#itsapersonal

[itsatru]

depression is so bad and keeps growing, working with therapy and meds not helping, fatigued from trying, fatigued with pretending to be okay, all I want to do is sleep but I have nightmares or night terrors every single night, no peace in somnus no peace in reality. worried that trauma has warped my brain into a build that's unlivable

[itsatru]

personal work issues

so we’ve been having personal issues with our night manager at the shop for years, but shes been there for so long and we all consider her to be family (ive known her since i was like 6) and she has a really hard life so we cut her slack., help her with money, are oftentimes her therapist and romantic coach, etc etc (to be fair we help out all of our staff and they work their asses off with us so idk its a close-knit place). but recently we found out that she has personally gotten a couple of our other employees (and their children) beaten by their husbands. 

its complicated because they are all related and they all live in the same mexican immigrant community that is very tight-knit as well. unfortunately in this specific cultural bubble all of their husbands are fucking trash and getting beaten is not something they consider to be out of the norm or even unexpected. but our manager was specifically telling their husbands lies so that her coworkers would come in with black eyes and bruises, and then she would taunt them about it, say that she could get them fired or killed. 

this has been going on for months though. and we didn’t know about it because there is a code of silence among these women. i mean its not as if we didn’t ask when they came in looking raw but they usually would just laugh it off (a coping mechanism that i have no right to judge) and we would hug them and say that if they needed something to let us know. there’s a racial dynamic going on too - my sister and i are white - the women that work with us are all mexican women. and while i don’t want to be that ignorant white girl who steps on other cultures, this is not a positive part of this community (there are many positive things though! i love the women at the shop they are amazingly strong people - stronger than most other women i know)

anyway we had to fire our manager. my sister (the majority shareholder) is the one that made the call. our now ex-manager is sticking to her story that she didn’t do anything and claims to have been forgiven by god so her soul is clean. however she still has access to all the women that work with us (again because they are all related in some way) so i’m nervous that she will take this out on them. i don’t really know what to do, i was super mad but now i’m just sad and worried. i care so much about them and i don’t want harm to befall them because they truly are amazing people. this didn’t really have a point, i’m just feeling really conflicted and upset. i did make sure to talk to everyone individually and make sure they have my personal cell number - so if they dont want to make a big deal they can text me and i’ll deal with it. i dont know what else to do or even if its my place to do something. 

[itsatru]

think i nailed my job interviews hopefully i will get offered multiple and i can choose

[itsatru]

happy fathers day dad

[itsatru]

my rental rep made me stop work to answer the door to give me a stern lecture about how no satellite dishes were allowed on the roof and i should remove it if i have one there

i’m like why the hell do you think i can afford satellite in this crappy place you realize i’d have to increase my work output by one third to even afford base satellite and your bloviating is wasting my productivity

also how the hell was i just supposed to be like ‘oh sorry dude let me go take that down right now’ you need the company to come out and fix it the process takes time

and its all for this shitty new ‘making the property look better initiative’ they are so excited that they put new shingles on the roof (which i guess means my roof will leak less so a+ there) but neglected to answer any of my work orders about how the ceiling is rotting through in several places (from the rain) ugh

[itsatru]

got to see a new psychiatrist today she was SO SWEET didnt make me feel like i was lying because my meds aren’t working told me she could tell i was strong and working my ass off and was proud of my effort (which my siblings dont really understand and minimize and pretend doesnt exist) its nice to hear from an outside source that you arent a worthless piece of garbage shoutout to dr phillips you made my day blessings

[itsatru]

i miss my mom today she could always make me feel better

[itsatru]

i finally got back with a health insurance company after significant issues and over half of my meds have been taken off their covered RX list for 2016 i want to scream