#ivan complains

[catboyivan]

hate it when people say “you’re not your thoughts you’re the awareness behind your thoughts”. wtf does that even mean. like genuinely. what are we doing here. do you all just get thoughts beamed into your head out of the fucking ether? am I the only one here who has to manually think them in order to have any? am I the only one talking to myself inside my head?

[catboyivan]

vent post

I’m so fucking sick of getting a splitting headache every time I try to do fucking anything. affirm, manifest, shift, meditate, listen to subliminals or whatever else. all of it gives me god awful eyestrain and tension headaches. how am i supposed to relax and ignore my body when it fucking hurts. im so mad. im so sick of this shit. why is it so difficult. fuck every blogger who acts like loa is the easiest thing in the world and anyone who fails is just being “lazy”.

[catboyivan]

please god at least let me minishift

[catboyivan]

vent post

I want to shift so fucking badly.

Why does it have to take so long and be so hard. I'm sick of methods. I'm sick of affirming. I hate the process. I hate visualising. Everything gives me horrible headaches and insomnia. And then after all that I have to wake up the next day exhausted and angry in my shitty reality and suffer through another day until I can attempt again.

I should probably take a break but I don't want to take a break. It's a numbers game. I have a lifetime of conditioning to break through and the only way to do that is by trying again and again to change my thoughts.

I can feel it slowly making a difference, but that makes it worse in a way. If it wasn't working I could give up. I can't give up if I know there's a chance.

I'm burning myself out attempting so often. I know I am. But what if tonight's the night I finally shift?

[catboyivan]

vent post

I'm not giving up. I refuse. I'll be back here with a shifting success story. Just you wait. I KNOW I can do this. It's destiny. Fate. I am getting to my goddamn DR.

[catboyivan]

vent post

It took me 25 minutes to get into sleep paralysis. And fucking [redacted] forced me to get up, ruining all my progress. At this point it's beyond a joke.

I was so perfectly numb too. Genuinely took me a good minute to get my limbs moving again. I bet I could've gotten even deeper if I hadn't been interrupted.

Relaxation is the key to shifting or getting in the void but unfortunately I'm surrounded by people who keep stressing me the fuck out

[thereyouarebby]

[gorramklingons]

since i've been listening to your problems for half an hour and it's 2:30 am and i wanna gO TO SLEEP it would have been really cool if u would have said thank you for listening omfg