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I swear to God, I hate talking on the phone. Come on, the technology is better than that, right?

12-4-2018

“I hate talking to strangers on the phone!”

I had to make a lot of phone calls today, which means I had to spend a lot of time charming strangers. I found a sucker to take my upright piano (which currently serves as a haphazard jewelry display) but the catch is that I have to assemble a team of people willing to move a piano. I find that a lot of loved ones are perfectly willing to help you move things, so long as all of your belongings are pillows.

Big D did his fair share, too, by getting our realtor friend over to look at our property. He gave us a checklist of things to do with the house - typical stuff, you know, like fix the jagged, gaping hole in the side of our house that we call the “crawl space entrance,” and turn the mountain of mossy paver stones stacked in the corner of the yard into an actual patio.

Bless his heart, our realtor is too kind to us. After walking around inside the house for awhile, he said, “And, you know, you may want to...de-clutter a little.” De-clutter a little. We have an 18-month old son, our little “X-man,” who is like a hybrid between the Tasmanian Devil and a spider monkey (which makes sense if you know my husband and I personally). X-man is currently in the search-and-destroy phase of development. In some rooms, everything is piled on all surfaces that are 42 inches or taller. Other rooms are completely enclosed by gates and fences, with more gates and fences inside those rooms. Our home is like an American Ninja Warrior obstacle course that only the most well-trained gymnasts and rock climbers can successfully make their way through.

I was worried yesterday, because Big D was having a major case of the Mondays. He spent most of the day in nap mode, with his hair color reflecting his mood. I vowed, then, that today I would crack the whip on him, but really I think I just tickled him gently with it. He hates talking on the phone to strangers even more than I do, and he must be smarter because he managed to replace a couple of his calls with emails. That sly fox!

In other news, Big D finally believes me that the elderly population in our area is on the attack, as he has now been swiped by multiple shopping carts, and even became the victim of a (very mild) hit and run caused by an old guy in the grocery store parking lot. I have been telling him for months that grocery shopping is more dangerous than he thinks. Now that he has no job, grocery shopping is his job, and I also don’t have to worry about which of the 17 brands of eggs I should choose. Win-win.