#isa's rambles

[kookiecrumb]

I like Hayden Christensennnnn.

[isas-identity]

LISTEN. LISTENNN!!!

i am STILL reeling over Qrow and Clover’s new relationship BECAUSE for some reason i never thought Qrow would get a romantic development, and MUCH LESS a GUY.

and then i start the episode and see him talking to Clover and  get this really subtle but HEAVY gay tension vibe and i’m left thinking “wow ok it must be me”

and then they start fighting together and i’m like “oh wow there’s REALLY some sexual tension here and I don’t know why because?? they’re really not doing or saying anything special??”

AND THEN CLOVER SAYS “MY SEMBLANCE BRINGS IN GOOD FORTUNE” AND WINKS, FUCKING WINKS AT QROW AND I’M LIKE HOOOLY SHIT MAMA

and then Qrow stand there staring at him with his mouth open and stars in his eyes for a WHOLE FUCKING MINUTE like YOU COULDN’T MAKE IT ANY MORE EXPLICIT

and it really got to me, man.

QROW IS REALLY GETTING A BOYFRIEND, HUH.

they got explicit lesbians and they’re adding a middle aged man finding love, after said character spent years thinking he could never find love or a place to belong because all he does is bring misfortune to those around him. BUT PSYKE you THOUGHT because here’s this flirty dude with GOOD LUCK POWERS who keeps WINKING AT HIM and i’m DONE FOR.

and it’s been a real long time since I was last slapped across the face so suddenly with the power of gay man, i feel amazing. Nothing like the gay slapping you across the face to energize a gal.

[kookiecrumb]

It’s so weird being in your 20s and having low libido and looking back at the horny things I wrote as a teenager on this app like, damn I was a freaky bitch!

[kookiecrumb]

I searched up “BDE” on this app and discovered that it apparently also stands for “Big Daddy Elvis.”

I was hoping for “Big Dick Energy” but that works too.

Interesting for sure!

[kookiecrumb]

I wonder if I could write a short story about early onset Alzheimer’s. It would be called “sticky notes” and the premise would be written from the perspective of a mature painter whose wife is diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s and their journey through rekindling a once cold love.

It wouldn’t necessarily be relevant to my older writing but I think it could be fun.

[kookiecrumb]

I miss yoongi. 🥺

[kookiecrumb]

Today my boyfriend said to me:

“It's like the universe is looking back at me, when I see your eyes...”

[kookiecrumb]

I’m one of the luckiest people in the world. I have a shot at changing things for the better for everyone.

I’m in such a position where my contribution to the world has the potential to transform entire fields.

It’s all very exciting.

There are so many people who are less fortunate than me, BILLIONS of people who are less fortunate and in difficult positions. There are people who are in deep debt. There are people who work dead end jobs. There are people around the world with no rights, no freedom to pick up their entire lives and get out of their situations.

I’m already here. I was brought to this position by the centuries of privilege and opportunity that has favored my bloodline.

I don’t have to kill anyone to escape.

I don’t have to work against my will.

I don’t have to go to war.

I don’t have to scavenge my food or steal.

I don’t have to sleep out in the rain.

I don’t have to lose my family in hopes of finding a better life somewhere else. They can come with me.

There’s nothing I need to do in this very moment to ensure that I will have a prosperous future except study and go to work to pay for those studies.

Does it suck that I have to pay for it? Yes. Is it better than not having the chance at all to even go to college, like the women in Iran? Yes, it is.

I get to wake up every day in a warm bed, in a room with electricity and running water. I can then put on one of many outfits that I have and start a skin treatment that— is composed of more than just bar soap!

I put on perfumes and light makeup like ancient QUEENS did. I get to shower myself in STEAMING hot water and fancy body wash.

After that, I eat breakfast that consists of more than just bread and water. I put jam on my bread. I put butter on it, too. I can TOAST my bread using a machine that is built specifically for that purpose! Imagine that— a machine whose only purpose is to lightly toast either side of my slice of bread.

That metal, that plastic, those materials could have easily be made into something more ergonomic. Instead, it spends its lifetime a slave to my craving of toast.

I can go to the gym…

FOR RECREATION.

How many people wake up and cannot afford a yak to push the millstone to make grain and must push it themselves?

How many people lift up bags of rice and carry it for miles with their ankles soaked in water every day?

So many.

Not me, though.

I wake up and can choose to go to the gym that day or not.

… I can visit any place on this planet I want. I can see and explore any place I want. I can go any place I want. I can live any life I want. I am free to dream…

And help others achieve their dreams.

I am satisfied with what I have. It’s time for me to start giving it all back to the world.