn't want it (i.e. "I heard your idea - here's 50 ways to change it!!!!!!"). And, then, there's ugly divorces... Like I said above, an idea-receiver needs to be *particularly* careful about not giving negative criticism in the case of a "not support" decision. Well, they don't have to, but it will probably end badly if they do. You attack an idea-giver's baby? They will most likely *cut you*, dude! And then hate you afterwards too. One form of criticism that you should be mindful about, because I think not everybody thinks this thru completely, is any criticism that you (Person X) are about to give that starts like "I like it, but (Person Y) won't..." I'm totally guilty of doing this myself in the past. :( And I didn't realize how much I sucked for it until now. Did I need to be the one who said that? Why couldn't I *just* say "I like it!"? Why didn't I let Person Y speak for themself?!?!?! There is one and only one example I can think of where I would make the same decision in terms of saying something that started like this. It was an instance where I thought the idea-giver would be embarassed by / get in trouble when Person Y saw it. In that case, I think a more reasonable set of steps would have been to 1.make sure I was alone with the idea-giver 2.make sure to express that concern for their embarrassment / punishment in a factual, non-emotional way and 3.soften this with general praise for what I did love about their beautiful baby (and offer icecream or something too).
That's all I have for tips for idea-receivers. Although, I will add that if an idea-receiver wants to become the idea-giver next and give his/her own idea (i.e. "Oh oh oh oh - I have an idea too which I'm going to say now!!!!"), the current idea-receiver should first follow an idea-receiving protocol (like the one above), conclude the current idea-transaction, THEN proceed with the next idea-transaction, remembering that he/she is now the idea-giver and should be following a protocol for that (such as the one for idea-givers). This might look like "Seems like a neat idea! Can I share one of my ideas with you now?"