#jaden jargon

[alphysgaytor-blog]

hot oil splashed onto my finger and it got under my nail and on my cuticle and I want to die omg..

[alphysgaytor-blog]

I slept 10 hours last night(and napped an hour during the day), after only getting 2-3 hours at a time average for the past few days. like I literally couldn’t sleep before, I’d just wake up after one sleep cycle and be unable to fall back asleep for hours

and now even after resting a lot at once, I still feel pretty lightheaded and I’m not all here.. like ik im not processing shit right. my thoughts aren’t making sense and it feels more like im telling myself to think things, rather than it happening naturally, if that makes any sense(basically, like deliberate thoughts I guess.. the subconscious ones I’m not focused on are a jarbled mess)

been getting headaches and shit too like I just feel like crap and I’m easily annoyed by everything at this point and I just?? don’t want this to be a thing again hh, it’s happened a few times before and it always makes depression symptoms a lot worse on me

like I’m used to feeling tired and not sleeping well, that’s the norm, but this is a step up from what usually happens. and I’ve gotten like this before, but it’s lowkey scary when it’s hard to think about or process even the most mundane things, like the temperature and shit

[alphysgaytor-blog]

finding out that things you thought were normal and happened to everyone are actually symptoms of something is always a jarring and strange feeling

[alphysgaytor-blog]

I managed to hit a low note that I couldn’t do much before today, and I held it a few times??

I’m managing to get my voice a bit lower and I can see my own progress and that’s nice for reasons outside of singing context gdfhsdjkkls

[alphysgaytor-blog]

only been up for like 3 hours ngl but today’s been pretty freaking nice so far??

got a good night’s sleep and woke up to a text from my phone company out of the blue saying that they’re giving me a month of free service(I’ve not had it for a couple months now, but the timing is wonderful since my sibs go to school on tuesday and I’ll be able to play pokemon go now!)

my mom said we’re okay enough moneywise that I can get a couple games that are on sale this week that I’ve had my eye on(more of a relief to be in a more ok position than anything, honestly, since that’s been a massive source of anxiety lately, but getting smth I’m excited about is a nice bonus)

we also had a close conversation about things for the first time in a while, which was good, over an actual dinner(instead of like... microwaved hotdogs and shit which has sustained me mostly recently lmao)

anddd I’m about to watch a new episode of my favorite show while hanging out w/two of my fave people

aa

[alphysgaytor-blog]

I had a dream where I was visiting this weird sort of aquarium/zoo place that was both super neat and horribly dangerous(I was almost bitten twice by the casually wandering venomous snakes if that gives any idea of it)

but it seemed to also be partially a house?? that people lived in?? with bedrooms and a kitchen and bathrooms I remember and so on??

anyways it was kinda messy so I cleaned it up and I distinctly remembered in my dream thinking “wait why can’t I clean my own house but this is easy”

[alphysgaytor-blog]

also I have a bag of mixed flavor jelly beans and there’s a bubblegum one that tastes just like bubblegum tbh and it gives me the strong urge to spit it out instead of eating it

[alphysgaytor-blog]

I didn’t realize it until this morning, since I forget half of them, but people in my dreams have started referring to me as alphys/al a lot more than jaden