J Kim Rambles: I've never been a good student.
Today, there's no art from me. There are just words. However, I think that these words should be said for people who struggle like me. I've never been a good student. I always did the bare minimum unless it was for something I enjoyed. Even then, I would take it only to a point that I would enjoy. I was never someone to sit down, look at something (whether I was a part of it or not) and take a real good look at it. What's right with it? What's wrong with it? How can I make it better? Perhaps we can blame the "instant gratification" we're so used to in our today's society. Everything is all about convenience. While I'm thankful for that, there's something that I talked about in school a long ass time ago, yet never really meant a word of it and only did it to get myself a good grade 'cause I needed it. Rarely are we told by the media to stop and stare. To grasp what is around us. Constantly, we're consumed by what we want next. I'm beginning to see that all of my mistakes are based on that. I've always consistently looked past what I had and always want more. It's the reason why I spend money so eagerly on figures/artbooks/magic the gathering, why I take my loved ones for granted, and why I have reached this sort of "plateau" in life. My art hasn't felt like it was going anywhere mostly because I based my observations by thinking "what's that brush they have?" or "how do they choose their color palette" or "how do I get that texture in my stuff." I immediately try to figure out the obvious things and use techniques at face value. What I don't do is study the experience behind the technicalities. In games, (specifically Street Fighter; my co-workers and I have been playing that whenever we can), I always think "Oh, if only I knew more combos" but in actuality what was going on was simple: I wasn't studying. My superior was talking about how Street Fighter can teach people to step back and calmly look at a situation. It's amazing how this one thing he said opened up what was going on in my life. My passion for art/animation was a bit on the edge, I pushed loved ones away, and overall, I just felt like I wasn't going anywhere. But once he said that, I finally realized how I wasn't "studying" the problems at hand. With my art and animation, I was taking everything face value and saying, "oh that looks cool, I wanna do that", rather than sitting down and picking it apart. How long does the animator hold that pose? What's the flow chart like? What are the aspects of the animation that are emphasized? Is the animation about the flow or the pose? What are the values like in black and white? How do they apply saturated colors against desaturated colors and vice versa? How does the artist play with their perspective? So right now, it's time to be a student again. And I'm actually quite happy about it. It proves that there's so much that I want to achieve and that I'm not quite there yet. Not just for art, but for love, my belief in God (which is mine. Doesn't have to be yours for me to love you), and also... Street Fighter. And while I've never been a good student, I think it's about time I actually try to be. 'Cause in the end, I'll always be a student.