For the lesbian Jackie reading (100% agree it’s just so intertwined with how she is and even her having sex with Travis is framed at her getting back at Shauna (even in the attic too) and her bucket list thing) but I was curious as I’m more unsure about this: do you see Jackie as being aware she’s a lesbian but in deep denial or not having realised she is one or somewhere in between? I’m less sure personally so would love to hear your thoughts. Have a nice day 👋
Oh, this is such an interesting angle to think about! My interpretation is that Jackie has reached the point where, on some level, she knows the thoughts she’s having about women (and the absence of those same feelings toward men) aren’t exactly heterosexual. But I don’t think she’s anywhere near ready to consciously admit that to herself. She feels the spark of realization but immediately pushes it down, staying in this liminal space of “oh shit, I think this isn’t normal” without letting it reach the surface. Instead, she resigns herself to the idea that being with Jeff is what she’s “supposed” to do, hoping that if she just keeps performing the role of the perfect girlfriend, the feelings will fade.
That’s why her dynamic with Jeff feels so heavy with resignation and self-denial. There’s this visible mix of dissatisfaction, emptiness/numbness, and “what’s wrong with me?” on her face every time she’s with him. You can especially see it in her very first scene on the show, the stiffness, the way she seems more caught up in how she’s supposed to look than how she actually feels. It’s less about attraction and more about survival through performance. I think she’s very much trying to “fake it till she makes it.”