#incorrect hobbits

[incorrect-tolkien-quotes]

Sam, to Merry and Pippin: I have complete faith in you both!

Sam, whispering to Frodo: there's like a 40% chance they'll both die.

[pippinstook]

[Aragorn training with the hobbits]

Aragorn: Come at me with an attack, I'll defend it.

Merry: You smell weird.

Aragorn: *Holding back tears* I meant physically.

[incorrect-tolkien-quotes]

Bilbo: Frodo, m'lad, cherish your youth. Some day you'll wake up, and you'll say "who's that old man in the mirror?"

Bilbo: and then the old man will punch you so you'll realise that's not a mirror, it's an open window, and that old man is not your reflection, it's the Old Gaffer.

[pippinstook]

Baby Frodo: *stealing mushrooms from Farmer Maggot's garden*

Baby Frodo, internally: Frodo can have a little mushroom. As a treat.

[pippinstook]

Website: Enter new password.

Gandalf, typing: Hobbits

Website: Too short.

Gandalf, shrugging: Yeah, yeah. I guess that's true.

[pippinstook]

Aragorn, training the hobbits how to fight: For the last time, what do you do when you see an orc?

Pippin: Yell “Hey there orcs, it’s me ya boi”, while gently breakdancing.

Merry: *nods in agreement

Aragorn, face palming himself: No no no no no...

[pippinstook]

Gollum: We swears to serve the master of the precious.

Sam, sniffing: Do you smell that mister Frodo?

Frodo: What is it?

Sam: It smells like bull shit.

[pippinstook]

[knocking on the door at bag end]

Frodo: Are you going to get that, Uncle?

Bilbo: And interact with people? No, thanks.