#it's grt

[jasmineintheforest]

Also. I'm always a proponent of Ilya's emotional awareness ok. But. He's terrible at ever telling or showing anything lol. Makes sense for how he had to grow up. But bad idea in a relationship. And he's very bipolar. And he suppresses smth for so long coz he thinks his needs don't matter at all until they burst out in some ugly way. And then he goes back to suppression.

AND. Something I wish we could dig deeper into is his unerring ability to say the most explosive and hurtful thing he can possibly throw at someone just so that they're too busy reeling to ever actually look at the truth of him and conform all his biggest fears (abandoning him, hating him, etc.). It's a quality we can explore more imo.

[findingnemo19]

so i disappeared for a good amount of time

im back

and im perfectly fine

i mean, i've lost track of days and dates but it's summer vacation and i dont give a fuck (no shit my mom asked me what today's date was and it took me a whole two minutes to say "the 29th?" and i still checked the fucking calendar so that's a funny little insight.)

life's boring and sort of repetitive.

oh also my mom's given up on not cursing in front of me since she caught me cursing recently.

so she literally doesn't give a fuck.

and it's great lmao. apart from that, i've been going to my dad's gym and actually working out and handling my probably health-harming weight.

(how did my lazy as fuck ass manage to do that? well maybe my friend's shit ass parents' behind the scenes comments started hurting. and maybe it made me do something about it. a girl can only take so much. it's just good that instead of crying about it im fixing it. watch it motherfuckers.) also my social life is getting painfully depressing and it actually makes me wanna cry and - OH COME ON

sorry Spotify decided to play Lewis Capaldi's "Before You Go" rn and my brother's would-be 14th birthday just passed so i'm still ✨sensitive✨ about that so. im fine 🙂

anyway

social life

so i have this friend group. 5 of us. one's a pain in the ass when she is active. one of them has fucking abandoned us the second summer started after LITERALLY SAYING "I'LL BE ACTIVE ALL SUMMER". one's been inactive for the past month, didn't wish me on my birthday despite it being mentioned a week in advance and this annoying bitch being active on my birthday (it's been over a month and i'm still pissed about it alright). the other one and I are a packaged deal at this point. but we've just texted privately

basically the group chat's been painfully silent and it kind of hurts.

and i think that's it.

i needed to put this out there lmao.

i need someone to talk to

hey @no-cheese-procrastination you active? im bored :)