#incorrectcyranoquotes

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Cyrano: Before I do anything, I ask myself, would De Guiche do that? And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.

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Christian: This is horrible! this is the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me!

Cyrano: Even more humiliating than-

Christian: Let’s not do this

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Roxane: Is there a word that is a mix between angry and sad?

Cyrano: Malcontented, miserable…

Christian: Smad.

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WHY I SHIP CYRANO/DE GUICHE or, answering a question that none of you asked. First of all, it’s all Jacques Weber’s fault. I always loved De Guiche as a character, but the way Weber played the role in the 1990 movie is just heartbreaking. So fuuuck you Weber for making me cry for a man that’s supposed to be the “villain”. And thank you. But let’s talk about De Guiche’s relationship with Cyrano, ok? And let’s do it with screencaps.

Cyrano: [offends Valvert] De Guiche, who should be offended as well: [TINIEST SMILE]

So now we know that De Guiche actually LIKES Cyrano and his humour. And of course he does, he’s smart enough to be able to appreciate it.

NEXT:

De Guiche, trying to not sound desperate: PLS BE MY PERSONAL POET Cyrano: How about no.

Poor Antoine. He just wants Cyrano to write nice things for him. And look at his face HERE:

De Guiche: You’re proud Cyrano: No shit, Sherlock.

One of my favourite things about this scene is the way Antoine looks down the moment Cyrano moves away from him. Like, Antoine, you’re not even trying to hide the fact that you would very much like to kiss Cyrano but you’re too shy to do that. You’re an embarrassment, dude. Speaking of which:

PERSONAL SPACE, ANTOINE. I hope you won’t think me mad if I say that I find this man’s lack of care about personal space hilarious. And he doesn’t do it only with Cyrano, he does it also with Roxane! Which is actually another proof of the fact that he would gladly shag both the Gascon cousins. Shut up, I’m not imagining things.

De Guiche: so I did this shitty, cowardly thing, which actually gained us a small victory. What do you think about it? [internally: please say you worship me. PLEASE] Cyrano: rip to you but I’m different

Can we please talk about Antoine’s constant need for Cyrano’s approval? I mean he’s always talking shit about the man but the moment he performs a minimum act of “””courage””” he immediately runs up to him to tell him about it. So not only Antoine finds Cyrano FUN, he also considers him a role model. Look at his face the first time Cyrano compliments him – I mean, sort of. Let’s say the first time Cyrano acknowledges his personal improvement:

He’s like: “OH. MY GOD. DID HE JUST SAY THAT ABOUT ME? #BLESSED.”

What about the scene where they fight together against the Spanish? We see them acting as one which is great, since they’re actually very similar: both proud, both cultured, both ironic and both Gascon. But it’s not the only important thing: what’s truly importanti is that they recognize each other. For the first time, they truly understand the aforementioned similarity.

De Guiche: I’m not saying we should kiss, but remember that scene in Pirates of the Caribbean 3 where Elizabeth and Will get married during the battle- Cyrano: You know, for a moment I kinda hoped you would kiss me, but then you had to be a fucking nerd about it and now I just want to punch you. [Things that didn’t happen but definitely should have.]

Look at them kicking Spanish butt. How nice.

And then... and then 15 years pass, and still Antoine thinks about Cyrano:

De Guiche, calmly: How is Cyrano doing? Le Bret: Not good. De Guiche, not so calmly: NOT GOOD???

Look at him. Look at him worrying about the love of his life.

Le Bret: Yeah I mean, Cyrano is always the same asshole, spilling tea about all the phony bitches in town. I told him to cut it out, but he won’t listen. De Guiche: [the sweetest smile EVER] 

He’s worried, but he’s also so proud of Cyrano. Had Cyrano been different, had he been more like him, Antoine could have never loved him.

De Guiche: so an asshole told me yesterday that Cyrano could die by accident. TELL HIM TO BE CAREFUL AND STAY INDOORS, for the love of God. Le Bret: [internally: who are you and what have you done with De Guiche???] I’m trying to laugh, but I’m actually dying inside.

De Guiche: In my life I earned nothing but illusions and regrets. Roxane, noticing him become teary-eyed: [internally: oh God, what is this about? Let me say something so that he’ll just go away.] But seriously tho, he looks like he’s about to burst into tears. And I am too right now. Nothing in the world will ever convince me that he’s NOT talking about Cyrano, of course he is, the biggest regret in Antoine’s life is probably not working on becoming worthy of Cyrano’s love. He’s rich and powerful, yes, but he’s lonely. And soon, Cyrano will be dead. Had he talked sooner, maybe he could have saved him. Or maybe not. Cyrano’s devotion to Roxane is stronger than his love for life, we know that.

And Antoine knows that too.

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Le Bret: Let's play truth or dare.

Cyrano: Okay, uh, truth.

Le Bret: How many hours of sleep have you gotten in the past week.

Cyrano:

Cyrano: Dare.

Le Bret: Go to sleep.

Cyrano: I don't like this game very much.

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Cyrano: Why are you crying?

Christian: Because I'm stupid.

Cyrano: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

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Roxane: The odds of that happening coincidentally are vanishingly small.

Cyrano: I would say infinitesimally.

Christian: Yes, and I would say teensily-weensily. We all know words.

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Cyrano: Don’t worry. Roxane likes your butt and your fancy hair. I know. I read her diary.

Christian: [touching his hair in wonder] She thinks it’s fancy?