It's the funny part where you promised to not trigger my abandonment issues, and that's exactly what's fucking happening right now. Honestly, why is it fair for you to play with my head like this??? I feel like I'm dying.
I wish I could hate you, so I'd be happy- or relieved that you're not here, but I fucking don't so instead I just sit here and wait and hurt and I'm sad
And lonely
And I wish I knew what I did wrong.
Liar
Why am I not good enough? I know I'm not-- good, but you said I was good enough.
There's been a host change, but it works out for the best, because I was host before I went dormant, I'm awake now. I'm still reeling from everything that happened when I was gone, but I'm here to stay. I'll get to taking stock of alters at some point. It's been... A lot. I still have so much to do. I'll probably try and write another poem for
Skye's blog but idk, I have school work to do and I'm exhausted and depressed. I'm... Doing everything I can right now. Trying to give them space. Trying not to suffer too loudly, especially at them, Because my trust has been fractured, but I do genuinely want to recover from it, and I want us to come back from this...
Only thing I can do is my part. They'll let me know when the door is open.
You cant hide, not when we both know exactly what you crave.
I will always own you, dear one. My darling.
So run if you want. I'll enjoy the hunt.
It wouldn't be fun if I made it easy, the harder I am to find, the better the reward when you do, and I'm forced to face the reality that my protest and resistance are irrelevant.
Especially when you get me alone and I'm powerless to deny you
Whhoooooo boy it's been a time, but I think I'm finally safe at a plateau enough to give an equitable update.
2 months ago I was diagnosed with Multiple Schlerosis
3 days after that diagnosis, I was fired from my job.
I've been searching almost constantly for work, but little so far. I have already filed a lawsuit for my employer violating the Americans With Disabilities Act and the case is ongoing, my lawyer was confident last I'd checked.
I've had 2 MRI's one of my brain and another of my neck and my spine. There's some evidence of demyelination at the base of my neck, and she has formally diagnosed it as Progressive MS, which means if I want peace from flare ups, I can hang it up. I don't get remission.
I absolutely should be asleep, I'm gonna have to set alarms because they're dropping off the steroids tomorrow after 8 some time, so I'll need to be up early to sign for them. At least this one comes in an applicator rather than a regular needle so it should hopefully be less painful.
But upon reading my file, I discovered that she was able to change a diagnosis I've spent almost ten years trying to fix!
I don't have to worry about a bipolar diagnosis that's brought me nothing but the wrong medication and nightmares.
I'm sure the difference between them is negligible at best, but bipolar is a chemical balance, it's happenstance.
She changed it to BPD, which I do agree with. I display those symptoms, but I wasn't made that way. I was traumatized. Horrifically, and that's the difference, and having a doctor see that and call it out for being there was-- somethin' /pos
Chat I also have a boyfriend now?? And he knows about my DID??? AND WE'VE SAID I LOVE YOU??
Maze is having a blast most of the time making me blush. I never should've let them be able to talk to each other, they've unified against me now
I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it though..
So the first day of the shadow phase is a net 0???
Fuck it I'll take it.
That's mostly it for now, Maze and I spent the night chilling and repairing spoons while fortifying my soul for tomorrow, probably about to head to bed.
Lmk if my little band of watchers wants me to rb some ask memes, or anything else you wanna see from me. I've got a writing sideblog for the MC of my next book @all-eyes-on-the-sky
Quick! Whats your favorite obscure mythical creature
Oh god that's a hard one, I'm a massive mythology nerd, but my absolute all time favorite is the Caith Sì!! I love that they're one of the few creatures know to cross between the fae world and human world unburdened!
