#infertilityemotions

[drsatterfield13]

[drsatterfield13]

Final Embryo Numbers Update http://wp.me/p725OI-22

[drsatterfield13]

Regardless of where you are on this journey…make sure to take time to enjoy the quiet, beautiful moments of the season #merrychristmas #christmasdecorations

New blog site lookingforourpeanut.wordpress.com

[drsatterfield13]

Today was one of those days..

The first day of school..as a nerdy kid this use to be one of my favorite days of the year. I would pick out my clothes days in advance and pack and repack my bag the night before.

Now as an adult suffering from infertility, this day brings sadness. As I watch the kids get dropped off at the two schools I pass on the way to work, or the number of kids I pass waiting for the bus, all I can think about is will we experience this in life? Damn you #infertility

[drsatterfield13]

Act II...FET here we come...

On Cycle Day 8 of a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) and I find myself in a whirlwind of emotions and feelings. All day yesterday, I was either tearing up or on the verge of tears. After meeting with our RE, we made the decision to take our chances with the one frozen embryo we have. Our RE of course warned us that it was not the strongest embryo prior to freezing, so it may or may not survive thawing. Two weeks ago we went in for another cervical dilation to prepare my cervix for the impending transfer. The RE once inside decided not to dilate as she practiced multiple times performing the transfer and felt she had a good path and knows the curves in my cervix. We did talk about me taking Valium prior to, to relax my body and all my emotions over the past difficult IUIs and transfer with my difficult cervix. Last week we went in for our baseline ultrasound and the nurse practitioner and staff were all excited for us that we are moving on to "Act II." I am trying really hard to remain positive but I am not confident this will happen or be successful. In some ways I feel like I am just checking the box of "we tried FET with what we had and it didn't work, ok next." In the back of my mind, I just have a feeling that we will have to go through another fresh IVF cycle because things are not easy for us. I don't know if I am so emotional due to the estradiol patches, or frustration with work drama, or my impending birthday (reminder that my eggs are getting older and my chances getting fewer), or life in general and the constant infertility limbo. I really hate this limbo period of this might work, it might not. I know I need to take these experiences and learn to let fate take it's course...but the planner in me hates not knowing if in the next year or so we will be parents or not. I missing running, I want to train for another race, but I have been told not to run during fertility treatments. We have thought about selling our house and picking up and moving, but we can't make plans about any of these things until we know the end result of this journey. I feel like our life is on hold until we are told or make the decision to stop treatment or we receive our blessing of a child. Where are you Peanut, are you ever going to arrive?