#incorrect hellsing quotes

[earthyesworldno]

Anderson: "You are not the only one who wields a mighty weapon, vampire." *reaches into his pocket*

Alucard: "Is this the toy that's supposed to defeat me?"

Anderson: *pulls out a Pokéball*

Alucard: "What the fuck?"

[my-mild-ginger]

[phantomsercher-blog]

Young Integra: Walter, can you check for monsters under my bed?

Walter: Of course, sir

*looks under the bed*

Alucard:...sup

[creaturefeaturecommando]

Alucard: Walter I need to talk to you about something

Walter: Oh what’s up ?

Alucard: Do you remember when we had sex ?

Walter: Yep.

Alucard: Something happened. I am with child.

Alucard, pointing at Seras: This child.

Seras: Nice to meet you new dad

Walter: Nope, don’t love that. How old is she ?

Seras: 20

Alucard: 20

Walter: What happened after we had sex ? That’s not-

Alucard: Well I took a plan b, went to cheddar village, then adopted her. Pregnancy is cool.

Walter: You were not pregnant !

Alucard: You don’t get to say that, no uterus no opinion. You don’t understand what I went through.

Walter: You went through a long legal process to adopt a full grown adult which by the way takes years to do

Alucard: I don’t understand because-

Seras, tugging on Alucard’s sleeves: Do you have games on your phone ?

Alucard: Do you not have a phone ?

Seras: No.

Alucard: Did I get one of the freaking poor ones ?!? Anyways, I’m keeping it.

Walter: Don’t call her an it !

Seras: My name is Seras, new dad.

Alucard: I love her and I own her

Walter: Nope that’s not-

Alucard: You can either stay in the picture or leave !

Walter: 100 percent going to leave

Alucard: I don’t understand, you had sex with me

Walter: Right

Alucard: Bodily agreement, now we have a child

Walter: No

Alucard, singing: 🎵 The mother of your children 🎶

Walter: Children ?!?

Alucard, singing: 🎶 You have a baby and she’s 20 🎵

Seras, tugging on Alucard’s sleeve: Can we go to target ?

Alucard: Get the fuck off of me !

Seras: You’re a bitch.

[madmanwonder]

“Bitches love cannon and you do like that boy ‘cannon’ don’t you Police Girl?”

“The Crimson Fucker” Alucard to Seras Victoria about Jaune Arc ‘cannon’

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

Integra: I’ve left instructions for everyone while I’m gone.

Alucard: Mine just says “Alucard no”

Integra: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

[theawkwardqueerturtle]

Alucard: I can't die! I'm immoral! Seras: ...You mean "immortal"? Alucard: Yeah, that too.

[eattacheesepaw]

Van Winkle: "Coffee for you, Herr Major?"

Major: "Thank you, Van Winkle. Um...Hey. Where are we right now?"

Van Winkle: "Uhh...on an airship?"

Major: "No, this room. What is this room called?"

Van Winkle: "Flight deck?"

Major: *snickers* "Nooo."

Van Winkle: "Control room?"

Major: *snickers and voice cracks* "Nooooo."

Van Winkle: "Cockpit?"

Major: *bursts into laughter and playfully elbows the Captain* "Oh Gott! I told you I'd get her to say it!" *laughs some more* "Ohh Gott! Alright, go on. Get outta here."