#jasminesandersff

[hopeishappinessff]

Holding Onto Hope: Chapter 60.2

Narrator POV:

Destani’s eyes rolled for what felt like the thousandth time, maybe. Her head was starting to hurt, her bottom had been hurting, and she was completely drained. But she didn’t want to shut her eyes for too long and miss the announcement that her niece was here!

“Dez, I know you hear my stomach growling. Come go with me down to the cafeteria… I’m starving!” Tameka whined in her ear. Because of Destani’s evident attitude, she refrained from turning around and slapping her friend… she didn’t have time for an all-out brawl in the middle of the waiting room.

“Meka, it’s a whole entire bag of snacks Auntie brought right there. Eat that and calm down.”

Destani said, watching as Tameka huffed as hard as she could, slamming herself back into her seat even harder… and she rolled her eyes so damn hard Destani thought they would pop out of her head. So dramatic.

“Stop being a cry baby, Meeks.” Destani rolled her eyes yet again at the sound of Kendrick’s voice… where was this guy for the past ten minutes his girlfriend had been complaining?

“Uh…” Meka sat up in her seat and pressed the tips of the fingers of her right hand into her chest, “I know you not talking to me.”

“Nah baby, come on now…” Kendrick chuckled, nervously at that. Destani giggled at the sound… ‘he’s such a bitch when it comes to her’ she thought.

“Boy don’t nah baby me! You need to be worried about why your woman is sitting up in this stale waiting room in this uncomfortable seat, starving to death… and get out my business!” She fussed.

“Meka you know darn well you need to chill out. It’s too early for all them shenanigans now… each a nutrigrain bar and chill yo boisterous behind out!” Dontay snapped. He sat in the row across from Tameka and Destani swore she’d just seen him knocked out two seconds ago. His sudden outburst clearly disturbed Tawny who was curled up at his side, sleeping her damn self. She sat up with a confused look on her face, a deep red indention in her right cheek, and the right side of her curly hair meshed against her head… Destani couldn’t help but laugh.

“If all of ya’ll don’t calm down! Dontay is absolutely right… it’s too early for all this fussing. Tameka, baby… eat a damn nutrigrain bar and zip it, alright.” Everyone’s eyes bucked over to Ms. Joyce and that time, Destani had to slap a hand over my mouth to keep her laughter down. She knew it was early and she was probably on edge about her grandbaby, but geez… no one had ever heard her snap like that!

Tameka frowned and for a few seconds she looked like she’d really gotten her feelings hurt, but she certainly did exactly what Mama said and shut her damn mouth and took that nutrigrain bar.

They’d all been cooped up in the waiting room down the hall from Sy’s room for what felt like all of eternity and obviously everybody and they mama, literally, was getting extremely impatient. The best part about it was that they weren’t far from Sy’s room and they did get the entire space to themselves… seeing as they took up so much room.

After a while of sitting there, butt numbing in the most irritating way, Destani swore she could hear the faint cry of a baby. Staring down at the floor and squinting with concentration, she figured for a moment that the cry could have belonged to any baby because they were indeed in the middle of a maternity ward. But the sudden feeling of joy creeping through her chest told her that wasn’t just any baby… that was Cailah! She gasped and snatched her head up to face Mama Joyce, ready to scream out that the baby was here, but she was already grinning from ear to ear because clearly she knew too.

“Ya’ll hear that?” Tameka asked, sitting up in her seat. And just as Destani opened her mouth to respond, there was a sudden commotion that rendered them all speechless. The noise came from the same hall as Sy’s room, so of course a few of them immediately hopped up from their seats to go find out what was going on.

“What’s wrong with her? Hope, wake up… wake her up… now!” Destani damn near stopped in her tracks at the bone chilling sound of his voice… Chris’s voice. Except, he didn’t sound like Chris. Ms. Cynthia, Mama Joyce, Diana, and Sy’s dad all rounded the corner first and that’s when Destani realized something was terribly wrong. There were a few nurses who had Chris pinned against the wall directly across from Sy’s room and not a single one of them looked like they had him fully restrained, at all. But what did he even need to be restrained for… what happened?

“Tell me what’s wrong with her! HOPE… WAKE UP!” He barked, snatching his left arm out of a male nurse’s hand. He swung his hand back around and pushed the man away from him, sending him flying several feet away and landing on his back.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER!” He continued to scream and Destani’s brisk walk finally slowed to an intimidated teeter as she watched one of her best friends since child hood morph into someone she’d never seen before in her life. The veins in this boy’s neck bulged with the strength of a body builder, his face was so red she thought he would start bleeding right through his skin, and his eyes… were the exact opposite of their normal golden brown, they were almost black.

“What the hell is going on?” Hope’s dad’s voice was the first that could actually be distinguished over the rumble of chaos breaking out in the hallway. He somehow managed to zip past everyone bustling in the hallway and flew toward Chris, swiftly taking the place of the nurse who still laid out on the floor like he’d just been shot. Ms. Cynthia and Diana joined him, crowding around Chris who failed to make eye contact with anyone around him. His stare remained one with the now closed door of Sy’s room and he sucked in air so desperately it really looked like his chest would cave in at any minute.

“Oh God, I don… I don’t know. Lord, I don’t know what’s happening!” The girls all turned to find Aunt Maddie lingering near the closed door, her entire face saturated with tears.

“Madison, what is going on? What happened in there? Is everything alright with Sy’Diyah and the baby?” Diana asked, approaching Aunt Maddie and gripping her by her shoulders.

“I don’t know. Diana… I don’t know. She wasn’t responding.”

“Who wasn’t responding? Sy or the baby?”

“Sy’Diyah!”

The hall flooded with gasps of shock, Diana pulled Auntie forward and embraced her when it seemed like her legs completely gave out, and Chris hollered louder.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME! GET OFF ME!” At this point the boys all flew forward to assist with the maniac that was he, but even with a crowd of his family and closest friends surrounding him, he still wasn’t backing down.

Chris grunted and screamed, and lost himself… he completely lost himself in that hallway, and that’s when it hit Destani. He wasn’t even himself. She didn’t know much about his disorders… all she knew were the few minor details Sy had shared with her. And she knew about the tantrums he’d have when he would get angry as a kid. But never in her life would she have imagined this.

“Get off me, please God… get off of me!” His head slammed back against the wall and he cried so hard, it made Destani cry. She hated to see him this way and she hated even more that Sy’Diyah wasn’t here to bring him back to himself. He was here, right here in the hallway flinging people away from him like they were ants, but he wasn’t here… Chris was nowhere to be found.

“Baby, listen to me.” Ms. Joyce finally crept through the scene and even she looked weary to get too close to her enraged son, “Look at me Chris.”

His whole damn body was trembling and his face was sweating, but his concentration on the door ahead never wavered… until Ms. Joyce got just close enough to gently lay a hand against his face.

“Christopher, look at me.” Something about her voice or her touch grabbed just an inch of his attention and his ominous eyes finally dropped to her.

“Do you hear me?” She asked, gripping onto his face with both hands now. He nodded once to acknowledge her, but his harsh breathing never slowed down and his body continued to tremble.

“Don’t you take your eyes off me, okay?” She demanded. Somehow, Ms. Joyce managed to stay as calm as she was with the amount of tears she was crying. He followed her instructions though and kept his unblinking eyes glued to her, even as she carefully raised her left hand and the needle that was in it up to his arm. The girls all huddled together a few feet away from the chaos, stunned by the sight of that needle jabbing into his skin. It was a sedative. Ms. Joyce had been equipped with it the day Chris was released from the institute and instructed to only use it in severe circumstances… and this, was an extremely severe circumstance.

His body seemed to suddenly shudder and quake, then suddenly the fight was over. He stopped flailing, stopped putting up a fight against anyone in his near vicinity, everything just stopped. From the left they could hear more commotion, hospital security rushing along to regulate the situation.

“What’s going on here?” A tall dark chocolate man spoke, frowning at the sight of one of the employees just now being assisted back up onto his feet by Rashad. A shorter Hispanic man was with him and he too frowned the more he scoped the scene, taking in the sight of what looked to be an unconscious man pressed up against a wall with multiple people keeping him pinned there. No one immediately volunteered to speak up and explain an incident that still didn’t make much sense to the surrounding spectators, until Ms. Joyce turned to face them with swollen and moist eyes.

“Officer… everything is fine.”

  Omniscient:

Is there such a place where no one exists? Where pain is not pain, love is not love, beauty is not beauty, the heart does not beat, there is no spirit, there is no soul… but rather, one is not dead? Is there a place where chaos, turmoil, hate, violence, crime… cease to exist, but one is not in heaven? There are no walls, there is no ceiling, no floor for gravity to weigh you down upon, no air for one to breathe… but, one still lives within? There is a place, only… it is too far to touch with the hand of man. And yet, it is so close that it surrounds us constantly, short of our knowledge.

There is a bed here, in this place, and a woman who bores life, she exists on that bed… but only her, no one else. She grunts and groans with a feeling, a sensation, that cannot be determined because here… feelings and sensations do not exist. There is an extraordinary occurrence happening within that space and between that woman and that bed. She is granting life to another, who will surely go on to exist… in a world where there is air to breathe, water to bathe and drink, life to live. But she, that woman… does she exist?

It was her, Hope, and only that bed. And now, only one other being… her child, that she bore all alone, with no feelings or sensations… because they do not exist. The child was there, between her legs on that bed and crying out into the world that was nothing. But as if bound to that bed by ropes and chains that did not exist in this place, Hope stared at her… hopeless… motionless. But she wept, silently, emotionally, and without expression as she stared… and the child cried.

“She is chaos and beauty intertwined. A tornado of roses from divine. She is your daughter… the loveliest little person you’ve ever known.”

A gasp that could not be heard fled Hope’s lips and her eyes danced upward, into the nothing. No one was there, but her and her child, but the voice was so distinct… she could feel it against her skin like a cool wind on a brisk day.

“Grandchild to me, she is… such a beauty.”

She could feel the voice in her bones, igniting her with some type of feeling… but, she had none. She could not speak, could not move a muscle, could not breathe… but she inhaled, somehow. ‘What is this? Who’s there?’

“My darling… my honey. I hear your fear. I feel your fear. But fear, you must not.” She hadn’t spoken… hadn’t said a word. But her cobalt eyes wept in silence, her blushed cheeks catching her tears and releasing them to her chest.

Her chest… covered by golden tresses cascading in thick waves down to her waist. She was naked, as was the child. ‘Who’s there?’

This voice, it swirled all around her and made her feel warm… and safe… even in this land of nothing. But she wanted to know who it belonged to. Who lived in her mind and plucked her thoughts without her consent?

Her eyes danced all about, and her head may or may not have moved from left to right… but she was surrounded by such dense nothing, and the feeling of no sensation overwhelmed her so… she could not determine whether she moved at all.

And there, at her feet, near the end of the bed appeared a swirl. It whirled about for a while, hypnotizing her in a way that her eyes could no longer blink. And from that mystic swirl, was a woman born. She was a beautiful woman, stunning in a way that Hope had never witnessed. Her hair was like water, even more golden than Hope’s own, and flowed continuously against the woman’s shoulders. Her eyes were a bright ice blue, and they were strong and demanding, yet too intimidating to hold onto for long. Her skin glowed as though she’d bathed in a sea of glitter and it would make even the most flawless woman envious. This woman… she was captivating.

She stood there at the end of the bed, smiling down at the whimpering baby, who writhed between Hope’s legs helplessly.

“Such a beauty.” She repeated in a voice just as captivating as her entire aura. She lifted her ice blue stare from the baby and it landed on Hope, who seemed to tremble from the intensity. There seemed to be an almost permanent smile on the woman’s face that reached something within Hope, something that aided her to breathe and feel at ease.

‘Who are you?’

She felt calm, at ease in the woman’s presence and filled with an overwhelming sensation… love, perhaps? But… could that exist in the land of nothing? And somehow, whoever this woman was, she was such an almighty existence that she was able to exist there at the end of the bed… as well as in Hope’s thoughts.

‘You are awfully strong, you know? In the heart, the body, and the mind. You remind me so much of myself.’

‘What is this place?’ Hope wanted answers and for some reason, the woman was refusing to give her any. It was as though she could interpret her thoughts, but it was impossible for her to respond directly.

‘It is what you make of it,’ Slowly and gracefully the woman reached down and forward to scoop the naked child into her arms and that alone ceased the whimpers altogether, ‘But, my child, you must strive to overcome this existence. For it is not your existence.’

My child… what did she mean by, my child? Gazing at the ice blue eyed beauty, Hope couldn’t deny an overpowering feeling of familiarity. And if she didn’t know any better, she’d say the woman looked like a replica of herself. But she did know better. Because the woman, and this place, did not exist.

‘You must find the courage to go back to him… for, this time, he will not survive in your absence.’ The woman floated around a few feet away from the bed, staring down at the child cradled quietly in the crook of her arm. Her smile never wavered… the little girl looked exactly like him. She hadn’t cracked those tiny eyes open yet, but the woman had an inkling that she would possess the same shade of blue as herself… and Hope.

Her eyes remained one with this perfect woman as she rounded the edge of the bed and stood graciously at her side. Lifting her head, she gazed down upon the young woman lying there, quivering in her skin. There were tear stains coating her cheeks, though she now looked completely at ease. The woman’s smile dimmed slowly and without the young girl’s knowledge, she lifted a hand to her cheek and gently grazed the tips of her fingers against her warm skin. Hope gasped, aloud this time, and failed to even blink as she stared up into those harsh eyes magnetically.

‘My child… here you are, in a place where you do not belong. I wish that I could keep you here, all to myself, and stare at your beauty for all of eternity. But this is not your destiny… this is not your home. You must go, be with him. He is for you and you for he.’

The stains that once coated her skin were moistened once more by the tears that flowed carelessly down her cheeks. This woman gripped onto Hope’s chin with such a delicate touch… a mother’s touch. She gasped, yet again, and again the woman’s smile returned.

‘I love you, my child,’ With ease and care she lowered the child into Hope’s awaiting lap and leaned down to meet the skin of her forehead with her lips, ‘Now go.’

  Hope

6lbs, 3oz, 19in.

 All ten fingers, all ten toes.

 Head full of slick, dark hair.

 Dark colored eyes and I wasn’t sure what color they would eventually end up.

 That addicting ‘baby’ smell that I’d been warned of, time and time again, filling my nostrils.

 I was utterly in love with Cailah Faith Brown… she was absolutely perfect. Before this day, I don’t know if I ever really knew love… not like the love I felt the exact moment I reached down between my own legs and touched my child, pulled her right out into her final destination. Feeling her tiny body in my grasp and pulling her up onto my chest, her head right against my left breast so that the first sound she’d ever know was the last sound she’d heard for nine months… my heartbeat. Hearing her cry the perfect cry that I could honestly admit, I wouldn’t mind hearing for the rest of forever.

And when I awoke from an emergency surgery to remove my placenta and Dr. Zeeta herself personally placed my swaddled baby in my arms, I cried like I’d never cried before. After Dr. Zeeta made sure I was stabilized and strong enough to do so, she left Cailah and I alone for one hour… our golden hour. I obviously didn’t get my hour immediately after giving birth, but that was okay… it was all okay. I was here now, with my baby, and for this hour… no one else mattered.

I stared down at her pleasantly sleeping face and wondered, how on earth could I create something so magnificent. What did I do to deserve this little girl? God, I’d never known this love.

“Hi mama’s baby.” I cooed, washing the edge of my right index finger delicately over her plump rosy cheek. I was so completely amazed and transfixed by her… she was honestly more than I ever could have imagined. I still couldn’t even fully feel my legs from the epidural, but I was assured that that would wear off soon. Pushing myself up further as best I could, I kept my eyes on my little prize and grinned at the sight of her tiny face contorting as I moved.

“Oooh what is that face?” I giggled, watching her face settle again, “Mommy’s sorry baby.”

I was so infatuated with her, I wanted to lay her on the bed in front of me and unswaddle her, just so I could stare at every inch of her to make sure she was really mine. I settled for pushing her pink hat back just enough to satisfy my urge to stare at her hair. I wasn’t just saying it because she was mine… this little girl was seriously perfect. Her hair was so divine and it swirled all over her head, I couldn’t help but wonder how I didn’t suffer from heartburn throughout the pregnancy because it was just that much of it. Just like her eyes, I couldn’t tell what color her tresses would be, but I had to remember… I had the rest of forever to find out.

I smiled and tugged the hat back into its rightful place over her perfectly shaped head. This felt so… right. This moment, right now, shared only between my daughter and I… was right. There was an indescribable emotion brewing in my heart and it left the muscular organ feeling like it would simply explode. I was filled to the brim with joy and love and infatuation and I knew that I never wanted this moment to end… I never wanted this feeling to go away.

I was meant to be a mother. I was meant to be this little girl’s mommy. If I was ever doubtful before, one thing I could be absolutely sure of now… this was my calling. I’d never felt so sure of anything in my life.

My eyes remained fixed on her and I watched her go through what looked like a handful of emotions as her face started to contort again. Until finally, her bottom lip dipped into her mouth and she started to suckle it. I laughed… she must have been hungry.

“Are you hungry little girl? Is mama’s baby hungry?” I asked, as if she would really respond to me. I guess now I could understand that odd exchange I’d heard so many women have with the tiniest baby’s in the grocery store… it’s like second nature to just talk to your baby.

Dr. Zeeta had explained, just after getting me situated with Cailah over half an hour ago, that if I felt that impulse to feed her I should go with it and at least give it a shot. She said she would be sending in a lactation consultant later just to go over a few tips with me and to check to see how comfortable I felt with the whole process. But right now, something about the thought of making sure my daughter didn’t go hungry made my confidence fly through the roof.

She would be breastfed, there was no argument to that. I had a heart to heart with Ms. Joyce once, one of the many that we’d had over the years, and she explained breastfeeding to me in such a way that sounded almost magical. She said there was nothing like it, because it was a guaranteed moment that only I could share with Cailah. Anyone could come along with a bottle and a fake nipple and call themselves feeding a baby, but no one could take away my ability to breastfeed. That would always be our moment… it would always be our ‘golden hour.’ It would constantly strengthen our bond, because I was the only one who could fill her up with the nutrients required for her to thrive… that was our moment.

Smiling down at her, I continued to coo gently because she looked like she would get agitated any minute. As I cooed and sweet talked her, I worked with one arm to slip the side of my gown down so I could get my left breast out. Once that task was done, and the five seconds I spent gawking in utter horror at my over engorged boob were over, I managed to get Cailah comfortably situated in the crook of my left arm. I loosened the front of her tight swaddle enough to free her tiny hands and her chest and carefully angled her right in front of my nipple.

Whether from instinct or just because she was my daughter and she was just that damn smart, I wasn’t sure, but somehow by the grace of God this little girl’s flailing arms made contact with my skin. I watched in complete astonishment as she found her way right where she needed to be. Of course with my guidance and support against her back and neck, she latched on like a dream and I just about cried again. I’d heard so many horror stories about mother’s who struggled to get their newborns to latch on. I’d even been warned by Destani’s mom about the latch assist tool, which she subsequently ended up using with only Destani because she was just that difficult latching. But never in my wildest dreams did I think my baby would be a pro on her first try… all on her own!

“Good job baby,” I giggled, ignoring the awkward sensation of her suckling my nipple with her toothless mouth, “Mommy’s so proud of you.”

Coaxing her forward just slightly, I snuggled her close to my skin and wrapped her blanket over her left side to keep her completely covered. Dr. Zeeta had also explained to me that the skin to skin contact was vital for a newborn, so I wanted to do that as often as I could.

I don’t think my eyes left her for even a second since she’d been in my arms… and they didn’t shift for even a second when the door of my room slid open on the other side of the curtain. I heard a knock after the fact and I didn’t bother to respond, I was that wrapped up in my moment with Cailah.

“How are you two doing in here?” It was Dr. Zeeta’s gentle voice that invaded the silent bliss and I raised my head with a beaming grin to face her… I was excited to show her Cailah’s first big accomplishment.

“We’re doing good… well, this little one is doing excellent,” I giggled, glancing down at her while she sucked to her hearts content, “She just latched on a few minutes ago, all by herself.”

Dr. Zeeta’s mouth flew open and a genuine look of shock washed over her smiling face “No she didn’t! Well go ahead Miss Cailah, be my superstar baby of the year girl!”

We laughed together, quietly amongst ourselves, and eventually turned our attention to my baby “Dr. Zeeta, I’m so in love with her… she’s amazing.”

She crept up at my side and pat the palm of her hand against my right shoulder “As you should be. You got a little angel on your hands, honey. Such a beauty…”

Her words… those words… ‘such a beauty’ sent an unmistakable chill down my spine. I shuddered as discreetly as I could and even shut my eyes for a moment, because those three words caught me so off guard. I’d heard them before, recently… I know I had.

“Well listen, I didn’t mean to disturb you two… you’re doing such a beautiful job with her. But your golden hour is up and you know your family has been counting down the minutes.” She laughed. I giggled along with her, pushing the thought of her bone chilling words to the back of my mind. I’d honestly forgotten all about my family thanks to this little one… she already had me wrapped right around her little fingers.

“But before I go, I just wanted to tell you… I am personally very proud of you, young woman. You have done a phenomenal job from the day I met you and today… you displayed such strength and courage. I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed anything like it in all my years. I’m excited for what’s to come for you and this little one. If you think you’re blessed to have her, honey God placed her in the right belly because she is truly blessed to have you.”

I stared at her back in awe as she moseyed away, not leaving me even a second to fix my face to cry even if I wanted to. There was something truly special about that lady… I think God may have etched it right into my plan to end up back home in Virginia, not only surrounded by Cailah’s loving village, but here in this hospital… with Dr. Zeeta specifically as my doctor. She was every girl’s dream throughout this entire process and I could honestly say, I was going to miss her when it was time for us to go home.

I guess she wasn’t lying though when she said my family was counting down the minutes of our golden hour… before I could register where she’d gone and what was happening, several pairs of footsteps could be heard teetering behind the closed curtain and by the grace of God, I was quickly able to snatch the thin sheet from my bed up over Cailah’s head… and my boob.

“My baby!” It was my aunt who appeared first, gasping and slapping her hands up over her mouth as if she hadn’t seen me in years. She trailed along into the room and everyone else followed along behind her.

“How you doing sweetheart?” My aunt asked, beelining straight for my left side. She leaned in over the bedrail before I could even respond and I instinctively flinched away from her before she could press herself against Cailah. She frowned for all of two seconds before it finally registered that there was indeed a bassinet in the room, so that must have meant there was a baby in here somewhere. Her eyes lit up excitedly and I giggled, shaking my head at her standing there looking like a kid in a candy store.

Carefully peeling the thin blanket back from my chest, I watched as she gasped and slapped her hands over her mouth, yet again. Her eyes even watered as she stared down at her great niece, who was still going to town on my boob.

“Jesus, look at her Sy’Diyah… she’s beautiful!” She cried. Everyone else filed in and headed straight for my bed, but my aunt held them off before they got too close by politely explaining that I was feeding. It was only the girls, my dad, and Ms. Diana though, and my dad swiftly shied away back toward the door, while of course the girls moved forward anyway and invaded my space. Luckily, Cailah seemed to have gotten her fill and my boob felt much more comfortable and deflated, so my aunt carefully helped me redress under the sheet and I passed the baby off to her so that she could be burped.

And that’s exactly when the girls bombarded me, each barely waiting for the other to lean over the bed rail to hug me. There were a few tears shed, because apparently they really thought they’d lost me. But once every eye in the room was dry, my aunt took the liberty to briefly explain what’d had everyone crying in the first place.

Postpartum hemorrhaging… my mother’s exact cause of death. My aunt said I apparently lost over five-hundred milliliters of blood almost immediately after delivering Cailah, which caused me to lose consciousness from the sudden drop in my blood pressure. She explained that Dr. Zeeta wasn’t initially concerned because she’d faced countless deliveries with even worse outcomes than the loss of consciousness. But she started to display her true concern after exactly twenty-two minutes of my placenta not expelling. At that point Dr. Zeeta prepped her team in the blink of an eye for emergency surgery to remove it. In the rarest possible scenario, my placenta became attached to the walls of my uterus… placenta accreta. It was something that should have been caught earlier on in my third trimester, but somehow flew under the radar… and nearly cost me my life on that delivery bed. The only reason I was knocked out for so long was because of the anesthesia.

As she quietly told the story while rocking Cailah in her arms, my eyes drifted naturally in the direction of my dad and that’s when the guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. He tried to down play it by keeping his head down, but by the sound of the quiet sniffles, I could tell that he was crying.

He thought he’d lost me and it utterly broke my heart to know that I’d almost become the second person to put him through that heartache.

I watched, stared at his mannerisms and noted the way he tried to linger as close to the curtains near the door as possible, and my heart shattered even more at the sight. He was falling apart, just standing there, listening to my aunt go on so I finally stopped her.

“Dad,” I blurted, cutting my aunt off completely and silencing the room altogether, “Dad, please… come here.”

He sniffled hard and quickly raised a hand, swiping it up over his entire face to catch the moisture before finally raising his head to look at me through swollen, red eyes. Diana reached a hand up to pat him lovingly on the back, coaxing him to take a step forward closer to my bed. Eventually she ended up guiding him all the way to my bedside and I raised my right hand to him, letting him know that it was okay to get closer. He grabbed my hand and allowed me to tug him over the rail and the moment I wrapped my arms around him, and embraced him tighter, he whimpered and broke down right on my shoulder.

“Daddy it’s okay, I’m here… I’m right here. It’s okay.” I mumbled into the crook of his neck. I was fighting my own tears at this point, but I was determined to keep it together for his sake, because I hated seeing him like this.

He muttered something with his face pressed against mine, but he was crying and trembling so hard I couldn’t make out what he said. I only held him closer and swirled one hand against his back to remind him not only by my words, but by my touch that I was right here… I was okay.

“Sy’Diyah, I-I’m so… sorry. I-I’m sorry. I-I… I thought I… I thought I lost you.” He finally managed to get it together just enough to say those words and for a moment, I had to shut my eyes completely and get my thoughts together because I could feel myself on the verge of a breakdown.

“I thought I lost you. I couldn’t… I couldn’t handle that Sy. I just… I couldn’t take it.” He confessed. Opening my eyes, I allowed a few tears to fall down the sides of my face… his words pierced me right in the heart.

“But I’m here daddy, I’m right here. I’m so sorry I put you through that, but I promise you… I’m okay.”

Finally, he slowly pulled back to gaze at me through his painfully swollen eyes. The palms of his hands gently cupped the sides of my face and he stared at me for a while, then finally he tugged my face forward and pressed his lips against my forehead.

Somewhere behind me I could hear shuffling and at the same time, my dad loosened his grip on my face until he finally let me go altogether. Glancing up at him, I could see that something behind me had caught his eye. Turning my head only barely, I could see that it was my aunt holding a small bundle in a blanket. She had moisture trailing down her cheeks as she held a bundled Cailah out toward my dad. He stared at her, almost transfixed by her presence alone… she seemed to already have that effect on anyone around her.

“Oh, my grandbaby…” He whispered, reaching forward to meet my aunt halfway. She carefully guided my baby into his awaiting hands and I swore I could hear him whimper again as he snuggled her against his chest. She’d been successfully burped and her eyes were shut again as she drifted into another peaceful slumber. This was really a sight for sore eyes. This was my dad’s calling… he was meant to be a grandfather. He looked like he was right where he needed to be holding her right up against his chest, right against his heart… just as I’d done.

“Well hello there little one,” He cooed, quietly since she’d just shut her eyes, “Hi grandbaby… this is your paw paw.”

“I really ain’t sign up for all these tears today though.” I knew it was only a matter of time before we got some comedic relief and of course we had Tameka to thank for that. Indeed, her and the girls were all bundled up together beside Diana and Ms. Cynthia… each bright nosed and teary eyed as they watched the scene play out like a lifetime movie. Thankfully, she pulled a laugh out of each of us and I couldn’t have been more thankful. I was so tired of crying.

Tameka’s joke opened a door for everyone to relax and converse, which is what I needed more than anything. I didn’t want my child’s birth to lead to such a pity party, but it seemed like that’s all that’d been happening since I’d pushed her out.

“I’m so proud of you sissy,” Tawny was grinning wide as she crept up at my side, leaning over the rail to smooth my hair out of the way so she could press her lips against my forehead, “You’ve finally made me an aunt!”

“I don’t think I’ve met anyone as thrilled to be an Auntie as this girl.” Diana said. She stood at my dad’s side, ogling over the baby since he seemed to have a hard time passing her off to anyone else. I was quite alright with that though… this moment meant the world to him and who were we to take that away from him?

“You already know I’m proud of you bama. And you look good after giving birth and going into emergency surgery. God is good!” Destani said. I laughed at her silliness and reached up to hug her when she reached my side. Nalay trailed along behind her, hugged me quickly, then leaned back and stared at me for a moment.

“What… why are you looking like that?” I asked, laughter dying down and smile dropping from my face completely.

“You’re a whole mommy now!” She dipped down, yet again, and pulled me into another hug and I laughed into the crook of her neck. There was so much love in the room, it was almost too much to bear. And as if that wasn’t enough, there was yet another knock on the door. Diana called out that it was okay to enter, but I stayed occupied chatting with the girls as more commotion filed into the room. From the corner of my eye I could see an oversized balloon arrangement floating into the room first. It was decked out with a large pink foot that said “It’s a Girl!”, a few balloons shaped into pacifiers, and several small light pink and white balloons surrounding it. My brows creased with confusion, until I finally spotted Ms. Joyce’s bright beaming face on the back end of the balloons. How could I have missed her absence? She moseyed her happy self right over to my aunt, stopping briefly to greet her with a hug and to sit the balloons off in the corner.

It was what, or who, came rolling in behind her that had me at a loss for words… and breath. In came the boys, Dontay first, since he was clearly in charge of pushing the wheelchair. And in the chair sat Chris. His head was down, well propped against his right fist… his eyes were cast down. He looked completely nonchalant and almost like he didn’t realize he’d just been pushed, in a wheelchair, into this room full of people. What the hell happened to him?

The boys all trailed in behind him and Dontay, as boisterous as ever, but my eyes remained fixed on him. Something was extremely off.

“Congratulations sweetheart!” Ms. Joyce caught my attention for a moment when she rushed to my side and swept me into one of those hugs that only she could give. I smiled instinctively and enjoyed her aura for a moment, but with Chris lingering so close and knowing in the back of my mind that something wasn’t right with him, I couldn’t help but glance past her in his direction.

“He’s in an episode.” She whispered discreetly in my ear. She pulled back from me with a smile on her face that didn’t exactly match the reality of the situation… then I realized exactly what she was doing. She was acting as normal as possible. She didn’t want to draw any unnecessary attention to the issue, but… if he was having an episode, when and how did it happen?

“When did it happen?” I whispered to her, hoping that no one would catch on to our conversation.

“Just after the doctors rushed him and Maddie out of the delivery room. You were unresponsive and that set him off. I think it was the worst blackout I’ve ever seen.”

My eyes danced in his direction and I wondered what she meant by that. Did that mean he blacked out in front of people? If that was the case, how did he not get dragged out of this hospital and thrown into the back of a police car? The longer I stared at him, hoping that by some miracle he would at least raise his head and look at me, the more my heart broke… how on earth could he have an episode on the day our daughter was born? This was supposed to be one of the happiest days ever for us. We were supposed to be celebrating our creation and basking in all the love and happiness surrounding us. Yet, there he was… completely oblivious to anything happening around him.

“I sedated him before things got too bad, and just in time too… security showed up at the last minute and I was able to talk them out of escorting him out of the hospital and calling the police. Madison got him into a spare room up the hall and we let him rest there while you were in surgery.”  Ms. Joyce explained, again, in the calmest tone.

“How’s he doing Joyce?” My aunt asked. I hadn’t even realized she was standing right beside Ms. Joyce.

“He’s alright, for now. Thanks again for getting him that room Maddie… I don’t know what would have happened if we would have left him in that hall.”

“Oh that’s no problem at all. I just wonder how long until he comes to.”

Staring at him, I couldn’t help but wonder the same thing. There was no way I could get out of bed at this point to actually get close to him, to touch him… remind him that I was right here. But a sudden idea crossed my mind and my head swung around to face Destani who was currently holding Cailah and gushing over her with the girls and boys huddled all around her.

“Hey Destani.” I called.

She turned to face me with a bright red nose and red, puffy eyes… I smiled, it was amazing how many emotions that little girl managed to evoke in one day.

“Sy, I love her… I think I have severe baby fever!” She sniffled.

“Tuh, well we better go get you some medicine for that, ‘cause I know you don’t.” Ms. Cynthia called out from somewhere on the left side of the room.

I laughed and turned my attention back to Destani “Can you bring her here for a second?”

Hesitantly she turned away from the group and I smiled… that baby fever must have been hitting her awfully hard. I didn’t even recall her acting this way with her own little sister when she was born. Once she reached my bedside, she carefully shifted Cailah over into my hands and I thanked her, then turned to face Ms. Joyce.

“Mama… will you…” Her lips pursed together and she nodded quickly, silently understanding what I asked of her. She lifted her granddaughter from my hands and cuddled her for a moment, because this was indeed her first time holding her. Then suddenly the entire room filled with a thick layer of silence as she made her way toward the end of my bed. It was clear, in that moment, that everyone knew what was happening. No one moved a muscle or uttered a word. Ms. Joyce moved along deliberately to the wheelchair and it was suddenly like a captivating scene from a movie that had everyone on pins and needles, waiting with their next breath caught somewhere in their throat.

She approached him slowly, lowering the baby just enough to put her within his eyesight… and waited. He didn’t move immediately and my heart broke a little more… what if this didn’t work?

“Chris, that’s your daughter.” I blurted. I needed, desperately, for him to snap out of it. And if that meant forgetting about every single person standing around this room and only focusing on him and our daughter, so be it. If I had to crawl out of this bed and go to him myself, I would. But that wouldn’t be necessary, thank God… he lifted his head slowly and I could see his dim eyes zoning in on Cailah. He scanned over her tiny frame, almost as if familiarizing himself with her. Cautiously his mother moved the baby closer, eyeing him closely to gage his reaction. He didn’t move much, but he did lift his head away from his closed fist and his eyes stayed on her, unblinking. With her now pressed lightly against his chest, his hands finally reacted and he reached to pluck her out of his mom’s hold. Ms. Joyce lingered right in front of him, as a precaution of course, as he examined Cailah. He looked at her for a while as if she was a foreign object then he swiftly pulled her closer to his face, pressing his nose against the top of her covered head.

Then I heard it. His eyes were shut, he was completely still, and his head was bowed over the baby’s… he whimpered. He was crying. After a while, his shoulders trembled in sync with his tears and the boys all moved to stand around him protectively. Even my dad made his way over and he dropped a hand against Chris’s left shoulder.

From the corners of my eyes, it looked like just about every female in the room was on the verge of shedding tears, if not already crying. But my eyes stayed glued to Chris, because I was in awe just watching him. It was really quite a task to be such a huge supporting crutch for him… mentally and emotionally. But, the way I see it… aren’t you supposed to be a crutch for your loved one? Aren’t you supposed to uplift them, be their shoulder to lean on, love them through the good times and the bad, help them see right from wrong, pick them up when they are down, and do it all… unconditionally? What Chris and I had may have been unconventional in the eyes of some, we may have seemed much too young to be this in love and now, to bear a love child… but I wouldn’t change a single line of our imperfect love story for the world. See, this was our love… made for only him and I. And I was content being his happiness, because it was exactly what made me happy.

And now, to pass that ability on to my daughter… to witness first hand her very own ability to bring such peace to her father. It simply made me melt. She’d had him wrapped around her entire fist from the moment I told him I was pregnant. So to see her, finally in his grasp, lulling him back to normalcy… God, I was so tired of crying! Shaking my head discreetly, I sniffled and swiped at the undersides of my eyes.

Eventually he stood up from the chair, with the help of my dad, and made his way across the room directly to my bed. I stared up at him, falling head over heels for the sight of him cuddling his daughter lovingly to his chest. He finally raised his bright beaming eyes to face me and my heart fluttered when he smiled. His face was still saturated with tears, but he looked happy now… completely over the moon.

Our family and friends filed quietly out of the room and I barely even noticed because I was so wrapped up in a moment I’d been waiting for, for nine months now.

“Hi.” He muttered, quietly, with his lips barely grazing Cailah’s cheek.

“Hi.” I giggled bashfully.

He smirked and sniffled, because for some reason the tears continued to fall from his eyes “I thought I lost you, you know.”

“Chris, don’t…”

“I thought you gave up on us. I thought it was all over,” I thought I was done crying, I really did… and I honestly don’t even know how my body could continue to produce tears at this point, “I really thought I lost you.”

“But you didn’t Charlie. I’m here.”

“I know I blacked out, I know that… because I thought you were gone. I’m sorry I lost myself like that. I’m ashamed that that’s even a part of me… I can’t even be heartbroken like a normal person.” He chuckled bitterly and shook his head, but his tears were falling harder.

“Don’t say that… don’t apologize. Chris please, just… stop crying.”

“I thought you were dead Hope. I can never get that image out of my head… I really thought you were dead.” His calm and subtle tears were coming down even faster now and my heart started to race because he was whimpering too. I hated to see him this way.

Thankfully, he took a careful seat on the edge of the bed and his arms rocked Cailah soothingly “I love you, so damn much. I don’t think anyone will ever understand that… hell, I don’t even understand. But this is how it is, my love will never stop… and I never want it to. You are the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me and now…” He paused to hiccup through his tears, “You’ve given me something so beautiful… so perfect. I can never repay you for this Hope.”

“I’m gonna marry you one day, you know?” He said, turning his head briefly to glance at me, “And I promise when I do, I’m gonna make sure you never want or need for anything, ever. And I’m gonna make sure you feel every ounce of my love every minute, of every day.”

My eyes stayed on him as he professed his love for me, as if he had never done so before. Though I could barely see him through the blur of tears, I made sure to keep my mouth shut and I gave him all the time he needed to express exactly what was on his heart… and boy was it a lot.

“Thank you Hope. Thank you for loving me the way that you do. Thank you for accepting me the way that you do. Thank you for never giving up on me. And thank you… God, thank you for giving me this little girl.” I don’t think I’d ever seen him cry as hard as he was in this moment, and I honestly don’t think I’d ever cried as hard as I did as I watched him. But it needed to happen. My skin was covered with goosebumps from the surge of love circulating around the room. I couldn’t even form a single thought in my mind to say aloud to him. I felt totally consumed with him and my daughter… our daughter. My little family. I smiled as he continued to cry… thank God for my perfect little family.

[hopeishappinessff]

Holding Onto Hope: Chapter 60.1

Hope

Parting my lids to welcome the first few rays of sunlight through the blinds of the window, I yawned and raised a hand to toss several strands of my disgustingly tangled hair out of my face. I was still half asleep when my eyes adjusted and landed back on that window… and I realized there were no rays of sunshine beaming in my face. There was just a light on somewhere in the room and I wasn’t exactly sure where it was coming from… or who’s room I was even in. Turning my head to the right to do a bit more investigating, my eyes roamed past the clock on a nightstand that read 2:12 am, and when my stare finally found a stopping point I instantly smiled at the sight of Chris standing in the bathroom with the door wide open, directly in my line of vision. He stood shirtless, in only a pair of black basketball shorts that contrasted his colorfully inked skin to perfection. I could hear the sound of water running and I assumed he had the sink faucet on. My assumptions were confirmed when he leaned back, shut off the water, and grabbed a nearby towel to dry his hands. Once his task was complete, he dropped the towel on the counter and turned to make his way out of the bathroom. It wasn’t until he got half way through the doorway when he finally looked up and locked eyes with me.

“Hi.” He greeted enthusiastically with the cutest smile to match.

“Hi.” I giggled.

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

“I’m fine.”

His smile dropped within the blink of an eye and he frowned, glancing briefly at my belly that I’m assuming he covered with his comforter somewhere in the night.

“Seriously?”

“How am I supposed to feel?” I laughed, watching him closely as he moseyed closer to the bed with his shoulders slumped pitifully.

“After all that damn work I put in… you’re supposed to be in labor right now.” He fussed.

I full on laughed at the disappointed expression on his face and shook my head “You are something else, you know that?”

“I know that… which is why I was appointed to come in here and break your water. And here you are, busting my little bubble… talking about, you’re fine.” He shook his head with his hands wedged against his hips and I laughed harder, shutting my eyes and dropping my hands down to my belly. Whether from the hard laughter, or all the work he had indeed put in only about an hour ago, I wasn’t sure… but I could feel a distinct uncomfortable pressure in my lower abdomen that I hadn’t felt before.

Deciding to chalk it up to the fact that we hadn’t had sex in a while and Chris had indeed delivered more than enough powerful thrusts to at least shift a few organs around, I laughed at the thought and instructed him to come pull me up from the bed so I could go relieve myself. The moment I was on my feet, my legs ached and trembled enough for him to notice and smirk arrogantly.

“What are you smirking at sir?” I asked, gripping onto his shoulders as he stood in front of me, steading me on my swollen feet.

“If I can’t have the satisfaction of breaking your water, the least I can get is a pat on the back for almost breaking your legs.” He chuckled obnoxiously.

Squinting my eyes at him, I opened my mouth, fully prepared to fuss when I felt it… a pop. I could feel a very distinct pop right between my legs and sudden warm liquid trickling down my inner thighs. I could only pray that I hadn’t just fully lost control of my bladder and pee’d right on his floor, right in his face… there was no way I could explain that. Glancing down at the carpet beneath us, I stared in utter horror at the dark stain coating his floor and gasped… that wasn’t pee at all. If I wasn’t mistaken, my water had just broken.

“What? What’s wrong? Why are you looking like that?” He asked, gently pushing me back to peer down at what’d caught my attention. “I seriously thought I’d just pee’d on your floor… that would have been so embarrassing.” I laughed, feeling completely relieved that I wouldn’t have to awkwardly explain myself.

“Then what is that? What the hell just happened?”

“I think my water broke.”

“What!” He just about shouted in my face as he gripped my arms and pushed me back away from the puddle as if it were some foreign object, “Well what do we do? Why are you so calm? Why the fuck are you so calm?”

“Calm down,” I giggled, gripping onto him so I could continue my journey on to the bathroom because if I didn’t make it there soon, there would eventually end up being two puddles on the floor, “Can you go see if your mom is home?”

“Why? We need to go… and where are you going? We need to get your bag so we can go Hope. You can’t have this baby on the toilet!” He was clearly on the brink of a complete meltdown, I could tell that just by how flustered he looked and the heat rising in his cheeks. He continued to stand in the doorway of the bathroom as I waddled my way to the toilet to pee and the moment I sat down and turned to face him, I burst into laughter at the sight of him glaring at me like I had three heads.

“Can you please just get me a shirt and go get your mother?” Staring at me for several seconds too long, he barely managed to snap out of it and he whipped around to bolt back into his bedroom. Seconds later he reemerged with an oversized white t-shirt that he insisted on pulling down over my head for me. It took a bit more coaxing to get him to actually leave my side for just a minute to go find his mother, but eventually he reluctantly did but not before making me promise not to move. Not like I was really planning on it.

Now that I sat here alone with only my thoughts to keep me company, it hit me… my water had just broken. I didn’t feel any pain or discomfort yet, only an intense realization that… my water had broken… and sometime within the next twenty-four hours I was going to have a baby. Thoughtlessly, I slapped a hand up over my mouth and whimpered just before the onslaught of tears came. It was finally happening… I was finally going to meet my baby girl. I’d been preparing for this exact moment for nine months and no matter how many books I read, how many articles I obsessed over on Google, and how many tips and tricks that were passed on to me from my aunt, Ms. Joyce, and anyone else with any child birthing experience… absolutely nothing could prepare me for this moment. My heart raced with excitement and anxiety as I continued to cry tears of joy for what was to come.

“Sweetie, sweetheart… oh God, are you okay? Chris told me your water broke… are you feeling any contractions yet?” Ms. Joyce burst through the bathroom door and zoomed over to me, dropping down to her knees in front of me and reaching up to gently grip the sides of my face.

Shaking my head, I focused on catching my breath and calming down enough for the tears to subside. I hadn’t realized it until Ms. Joyce leaned up and meshed her lips against my forehead, but I was trembling from my unnecessary tears.

“Why are you shaking baby? You’re getting yourself all worked up, you have to calm down. It’s okay… I promise you, everything is okay.” The sound of her voice, as usual, did wonders to calm me down. I shut my eyes briefly and allowed her continued soothing tone to lull me until the tears had finally stopped then I took a deep breath through my nose and slowly released it through my mouth. Opening my eyes, the first thing my stare landed on was Chris… he was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, staring at me, wearing an expression I wasn’t sure I’d seen before. I couldn’t tell if he was nervous, scared, or excited… or perhaps it was a combination of all three.

I smiled at him warmly, because I needed to assure him that I was okay “We’re gonna have a baby soon.”

“I know…” He whispered.

“I’m gonna be a mom soon Chris,” My voice cracked from the pressure of the tears rebuilding and Ms. Joyce continued to kneel in front of me, caressing my leg soothingly… but I kept my focus on Chris, “And I’m ready… I’m excited.”

His stare was so intense… I could feel the goosebumps forming against my skin the longer I looked at him. But I never broke that stare… not even when his lips finally curled into the smallest smirk and my heart fluttered from the sight of it.

“Me too. I’ve never been so scared and excited in my life.” He chuckled and suddenly his tiny smirk stretched into a proud grin. That was all I needed… that smile. There was a sudden wave of comfort and relief that washed down from my head to my toes, because he smiled… and that told me that everything was going to be okay.

“Madison and James are over at the house getting prepared to head to the hospital, I called them just a few minutes ago,” Ms. Joyce’s delicate voice snapped me out of that blissful world where only Chris and I existed and I turned my attention to her, “Are you ready to go?”

She too wore a warm and genuine smile that helped to keep me calm and at ease. If everyone around me was going to maintain such a peaceful aura, perhaps this entire process wouldn’t be bad at all…

--

4:01 am… Narrator’s POV:

Holding her breath, Hope squeezed her eyes shut and tuned out the sound of every obnoxious voice around her, claiming that she was okay… that she had this. ‘God, could these people get out of my face, out of my room… hell, out of my life?!’ She thought, ‘This shit hurts!’

Yet another groan fled her lips as she gripped onto the side pole of her bed and held on like her life depended on it. Literally the only thing keeping her from freaking out on the extra bodies around her was the feeling of fingertips slithering strategically through her hair, tickling her scalp in the most soothing way. And that voice… the voice of her personal guardian angel whispering in her ear that he was there… that he had her. Chris had been by her side from the time they left his bathroom at the house, to the fifteen-minute-long trip down the stairs and to the car, to the ride to the hospital, and now… to her slowly dying in this suddenly uncomfortable hospital bed, because surely the baby was trying to simply claw her way out of the front of her stomach.

“Gooooood, Chris… pleeeeease...” She begged… for what, she wasn’t even sure.

“Hope, look at me,” He instructed, gently, yet firmly enough to get her to pry her moist eyes open and stare up into his brilliant gleaming eyes, “What did Dr. Z tell you?”

“Chris…” “Tell me what she told you.”

“Find my image… focus… and breathe.” She repeated the mantra he’d been repeating for the past hour. The imagery, she needed to create it in her mind… any image that erupted emotions strong enough for her to feel in that moment. Then she needed to focus on that moment long enough to take her away from her physical being and the pain… and never forget to breathe. But in the back of her mind, there wasn’t a single image in the world that could make anyone forget about this type of pain.

The contraction was over, the pain subsided momentarily, and Hope kept her eyes locked on Chris’s because she knew this break wouldn’t last long.

“Sy’Diyah, sweetie… you’re doing so good.” Her aunt voiced from the left side of the bed. Chris manned the right side, the side her nurse currently had her facing, because after half an hour facing the other direction she grew uncomfortable and restless and needed to be rotated. Aunt Maddie swept a hand over her back, prompting Hope to shut her eyes briefly to enjoy the calming feeling of the gesture.

“You sure are baby. I admire you for lasting this long without the epidural… I just about rammed the needle into my own back the minute I made it through the doors of the hospital with this one.” Ms. Joyce chuckled softly, nudging her son gently in the arm to indicate that it was he who caused her the most pain out of the two pregnancies she’d endured.

Hope laughed feebly and glanced over at the soon to be grandmother of three “I really don’t know how long I’m gonna last.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to get Dr. Z back in here now? All you have to do is say the word…” Chris started, but with one low sigh through her nose he zipped his lips and Hope set her eyes right back on him with a frown.

“I really want to try to go all natural Chris. The pain is bearable…” And just like that, another sweat inducing contraction shut her up immediately and her eyes slammed shut instinctively… as if that would push the pain away.

Aunt Maddie and Ms. Joyce shared a worried glance, both uneasy by the sight of Sy’Diyah fighting through the pain in a way that not even a soldier could handle. But neither could begin to fathom the worry piercing Chris’s heart. It took everything in him not to break down at the bedside because he couldn’t bear watching the love of his life endure so much pain. There was nothing that could have prepared him to witness this. He wished and prayed that by some miracle he could have climbed in that bed and took every ounce of pain for her because this was entirely too much for his heart to handle.

But he stood strong at her side though, completely missing the silent exchange of words between his mother and Sy’Diyah’s aunt that resulted in Ms. Joyce quietly tip toeing out of the room in search of Dr. Zeeta. They were determined to do everything in their power to talk Sy into going through with the epidural.

Chris’s fingers raked through her hair and his eyes danced over her flawless skin coated in the lightest layer of sweat… no matter how ‘bearable’ she claimed these contractions to be, her trembling hand in his grasp and the perspiration on her skin told him otherwise.

“Focus baby, listen to my voice… hold onto it and focus, you got it... and I got you.” He whispered, leaning in close enough to share those encouraging words with only her. She whimpered against the side of his face as he remained pressed against her, but oddly enough it was working… somehow, by the grace of God, it was working. He was painting the imagery right there in her mind with only the sound of his voice and the feeling of him so near. That damned pain was an ugly son of a gun, but the power of their love pouring delicately from his mouth was the greatest thing that she had to hold on to and boy did she grip it and hold on. Before she knew it, the contraction was over, seemingly faster than all the others. Releasing a slow and steady sigh through her slightly parted lips, she opened her eyes and stared up at him as he slowly moved back just enough so they could make eye contact.

“You’re doing beautifully Hope.”

“Tell me that when I’m fully dilated.” They both cracked a smile and he momentarily leaned closer and pressed his lips against her forehead.

“Aww, my darling love birds,” Chris pulled back quickly and turned to face the door of the room, smirking at Dr. Zeeta who walked calmly behind his flustered mother, “How we doing mama bear?”

“Good, I guess.” Sy’Diyah replied, greeting the doctor with a soft smile.

“You guess? Well from what I’m hearing, you’re in here battling those contractions like Wonder Woman.” Dr. Zeeta laughed, making her way to the counter in the corner of the room to grab a pair of gloves. Sy’Diyah knew what that meant... she was about to check her cervix, since it’d been about an hour since the last check. And this time… she prayed she was closer to ten centimeters.

“Zeeta, I’ve told her over and over again that there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting the epidural. I just hate to see her in all this pain.” Maddie said, worry lines creased deeply into her forehead.

“Now, now Madison… I completely understand how uncomfortable it may be to witness her enduring such discomfort. However, once a mother creates her birthing plan in her mind, it often tends to be a bit difficult to reroute that. Isn’t that right, Ms. Sy’Diyah?”

On the tip of her tongue were the words ‘hell no, give me the needle… now!’ but Hope had this determination in her heart, this powerful drive to push forward for as long as she could with no medical assistance. But let it be known that her vision was drifting… the pain was quickly creating a totally different image in her mind. An image… that included that needle.

“Yes ma’am,” She verbalized, though she could definitely feel that image becoming more pronounced by the minute, “I don’t think I’m ready for an epidural just yet.”

Chris eased off to the side near his mother, smirking inwardly as he stared at his woman and admired every ounce of strength she possessed… and boy was there a lot of it. His smirk was gone within seconds as he watched Dr. Z situate Hope in a way that she could get two fingers wedged between her legs so that she could check for further dilation. It was a part of the process, he knew that, but he hated the sight of the frown on her face. She said it didn’t hurt, but there was some type of pressure that was uncomfortable… he didn’t like that.

“Six centimeters Missy,” Dr. Zeeta called out, swiftly pulling her gloved hand away and disposing of it in a nearby waste bin, “You know what that means?”

Hope rolled her eyes playfully and smiled “Even if the contractions pick up?”

“You know I hate to say it, but even if the contractions pick up… that is exactly what we want.” The doctor explained. Now all they had to do was carefully help Hope out of the bed.

 4:45 am…

They stopped to take a break at the end of the hall, or really for Hope to grip onto Chris so that she could breathe through this contraction. Her face was buried between his shoulder and his chest and in that instance, she adored his height more than she ever had because he gave her ample opportunity to grip and snuggle, which was exactly what she needed to do to push through.

“Mmmmm.” She moaned against him. There was a hand swirling against her back and another two pairs of hands that were currently crossed over the chest of her best friend who stood behind her and slightly to the left… giving her a full visual of Hope’s discomfort, and she didn’t like it one bit.

“Dez, why are you frowning like that?” Tawny asked, hand still swirling comfortingly against her sisters back as she continued to groan lightly into Chris’s chest.

“I don’t like this man… at all. Sy, you don’t even look like yourself… these contractions look like they’re taking over your whole life.” Destani fussed, frown deepening by the second. Thankfully that last one was officially over and Hope couldn’t help but snicker into Chris’s shirt before finally pulling back and glancing over her shoulder at her very concerned friend.

“Well thanks Destani, I’m assuming that’s just code for ‘you look like crap’.”

The girls all giggled quietly amongst themselves and even Chris chuckled a bit himself.

“Actually to be in active labor, you look pretty fabulous to me.” Tawny said.

“Thank you baby sis.” Hope smiled.

“You ready to keep going?” Chris asked, staring down at Hope who’d completely pulled away from him and reclaimed her position at his side, left arm hooked with his right. Her brows jerked upward as a response and she released a gust of frustration through her nose as he took the first step and she followed, wearily.

“Wasn’t nobody tryna say you look like shit,” Destani grumbled under her breath, arms still crossed like a pouting child, “You just look really worn out.”

“Aka… crap.” Hope said, glancing back at Destani just in time to catch the tail end of the roll of her eyes.

“Everyone is so excited to meet Cailah, Sy.” Tawny blurted, because she could already tell Destani was fully prepared for an unnecessary back and forth argument and she knew her sister didn’t have the energy to entertain that.

“And they’ll surely get to meet her soon, if my cervix will just cooperate.”

“I’m just surprised your water broke so quick. I swear, just last night none of us thought it was gonna happen and I just knew you would end up eventually being induced.” Destani chimed in.

“And the next thing we knew in the wee hours of the morning, all the lights were coming on in the house and Auntie was running around screaming about getting to the hospital, pronto!” Tawny giggled recalling the sight of her aunt bursting into the guest room she’d been occupying with Nalay. Tameka and Destani both occupied Hope’s room… they just so happened to already be at the house from the day they’d spent trying to induce Hope’s labor, so they all eventually crashed in the nearest beds they could find.

“Wait a minute…” Destani slowed down in her tracks and eyed the back of Chris’s head suspiciously, “The last thing we suggested before ya’ll left the house was for Chris to try to help get the ball rolling…”

Chris stared straight ahead, never bothering to slow down the pace that Hope had just picked up… one, because he was fully committed to working on her time throughout this entire process, and two… he did not want to engage in the conversation he knew was to come. There was complete silence between the group, with the exception of their light footsteps padding down the partially empty hall.

The two girls were honestly very curious to know if it was indeed the groups suggestion that landed Hope in the hospital, now just a few centimeters from giving birth. But the dotting couple made sure to keep their lips zipped because neither had any interest in divulging their night time activities.

“So neither one of ya’ll have anything to say?” Destani probed. And just as Hope went to part her lips to deliver a hefty ‘no, now shut up!’ to her best friend, yet another contraction rendered her speechless. Wordlessly Chris stopped in the middle of the hall and gently gripped her arm, leaning back against the nearest wall and tugging her along with him. She bent over and hunkered down against his shoulder, squeezing her eyes shut so she could conjure up her calming image.

“Ya’ll really did do the do, huh? And you broke her water… you damn heathens!” Destani whispered harshly, as if speaking any louder would disrupt her friend’s concentration. Tawny giggled behind the palm of her hand and caressed Hope’s back, while Chris simply glared at her while holding onto the sides of Hope’s belly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Dez.” He muttered.

“Oh you don’t? So her water just conveniently broke all on its own, just hours after what we discussed in the den?”

Finally pushing through the last second of that horrendous contraction, Hope kept her body relaxed in Chris’s hold, but turned her head to glare at Destani “No, now shut up!”

 6:27 am…

Chris sat huddled in a chair not even a full foot away from Hope’s bed, staring at her. She was fast asleep now and he couldn’t have been more thankful for that. She’d been in more pain than she could comprehend for the past few hours and finally, with a bright red face full of tears, she cracked from the pressure of the excruciating pain and hollered for the epidural. The contractions were rolling through more intense than ever, what felt like every 5 seconds and she simply couldn’t take it anymore.

He wanted to throw up at the sight and sound of her crying like that, but again… he refused to leave her side. Especially since she held onto his hand with a vice grip that he couldn’t get out of if he wanted to.

Now she was resting, or at least that’s what he hoped because she was trembling so hard beneath the three thin blankets the nurses had tucked her under. As he sat there, butt numbing from the extremely uncomfortable chair he occupied, Chris could feel the exhaustion creeping through him. He wanted so desperately to shut his eyes for a while and succumb to the sleep he knew his body needed, seeing as he’d only slept for about an hour the night before after putting in some serious work with his girlfriend. He smiled at the thought. What they did in his bedroom only hours ago was truly something magical and his only regret was that he’d waited that long to reclaim his home within her. He didn’t want to focus on the memory of it for too long, because then he’d have a problem in his pants… and there were too many people floating in and out of the room for him to have to explain that to. But he knew he’d be lying if he said that wasn’t, hands down, the best love making he’d ever experienced in his life.

Suddenly a hand gently collided with his shoulder and he flinched hard in his seat, eyes shooting open abruptly which he didn’t even remember shutting in the first place. He heard the sound of muffled laughter before he could fully register that it was Hope’s dad who’d startled him and apparently, he thought it was hilarious that he’d almost given the boy a full heart attack.

“I’m sorry man, I didn’t mean to startle you. You were sitting here smiling with your eyes closed… didn’t think you were asleep.” James cackled as quietly as he could without disturbing his sleeping daughter… but boy, that really had him cracking up.

Chris, who refrained from rolling his eyes, forged a soft chuckle and pushed himself to sit up straighter in his seat “Sorry about that James. I didn’t even realize I dozed off.”

“Aww baby, you haven’t gotten any rest,” His mom said, making her presence known as she teetered in behind James, “They have that little pull out bed over there on the couch. Why don’t you get yourself some rest? That baby isn’t coming anytime soon.”

This time, Chris really did roll his eyes, playfully of course “Ma, that’s not a bed… and it doesn’t pull out anywhere. I’m alright.”

“It’s not?” Making her way across the room, Ms. Joyce stopped once she reached the couch and tugged one of the cushions up from it, frowning when she realized there was nothing more to it other than the base of the couch.

“They still haven’t bothered to upgrade any of these maternity rooms, huh? I still remember the day Sy’Diyah was born and I curled up as best I could on the hardest couch I think I’d ever touched in Faith’s room. Take it from me Chris, you’re better off right where you are man.”

Chris smiled and stared at James for a moment, to this day not completely sure when or if he would ever breakdown from his constant mentioning of his first love. Maybe it was just easier for him to talk about the good memories of her openly rather than bottling them all in. Whatever the case, Chris wasn’t sure… and he wasn’t too keen on the idea of being around if the poor man ever broke down.

“Definitely can’t say the same for these beds though,” Ms. Joyce chimed in, “Sy looks like she’s having the best sleep of her life in this therapeutic looking bed.”

They all laughed quietly amongst themselves and for perhaps the hundredth time in the past half an hour, Chris found himself gawking at Hope unintentionally.

“Why is she shaking like that?” He finally asked just above a whisper… and totally against his will. He’d meant for that to be a thought.

“It could be a side effect of the epidural… or from all those fluids they got running through her. It could be anything really, but it’s completely normal baby.” Ms. Joyce explained.

He had no choice but to believe what she’d said, because it was indeed his mother who’d explained that… she wouldn’t make that up.

With a sigh Chris slumped back in his chair and his gaze fluttered around the sleeping beauty, before finally landing on her father who’d taken a gentle seat on the edge of her bed.

“I can’t believe you guys are making me a grandfather.” He muttered with a smile. James’ gaze was casted on his daughter and he gawked at her, still truly not believing that within the next couple of hours he’d be meeting his very first granddaughter… he still couldn’t fathom the thought.

“Thank you for this,” James continued on after almost a full minute. Chris only stared at him, curious to know what he meant, but respectful enough to allow him to continue speaking at his own pace, “For everything you’ve done for her in the time that you’ve known her… and I know it’s been a long time.”

“No problem James.” Chris responded quietly, almost in a whisper.

“I know…” James started, hesitantly at first just before turning his head and locking eyes with Chris who was already staring at him wearily, “It hasn’t been the easiest road for the two of you. You have had a rather… unconventional relationship, to say the least.”

Chris cracked a nervous smile, but only once he’d gotten confirmation to do so after seeing the smile on James’ face.

“But you keep her happy Chris… you keep a smile on my baby’s face. You’ve given her love that no one, not even myself or her aunt, will ever be able to compare to. I understand that there have been moments between the two of you, some not so great moments when perhaps… she wasn’t always smiling, she wasn’t always happy, and your relationship just about didn’t survive. But… you two always managed to find a way back to each other through it all, because that’s what you do when you’re in love. And even as her father, who am I to interrupt that? There was even a point where I couldn’t help but envy you, because once she allowed me into her life and I got to witness firsthand the way her world works… I saw the love shared between you two, and it frightened me. I didn’t think I would be able to find my place in her life because apparently, you’d already come along and taken up all the love she had to give. I didn’t think she’d have enough for me… I thought she’d allowed you to fill the void I knew I should have been filling from the day her mother brought her into this world. I also thought that maybe the two of you were too young to be that in love, but I knew there was no way I could even attempt to slow it down because I simply didn’t have the right to.”

James’ eyes danced back over to his daughter and he watched her for a moment, silently bothered by the sight of her shivering lightly beneath the linen… but he was accustomed to it. He’d witnessed it twice before, but he had to admit it was still a bit difficult to see firsthand.

“Who was I to try to intervene? I fell in love with her mother the very first time I laid eyes on her and I was only a kid myself when it happened, but I dared anyone in the world to try to take that away from me. If I didn’t have anything else in this world, I had Faith and she had my heart… she held it completely captive and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.” His speech had Chris utterly speechless, because he honestly wasn’t prepared for it today… of all days. But what had his brows raising with surprise was the sound of James sniffling quietly… and the sight of him quickly swiping a hand beneath his left eye.

“It’s a once in a lifetime experience, really… when you find your soulmate.” Chris stared at him, long and hard… completely in awe. If he was hearing him correctly, he’d just openly admitted that it was Hope’s mother who did, and still to this day, hold his heart. He’d gotten remarried to Diana and surely he loved her, otherwise the marriage and Tawny would have never happened… but his soul was directly connected to Hope’s mother… now and in the afterlife. The thought alone sent chills straight up Chris’s spine.

He’d almost forgotten all about his mother’s presence in the room, until she crept quietly alongside James with a box of Kleenex in hand and a warm smile on her face. James briefly turned his attention to Joyce and smiled in return, graciously plucking a few of the Kleenex out of the box to dry up his moistened cheeks.

“Thank you for all that you’ve done for my daughter Chris. Thank you for showering her with the love that she constantly deserves and for being there in her corner for all these years. And thank you Joyce for strategically living in that house all those years ago when Madison moved in.” The trio laughed quietly amongst themselves, but quickly turned their attention to the door that smoothly slid open. In walked Dr. Zeeta with her exuberant aura and a beaming smile on her face.

She stopped abruptly just feet inside the door and eyed the three of them for a moment, her smile steadily widening “My, my, my… there is a whole lot of love spreading in this room at this very moment. I feel, overwhelmed by it. This little one doesn’t know what she has in store for her… her village is mighty, mighty strong. Quite phenomenal.”

She continued her journey on into the room and in a split-second Chris’s gaze swept past his mother who was still smiling… and she winked, right at him. His face was heating up and he felt flustered so he looked down into his lap, because he suddenly felt too overwhelmed by James’ speech to do much else. He hadn’t even noticed it, but Hope was awake now because it was time to check her cervix for about the hundredth time… at least that’s what it felt like to Chris anyway. His patience was slowly wearing thin and he was really starting to believe this little girl was never going to come…

“Well mama bear, I hope you’re ready to push,” Dr. Zeeta swiftly tugged her hand back from between Hope’s raised and parted legs and grinned, “You’re fully dilated.”

 7:15 am…

The preparations didn’t take long… no longer than half an hour at most. There seemed to be a sudden hoard of people bursting in and out of the room and Chris stood huddled in a corner near the head of Hope’s bed, overwhelmed by it all. Someone rolled in a tiny little bassinet just for the baby that he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of… he really couldn’t believe she would be here any minute now.

His nerves had been all over the place in the past thirty minutes, especially after his mother and James had left the room and Aunt Maddie took their place. Hope had specifically requested her to be at her side along with Chris, who was now beginning to hope and pray he didn’t pass out before she even started to push.

“Charlie,” Her sultry voice called out to him and he floated to her almost magnetically, “Why are you standing all the way up there?”

He was indeed tucked all the way into the corner of the head of the bed, hoping to somehow blend in with the wall.

“Sorry…” He muttered… his voice cracked and he hoped she hadn’t noticed. He was truly on the verge of a break down. Hope peered up at him, somehow managing to smile through the intense pressure bearing down on her abdomen. It was the most uncomfortable sensation she’d ever felt in her life and she thanked God she’d agreed to go through with the epidural at the last minute… she couldn’t imagine what it would be like to feel the pressure along with the pain.

“Aren’t you gonna hold my hand?” She lifted her right hand from her side and waited for him to grab it and when he finally did, his racing heart and high level of anxiety slowed and dropped immediately. Her touch alone calmed him, though he shouldn’t have been the one worked up in the first place… he wasn’t about to push a whole human being out of his crotch!

Gripping gently onto her hand, his gaze swept around the room and he absorbed Dr. Zeeta near the bottom end of the bed with several nurses surrounding her, prepping her for her fifth delivery of the day… and it wasn’t even eight o’clock yet! He glanced at Hope’s neat pile of belongings in the corner on the couch, the top zip of ‘the bag’ pushed open to reveal a soft pink and gray polka dot receiving blanket… the blanket she insisted on bringing Cailah home in. He smiled… then swept his gaze over to the fancy looking bassinet closer to the door. He’d been staring at it since it’d been wheeled into the room and he had to remind himself to look away after a while, or Hope would surely notice his odd behavior and question him. He couldn’t help it though… it was so intriguing. Finally, he faced forward at almost the same exact moment as Aunt Maddie, who’d been busy chatting with one of the nurses she worked with. She gazed at him for a moment, with a look on her face that he couldn’t quite comprehend. There was strength in her eyes, intensity… and when she smiled, she looked so proud.

“I’m proud of you two, you know?” She stated… because it sounded more like a powerful statement than a question. Aunt Maddie’s brilliant eyed stare roved from Chris to Hope and she quickly swept her left hand into her grasp and glanced back up at Chris, “Chris, my sister would be in complete bliss if she were here right now. Well, who am I fooling… she is here, right here at her baby girls side coaching her on. I know she is. I can feel her.”

Her right hand suddenly flew up to cover her mouth briefly and she shook her head with disbelief as her eyes glazed over “She’s so proud of you both. And today, Sy’Diyah, your mama is right here with you… she’s gonna make sure you deliver a beautiful, strong, healthy baby girl. You hear me?”

Hope sniffled herself as she stared up at her aunt lovingly, almost in a trance by the sound of her empowering words. She almost forgot she was even perched up on this bed getting ready to push out a whole baby… until that immense pressure ripped through her abdomen for the umpteenth time, forcing her to shut her eyes and breathe deep through her mouth.

“I hear you Auntie.” She whispered breathlessly.

Chris had been so caught up in staring at Aunt Maddie, replaying her every word that poured straight into his heart… he nearly missed the most important words of his entire life.

“Push Sy’Diyah!”

He was yanked harshly back into reality when he felt a crippling pain in his left hand, the hand that Hope was holding onto, and squeezing, for dear life. He didn’t know whether to stare down at her or try to get a peek at the action happening on Dr. Zeeta’s end. He was quite positive the moment he caught sight of even a splotch of blood, he would pass out… so he quickly decided to stick to looking down at Hope.

Her face was the brightest red he’d ever seen and the veins in her forehead bulged with the strength of a warrior as she pushed for the ten seconds that her aunt and the lingering nurses counted.

“Good girl, you’re doing excellent. Catch your breath, settle your mind… and push.” Dr. Zeeta instructed like the remarkable professional she was. Again, Hope bore down into her lower half as best she could with her eyes squeezed shut and every ounce of her focus on getting this baby out. Her lopsided bun was toppled to the right side of her head and straggling pieces of her hair were beginning to stick to her neck with desperation. Her grunts and groans held Chris captive because he simply could not believe this was happening… and he was right there to witness it.

“Okay, okay let’s take a break… darling when I tell you, you are doing so good. Two pushes in and her head is just about out… I’m proud of you honey.” Dr. Zeeta coached, her smile reaching all the way up to her eyes which was the only part of her face to be seen behind her mask.

Hope nodded her head quickly as she wheezed heavily in and out of her mouth. The exhaustion was beginning to set in, though there was a rush of adrenaline offsetting it. She continued to feel the strongest urge to bear down, but the doctor had told her to take a break, so that’s exactly what she did.

Unconsciously, Chris raised his left hand and swept it up over Hope’s forehead, gently pulling back a few of the strands of hair clinging to her skin. She turned her head to face him with the smallest smirk and he nibbled into his bottom lip as he watched her.

No words were exchanged between the two, but their eyes spoke volumes… until Dr. Zeeta broke their silent conversation by directing Hope to bear down and push for another ten count. And push she did, though she could feel herself weakening by the second. It was her determination shining through though, the determination to deliver her baby safely and to hear her cry for the first time… Hope craved that. According to Dr. Zeeta’s analysis, just a few more pushes, and she would finally come out. Hope didn’t want to take anymore breaks, no matter how many times the doctor suggested it. So she pushed, and pushed, and bore down… and pushed.

It was a tradition of Dr. Zeeta’s, primarily with first time mothers, to allow them that once in a lifetime experience to be the very first to physically hold their child… to create an instant bond with their creation by gripping them in a way that only a mother could. It was an opportunity for mommy to give their baby their very first ounce of encouragement. With proper instructions from Dr. Zeeta, Hope finally released the bone crushing grip she had on her aunt’s hand and Chris’s, and she dropped her hand down past her bloated belly to touch her child… for the very first time. As many tears as Hope had cried in all her life, never had she felt a surge of emotions strong enough to compare to this moment and these tears. The feeling of the tiniest body snuggled securely in her hands, depending on only her to pull her to her final destination… her heart almost couldn’t take it. Dr. Zeeta didn’t do much other than ensure the baby remained secure in her mother’s grasp and she herself grinned like a proud mother as she watched Hope pull her baby up onto her stomach.

“Oh my God… oh God…” She panted breathlessly, tossing her head back with finality against the stark white pillow and slamming her eyes shut. Then she heard it… that cry. The most beautiful sound she’d ever heard, ringing out throughout the room, demanding the attention of everyone in the near vicinity. Her baby’s wail sounded like the purest magic to her ears and for a moment, it was only Hope and Cailah crying together, bonding in a way that no one else would be able to.

Then there was her aunt, weeping frantically at her side as she gazed down at her niece and her great-niece. Aunt Maddie’s heart was filled to the brim with love and she struggled to contain herself.

And last but not least… the father… Christopher. He was sucked into a daze, some type of out of body experience he didn’t even understand. He stood there protectively at Hope’s right side and stared unblinking at his daughter. The doctors were moving in now and chaos seemed to engulf the room because of all the movement and shuffling bodies. But his eyes remained glued and unblinking on his daughter. He was crying, he could feel the moisture coating his cheeks, but his expression was blank and shocked. It wasn’t until a male nurse crept up at his side, summoning him to come cut the cord, that he finally blinked and turned to the man. Chris nodded his head to acknowledge he’d heard the nurse and he was overjoyed to be drafted into such an honorable role.

Now that he’d taken his first blink, his eyes didn’t seem to want to stop as they fought to clear his tears so he could see straight and not cut the wrong thing. Dr. Zeeta tugged her mask down to her chin and pat the young man on the shoulder, guiding him and his hands to exactly where they needed to be to get the job done.

Chris gripped the scissors carefully in both hands and after two unsuccessful snips against the slippery cord, it finally snapped and the moment the utensils landed safely back in the hands of the doctor, his bottom lip quivered on cue… and his tears began to flow like a raging river.  

He whimpered as he wept and nearly crumpled right down to his knees, until Aunt Maddie noticed him emotionally caving in and she rushed around the chaos to grip him up by his shoulders.

“I got you baby. Auntie’s got you, it’s alright.” She tugged him in close and hugged him tight as he gripped onto her. He dropped his head into the crook of her neck and cried like a baby… like his baby. Her boisterous cries were still the main soundtrack in the room and he quickly remembered to get it together so he wouldn’t miss a second of her. Slowly lifting his head up, Chris turned to face that fancy bassinet in the corner of the room and he fixed his eyes on Cailah’s tiny body. She was flailing under the warm lights attached to the top of the bassinet as the doctor’s continued to clean her up. Chris could feel his lips curling up into a smile as he watched her closely… in his mind, he’d already deemed her a daddy’s girl.

“Hope,” He sniffled, breaking himself out of yet another trance thanks to the newest love of his life, “Hope, she’s perfect.”

He continued to grip onto Aunt Maddie and they both turned to face the fatigued mother, but the bliss was only short lived. The smile quickly dropped from Chris’s face and suddenly he found his strength again, politely excusing himself from Aunt Maddie to move closer to Hope’s bedside. Her eyes were closed and her head slumped to one side… and she hadn’t bothered to respond to a thing he’d just said.

“Hope?” He called out to her… but again, she failed to respond. His heart dropped to his feet as he scrambled to her side. Why wasn’t she responding?

“Hope?” There was more urgency in his voice and he could even feel her aunt pulling at his side, trying to get a look at her niece who wasn’t even budging.

“Sy’Diyah?” Aunt Maddie called out. There was no way she could be asleep at a time like this… they knew she was drained from the ordeal, but… no… why wasn’t she responding?

And when Dr. Zeeta’s nurses stepped in front of the two, asking them to please leave the room… he could feel the blackout sneaking up on him and this one, he knew he wouldn’t be able to control. Why wasn’t she responding? 

TBC...

[hopeishappinessff]

Holding Onto Hope: Chapter 59.2

Chris

Almost forty weeks pregnant and still determinedly independent and stubborn… I sat on the edge of my bed, shaking my head and chuckling at my thoughts. Hope was determined to get herself ready for bed tonight, from taking her own shower to getting fully dressed on her own. Actually, she never allowed me to lift a finger past the bottle of oil she let me use to rub down her skin. But she absolutely refused to let me or anyone else assist her in any other way. But my one rule stood firm… she wasn’t allowed to lock the bathroom door. And whenever the shower water got to running, I religiously cracked the door open just to be completely sure I could hear her clearly.

We’d made our way over to my mom’s house, which was still empty because they were all still out enjoying their night on the town. It wasn’t planned or anything. Her aunt’s house just felt… crowded. Though I assured her that she had no reason to worry, I wasn’t planning on making a move on her… I couldn’t get the thought off my mind. Ever since the crew had a fully detailed discussion about exactly how they thought she could safely induce her labor, I’d been low-key obsessing over the thought of their last suggestion before we left her house. In all honesty, sex hadn’t crossed my mind since I’d been home. I mean, yes I got urges because I’m a man and my girlfriend is sexy as fuck, but I’d been pretty satisfied with pleasing her and nothing more. Though the last time we were intimate, we both got totally carried away and she took it upon herself to show her appreciation for my constant desire to taste her. Tonight, was different. Tonight I was on a mission…

I froze up for a second when I heard the shower water shut off and stared like a deer in headlights at the crack in the bathroom door. I could hear her shifting around and I paid close attention to any sounds of struggle. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how and why she thought I could just casually go along with her need to be independent, at almost forty weeks pregnant. Again, I chuckled at the thought of her trying to pull on some pajama pants, knowing she could barely even bend over enough to pull them up her legs.

The door slowly cracked open further and I nearly held my breath as she emerged, extra-large towel wrapped snuggly around her chest and belly poking through the slit in the front because it was too big to be contained by the soft fabric. Her hair was tossed up in it’s signature messy bun, which was tilting as usual to one side. I knew she hadn’t rubbed a lick of oil on her skin, because the bottle was sitting on the nightstand beside me, but her skin glowed like she herself was the sun. And on her face was a frown… a deep frown that made me laugh because the wrinkles between her brows were just the cutest.

“What the hell is funny?” She barked… I bit my lip to contain my laughter.

“What’s with that face?”

“This bathroom is too damn hot and I can barely get this towel to fit around me. I’m fat and I’m hot and I feel ashy.” Her nostrils flared a bit as she fussed and I nearly drew blood from my bottom lip because I didn’t want to give her another reason to be upset by laughing anymore.

“Aww babe, I told you to let me…”

“I’m not disabled Chris. I don’t need help.” Waddling out of the doorway of the steamy bathroom, she made her way over to the nightstand and snatched the bottle of oil from it. My laughter stopped immediately and it was now my turn to frown.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m just gonna pour this on myself. I don’t want to feel ashy anymore, it’s pissing me off. And I just want to go to bed.” She continued to fuss as she turned and made her way back toward the bathroom.

“So you’re not gonna let me do it?” Bolting from the edge of my bed, I rushed forward and caught her arm just before she set foot in the bathroom again.

“Chris, I just wanna go to bed…” Her face held the cutest pout and I smirked as I stared down at her. I could tell she was beyond frustrated at this point and I hated to see her that way.

“Let me help you Hope.”

Nibbling into the corner of her bottom lip, she stared up at me for a while before finally releasing a defeated sigh and turning to make her way back into the bedroom. Quickly shutting off the bathroom light, I turned to face her and instantly became transfixed by the back of her damp shoulders as she stood there impatiently waiting for me to oil her up so she could finally go to bed. As I made my way closer and the insanely delicious smell of her rose oil body wash tickled my nose, I could feel my heart begin to race. There was this particular way that the small droplets of water caught in her hair dripped onto her skin that had me in a daze and I almost got caught staring like a fool when she turned her head to look back at me.

“Here.” For all of two seconds I didn’t even realize she was holding the bottle of oil up in my face, so I quickly got it together and smiled politely as I gripped it from her hand. Popping the top and pouring a dime size amount in the palm of my hand, I quickly closed the lid and dropped the bottle onto my nightstand and took a deep breath. Rubbing my hands together, I glanced at her shoulders just before diving in and dispersing the warm oil over her skin.

“Can we just skip the full body rub down and get straight to my stomach and hips?” She wore her impatience on the very shoulders I stood massaging and I chuckled as she leaned further into me, tilting her neck to accommodate my roaming hands.

“Or we can skip the whole rub down altogether and get straight to business.” Her breath hitched the moment I leaned forward and spoke with my lips just centimeters from the warm skin of her neck.

“What are you talking about?” She muttered.

“Hope,” I kissed her neck, relishing the soft feeling of it against my lips, “You’re overdue… we gotta get babygirl outta there.”

“Chris, we don’t have to do that…”

“Why can’t we try?” I kissed further up, to a space I favored just below her ear leaving her to shiver in my grasp, “Hm? It won’t hurt to try.”

“I just… I…” She stuttered and gasped as I swirled my tongue up along her jawline, stopping only to press my lips firmly against the corner of her mouth. Gripping her hips in my hands, I slowly turned her to face me and smiled at the sight of her blushing cheeks.

“I won’t hurt you… or my daughter. Let’s just try.”

She was so clearly flustered, she couldn’t even raise her gaze to meet mine. Glancing down at the knot that kept her oversized towel intact, I couldn’t help but notice the way her chest heaved. She was nervous, that was obvious, but shit so was I. If she continued to stare at my chest any harder, I was sure she would eventually be able to see my heart pounding through my shirt.

If I thought about it too long, I knew I was gonna chicken out and this would quickly become day four past her due date. So without further ado, I leaned forward and quickly pressed my lips against hers. She moaned softly at the sudden contact and I reached forward to grip onto her face, lending her my wrists to grip onto to maintain her balance. There was something about the feeling of her, the sensation of her incredibly soft skin against me, her entire aura surrounding me, that sent me swirling into a rare blissful world… a world that only her and I shared. I could feel my breath fanning harshly against her face as I desperately tried to remember to breathe as I attempted to devour her mouth. My head tilted in one direction, hers in the other, as our lips parted and our tongues claimed each other like long lost lovers.

Letting go of her face with my left hand, I blindly reached down to find the knotted fabric of her towel and before she could even think to stop me, I snatched the knot apart and allowed the hindrance to pool at our feet.

“Chris.” She gasped, suddenly letting go of my wrists and dropping her hands down to grip my shirt.

“I got you baby. I promise, I got you.” I mumbled, struggling not to simply bite her delectable skin as I shifted my lips to her jaw. I was quickly beginning to lose myself and my sanity… she was completely naked in front of me and her body heat radiated against me, wrapping me in a whirlwind of horny frustrations. Continuing on down to her neck, I slowly backed her up toward my bed, making sure to keep her fully distracted by suckling her skin and massaging her right breast in my hand. She didn’t even realize we were on the move. She was so caught up in moaning and maintaining her grip on my shirt, because surely she was being pushed to the brink of insanity right along with me.

Kissing a trail down to her chest, my mouth finally caught up to my left hand that continued to fondle her right nipple. I salivated at the sight of her breasts at their perkiest… God I was gonna miss these things when it was time for her to start breast feeding. Honestly, we could probably save a little money on a breast pump because I would gladly volunteer to do the job for her.

With a smirk, I dove in for the kill and shut my eyes at the immediate satisfying taste of her hardening nipple on my tongue. It was like candy, I swear it was just like a chocolate covered caramel Hershey kiss… just delicious and it melted in my mouth. I was on a serious mission tonight, so in the forefront of my mind I had to remember to keep the foreplay to a minimum. Glancing up at her, I almost nutted at the sight of her perfect neck as she tilted her head back and gripped on to my shoulders. Damnit, my shit was already on at least twelve and I needed to make this shit last. The hell would I look like trying to help her induce her labor, only to tap out before I could even get in it?

Reluctantly snatching away from her breasts, I stood upright and captured her lips once more as I guided her back on the bed. Gently she landed and I never bothered to detach myself from her as I made sure to carefully lay her flat on her back. The moment I did pull back from the kiss, she huffed and frowned and I blinked quickly with confusion.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, concern lacing my unintentionally seductive voice.

“I think the last time I laid comfortably flat on my back was when you put this baby in me.” A smirk breeched her lips and once I realized what she’d said, I chuckled and sat up.

“Is it bad?”

“Very.” She giggled.

Swiftly dipping down to peck her sweet lips, I smiled and pushed up completely from the bed “I got you.”

Not wanting to seem too eager, I walked calmly to my bedroom door to lock it, made sure to flick the light off, and twirled back around to make my way back to the bed and multitasked by yanking my shirt off. I was less than five feet from the bed when my pants came off and by the time I reached her and climbed on the edge, my dick was literally bursting at the seams of my boxers. Reaching above her, I tugged two of my pillows down to where she was positioned and peered down at her lovingly as she stared right back. I had to take a moment, a serious ass moment, to really take a long hard look at this woman… my woman. Such a got damn woman she was… on the brink of motherhood and laying in the middle of my bed in all her naked glory looking like a full course meal. I briefly tried to recall a time when I’d ever been this aroused in my life and after only a few short seconds, I realized I couldn’t. I could honestly say that I’d been attracted to Hope from the day I first laid eyes on her at only nine years old. The last ten years had done nothing but allow my attraction to grow to perhaps some pretty unhealthy levels, but I couldn’t help it even if I wanted to. 

She was beautiful… stunning… the most perfect person I’d ever had the honor of loving. The longer I kneeled in front of her, staring at her like a creep, the more I felt the strongest urge to cry… God gave her to me. He handcrafted her and delivered her damn near to my doorstep that day all those years ago. I was grateful and honored and so extremely blessed to have her all to myself and if I’d never known before, I certainly knew now that I had to stop asking why and how… he gave her to me, he molded my heart just for her, and that’s all I needed to know…

“Daddy,” My stomach dropped like I was mid drop on a rollercoaster at the sound of that sexy shit and my brows furrowed with focus as I finally drifted from my daze and back into reality, “What are you waiting for?”

“Shit…” I muttered, again, fighting the urge to bust one right in my boxers, “Sit up for me.”

Giving her my right arm to latch onto for support, she pulled herself up just enough to give me space to situate the two pillows beneath her and she fell back against them with a sexy giggle.

I damn near ripped my boxers off as my eyes roamed her insanely thick and very pregnant body. Reaching for her knees and peeling them apart, my stomach did yet another ninety degree drop when my eyes landed on her soaking, leaking, drenched pussy. That shit was… fuck, it was beautiful. I wanted to taste it, I knew that just by the way my mouth salivated again, but I simply swallowed down the extra spit and licked my lips.

Gripping up her legs, I aligned the cusps beneath her knees in my hands and glanced down at my concrete hard erection as I angled myself at her opening.

“Chris…” Her gentle voice snatched my attention and I looked up at her, giving her half of my undivided attention. The other half was completely focused on the sizzling heat of her pussy so close to the tip of my dick… a nigga was about to break a sweat if I didn’t slide in soon.

“Please go slow.” She whispered.

I nodded, much too afraid to open my mouth because I could feel the guttural growl clawing in my throat. This girl made me feel like the fucking king of the jungle and damnit if I wasn’t ready to just pounce on her ass and feast. Inching forward, I made sure to keep my eyes on hers… because if I looked down and witnessed what I was feeling, I was gonna pass the fuck out. I felt like a virgin again. Her walls seemed to constrict around me the further in I pushed and I felt like an absolute, unexperienced ass virgin.

“Fuck… ooooooh fuck…” I grunted, head tossed back and eyes squeezed shut. I could see stars behind my lids as I continued to make my way in and her moans and heavy breathing became an encouraging soundtrack for me to keep going.

“Oh my God… Chris!” Hope squealed.

“What? I’m hurting you… is it hurting?” I groaned… and silently prayed that I wasn’t hurting her because there was no way I could stop.

“No. No… baby, God!” She gasped.

I hadn’t even delivered a full thrust yet and we were both already on the verge of crumbling. I wasn’t quite all the way in yet and suddenly I snatched my eyes open and stared up at the ceiling… was it really gonna be okay for me to fully penetrate her? The goal, obviously, was to help initiate labor, but what if I really did hurt her in the process? Oh God, that was slowly becoming my main focus and if I didn’t get it together soon, my dick would quickly deflate and I’d be useless.

Dropping my head down to face her, fully prepared to pause this whole ordeal so we could actually discuss this, I froze the moment my eyes landed on her hands… which were planted over her breasts, and her fingers were openly fondling her nipples. She was still moaning softly and once she realized I’d stopped moving, her eyes flew open and she gazed up at me.

“You okay?” She asked softly.

I stared at her for a while and she stared back, then I nodded slowly and continued to stare. We were almost hypnotized by each other and the longer I stared, the more difficult it became to contain my smile. I smirked at her, biting down into my bottom lip and she eventually smiled back bashfully.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’re beautiful, you know that.” I stated, because it was more of a fact than a question.

“As much as you say that, I hope you’re not lying.” She giggled.

Shaking my head, I glanced down at the precise connection our bodies made and felt an unmistakable jolt of excitement. I really couldn’t believe I’d completely paused the stroke so we could have a full conversation.

“You ready to have my baby?”  I asked, eyes steadied on her as I retracted my hips and started a slow stroke. Her face instantly contorted from the movement and her lids drooped with lust.

“What if this doesn’t work?” She moaned.

With a confident smile, I licked my lips and focused all my attention on the glistening connection my body made with hers “Guess we’ll just have to find out.”

--

Skin smacking, heavy breathing, moaning, groaning, sweating, and wet sloppy kisses… I was honestly surprised I managed to last this long. We were lost in our own zone, our whole own world as I thrusted my hips like my life depended on it. On more than one occasion, Hope had to beg for me to slow down and a few times I could actually feel her pressing a hand against my lower abdomen in an effort to contain me. It was all too much really, the heated atmosphere that warmed up like a sauna to coat our skin in thick layers of sweat, the moisture she continued to coat me with that had me going insane every single time I slid in, the pregnant pussy that literally felt like heaven on earth… it was truly phenomenal.

“Oh shit baby, yes! Yes!” Hope had been screaming and moaning so loud, her poor voice was starting to give out. After fucking her nearly off the side of the bed, then having her mount me for a while to give her a bit of a break, I was currently spooning her… and giving her all I had from behind.

“You like that shit? Huh, talk to me… tell me you like it.” I grunted nastily in her ear. I honestly don’t know what the fuck had gotten into me, but I was hornier than ever during this particular session and would have thought I’d ingested a full bottle of liquor with the way my stamina was holding up. In the back of my mind, I knew this could very well be the last time, for a long time, that I got to slide in some pregnant pussy and secretly, I regretted it… it was by far the greatest sex I’d ever had in my life. It became a situation of mind over matter after maybe her third orgasm. I was fully aware that I needed to bust soon because Hope was becoming more and more exhausted by the minute, but I literally never wanted it to end.

“Liiiike iiiiiiittttt… I-I like iiiiiittttt…” She groaned, tossing her damp hair back against my shoulder. The sexy sound of her hoarse voice sent a jolt of tingles straight through my dick and I instinctively reached up and snatched a handful of her hair, releasing it almost immediately because I couldn’t afford to be that rough with her.

“You fucking love it baby?”

“Yesssss Chris… I-I love it…”

“If you love it, tell me you fucking love it. “I love iiiiiittttt…”

“Say you fucking love it.”

“I fucking love it daddy!”

At that precise moment, everything about this sex and her entire existence struck me like a lightning bolt, then I felt it… the lightning bolt zipped through my body, starting at my scalp and working its way down to my toes. I all but blacked out as that familiar electricity shot through my dick and I could do nothing more than grip onto Hope’s right hip with one hand and a handful of her hair that I promised myself I wouldn’t grab again as my body endured the jolt of a lifetime. It felt like a doctor had just lit my ass up with a thousand-volt defibrillator as I lay there with my face wedged against the back of Hope’s head and my body trembling from head to toe.

I’m not even sure how long it lasted, a fucking hour maybe, but by the time I finally came the fuck to and opened my eyes, and actually managed to see past the swarm of intergalactic swirls and shapes in front of me, I thought I was paralyzed.

“Chris?” Hope whispered weakly.

“Hm?” I grunted, still trying to come down from whatever the hell other galaxy I was floating on.

“You okay?”

“Mmhm,” No, I wasn’t, “You?”

“Yes… I’m cramping now though.”

‘Shit’ I thought to myself. ‘Please Lord, don’t let this labor start now… I can’t move!’ Not to mention, now that all of my senses were kicking back in, I swore I could hear commotion somewhere outside my bedroom door. Perhaps my mom was home… ‘Pleeeeeease Lord, don’t let her water break now. And if my mama is standing outside, give her the strength to get away from the door’ I needed to get it together, fast.

“Did your water break?” There it was… my voice, I smiled triumphantly at the raspy sound of it.

She giggled and shook her head “I don’t think so.”

“Good. Get some rest. We’ll see how you feel in the morning.”

“Okay… I love you.”

“I love you too.” I mumbled, still buried inside her as my lids shut with exhaustion.

[hopeishappinessff]

Holding Onto Hope: Chapter 59.1

Hope

Cailah Faith Brown. My baby girl… our baby girl. The “C” placed proudly by her father who insisted that some part of her name needed to have his mark on it… though she would carry his entire last name. The night Tawny, my dad, and Diana got in town they all spent at least half an hour ogling over the size of my belly because all our Face Time chats apparently did it no justice. Tawny then proceeded to spend the remainder of the night fussing at Chris and I for failing to give our child an identity. She demanded that we sit down with her and at least come up with a list of options that we could choose from the day the baby was born. But the moment she tossed that name out as a mere suggestion, I fell in love. Cailah… my daughter, honorably named by her aunt. Faith, her middle name… a direct tribute to my mother… Faith Marie Donsen. And Brown… the thought of my child proudly carrying her father’s last name filled me with envy and happiness all at the same time.

Today was officially day three past my due date and honestly, today was officially the day that I was completely over the whole pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my pregnancy… every last minute of it. I wouldn’t change a single aspect of it, other than the months where Chris wasn’t by my side like I’d always envisioned. But there comes a point in a woman’s pregnancy, well at least mine anyway, where she’s just over the whole damn thing. I was tired of being tired all the time. Tired of feeling so ridiculously large from my neck down to my ankles. Tired of feeling so insanely in love with the father of my child, yet feeling uncontrollable urges to whack him upside the head at the most random of times. Simply put… I was tired of being pregnant and I may or may not have made the mistake of sharing that with the girls, and Tawny, because now… they had made it a personal mission to help me induce my labor. 

 “Let me lay it on the line I got a little freakiness inside  And you know that the man  Has gotta deal with it  I don’t care what they say I’m not about to pay nobody’s way Cause it’s all about the dog in me Mmhmmm…”

I stood in place between Destani and Tameka, hands swirling around the front of my belly, hair pulled up into the messiest bun that was tilting pathetically from the side of my head, and perspiration coating my exposed skin. The coffee table that was once situated in the center of the den had been pushed to the side, offering maximum floor space for our shenanigans. Nalay stood feet away, orchestrating our choreography and Tawny maintained a red face from trying to refrain from laughing as she held three different phones up trying to capture the whole thing on video. 

“I want a freak in the morning A freak in the evening, just like me I need a roughneck brother  That can satisfy me, just for me If you are that kind of man Cause I’m that kind of girl I got a freaky secret, everybody sing Cause we don’t give a damn about a thing…”

“Dip low Sy, dip low. Don’t forget to squat. We gotta expand that cervix girl!” Nalay yelled out, coaching me into the proper positions she believed would make my water break.

“Like this bitch.” Destani dropped down to my right, into the lowest possible squat I’d ever seen, then seductively lifted her body back up with her tongue sticking out and her hands running up the curves of her torso and chest.

“Nuh-unh bitch, if you gone squat on it… fucking squat on it!” Tameka exclaimed and the next thing I knew, down she went… right into a full split. The girls howled as she bounced in place a few times on whatever imaginary “it” she’d just squatted on. Eventually she leaned her torso forward and flattened herself out against the floor, sliding her legs straight behind her and propping herself up onto her shins so she could have better leverage to twerk it in the middle of the floor.

“Nigga we tryna get her to go into labor, not seduce Chris into putting baby number two in there before number one can even make her way out!” Destani cackled.

“Meka, where the hell did you even get that from?” Nalay was now hunched over, gripping onto her knees as she laughed and wiped at the underside of her eyes.

“Ya’ll bitches better take notes… how to keep a man 101. Ask Kendrick where I got it from!” Rolling over onto her back, she did some type of acrobatic move, rolling her entire lower half up into the air and pressing her hands down on the floor beneath her to complete a roll that eventually landed her on her feet.

“Nah, nah… Sy’Diyah the one with a whole baby up in her. She the one who should be leading lessons on how to keep niggas. With Chris ole sprung ass.” Destani said.

“You ain’t lying though girl.” Tameka chuckled, breathing hard as she neared Destani and slapped hands with her.

“Um, ladies… I still have videos recording here. We aren’t done.” Tawny giggled.

“Oh shit. Rewind the song like one-minute Nay.” Destani instructed, quickly shifting back into position to my right. Tameka fell right back into place at my left and we anxiously waited for Nalay to get us back to where we left off.

I could honestly say that I was enjoying myself. I was exhausted, but enjoying myself non-the-less. Since early this morning, the girls had taken this whole thing right into the palms of their hands and personally made it their mission to get some type of activity from this little girl in my belly. Leave it to her to be a stubborn little thing and refuse to come on time… she was three days late to be exact. As I’d mentioned before, however, I was truthfully not interested in rushing her at all… mama just wanted to give her a little encouragement is all.

I continued to swivel my hips to the heavy beat of the song, courtesy of Destani’s JBL Bluetooth music box, and actually shut my eyes and momentarily lost myself in the beat. 

“Boy you’re moving kind of slow You got to keep it up  Now there you go There’s just one thing that a man must do Mmhmm I’m packing all the flavor you need I got you shook up on your knees Cause it’s all about the dog in me…”

Completely lost in my own zone, I stepped away from the trio and allowed the beat to consume me and my hips. I swirled and twirled, dropped it like it was hot on whatever the imaginary “it” was from Tameka’s show earlier, and bent over to catch my knees so I could transition into a smooth twerk.

“AYYYYYEEEEE, that’s my got damn bama right there! You better get it baby mama… fuck it up girl!” Destani yelled, cheering along with the girls, and hyping me up even further. I could feel a smile gracing my face as I reached up to tug the miserable hair tie from my locks, freeing it in the sexiest of ways. My belly was completely exposed, because I no longer cared much for clothes. I was in the company of my girls tonight, so I figured there was no harm at all in a pair of comfy spandex shorts that had risen and exposed the cusp of my butt cheeks. And the only thing covering any portion of my top was a turquoise sports bra from my collection of many. I was in my element and there was no one and nothing that could stop me.

I could hear extra commotion in the room at some point, but the girls were shouting even louder and hyping me so much I paid no mind to it at all. My aunt, dad, and Diana had gone over to Ms. Joyce’s a few hours ago to help her with a few last-minute touches to the nursery and she’d already informed me that once they were done there, they would be stepping out for a bite to eat. So it was just the girls and I for the evening, and I was perfectly content with that. As usual, I had no real knowledge of where my boyfriend was and I refused to allow thoughts of that to ruin my night and thankfully the girls respected my unspoken wishes to not bring him up.

I had just run a hand through my wild and waist length tresses, swiping a handful of the golden curly mess out of my face. While that hand was occupied in my hair… the other was gripping onto Tameka’s right shoulder so that I wouldn’t lose my balance and go toppling over as I alternated between rolling my body and twerking my butt. When I felt the sudden sensation of another pair of hands right at the cusp of my widened hips and my bulging belly, my eyes shot open and an immediate frown fell onto my face. 

“One to the two, to the two, to the three Sy’Diyah do you wanna have a baby with me? One to the two, to the two, to the three  Sy’Diyah do you wanna have a baby with me?” The altered verse was chanted a few more times into my ear and I could feel a rhythmic bump against my backside, matching the beat of the song perfectly. The crotch of this mysterious person was pressed firmly against my butt and I nearly gasped at the feeling of their semi hardness rubbing against me.

“Baby daddy better get that shit bih! Get it Chris, get it Chris!” The commotion in the den of the house was at its loudest now, if that was even possible, and I could hear both male and female voices yelling at the top of their lungs like we were in the middle of a close NBA game. Swinging my head around to the left, I strained my neck to look back into the grinning face of none other than my child’s father. His grin made me grin, but his crotch still pressed against my butt caught my attention again before I could fully acknowledge him.

“Ain’t I tell you that pregnant shit turns me on?” He’d wedged his face into the crook of my neck and mumbled those panty soaking words against my skin. I was thankful that my spandex shorts were black.

He maintained his grip on my waist, but I managed to turn completely to face him and held onto him the best way I could with a thousand pounds attached to my front side “Down daddy.”

He hissed sharply and chuckled against my neck then slowly pulled back and glanced down at my lips “You tryna get me riled up in front of all our friends baby?”

God I loved when he talked like that. I smirked and pulled away from him, but not before he meshed his lips against mine and puckered them three times, followed by his hands roughing up my butt cheeks a bit.

“Aye nigga, don’t let these kids see all that now. They don’t need to know exactly how ya’ll made that baby.” Dontay laughed obnoxiously as he pushed his way through the living room, beelining directly toward Tawny. She stood there smiling and biting her bottom lip bashfully, awaiting his arrival… they were so stinking cute.

“The hell ya’ll in here doing anyway? Sy, you tryna give the homegirls lessons on how to get like you or what? No lie… if Meeks gone be doing that shit on the dick tonight, she might be next up.” Kendrick set off a heavy chain reaction of laughter that rumbled through the whole crew and I couldn’t help but drop my head against Chris’s shoulder as I trembled with laughter.

“Boo, if you would have seen the shit yo girl was in here doing like half an hour ago, Meeks probably would have been first in line, okay!” Destani howled. Tameka laughed ratchetly, stuck a middle finger up at Destani, then turned to her man and greeted him with a nice sloppy kiss.

“See man, that’s that shit… ya’ll niggas is just nasty, both of ya’ll,” BJ chuckled, pointing a finger toward Chris and Kendrick, “You ain’t gotta do all that show boating to greet your woman.”

“Nigga shut yo philosophical lookin ass up!” Rashad called out, igniting a fresh batch of laughter. I was much too worn out from the hours of nonstop dancing we’d just put in to continue entertaining our over-enthusiastic group of friends, so I discreetly waddled over to the love seat, but was stopped in my tracks before my butt could connect with the seat. It was Chris who’d stopped me, because now that he’d just randomly made his appearance at the house after disappearing for hours, he suddenly wanted to be all up under me… literally. He plopped down on the couch before me and gently grabbed me by my waist, carefully pulling me down to claim my seat on his lap. He helped me maneuver my body to the side, because it was the most comfortable for me, and I ended up looking like a large child cradled in his arms from the way he held me. I smiled at the thought. It never failed to amaze me how easily he could take my mind off of my irritation with him… he made it impossible for me to be mad at him for too long.

“What were ya’ll doing?” He asked. I couldn’t help but take in the amusement on his face. His smile always made me smile.

“The girls really wanted to help me induce labor.”

“Oh okay. But… what were ya’ll doing though?”

We held eye contact for a while before we both burst into laughter and I slapped him playfully on the shoulder “I mean, what did it look like? We were dancing.”

“Oh word? Kinda looked like you were tryna seduce the girls… that shit was sexy.”

“You’re silly,” I giggled, “But while you’re asking me what we were doing, I think I’m the one who should be asking you that.”

His bright eyes roamed the room for a while before he dropped his gaze to me, absorbing every inch of my face as his tongue slithered out over his bottom lip “You think so?”

“Christopher…” I started, attempting to push myself up further to sit eye to eye with him, but obviously the task wasn’t as simple as I thought so I quickly decided to just frown up at him instead.

“Sy’Diyah?” He smirked.

That annoyed me, so that’s when I decided to face the struggle of sitting up because now I wanted to remove myself from his lap completely. He had me in a good mood for all of five minutes and just like that, I was over him again.

“Babe, wait… what are you doing?”

I didn’t respond, because I couldn’t respond, because I was too out of breath from scooting myself around and struggling to get up from his lap. He still held that same amused expression on his face and that really left me with an urge to slap him. Did he really think this was a joke? Because no one was laughing…

“Hope, I was playing. Chill out before you hurt yourself.”

“Oh, you really do think it’s a joke?” I mumbled under my breath. All the grunting and huffing and puffing I’d done to twist my body around to face forward meant absolutely nothing when he simply tugged me backwards and sat up straighter so I would at least be a tad comfortable when he meshed my back against his chest.

“I had some business to take care of.” He tried to reason, with his voice all soft and his lips pressed gently against my skin.

“Whatever Chris. Let me go.” And of course, he did the exact opposite. He held me closer and continued to peck his lips against my neck discreetly as the crew babbled on in front of us about some new movie on Fandango and who was going to input their debit card information to purchase it.

“The boys were with me, if that makes you feel any better.”

Smacking my lips and rolling my eyes, I sighed heavily through my nose and crossed my arms over my chest “So you have them out there dabbling in stuff none of you should have any business in? Seriously Charlie?”

The low rumble of his chuckle in the crook of my neck had me shutting my eyes briefly, but I quickly gained my senses and snatched them open because our position was compromising enough and I didn’t need to draw any unnecessary attention to us in a room filled with nosy spectators.

“Is that what you think? Somebody is dabbling in some illegal shit? Girl you funny… thought you knew your man better than that.”

“I thought I did too.” My words were laced with attitude and I’m sure he could sense that from the way he momentarily tensed beneath me.

I could feel his lips parting against my neck in preparation to say something else, but the newest conversation floating around the room quickly gained my attention and I strained my ears to make sure I was actually hearing it correctly…

“Well they should be out for a while, so I don’t think it would be a problem. Even if they came back earlier than we’re thinking, we’ll just make sure we’re down here to cover for them.” Tawny spoke quickly and quietly, surprising me completely because if this was what I thought they were discussing I was shocked that she’d be in the thick of it.

“Unless they go to Breezy house. Won’t it be kinda awkward in this house full of people?” Kendrick chimed in.

“Nah nigga, we’ve endured this shit plenty of times before. Them niggas is wild… the entire city of Richmond could be in this house and the homie gone still put it down.” Dontay cackled. A few of them laughed, but I could hear a few quick “shhh’s” telling them to keep it down.

“Don, what if you just let them go to your place and you just stay here? So they can have more privacy and shit?” Tameka asked.

“Meka, why don’t you fucking let them go to your place? If I’m there or not, I will still know in the back of my mind that the homie is fucking my friend into labor.”

“What the fuck are ya’ll talking about?” Chris blurted before I had a chance to open my mouth. I hadn’t even realized that he was listening, because I’d tuned in so intently I forgot I was even in his lap for a second.

“Aww shit, we ain’t think ya’ll was listening.” Destani giggled, failing to do so innocently.

“Okay, but what are ya’ll talking about though?” I asked.

“We’re just trying to help you induce this labor Sy…” My gaze shifted to Nalay in amazement… they were all in on whatever this sick plan was?

“Wait, ya’ll are all sitting down there discussing this right now?” Chris asked. I could hear the humor in his voice, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to crack a smile… were they serious?

“I mean, we just wanna make sure our niece comes… she’s already almost a week late, right? We just as excited to see her as you nigga.” That was Dontay… having the audacity to sound offended that we were possibly offended about the conversation they’d been engaging in, that no one had actually stepped up to confirm yet.

“So no one is going to tell us what you were actually talking about?” At this point I was already well aware, I just wanted one of them to say it.

“Girl we done tried everything today. We walked your ass three miles this morning, went and got lunch at that Thai place up the street from Meka house, put together full choreography for the past few hours… the only thing ya’ll ain’t tried yet is sex.”

Again, I could feel Chris tensing beneath me and his face suddenly found its way into the crook of my neck again. Subconsciously I reached down to caress his thigh, my touch relaxing him almost immediately.

“You’re seriously admitting to me that you guys are sitting right in our faces, talking about… that?” I asked with the blankest face I could muster.

“I actually found the topic a bit weird myself Sy…” Kendrick spoke up, only to be quickly popped on the shoulder by his frowning girlfriend.

“We ain’t ask you how you felt about it nigga,” Tameka fussed, rolling her eyes and her neck around to face me, “What ya’ll think about it?”

“I think we should no longer continue this conversation because Kendrick is absolutely right… it’s very weird.” I said.

“See…” Again, Kendrick attempted to speak up to defend himself, but the hard glare on Tameka’s face shut him up abruptly.

“Ugh, fine,” Dontay drew immediate attention to himself when he huffed and sighed loudly, “Ya’ll can just go to my place. I know it’s for a good cause… as long as you promise me and T can have your room Sy.”

I could feel a headache creeping on the harder I frowned. My friends had all officially lost their minds.

“Tay!” Tawny gasped, slapping a hand over her mouth as a deep blush set in on her face. I would have laughed at the sight of her wearing her shyness right on her sleeve, but I suddenly remembered a certain shy someone who still had his face bashfully hidden from everyone in the room.

“Breezy, come on baby. I’m offering you my whole crib so you can get some pus…”

“Dontay! You gone make this man pass out… you see he ain’t tryna hear you right now.” Nalay blurted, thankfully cutting Dontay off before he completed his brash statement which, as she’d stated, would very well push Mr. bashful to the brink of simply passing out.

“Wait, hol up… have ya’ll… have ya’ll even done that, yet?” My eyes narrowed in on Destani and I glared at her, refusing to respond to her or to even continue to entertain any of them and this unnecessary awkwardness.

“Charlie, don’t listen to them. They’re all crazy.” I muttered, attempting to turn in his tight grasp to face him.

I could feel him shaking his head as his face remained one with the skin of my neck and I couldn’t help but giggle when I felt his lips start to move “It’s okay. Maybe they’re right…”

This time it was my turn to tense up and gasp at the sudden realization of what he’d just said… as well as the feeling of his lips pressing softly against my neck.

“What do you mean?” I whispered. There was something extremely intimidating about the way all of our friends were sitting there staring at us, all of them smiling as if watching the best new series on Netflix. I wasn’t too keen on having a whole private conversation with Chris right there in their faces, even if we were whispering.

“You have tried everything… but that. I mean, I’ve heard that it really does work… the least we can do is try…”

I wasn’t even sure how to respond. Was he serious? Were they serious? Sure I was more than ready for this pregnancy to be over, but… was I really that ready?

For a while the crew continued to sit there, chatting lightly amongst themselves and glancing awkwardly at Chris and I every few seconds. I had hopes that by some miracle everyone had forgotten about that conversation and it seemed as if they had… until I felt myself being lifted from Chris’s lap.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I think we should call it a night now…”

TBC...

[hopeishappinessff]

Holding Onto Hope: Chapter 58.2

Hope

One centimeter dilated. Just one. All this pain and discomfort, and I was only one centimeter dilated. I blew out a breath of frustration, and sunk further into the warm water. The air from my mouth pushed a chunk of bubbles away, but I was still covered and nearly overwhelmed by the bubbles from the two bottles that’d been dumped into my water. I couldn’t complain though… this garden tub in my aunt’s room was doing wonders for me with all the space it had to offer that mine didn’t and the gentle smell of the bubbles was soothing me tremendously.

“See, it’s been like twenty straight minutes and not a single contraction… Auntie be knowing what she talking about girl.” Destani noted. She was sitting with her back pressed against the locked door of the bathroom, legs crossed as her head bobbed to the tune of SZA The Weekend. She’d even gone as far as lighting every candle my aunt had in this large space, just because she was determined to set the ambiance for me.

My aunt had reluctantly gone back in to the hospital for a shift she’d been called in for. She fought it tooth and nail, obviously because she was too paranoid to be more than ten feet away from me. Though Dr. Zeeta assured her until she was nearly blue in the face that there was no way I was even close to going into labor because my due date wasn’t for another two weeks, my aunt was adamant that the day she’s away at work would be the day her great niece made her debut. She even went as far as considering expediting the month-long vacation she saved up just for this occasion. She promised me the moment she found out about the pregnancy that she would devote every second of every day to me and the little one until I could get adjusted to motherhood… well, at least for one month anyway. She wasn’t supposed to start that vacation until a day before my due date… after my hospital visit, she wanted to bump it to tomorrow.

“Yeah, her and Ms. Joyce have insisted on these warm baths since the day we got back here from Georgia. I guess I didn’t really believe them because these things have never been quite this strong.”

“Not to mention, you been up on your feet a lot more lately and I know at your last visit Dr. Z told you to sit your ass down somewhere. No more games after this Bama, I’m calling straight up bed rest ‘til your water breaks. And I’ll sit on your ass every day ‘til then if I have to.” Destani fussed.

Tossing my head back against the cushioned bathtub pillow, I giggled and shook my head “I don’t think I need any additional weight on this body, thank you very much. I think I got the bed rest thing down at this point… I’m not trying to have this little girl come early if she’s not ready.”

“Okay! Let nature take its toll on that body honey, don’t be stressing my niece and making her come out prematurely. Me and her gone have some beef with your hard-headed ass then.” She said, failing to bite back her own laughter.

Just as I parted my lips to snap back at her sassy comment, we both went quiet at the sound of knocking on the restroom door. Destani stared at me for a moment, as if I had the answer to who was knocking, but when all she got back was a blank stare and a shoulder shrug, she rolled her eyes with a huff and pulled herself up from the floor.

Turning the knob of the door and taking a step back to crack it open, we both kept our eyes glued to the smallest gap of space that she left for Chris to stick his head in. He barely seemed to notice her presence behind the door though and I gasped and quickly slapped a hand covered in bubbles over my mouth to suppress my giggles. Destani went flying back against the counter behind the door and Chris’s eyes widened with shock at the sound of the thud.

“Nigga, what the fuck!” She yelled, scowling deeply with a hand against her lower back, massaging the exact spot that’d just been forcefully wedged up against the hard counter.

“Shit, my bad Dez. I swear I didn’t see you back there.” He looked so apologetically adorable… so much so that his face was now a light shade of pink. The look on his face combined with the hard frown on Destani’s did nothing to settle my giggles and before I knew it, I was full blown cackling.

“Girl this shit ain’t funny. Nigga tried to kill my ass just now. Shit!” If I wasn’t mistaken, she was even redder in the face than Chris. Eventually she huffed and slithered over to the closed lid of the toilet where she plopped down, still obviously upset.

Chris cracked a smirk, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck with a shake of his head “I wasn’t trying to kill you. How was I supposed to know you were right behind the door?”

“It don’t matter! Who told you to come swinging in here like you from the damn planet of the apes?”

“I’m sorry,” He finally chuckled, softly, and turned his attention to me once she crossed her arms over her chest and he realized she had nothing more to say to him, “How’re you feeling?”

“I’m alright. I guess I should have been listening to everyone about these warm baths… it’s really helping.”

Initially I kept my eyes on the bubbles surrounding my feet, but his shadow looming over the edge of the tub forced me to turn and face him as he took a seat on the edge. His eyes were steadied on me and I couldn’t help but glance briefly at his tongue as he swiped it quickly over his bottom lip.

“You hungry?”

Shaking my head quietly, I watched with curiosity as he slipped a hand through the swarm of bubbles until it landed against my stomach. His fingers were gentle and attentive, immediately swirling against my flesh protectively because that’s what he always did.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.” I whispered, raising my gaze to find his stare already piercing my face.

“I’m gonna run out for a few…”

I could feel my face falling into a frown before he could even finish his sentence and he sighed deeply, obviously from the sight of the less than pleased expression on my face.

“Where are you going Chris?” I asked, irritation fusing my question together. His brows were drooped with sorrow as his fingertips continued to swirl around the span of my belly.

“I’m just gonna run out…”

Latching a hand politely onto his wrist, I tugged his arm away and tossed a tight-lipped smile his way “Well I’ll just see you when you get back.”

“Don’t be like that babe.”

“I’m not being like anything Chris. Just… I’ll see you when you get back.” Truthfully, I was entirely too exhausted to deal with him and this headache he was giving me. I didn’t have time to stress myself, wondering about his nightly whereabouts. If my assumptions were correct and he was truly dumb enough to get involved in something he knew he had no business in… I shut my eyes and sighed. I didn’t even want to spend more energy thinking about it.

“Hope I’m sorry. I-I’ll just stay home…”

“No… go.”

“Hope…”

“Chris, go.” It took everything in me not to yell right in his face and splash him with water and bubbles, because there was nothing else in the near vicinity for me to throw at him.

Snatching my eyes open to glare at him, I tensed at the sight of his jaw clenching repeatedly as he stared back at me with an expression I couldn’t quite comprehend. Whatever was on his mind that caused him to stare at me like that sent a tingle through my submerged lady parts, but I forced myself to ignore the feeling to avoid moaning aloud with Destani still in the bathroom.

He eased a hand back into the water, his eyes still latched onto my face and his jaw still clenching sexily. His long fingers glided over the top of my belly, then I gasped softly at the feeling of his fingertips suddenly grazing my right nipple as his hand made a trail to my face.

“I’ll be back in a few hours.” He nearly whispered as he leaned down, gripping my jaw to hold me steady so that he could plant his lips against my forehead. He stared at me for a few more seconds before finally standing to his feet and making his way out of the bathroom.

I barely remembered that Destani was still in the same room as me at this point… my stare remained fixed on the pile of bubbles formed around my belly and thoughts of Chris’s sudden peculiar behavior flooded my mind.  

  Chris

It was clear in her eyes… the disappointment. The frustration. And the words were right there on the tip of her tongue, but she bit them back. I knew she probably wanted to lash out. She wanted to unleash her irritation with me, on me. But she didn’t. She already had enough going on and Lord knows I didn’t want to be the cause of any unnecessary stress for her, but… I guess I’d been doing a phenomenal job of that lately. It’s true, I could have been doing such a better job of being with her for these last few days or weeks left of her pregnancy, but truth be told… I was busy doing my own planning for the arrival of our little one… and for Jaylen. See the thing is I made a vow to myself years ago when I first met Hope that I was first going to make her mine, then I was going to marry her, and I was going to take care of her so she’d never have to lift a finger outside of our home. I made a vow to be everything that my father was not. I have a family now and a girlfriend that I loved with every ounce of air in my body, yet I couldn’t help but feel like I had nothing to show for it.

To this day, I was still rocking with a savings account that could easily be misinterpreted for the price of an Aston Martin, but that wasn’t enough. I needed to see that number grow and I needed to see it grow simply because I worked my ass off to make it happen. The only problem with that was… I wasn’t willing to go back to the lifestyle I lived before, because I wouldn’t dare put my family in harm’s way like that. So, that meant I had to do some honest man’s work… I needed to get a real job. And I needed to get a real job, because I was now in the process of getting a real home. Even my mother wasn’t aware of that and I chose to keep it that way because after some thorough calculations, I realized my probationary period would be over approximately two weeks after my daughter was born. Which means I will finally be one hundred percent free. I’ll be a free man with a family to love and care for and I figured now was as good a time as any to get myself on the right track to accomplish becoming the greatest man that I could be.

With a defeated sigh, I pressed a thumb against the soft button on the key fob, listening intently to the two chirps that indicated that Hope’s car was completely locked. This was really starting to get pathetic… I needed to make it a priority to get a new car, or get ahold of my truck, as soon as possible. Wedging my hands down into the pockets of my sweats, I removed one for only a second to swing the glass door open to allow myself entry to the closed off building. On the outside, it was pretty interesting… it was really quite the sight to see. I mean I honestly had never really seen anything like it before, which made my desire to have it that much stronger. Because it was so eclectic in style and I knew it could easily draw unnecessary attention, I was thankful that it wasn’t anywhere near the city. It’d been brought to my attention that there were a few abandoned buildings that lined the opposite side of my favorite spot at the lake where I confessed my love to Hope and where she took her maternity pictures.

Through the grace of God, I was able to strike a deal on this particular building the moment I found the contact information sloppily dangling near a back door to the place. Since that day, it’s been nothing but magic in the making.

It was creeping well past ten at night, but I knew the front door would be unlocked and the inside of the building would be lively because this had been the routine for the past month. The fresh smell of paint and an airy aroma of dedication met me only a few feet past the door and I smirked at the sound of good music and laughter filling the air. This had become my home away from home and I couldn’t be happier with it. It was so spacious and the white walls made me feel like I was standing in the middle of my own little piece of heaven. And the greatest part… there were floor to ceiling windows with a view to that lake, everywhere. Honestly if it were just me and Hope and no babies, I probably would have tried to talk her into moving into this joint!

“Ayyeee, the man of the hour!” With the brightest beam on his fair skinned face and a few splotches of paint on his chin and forehead, Micah strutted right up to me with his arms spread as wide as the smile on his face.

“Aye chill man.” I chuckled. I had to take two steps back from him because my man really thought he was about to greet me with a hug with fresh wet pain all over him… I think not.

“Aww no love bro? That’s messed up.” He laughed, dropping his hands to his sides and falling in stride with me.

We crossed over the front main section of the first floor, shifting to the back behind a few hanging black tarps. I couldn’t help but shake my head and laugh when my gaze landed on my childhood friends, and my newest homie, each covered damn near from head to toe in the brightest shades of paint.

“I thought your ass was never gonna get here man.” Dontay’s loud ass yelled from the whole opposite side of the work space… my work space. The six of us were standing in the middle of my work space, in the middle of Micah and I’s brand spanking new art studio. My dream was finally coming true and every time I got a good look at it, I swore I could feel yet another small injection of life. And to top it off, I got my closest friends to agree to help me get it all up and running.

“Bruh, I know you splashing that shit on purpose. Do it again and get it on these J’s though… I dare you.” Kendrick snarled, glaring at Rashad who stood to his left with a raised brushed coated with bright red paint in his hand. I shook my head and laughed… I couldn’t even be surprised at these fool’s antics. I was more than grateful to have them here to lend a helping hand and to put their mark on my studio, but damn if I hadn’t come close to giving them all the boot on at least three different occasions. Don’t get me wrong, these were my boys… my brothers… but Jesus, trying to put these niggas to work on a serious project was like trying to put a group of hyperactive three-year old’s in a straight line.

“Do it Shad! Fling that shit right on that nigga! He ain’t been doing shit all night, but bumping his gums and tryna act like he can paint better than everybody… fuck his shit up!” Dontay hollered, nearly skipping right past me with his own fully loaded paint brush in hand and ready to do damage.

“Aye man, what the hell are ya’ll doing?” I asked, sticking an arm out and snatching this crazy nigga back by the fabric of his shirt.

“Where have your friends been all my life Breezy!” Micah laughed obnoxiously loud. Shaking my head and rolling my eyes, I sighed and used both hands to tug Dontay back by his shoulders because now the nigga was fighting against me to get to all the commotion. From the day Micah had been introduced to the boys, he’d not only taken an immediate liking to them and them to him… he’d heard them call me Breezy on more than one occasion and got so comfortable with the nickname, he ditched my whole name altogether and refused to call me anything else but Breezy because he ‘thought it was the dopest way to identify my inner artist.’ That’s right… according to Micah, once I started selling these pieces, I would be sealing them with my mark… Breezy. At least, that’s what he thought.

“Chill out Don. I swear I can’t take ya’ll niggas nowhere without ya’ll acting an ass.” I fussed, finally getting some type of restrain on him and yanking him back to my side.

“That ain’t me blood. These niggas been clowning since you left. I been working… don’t come at me like it’s my fault.”

Just as I went to turn my head to light his ass up, I gasped at the feeling of thick, wet, and cold liquid smacking me square in my left cheek. I was frozen with shock for all of three seconds until it finally dawned on me that this dude had just slapped me in the face with a wet paint brush. And what really solidified it was his loud cackle half a second after I realized what he did.

“Bruuuuhhh, did ya’ll see this niggas face! He looked shocked as shi… aye man, chill out!” Whipping around to fully face him, I reached out to snatch him by his shirt but his slick ass slithered out of arms reach and took off around the perimeter of the large space.

It became an all-out fiasco after that. I chased Dontay for a full lap until he finally slowed down just enough for me to snatch him back and tackle him. Rashad, BJ, and Kendrick took that as their cue to join in on the shenanigans and with one boisterous cackle from Micah, I knew he was about to add himself to the mix too. We tussled on the floor for a while, knocking over paint cans and running amuck all over the floor until Dontay finally tapped out. I was sitting backwards on his back now and I had his left leg bent as far back as I could get it before he slapped a hand against the floor, begging me to end the torture.

“Man, ya’ll some grown ass niggas in here acting like you ain’t got no home training. Don’t make no damn sense!” BJ fussed, pulling himself up from the floor beside me and snatching his shoe back that somehow ended up in Micah’s hand.

“Shut yo basic ass up,” Rashad yelled, pulling down the hem of his now wrinkled shirt as he nudged Kendrick away from him… had we really just gotten that out of hand? “Muhfucka’s tryna trap me in a headlock so I can’t see and shit. We ain’t bout to get shit done in this studio if we can’t stop actin like some big ass kids.”

“Breezy… get yo fat ass off me nigga.”

“Shut up Don,” I laughed, lifting up from Dontay’s back and playfully kicking him in the leg as I stood beside him, “Slap me with another wet paint brush and see what happens to your other leg.”

“Man fuck you dawg.” He grumbled, feebly pulling himself up onto his one stable leg. I bucked at him as soon as he got his footing in order and cracked up when he flinched and damn near fell over.

After weeks of fifty percent hard labor and fifty percent fuckery… I couldn’t have been more proud. There was paint all over the room, from floor to ceiling and wall to wall. It was vibrant and messy and disorganized and loud and it popped and spoke volumes and… it was exactly what I wanted. There was no strategy to this. I brought the boys over to get their opinions on the place, laid the cans of paint and tools out on the floor, and dropped the bomb on them by telling them that I wanted them to have a piece of this too. And on that very day, they all shocked me by willingly, and excitedly, agreeing to do this for me.

“Bro, you can’t tell me you’re not crazy amped about the opening night. It’s gonna be so dope… I got all my connects in line, freakin… drooling at the mouth to see your work!” Micah stood at my side, tossing an arm up over the back of my shoulders as we caught our breath and admired the beautiful mess before us.

“I don’t know man… I’m kinda nervous.” I mumbled.

“Bruh, Breezy, dude… did you just use the word nervous in that sentence?” Dontay said, moseying toward us with a brow raised.

“I mean…”

“Nah man, you don’t mean shit. Look at this,” Once he reached my side, he too tossed an arm up over my shoulders and faced forward, “This is all you dawg. I mean, I’m not an art freak like you or anything but… I know some good lookin shit when I see it. All bullshit aside, Chris… what  you’ve done with this joint is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. When you first showed us this building, no lie… I was skeptical as hell and I immediately thought you wasted your money on a piece of shit.”

Cutting my eyes at him, I frowned as he chuckled and roughed me up by my shoulder “But you have defied all odds with this baby. This thing is… it’s incredible. If these investors and prospective buyers don’t see the brilliance and beauty in what you’ve done here, I’m calling the cops myself.”

“Nigga what?” Rashad shouted, bursting into loud laughter that eventually trickled on to the rest of us, “You gone call the cops if they don’t wanna buy his art? Really Don?”

“Hell fuckin yeah! That would be like discrimination… racial profiling and shit cuz he a nigga selling legit ass art. And that shit is illegal.”

“Dude… please… shut up!” BJ hollered as he doubled over with laughter and damn near fell completely on the floor.

Smacking his lips and rolling his eyes, Dontay snatched his arm away from me and marched off to the opposite side of the room… even he had to know half the shit that came out of his mouth made no sense.

Eventually, after bullshitting and smoking for another hour or so, we all trickled out of the building in a calm and collected group because we were frankly too high for anything else. I bid adieu to the boys, after demanding them all to promise me that we could get this thing entirely wrapped up in another week. I honestly didn’t know how much longer I could hold Hope off before she ripped me a new one then left my ass for good for being so secretive, but I just wasn’t ready to reveal this all to her just yet. I know, I know… the last time I held off on revealing one of my biggest secrets to her, it cost me my relationship and almost my life, but I had good reason this time. I wanted to surprise her with this one. I needed her to be patient with me because the day I finally introduced her to my newest endeavor… that day… would be the day I planned to change her life, forever.

[hopeishappinessff]

Holding Onto Hope: Chapter 56.2

Hope

My eyes drooped with the desperate desire to sleep, but the Netflix movie on the screen held my attention too much for me to drift off and risk missing the ending. It was pretty late, well after midnight I was sure, but the glare from the large flat screen TV kept the room perfectly lit which also aided in keeping me awake.

Only hours ago I was a complete hot, blubbering mess teetering on the brink of calling it quits with the father of my child. My goal when I arrived at his mother’s house was to simply discuss with him all that was on my mind and to let him know that I didn’t have any further interest in dating him. It’d been a week since I’d seen or been in contact with him and I thought for sure he was over me, which gave me ample confidence to go and break up with him for good. Sure, the talk I had with my aunt helped me to understand just how much I love and care about him, but it also empowered me to the point that I became determined to stick up for what I believed was right… which was ending my relationship with him. I’d gone as far as coaxing myself into believing that we would be better off co-parenting, with no romantic ties whatsoever.

But, when I arrived at his house with only one mission in mind… my determination faltered the moment he set foot out of his bathroom and I laid eyes on him. He was such a sight to see… a man’s man with the body to show for it. I instantly became mesmerized by his masculine build, because it reminded me of exactly what I had… a protector who loved me and cherished the ground that I walked on and would go to the ends of the earth for me and now for his child. That was a turn on for me… just physically seeing him standing there, exuding the confidence of Captain America, but knowing that behind that exterior he was really the biggest sweetheart with more love to give than Cupid.  

At that exact moment, I knew there was no way I could end things with him. I loved him more than I could ever fully understand or explain and I wasn’t willing to let that go just because I was basically in my feelings over a night out with his boys. Hell, I was the one who talked him into going. Of course, I wasn’t expecting him to come home with some female’s number and tits in his phone, but I deeply regretted not giving him the opportunity to explain to me what’d happened. The thing about Chris was that he had certainly done a few things in his past to make me lose all trust in him, but I couldn’t recall a time when he’d blatantly lied to me. He may not have always been open about his extracurricular activities, but if ever confronted about any of it he was always painfully honest.

“What are you thinking about?” I’d become lost in my thoughts and nearly flinched at the sound and feeling of his voice vibrating through his chest as he spoke. I was curled against his side, in his bed, watching the Netflix movie. I wasn’t even intending to stay here with him, let alone get comfortable enough to want to call it a night right here at his side after the movie was over. Yet, here I was nestled contentedly at his side and I was completely satisfied.

“Nothing…” I muttered in the midst of a yawn.

Chris stayed quiet, though I could still feel his stare piercing the top of my head. And he was probably going to remain in that stance until I actually looked at him and really addressed what was on my mind.

Tilting my head back to get a good look at him, I frowned at the sight of his scratched face. I couldn’t see the scratch that I left on the side of his neck, but the one on his right cheek was bright pink now after I’d demanded that he let me clean it before we climbed into bed. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do for the darkening bruise beneath his left eye. I cringed at the sight of it and the minor swelling… I couldn’t believe I’d allowed myself to get so angry that I actually put my hands on him and Lord knows I never thought I could cause this much damage to a man twice my size. There was an ice pack on the night stand beside his bed, but he had yet to apply it to his eye, even after I fussed about him needing it to at least make the swelling go down.

“You’re entirely too pretty to have your face all scratched and bruised like that… I’m so sorry Charlie.”

He cracked the most handsome smile and shook his head “I probably deserved to have my whole ass beat, honestly.”

With a soft chuckle, I meshed my head against the side of his chest momentarily before looking back up at him “No, you don’t deserve that. Don’t say that.”

His eyes stayed on me… they roamed every inch of my face as if he were trying to read me and eventually his hard stare made me blush and I looked away.

“Hey,” With a sigh, I craned my neck to look back up at him, “I don’t think you should ever physically discipline baby girl. You hit hard as shit.”

I couldn’t contain my laughter at that point as I buried my face against his chest and trembled from laughing so hard.

“I really thought you were gonna say something serious.” I cackled.

“I’m serious though.” He chuckled.

“I can’t see myself being the type of parent to really discipline my child anyway.” I said once my laughter calmed down.

“You never got whooping’s when you were a kid?”

I shook my head with it still pressed snuggly against him “No, no whooping’s or punishments or anything like that.”

He smacked his lips playfully and huffed “I mean I guess I get why… you were like the perfect child. Little golden girl… ain’t even wanna get down and dirty in the dirt and mud with us whenever you would come over to play. Just you and Dez off in the cut playing with baby dolls and shit.”

And just when I thought I would get a break from all the laughter, he had me rolling again and praying that I wouldn’t pee right in the bed.

“Oh shut up, I was not a little golden girl.”

“Yes you were! Literally and figuratively.”

“Whatever,” I giggled, “So does that mean you don’t want your daughter to be a girly girl?”

He didn’t say anything for a while and I looked up to see him stroking the hairs sprouting from his chin with his eyes squinted thoughtfully at the TV “Not necessarily a girly girl. Like, I still want her to be able to have a nice balanced relationship with Jaylen where she can feel comfortable playing with him in like, unisex activities. But I don’t mind the thought of seeing little plastic heels, and Barbie’s, and little princess dresses all over the place. I wanna be able to spoil him with all the shit I liked as a kid… the hot wheels, the nerf guns, the game stations and all that. But since she’s gonna be a daddy’s girl, that automatically means she’s gonna be a spoiled princess.”

My brows were furrowed by the end of his speech and I frowned “Who said my baby is gonna be a daddy’s girl?”

With a crooked smile, he turned his attention back to me “She will be… trust me.”

I rolled my eyes playfully and planted my right hand against his hard chest, right over the exact space he’d permanently etched my name…  right over his heart “Are you ready to meet her?”

As usual, I could feel his stare already on me and of course I kept my eyes on the tip of my index finger as it swirled around my name because I had yet to get used to those intense eyes “I don’t know if I’ve been more ready for something in my entire life.”

His voice was so gentle and reassuring, which made me feel good and I smiled “Me too. But… I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous.”

For whatever reason, I could feel his body tensing beneath me and with a quick glance up at him, I could see that he was already looking at me with a hint of concern in his eyes “Nervous about what?”

“I don’t know… I’ve never been a mom before. I’ve never experienced this whole process, you know…” “But you know you’re gonna be amazing though, right?” He spoke softly and the sound of his voice alone ignited the butterflies in my belly. And to think this was the same man I was ready to call it quits with just hours ago.

Of course, it took a while and I was out of breath halfway through, but with Chris’s help I pushed myself up into an upright position. I sat Indian style, because it was the most comfortable position for me, and used my right hand to rub gentle circles around the front of my belly.

“And how do you know that?”

“That you’re gonna be amazing?” He asked and I nodded to confirm, “Because you’re an amazing person already. I mean, look at all the stupid shit I’ve ever done since I met you. Even before our relationship started, like just when we were friends, you’ve always been there to take care of me. I don’t know… you’re just an obvious natural nurturer. Not to mention, the first time I ever witnessed you interact with Jaylen I instantly knew I wanted to knock you up.”

“What?” I cocked a brow curiously and laughed, “Why would you say that?”

“Because man,” He chuckled and rested his hands against his stomach, casually linking his fingers together “I really wanted you to be his mother… like, forreal. But obviously that couldn’t happen, so the next option was to get you pregnant.”

“And that meant you were okay with the idea of having two children?”

He nodded and eyed me closely with a smirk “You thought I was joking when we was gettin’ it in at your dad’s house on Thanksgiving night… and I told you I wanted you to have my babies? I was dead ass.”

“Well clearly.” I snorted, glancing down at my three sizes too big belly to emphasize just how ‘dead ass’ he was.

The smirk remained on his face, even as he bit down into the center of his bottom lip and eyed my belly “And I don’t know how normal it is to feel this way… but I swear I can get hard just sitting here looking at you so… pregnant. It’s really a major turn-on.”

“It actually is some type of fetish to be turned on by pregnant women. I’ve even heard that sex is on a whole different level with a pregnant woman.”

He didn’t respond to what I’d said, but I noticed the way his eyes danced around my belly a bit longer before sluggishly raising up to my breasts where they stalled for a few seconds, then finally landed on my lips. He’d dropped his smirk and now wore a somber expression and his jaw clenched every few seconds. I didn’t want to be caught staring for too long, but I honestly couldn’t help myself. I was even anticipating him making a move, just by the way he was looking at me, but he didn’t. My mind drifted briefly to what he’d said about getting hard just from looking at me, so naturally my eyes drifted down toward his crotch, but I quickly discovered that his comforter was pulled up over it and shifted my gaze to the TV before he caught my wondering eyes…

“It’s hard.”

I guess I failed to look away fast enough. I was caught and in that moment, I had two options… I could either pretend like I hadn’t heard him because he’d spoken so low that I barely did, or I could face him and acknowledge that I had indeed heard him… loud and clear.

Because my curiosity got the best of me, I found myself staring at him but instead of looking back at me, he was looking down at his lap which I guess he could see clearly from his angle.

“You wanna see?” He asked, suddenly shifting his gaze to me with a mischievous smirk.

“You’re bad.” I giggled softly, though that was only the surface… inside, my heart was pounding and of course the butterflies were in the middle of their ritual. His brashness had my nerves all over the place and the same look that was in his eyes in the water the day we had the maternity shoot… it was there now. I couldn’t even see his hands anymore at this point. I knew one of his favorite pastimes was to lounge with a hand tucked into the waistband of his shorts, but in this particular hormonally charged scenario… I had no clue where they were.

“You know when I went out with the boys last weekend, you were the only thing I could think about… you and those huge jugs,” He smiled and I shook my head and laughed, “I was so fucking horny.”

“You were huh? Probably because of your new little friend you met at the club, don’t ya think?”

He shook his head slowly and swiped his tongue out over his bottom lip, then wedged his teeth into the skin of it “No… honestly, I couldn’t stop thinking about how sweet your pussy tasted.”

The room suddenly became unbearably hot in that instant and my cheeks became even hotter. Even the tips of my ears were burning with bashfulness, so I dropped my longing gaze from him because I couldn’t take it anymore. The moment my eyes dropped to the surface of the bed, I could feel him shifting abruptly away from the bed. His footsteps padded lightly from his side around to mine and suddenly I could feel his body heat directly behind me because my back was facing the edge.

“You gone let me taste it again?’ He was so ridiculously close to my right ear, but not quite touching… I shivered from the feeling of his warm breath against my skin alone. Ever so lightly, he leaned in closer and pressed his lips against the skin beneath my ear and I shut my eyes and sighed. What has gotten into him I thought as he pressed his lips against my skin once more and slowly dragged them from the tingling space beneath my ear to the right side of my jawline. He lingered there, deathly close to my lips, and stared at the side of my face with no remorse.

“I think I have a pregnant pussy fetish… and I haven’t even been in it yet.” Well if my panties weren’t wet before, they were surely soaking now… I could only hope that when I moved from this spot on his bed there wasn’t a puddle under me. His lips made their way to my skin again, the skin of my jaw, and he pressed them against me until he was finally hovering over the corner of my mouth. The slightest turn of my head would send my lips crashing into his, and that’s clearly what he wanted… so I turned my head. He was already prepared for me and before I knew it, his sweet pecks became hungry lip smacking. His tongue slithered with precision and I moaned into his mouth, relishing in the feeling of that appendage roaming the inside of my mouth with familiarity. I could feel his left-hand tangling with the base of my neck, creeping up until he caught a hefty handful of the hair in my bun. With no real desire to pull away from this kiss, Chris tugged my head back and reluctantly removed his lips from mine only to shift them down to the side of my neck now that it was fully exposed.

He made out with my neck for a while, swirling his tongue ‘round and ‘round against my scorching skin and suckling here and there to mark his territory. I wore a t-shirt that once belonged to him and barely did much to cover the bottom of my stomach, and I wore it with no bra, which he seemed to quickly figure out while his lips remained one with my neck. His hands eased down to my chest and he cupped both breasts through the material of the shirt. The feeling of it, plus his fingers rubbing against my nipples left me floating mercilessly on cloud nine. My eyes were closed, I was actually floating, or at least that’s what it felt like anyway, and I was moaning enough to get us caught because at this point his mom was fast asleep in her room just up the hall. But he didn’t seem to care… he was too occupied with pulling the hem of the shirt up over my belly. I raised my arms at the last minute to help him pull the fabric off swiftly and he did, but stopped abruptly. He was behind me, still deathly close, but I couldn’t see him… I could only hear his harsh breath.

“Lay back.” The husky sound of his voice… it made me melt. I did what I was told, feeling the palms of his hands against the top of my back to help me as I maneuvered myself down onto my back. He made sure that I was comfortable and that my head wasn’t dangling off the side of the bed, before leaning forward over me and enveloping my right nipple in his mouth. Something about my breasts seemed to be a turn on for him… I could tell that just by the way he groaned against me the moment he had it in his mouth.

The feeling of his tongue swirling around my sensitive nipple like a lollipop had me gripping desperately at his sides, since he was hovering halfway over my face. He sucked and licked and nipped for what felt like forever as his left hand fondled with the nipple of my left breast. I clung to him with my eyes shut, really focusing on keeping quiet because I couldn’t imagine having to explain to Ms. Joyce what was going on in here. Tonight would be a task, I was sure, because it didn’t really matter what the circumstances were… Chris knew what he liked, and that was to actually hear how much I liked what he was doing to me. He shifted his mouth over to my left breast, certainly not forgetting to toy with the right nipple as his tongue flicked against me. Impulsively, because his chest was indeed right over my face, I pulled him closer to me and craned my neck to press my lips against his skin. I kissed him in a few different spots , then swiped my tongue out against him and finally flicked it over his nipple. His body jerked lightly with surprise and I smirked… I still wasn’t sure how he was obviously very horny, but not expecting any type of pleasure in return. For whatever reason, it was clear that his sex drive was through the roof lately… but he wouldn’t take it any further than pleasing me. It’s almost like he got a kick out of seeing me writhe with intense pleasure… like he got off on seeing me get off.

I became so enthralled with leaving my love marks all over his colorful chest, I hadn’t even noticed that he had shifted from my breasts and he somehow managed to get my shorts and panties halfway down my thighs. He had me distracted with his smooth motions and his focus, so I momentarily forgot all about his hovering chest while I watched him somehow pull the shorts and panties all the way down my legs until they were completely off.

I didn’t know if I could ever really get used being completely nude under Chris’s intense stare, especially with the bright screen of his oversized television lighting up the entire room. There was nothing left to the imagination… my body was his to scrutinize, but he never failed to make me feel like anything less than a goddess with the way he looked at me. The tips of his fingers roamed from the sides of my hips to the taut skin of my stomach. He slithered them along the edges of my stomach to the sides of my breasts, where he lingered for a moment before gliding them up my chest and finally to each side of my face. I was still upside down and gawking at him, oddly with my eyes crossing because he was slowly closing in on my mouth. My eyes shut just as he connected and we simultaneously groaned against each other as he laid a kiss more beautiful than Spiderman and Mary Jane’s on me.

I felt like I could stay in that position with his lips fully connected to mine in the most sensual of ways for the rest of my life, but he had very different plans. After a few more earth-shattering seconds, he pulled away and started the trail back down all over again. First stop was my breasts, right first then the left, then he left a trail of wet kisses right down the center of my belly, then finally he ended his assault right at the center of my parted thighs. I gasped the moment his tongue connected… he slithered it out and flicked it right over my throbbing clit teasingly. Then he flicked again, and again, and again… but he never did more than that. He was killing me slowly was what he was doing… I hated to be teased and he knew that. He also knew that I was completely at his mercy and he used that to his advantage.

Suddenly I could feel his fingers against me, pushing my lips aside to give himself a clear path to exactly where he needed to go. Again, he flicked only the tip of his tongue, only this time he let it linger before gliding it down to my opening. I could feel it rolling down right into me like a dog preparing to lap up a fresh bowl of water. He bobbed his head up and down several times, dipping in and out of me like a small penis. The feeling had me clenching around his tongue and him burying his fingers into the skin of my thighs.

Eventually he made his way back up to my clit and from there… he slurped it right into his mouth and wagged his tongue back and forth until I could barely breathe. I tried hard to keep as quiet as I could for the sake of not getting caught, but his precision and skill were truly blowing my mind. When it came to his sexuality, Chris wasn’t shy or sloppy at all. His aim was always to please and I could almost feel the concentration radiating from him as he worked to make me pass out. He was very strategic with his craft and the only thing I could really think as I lay there with his crotch hovering right over my face was how much I hoped other girls were able to experience something as phenomenal as this at some point in their lives, but not with this one… this one, and his tongue, were all mine.

I would have laughed at my own crude thoughts had I not been so consumed with Chris who was on an obvious mission to consume me. Instead, I zoned in on what was in my face… his crotch. There was no way I could let him lift me to the highest peak of cloud nine for the second time and not return the favor, so with the nastiest desire to make him feel amazing… I reached out for the elastic band of his basketball shorts.

As expected, he froze almost immediately from the feeling of my fingertips grazing against his bare torso and I could feel him peering down at me. I didn’t let his wondering eyes deter me though… I maintained my focus as I tugged at his shorts until they were halfway down his thighs. As if I were sitting at the dinner table waiting to be served a succulent meal, my mouth watered at the sight of his erection bulging literally halfway out of his boxers. It’d been entirely too long since I’d been up close and personal with the thing and oh my, was it a sight to see.

Smiling mischievously, I glanced down at him only to find him gawking right at me, then reached for the elastic of his briefs to yank them down and out of the way. His raging penis literally popped right out at me, narrowly missing my forehead as it wobbled into position… aiming directly at me.

“You weren’t gonna do anything about this?” I asked, eyeing him momentarily. He didn’t say a word, didn’t even move a muscle as he continued to stare at me through those piercing eyes. I giggled, seductively, and refocused my attention on him… all of him. My right hand reached forward to grab ahold of his shaft and I was simply amazed by its warmth and weight in my hand. I really felt like I could lay there all night analyzing every single inch of it, but clearly we were both entirely too aroused for that. so without wasting another second… I eased forward and widened my mouth over the tip.

He grunted cutely and I could feel his legs tensing beneath my grasp, which obviously meant he was just as sensitive as I in this moment and I knew it wouldn’t take much longer for either of us to reach our peaks. With my lips still latched only around the tip, I swirled my tongue around it a few times and slowly inched forward to introduce more of him to my mouth. He hissed and remained still above me, watching my every move. It felt good to be in control… to have him under a spell from my touch alone.

“I don’t think I told you to stop.” I slid him out of my mouth with a pop and glared at him, just as stunned by my own daring statement as he looked. See, with the way these hormones were set up and the extremely compromising position we were in… he should have been lucky I hadn’t wrapped my legs around his head and locked him into position at this point.

“Feisty tonight?” He muttered just before I smirked and slid him back into my mouth, “Fuck.”

Again, he continued to sit there for a few seconds intrigued by my actions, before he finally snapped out of it and buried his face back in my gushing center. I would never admit it to him, but in that moment I came so close to snapping my mouth, and teeth, shut around him because the urge to bite into my bottom lip hit me hard as soon as his mouth connected with my clit. I didn’t know how good of an idea it was to engage in this position, knowing just how horny we both were… but Lord knows I wouldn’t stop him or his assault on my entire vagina.

In my mind, I felt like I had a couple of points to prove to him. For one, I felt compelled to please him to the best of my abilities because lately he’d been making it all about me. I was determined to make him feel so good that his knees literally gave out. And two, most importantly… I felt like I needed to make sure he knew that I was his one and only. I was territorial with Chris. Perhaps I didn’t show it as much as he did with me, but I could feel the boiling pot stirring within when he explained that there was some girl all over him when he went out with the boys. Sure he’d thoroughly explained his truth to me and we literally hashed it out and moved on, but I hadn’t fully come to terms with the thought of any other female touching him but me.

I slurped him in and out of my mouth with a vengeance and my God did it turn me on more than I ever could have imagined when I felt and heard him pull his mouth away from me occasionally to express his gratitude. He often groaned right against me and that combined with the feeling of him flexing his hips forward reflexively, wedging his length further into my mouth, had me convulsing in his grasp. That was only my first orgasm of the night and I struggled to keep it together so that I could get him to his.

Keeping my mouth formed into an air tight suction, I raised both hands and rotated them up and down along his shaft because there was no way I could fit all of him into my mouth. There was spit and precum drizzling along the sides of my cheeks, but the sloppiness of it all only fueled me and turned me on more.

“Shiiiiiiiiiiit! Uhhhhhhh… fuck Sy’Diyah!’ Chris groaned like a mad man. He was close, I could tell that just by the way he cursed like a sailor and pumped himself harder into my mouth and fists. Eventually I had to shut my eyes and really focus on not gagging… even with my hands in placed to keep him from choking me to death, he still managed to deep throat me a few times and I, somehow, managed to not die every time he did it. I moaned just as loud as he and temporarily forgot that we were in his mother’s house or even still on this planet at this point. Suddenly I could feel two of his fingers probing at my opening and I couldn’t do much more than moan and take it because he had me locked in position. Those fingers slithered inside and quickly moved in synch with his tongue to get me to my peak. Moaning loudly with him still buried in my mouth, I swiftly popped him out and used my right hand to continue to jerk him as I leaned up and suckled his balls into my mouth. He continued to push his fingers in and out of me and his tongue lashed like crazy against my clit. Not a drop of my juices went unnoticed… he made sure to lap up everything I had to offer.

“God Chris!’ I squealed, praying I wouldn’t break the skin beneath my bottom lip by biting into it too hard. That was it… we were going to get caught, I just knew it. This boy had me so wide open, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut even if I tried.

Suddenly and with not even a millisecond of warning, the huskiest, sexiest, most beautiful sounding groan rolled from his mouth followed by a guttural “Fuck!” and as I became distracted by the sound of him expressing just how good he felt, I felt a warm thick liquid hit me smack dab in the center of my face. With a half gasp, half moan I looked up and jerked my head to the right just as another stream of cum flew directly at my face. This time I got hit in my left cheek with it, but I couldn’t even properly fuss at him for it. He seemed to have lost his mind in the ensuing seconds and I damn near clenched my thighs right around his neck when I felt his tongue skip my vagina altogether… this boy stuck his tongue right between my butt cheeks! He literally clamped his hands down on my cheeks, spread them wide, and dove right into the foreign territory. I wanted to be upset, disgusted, and turned off… but my God did it feel good!

He was clearly riding the powerful waves of his orgasm and at the highest peak of pleasure, because now he wasn’t even thinking… he was just going crazy. He slurped around, in there, nearly wedging his tongue right into my asshole, but then he suddenly leaned back up and yanked himself off me. He shifted himself completely away from the bed, leaving me panting with my head dangling from the edge as I used my hands to wipe his children off my face and onto his comforter. I couldn’t quite register what he was doing or where he’d even gone, but again… he didn’t give me more than a second to figure it out before I felt his mouth engulf my entire vagina all over again. Of course, I couldn’t see past my huge belly, but I quickly figured out that he’d moved around to the other side of the bed to face me head on. I wasn’t even sure if he walked, ran, or jumped over the bed but he swiftly latched his hands onto my thighs and yanked me down to the edge of the bed.

I was speaking some kind of gibberish at this point and clutching desperately at my breasts with my thighs hanging over his broad shoulders. Was this boy trying to bury his entire head in my vagina… because that’s surely what it seemed like. Once upon a time my fingers were busy fondling my nipples, but that was over the moment he extended his arms up and snatched my wrists down. His hands gripped onto mine and after a while, I understood exactly why… the last time we were in this very position, he pushed me into what felt like another galaxy. This time… he was attempting to push me to the brink of death.

“Chris… Chris… please…” I chanted softly, because eventually when a man is laying more pleasure on your body than you know how to comprehend… it gets difficult to even find most of your senses along with your ability to speak. It all happened pretty quickly after that… I yanked my legs up from his shoulders and slammed my feet into the front of them instead. I needed to get him away from me now because I could feel the looming orgasm teetering in my near future and if he didn’t stop soon, I was going to die… plain and simple. His tongue reached those unbelievable depths within me, then he snatched it out and swirled it all the way around my vagina… then I came. I squirted, like a fire hydrant, and trembled like I was having a full blown seizure. I wanted so desperately to toss my hands up into my hair and yank it right out of my own head, but he still had my arms locked down while he continued to swirl his tongue around until he lapped up every drop.

For a moment he released my right hand, only so he could use the fingers of his left hand to spread my lips to give him ample space to continue on, but I quickly latched my hand onto the curls at the top of his head and tried to snatch him away. That only resulted in him grunting harshly and moving his hand right back up to yank my hand out of his hair then slamming it down on the mattress beside me. And he kept up his assault, again making his way back down between my cheeks, which admittedly so… made me feel so self-conscious. I’d never had anyone that intimately close to my butt, but it was something about the way that Chris flicked his tongue back and forth like a pro and simultaneously rotated his thumb against my clit that had me squirting, once again, right in his mouth. The only thing left for me to do was slam my eyes shut and squeeze them… it was insane what he was doing to my body.

“Shit.” He muttered, lips still planted firmly against me. It was as if he couldn’t bring himself to move his face… like, he seemed to be stuck right there with his mouth intact with me.

Three orgasms in one session, two within minutes of each other, and none of it involving sex. As I laid there staring up at the dark ceiling, attempting to regain my strength and catch my breath… I couldn’t help but wonder what sex would be like with him again. In all honesty, I was almost afraid of the thought of going that far with him. After almost a full year of pint up energy and sexual tension, I imagined him quite frankly blacking out on me right in the middle of the act. It nearly happened just a few minutes ago… he lost himself, but not enough to actually hurt me. But in the midst of actual sex… I couldn’t fathom how he’d act.

“I think I just lost my mind for a minute.” He mumbled, finally pulling back from me. He was still ridiculously close though… I could feel the warmth of his breath tickling against the inside of my thighs.

I didn’t quite have the words to say to him just yet, so I continued to lay there blinking sluggishly because I was completely drained at this point.

“Hope?” His voice was so soft and didn’t even seem like it would come from the savage that was here just a second ago.

“Hmm?”

“You good?”

Smirking with a shake of my head, I licked my dry lips and sighed “Honestly… no.”

He snickered quietly and shifted from the floor to the bed and I shut my eyes when I felt the bed dipping from his weight beside me. I didn’t even know if I could face this man after what he’d just done to me.

“What’s wrong?” Oh how sweet… he sounded so concerned after he’d just literally tried to eat me alive.

“I just… I can’t…”

“You can’t what?” I could hear the smile in his voice, but I still refused to look at him.

“Just… go to sleep Chris.”

He full out laughed at that point and snuggled himself close to me, gliding one hand against the top of my belly while the other lingered over my head and toyed with my hair. He pressed his lips lovingly against the side of my jaw and just before I dozed off, because I was just that exhausted… I frowned at the feeling of his newest erection tapping at the side of my thigh.

[hopeishappinessff]

Holding Onto Hope: Chapter 57

Chris

My face held no emotion as I stared at my phone. The unknown number on the screen was starting to irritate me because this was the third time I’d seen it today. Whoever it was never bothered to leave a voicemail message or follow up with a text, so I refused to believe there was some urgency to these phone calls… but they called frequently enough to have me wondering…

“Christopher?”

I sighed and looked up, staring into the almost transparent face of the one I truly despised. Struggling to refrain from rolling my eyes, I stared at her and waited, as usual, for her to speak up the same way she sat there waiting for me to speak.

“I’m sorry, did I interrupt?” She asked sarcastically. That time I did roll my eyes.

“No. What’s up?”

She scoffed and furrowed her brows, reaching up quickly to adjust her thick ass black glasses against her face.

“You know the routine Christopher. You tell me, ‘what’s up’.”

Squinting at her for a moment, I slouched back in my seat and crossed my arms over my chest “Nothing. I’m good.”

“You’re… good?”

I nodded and shifted my gaze to the window to my left and bit into the inside of my bottom lip, ignoring the feeling of my phone vibrating again in my lap. This shit was gonna drive me crazy because I had a feeling that I knew exactly who was calling… but, why? The thought of it all had me distracted and even more annoyed to be here today.  

“Well according to your mother, you had a bit of an incident last week… that subsequently resulted in you shutting yourself off from everyone for several days.”

With my head still turned toward the window, I cut my eyes at this bit… woman and glared at her long and hard. As expected, she quickly looked down at the notepad laid out in front of her because she never was good at holding eye contact with me.

“What do you mean, according to my mother? She really told you that?”

“She is required to keep logs of your behavior on a day to day basis Christopher, you know that…” “Maybe that’s something that was meant to stay between you and her, because I didn’t know that… Dr. Stevenson.” I loved to mock this lady. I really couldn’t get enough of the sight of her cowering and getting all flustered the way she does… but right now the mockery was unintentional. She struck a nerve with what she’d just said and like clockwork, I was about ready to leave now. I hated the thought of her prying into my life like she actually belonged in it. Sure she literally pried into people’s lives for a living, but isn’t that for the people that chose to divulge their business to her?  

“Well that is a requirement and up until this point, you haven’t had any issues…”

“And I don’t have any issues now.”

She sighed and like clockwork, slid the black framed glasses off her face. Her lips were pursed with irritation and she reached up to pinch an index finger and thumb against the bridge of her nose as if I was really getting on her nerves that damn bad. If only she knew, it was literally the complete opposite.

“Tell me what happened.”

Scrunching my brows with question, I stared at her blankly until she realized what she’d just done. She demanded me to do something… she knew that shit wasn’t gonna fly with me, at all.

Clearing her throat and sighing through her nose and she shook her head briefly and smiled… a tight-lipped smile… that looked rather painful “Can you explain to me what your mother was referring to when she said that you shut yourself off from everyone for a week?”

“First of all, I don’t believe I shut myself off from anyone last week.”

“She explained that she hadn’t heard from you until two days ago. She also mentioned that she was aware that you would sneak out late in the evenings and not return until the wee hours of the morning. Care to explain that?”

“No… I don’t.”

“Christopher,” She sighed, for about the hundredth time, and stared up at the ceiling, “Cooperation is key. Every single session you refuse to cooperate. Every single session you become even more difficult to work with than the last session. Please…”

God how I hated the sound of her complaining. I swore it felt like my ears bled every time she did.

“I had an episode.” I mumbled. Did I want to divulge this to her, hell the fuck no. But if it would get her to shut her damn mouth…

Her left brow raised with intrigue and she crossed her hands down against the surface of her desk with her beady eyes fixed on me “How severe of an episode?”

“It wasn’t severe at all. I just… got a little frustrated.”

“And what exactly was it that triggered you?”

My eyes drifted from her to the clock on the wall above the window then I finally shut them altogether. Did I really want to tell her that? Did I really want to set myself up to get pissed the hell off because of what I knew she was gonna say when I told her what happened and who it involved… nah.

“I got upset with someone and punched a refrigerator.” “And who exactly was it that you were upset with?”

Opening my eyes, I stared at the clock but I could see her hand moving a mile a minute against that notepad from the corner of my eye. I didn’t say anything for a while and eventually I could feel her staring at me, but to avoid hearing her bitch and moan again I cleared my throat and licked my lips.

“My friend.”

See, the thing is I’m not sure exactly how much of that incident my lovely mother revealed to this lady. By some miracle, I was hoping she hadn’t told all my damn business and explained the situation down to the last detail, but when I turned my head to face Dr. Stevenson and noticed that she was still jotting shit down in her notepad, my heart beat leveled out and I sighed with relief because I expected her to be staring at me with that awful mischievous smirk.

“So you lashed out and punched a refrigerator… did you, punch anything or anyone else?”

“No,” I said as I shook my head, “I walked out of the house after that.”

“And what dosage did you take after this particular incident?”

My jaw clenched naturally and I glared at her as she continued to write. I hated that. Hated how it was an automatic assumption that as a ‘legally crazy person’, if I ever got mad I had to take prescription medication to calm myself down. It was already enough that I was taking these damn pills daily as prescribed, which always left me feeling sluggish and out of my own body, thus the reason for the cannabis. Like, were these people not aware of how much damage I could do to my liver with all this strong ass medicine?

“What dosage…” She started to repeat herself, as if I wasn’t mentally capable of understanding her the first time, but I quickly cut her off.

“Six-hundred milligrams.” I lied so smooth, I had to look away from her to avoid smiling and giving myself away. No, I didn’t immediately take the other prescription, the one specifically for the black outs… I actually didn’t take that at all. The shit was made specifically to calm me down to the point that I basically couldn’t move for hours and, depending on how much I ingested, sometimes days at a time. The higher the dosage, the longer it would keep me knocked out and the longer it kept me out, the higher the probability that I would wake up as myself again.

I’m not an animal. I may have a harder time than most controlling my temper, but I’m not an animal so no I wasn’t interested in being sedated. Yes, I was fully aware that this woman handed my mother a got damn sedative to handle my severe black outs and now she’s asking me how much of the shit I took as if that’s just a normal conversation to have. ‘Oh hey Chris, I heard you had a minor black out and punched a stainless steel refrigerator door with your bare fist. Did you sedate yourself afterwards? Oh that’s awesome!’

No I didn’t take no fucking sedative after that. I went home and smoked the medical cannabis she prescribed me. She made it very clear during my briefing just before I was released that she wouldn’t recommend that I rely so heavily, if at all, on the marijuana because it wasn’t her preferred substance. Ask me if I give even one fuck what her preference was.

“Six hundred milligrams,” She mumbled to herself as she presumably jotted the number down in her notepad, “Just remember, you can ingest up to one thousand, but that’s only in the case of a severe episode and we do ask that your mother seeks medical attention as soon as possible if that is ever the case. At that point, you would be transferred here for further evaluation.”

Why was she even telling me this? See, if my mama would have just kept her mouth shut I wouldn’t be sitting here ready to slap this lady. I didn’t like her in my business like that. All she needed to know was what I told her in these face-to-face meetings. I was gonna have to have a talk with my mother about her little logs when I got home.

“And the clock strikes three,” I mumbled triumphantly to myself with my eyes glued to the clock above the window, just before cutting my eyes at her with a smirk, “Well I guess I’ll be going now.”

Dr. Stevenson stared at me blankly then sat back in her chair, crossed her hands down in her lap, and smiled “You know, you don’t always have to be so eager to leave Christopher.”

That almost earned some hearty laughter right there. I settled for a light chuckle and a smile instead as I rose quickly from my seat “Yeah… you have a good day Dr. Stevenson.”

I didn’t even stick around to see the expression on her ghostly face or hear any other bullshit she had to say to me. It was three o’clock on the dot… I have never and will never stick around a minute past my allotted time.

I could feel her staring at me as I made my way to the door and out into the hall, but I didn’t care to turn back to even glance at her. Not when all of my focus had gone to vibrations from the phone in my hand. I looked down at it and noticed that same unknown number that’d been calling for days now. Nibbling into my bottom lip, I rushed down the remainder of the hall and out of the building altogether before swiping my finger across the green button at the bottom of the screen.

“Hello…”

 --

 He wore a sinister smirk as he sat there staring at me. Maybe it wasn’t even sinister, but my mind was telling me that his motives weren’t good at all, therefore it was sinister. Whatever the case, I didn’t like the expression on his face. I maintained my composure though, because I’d smoked a blunt on my way here so I was totally relaxed and level headed. We were at a bar and grille in the center of town. It was the only way I would agree to meet him… publicly. Not because I feared for my safety… I feared for his. I hated this man with every bone in my body… I hated him more than I hated my father, which is a lot of hate. So why I agreed to meet him at all today, was totally beyond me.

I’d always had a gut feeling that I knew exactly who it was that’d been blowing my phone up since the day I literally bumped into him at the convenience store. Day in and day out, no less than three times a day, my phone rang and it was always that same unknown number. It wasn’t until today that I decided to answer and it wasn’t until today that I decided to face him again.

“How you been, lil bro?”

I stared, with a blank face, across the length of the table at him… Trey… my sworn enemy. If I really wanted to, I could totally kill this guy right now… and I did really want to. But, again… that was indeed the reason for meeting publicly, I can’t just kill the guy in the middle of this restaurant.

“Why the fuck do you have my number?” I spoke, surprisingly, calm with a demeanor to match as I stared blankly across the table at him.

He wore a smirk that never seemed to really leave his face and it pissed me off. But I was high, so calm I remained.

“Come on man, why wouldn’t I have my baby brothers contact information?” He chuckled.

I stared at him… this man… who was not of any relation to me, and blinked leisurely. Trey was so far from relevant in my life at this point, I couldn’t get upset with him for saying stupid shit even if I tried. If only he knew the life I’ve lived since my last encounter with him… I didn’t have space in my heart to hold a grudge against his ass. I was just content hating him.

“Well… why the fuck do you keep calling me?” I asked, again, calmly.

He shrugged casually and looked off to the right side of the restaurant, then smirked and cut his eyes at me “How’s Sy’Diyah?”

Clenching my jaw tight, I quickly licked my lips and made a sudden move to slide out of the booth. He was obviously here to play games and I was obviously not here for that, so fuck him if he thought the shit was funny.

“Chill out man, chill. It’s only a question.”

Ignoring him, I continued to slither to the edge of the booth to make my exit. I could literally feel the demon in me internally combatting the marijuana in my system and the moment my anger won the battle against calmness… I was sure to reach across the table and strangle him to death.

“Kin, calm down.” Snapping my head around to face him, I glared at him menacingly and became rigid just before I could get my left leg out of the booth.

“Listen to me, don’t ever fucking call me that again in your life. And if you ever let me hear you say her name again, I will slice your fucking neck from ear to ear with my own fingernails.”

For the first time since I’d ever had to face this asshole, he stared at me with a somber expression and dare I say… fear in his eyes. He composed himself within the blink of an eye of course, but the fear was there… I was sure of that.

“Alright dawg, chill okay. My bad.”

“Now what the fuck do you want?” I was still teetering on the edge of the booth, fully prepared to bolt in one second flat if I had to.

He licked his lips quickly and for once in his irrelevant ass life, looked at me in all seriousness… no smirk “You should probably know that I stay in pretty constant contact with Eze. He’s been keeping me updated on everything going on with you and…”

I was shaking my head before he could even finish that thought and that seemed to shut him up pretty quick “Why is he telling you anything about my life? That has nothing to do with you.”

“He only tells me when I ask.”

“Why the fuck are you asking?” I gritted.

“Because man…” He sighed and lifted a hand to the back of his neck, turning to look out across the restaurant again.

The longer I stared at him, the more I started to realize he hadn’t smirked again since I unintentionally threatened him. Whatever was on his corrupted ass mind must have been pretty deep, because I’d never known this guy to not wear that arrogant ass smirk on his face… I’d never even seen him without that arrogant ass smirk on his face.

The longer he sat there pondering whatever the hell he wanted to say, the more impatient I became. He wasn’t saying shit, I was wasting my time, so I made another move to swing my leg out of the booth but of course he stopped me yet again.

“Chris just… chill out for a second alright. I know exactly how you feel bro… this shit ain’t easy.”

As I stared at him and the distraught look on his face, I could feel my brows furrowing and I straightened my posture against the back cushion of the chair. I was honestly getting more curious by the second of what he had to say.

“It ain’t easy man…” He mumbled, dropping his head and shaking it shamefully.

“The fuck are you talking about dude?”

“I have bipolar disorder too bro. I understand the shit you’ve been going through.”

My thoughts all came screeching to a halt and I blinked rapidly as I stared at him with my head tilted curiously. I really didn’t know how to react to what he said, so I sat there quietly watching him as he looked everywhere else but me. How was I even supposed to feel hearing that? Happy… excited because somebody else just revealed that they were half as crazy as me? If anything, I was irritated because the only thing I could think about was Eze walking around spreading my business like it was his job. Next time I see his ass, I swear…

“I don’t know, I just… I felt like I needed to finally reach out to you and…”

“And what man?” I spoke softly but harshly and stared at him intently as I tried to refrain from screaming dead in his face, “You wanted to reach out to me to tell me you’re fucked up in the head too… like I didn’t already know that? What, you thought that shit was gonna help you bond with me? Nigga I don’t care what you have going on… I got my own shit to worry about.”

With a sigh he dropped his head and shook it “I know that bro… Eze told me you and… your girlfriend were expecting.”

I really wanted to laugh because I knew he didn’t take my threat a few minutes ago lightly, but I could feel my face contorting into a scowl before the laughter even came “Yo, what the fuck. I don’t need you to know my business like that at all bruh. Whatever that nigga told you, you need to forget it… now. And stop fucking communicating with him about me. He shouldn’t even know this much information about me.”

“Why are you so combative right now? I’m honestly just tryna talk to you…”

He damn near snatched the next breath right from my mouth with that question… why was I so combative? Was he serious? I sat there staring at him blankly as he stared right back waiting for a response. I needed to be so much higher than I initially thought to make it through this encounter.

“Why am I so combative… you just wanna talk… this is a joke right? Like… you… you’re just fucking with me, right?”

He chuckled humorlessly through his nose and crossed his arms up on the surface of the table “I’m not fucking with you Chris. Listen, like you… I’ve been in intensive psychotherapy ever since our… last encounter. I don’t know… I guess since I’ve been taking a more holistic and professional approach to this whole issue, I’ve been coming to terms with a lot more shit in my life. One of the main things being my relationship with my family and more importantly… my relationship with you. No matter what the circumstances, you are still my little brother and… I just thought it would be nice for me to step up and play a bigger role as your sibling.”

My blank stare remained intact as I listened to this bullshit ooze from his mouth and by the time he finally stopped talking, I actually had to bite my lip to prevent from lashing out at him.

“Trey, let’s talk about something different real quick… let’s talk about why the fuck I hate you to begin with,” He attempted to raise a hand to get me to stop talking, but I snarled at him and closed the one hand I had resting against the table into a fist, shutting him down immediately “You said what you had to say, right? Let me fucking talk. I don’t like you and you don’t like me and that’s been a known fact since the day we both found out about each other. I don’t know why you’re trying to miraculously play this wonderful big brother suddenly, but let me tell you now… stop it. You know you almost ruined my fucking life man. You deliberately tried to take away the two most important people in my life and now you think we can be the best of friends… no nigga, shit really don’t work like that. So fuck you and whatever this attempt is to be cool with me. Fuck Eze for feeding you all these details about my life like he gives a fuck about me. Lose my fucking number, aiight. If you call me again, I will track you down and kill you.”

He looked like he wanted to say something, but this time I finally swung my leg out of the booth and stomped off from the table. I weaseled my way through the throng of people in the overcrowded restaurant as quick as I could and eventually I made it out to the parking lot.

I was almost home free… until I heard this niggas voice, again behind me “Chris wait man… please.”

“What Tremaine? Fucking what… what… WHAT?” Now that we were outside and not under the watchful eye of a building full of people, I finally had my chance to scream at this nigga and I did just that as I twirled around to face him. He was approaching me fast, assuming he wouldn’t have been able to catch me, but what I’m sure he wasn’t expecting was for me to stalk right back toward his ass and get right in his shit.

“I-I… I wanna apologize for all the shit that’s gone down between us man. I’m not here to make excuses, at all… but I was in a fucked up place back then. I was only diagnosed a few months before you, so I know I was a loose cannon. I know that and I’m sorry. I could have taken your life, your son’s life… Sy’Di…”

Before her name could spill from his rotten ass lips, my arms moved before my mind could catch up and the next thing I knew I was glaring into his eyes as I squeezed the life out of his neck.

“What did I fucking tell you, huh? What the fuck did I just tell your bitch ass in this restaurant?”

I pushed him up against the wall of the building, ignoring the gasps of a few onlookers making their way inside. My chest was starting to heave and the rims of my pupils were starting to cloud over with rage. I couldn’t see anything but him. Couldn’t focus on anything… but him. As I glared into his dark eyes, my own not even bothering to blink, I watched the life slowly drain from them. He didn’t even try to put up a fight as I squeezed harder, hoping that I could feel the bones in his neck snap before he ran out of oxygen.

“Chris…” He whispered. His face was starting to bloat like a red balloon, but I didn’t plan on letting up anytime soon. Not until I was sure that he was dead.

“Hey man, what the hell is going on?” I could hear the voice of a man from my right, but I couldn’t even see anyone through my peripheral because I was quickly beginning to zone out. Just when this nigga shut his eyes, surely on the brink of succumbing to a necessary death, I felt a hand snatch at my right arm and several other hands cling to the back of my shirt. They tugged desperately, yelling in my face as they did so until I finally blinked and remembered where I was. With a soft gasp I let go. I allowed these random strangers to snatch me back from my enemy and watched as Trey went slithering down the side of the wall with his hands clasping his neck.

“What the fuck is your problem buddy?” Some bald white man yelled, attempting to keep a grip on my arm but to no avail. I snatched away from him, pushed him away from me, and turned to speed walk to my mother’s car on the other side of the parking lot.

[hopeishappinessff]

Holding Onto Hope: Chapter 58.1

Hope

I think I could honestly say that I have the greatest circle of love and support that any expecting mother could ask for. Standing on one end of the patio, I smiled as my eyes swept over the girls who were all spread out across two tables to my left. My aunt, Ms. Joyce, and Ms. Cynthia were all huddled together at a table beside them. Even the boys were laughing and enjoying themselves at the fourth table behind the girls. My heart fluttered at the sight and I beamed even brighter at the two tables to my right… one full of food, snacks, desserts, and the most beautiful three tier cake I’d ever seen. The other so overloaded with gifts, the pile eventually ended up shifting to the floor.

My hand circled my belly in the tight fitted gray dress I wore. This entire event was completely impromptu, so I didn’t have time to properly put together what I would deem an appropriate outfit for the cause. But Destani insisted that I looked absolutely radiant with my hair loose and wild all over my head to compliment the simple outfit. I refused to leave the car without throwing on a pair of chunky heeled sandals though… this was my baby shower for crying out loud!

The girls had put it all together behind my back and I was genuinely surprised when they led me into the beautiful outdoor section of a restaurant in the heart of downtown. The day was slowly creeping into dusk, so it was the perfect summer evening to enjoy the company of my loved ones on this magnificent patio. It’d been reserved just for us until closing, so of course the girls went all out with the pink, white, and gold decorations like it was their own personal space to do whatever they wanted.

“Look at her, standing up there glowing like an Oscar award. I ain’t never seen a pregnant lady as bad as you girl!” Dontay hooted, leaning back in his seat and cackling loudly with the boys. My gaze landed on him and I smirked as the remainder of the group caught onto his comment and laughter quickly rolled from one side of the patio to the other, like a wave.

“Thank you Dontay.” I giggled with a shake of my head.

“Oooh Sy, girl you know we have a speaker system that’s separate from the inside dining,” Tameka exclaimed, catching me off guard when she suddenly bolted from her seat and dashed to a panel on the wall at the back end of the patio, “We still got two hours left. It’s time for the turn up baby mama!’

“Lord child, what type of turning up ya’ll tryna do out here?” My aunt asked, giggling along with Ms. Joyce and Ms. Cynthia.

“Girl, you know how these young folks do now a days. But see they think they got it, but they ain’t got nothing on that old school!” Ms. Cynthia laughed. They all laughed after that and before I knew it, the patio morphed into a full blown party. It wasn’t the largest group of people, but I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face at the amount of joy surrounding me. Everyone was on their feet, dancing carelessly to the music. Laughter filled the air. And not a single smile could be wiped from any of the faces of the amazing group of people before me.

When Destani and I initially arrived and she guided me casually to the very back of the building to surprise me, my eyes swept over the space in search of one particular face… and I ignored a pang of disappointment when I didn’t spot it. I shouldn’t have been surprised really, because in the past couple of weeks it’d become a rarity for me to see him. But, again, this was my baby shower for crying out loud… why would he miss this? I knew he was fully informed of it… I was sure somebody from the group kept him in the loop. But ever since the night I caved in and went next door to confront him about the incident that’d happened in my aunt’s kitchen, he seemed to be determined to keep his distance from me. I thought things would get back on track after the night we had in his room, but I guess I was sadly mistaken…

“Aye, wassup Breezy baby!” My eyes naturally rolled over to the right of the patio and I watched with a blank face as the father of my child moseyed his way from the back door over to the group. He wore a handsome smirk that almost left me smiling, but I maintained my disinterest as he made his way to the boys. He greeted them all with a dap and a hug, barely lifting his gaze even an inch to glance in my direction.

“Um, is there something I’m missing?” I hadn’t even realized Destani was standing at my side with a hand on her hip and eyes aimed in the same direction as mine, “What’s up with ya’ll?”

“Nothing, what do you mean?” I asked, quickly dropping my gaze from him altogether and forging sudden interest in a nonexistent piece of debris on the table.

“Sy’Diyah…” The sound of her voice alone told me just how much she failed to believe my lie, but I refused to look her in the eye and admit that, “Your baby daddy just randomly strolled his ass in your baby shower, an hour and a half late, and has completely disregarded your existence… that don’t sound like nothing to me.”

“Destani, please. You’re overthinking… everything is fine. Just… just drop it.” From the corner of my eye, I could see her lips parting in preparation to fuss again, but a sudden hand against the right side of my waist and a presence to my side immediately hushed us both. There was a particular scent that wafted into my nose… it was a familiar one, one that’d left me swooning and dropping my panties on many occasions. But it was also masking something… something I couldn’t quite put my finger on…weed perhaps…

“You look beautiful.” His voice was what sent chills down my spine and left me fighting the urge to shut my eyes. It was soft, almost a whisper, deep and raspy and his warm breath tickled the skin of my neck as he spoke.

“Thank you.” I whispered. With one hand firmly on my waist and the other gripping my left wrist, he slowly turned me to face him and I casually dragged my gaze from his broad chest and shoulders until I was staring into his smiling eyes. His face alone always managed to wake up the dormant dancing butterflies in my belly… he was truly a sight to see. His lips were moist, probably from his over excessive habit of licking them, his skin looked exceptionally flawless, and his eyes were drooped. The white of his eyes was prominent and glossy, not red as I’d expected, but there was no doubt in my mind that he was high… his stance and the particular odor of weed mixed with cologne told me so. He used eye drops before he walked in this building… I was sure of it.

“Boy, where have you been?” The sound of his mother’s voice snapped us both out of our long lost stare, but I kept my eyes glued to the perfectly groomed hairs of his chiseled chin as he turned his attention to his left.

“Sorry I’m late ma…” He started, but in true Ms. Joyce fashion she cut him off before he could offer any more of an apology simply so that she could continue to fuss.

“I hope whatever you were doing was important enough for you to miss the first half of your baby shower. What were you thinking? I’ve reminded you every single day for the past two weeks Christopher…”

She was well on her way to ripping him a new one, in the middle of this baby shower and all, so I quickly turned to face her with a smile that I knew would get her attention.

“Ms. Joyce, it’s okay,” I said, batting my eyes sweetly, “He’s here now… that’s all that matters.”

She stared at me for a moment, then she finally shook her head and smiled “Boy you better be lucky my daughter-in-law has such a soft spot for your behind. Ought to be ashamed.”

I giggled as I watched her walk away, fussing and mumbling under her breath. By the time I turned back to face Chris, I gasped softly with surprise to find his eyes already on me.

“Thank you. I wasn’t in the mood to get fussed at today.”

He was still smiling, but the longer I stared at him the more I could feel the smile dropping from my own face. The realization was hitting that he had indeed showed up late and today was the first time I’d had any type of contact with him in over a week. Something was off with him, that I was sure of, but now wasn’t the time to address any of that.

Politely unraveling his hands from my waist, I took a step back from him and sighed as he watched me curiously “Well uh, I’m glad you could make it. There’s still quite a bit of food left over by the cake table… please, help yourself.”

I didn’t bother sticking around to wait for a response… I swiftly turned and waddled my way to the girls with a smile plastered on my face. My heart was slowly crumbling from the unspoken realization that something just wasn’t right between Chris and I, but Lord knows I didn’t have it in me to reveal that to the girls. Destani was clearly already on my case about the obvious distance between him and I, but I figured if I could maintain the genuine happiness I’d felt earlier before he even got here, I could keep all three of the girls off my back.

“So is there any reason that nigga just decided to show his ass at his own baby shower? For real, that is rude as fuck.” Tameka blurted the moment I was within ear shot. I nearly rolled my eyes at her commentary… why couldn’t they just let it go?

“That’s what I’m saying girl. Shit, if the nigga was gonna be this late he may as well have just not come at all.” Destani chimed in. That time, I really did roll my eyes.

“I really don’t mean to sound rude girls, but can we just… can we talk about something else?” I mumbled quickly and quietly. I could feel stares from all three of them, but I kept my head down and refused the sudden urge to cry.

“Girl, you need to light his ass the fu…” Tameka started, only to be abruptly cut off by Nalay roughly nudging an elbow against her arm.

“Stop it Meka,” She mumbled, obviously catching on to my sudden mood shift, “Sy, are you enjoying yourself?

Raising my head in her direction, I smiled and stared at her for a moment, silently thanking her for saving me from breaking down right there at the table “Yes, I really am. You guys did such a beautiful job… this is perfect.”

“Aww bama,” Destani grinned and quickly rose from her seat, rushing around and dropping into a squat right in front of me, “I’m glad you like it. I swear you deserve this plus so much more. Ugh, I can’t wait to meet my little niece!”

She gently gripped the sides of my belly and pressed her lips right over my protruding belly button, a gesture she’d made a habit early on in my pregnancy. I smiled as I watched her rub her hands around the span of my stomach. The girls fell into a pretty typical conversation of how much they couldn’t wait to spoil this little girl and naturally, I raised my head and scanned the perimeter of the patio. The smile never left my face as I watched them all mixing and mingling and genuinely having a good time. At this point, I was sure that God was probably tired of hearing my constant prayers to make sure that this never went away… this love. There was so much of it divvied out between me and baby girl and I wouldn’t dare ask for another family to share this experience with me. This was perfect… baby girl’s village was just perfect.

“Oh baby, I’ve got a surprise for you!” My aunt squealed as she flowed like an angel in a flowing maxi dress toward the girls and I. I could see a phone held high in her right hand and I kept a close eye on her as she swept around to the side of me, almost trampling a still squatting Destani.

“Sorry honey!” She muttered, getting herself in position as close to my right shoulder as she could. Jamming the phone directly in my face, I stared at it for a moment before I realized what looked like a picture of my dad, Diana, and Tawny was actually a live video of them… they were on Facetime! I couldn’t quite here a single one of their greetings, because they all seemed to be in a competition of who could scream the loudest into the screen.

“Hi Sy Sy! We miss you so freakin much!” Tawny managed to yell the loudest, clearly snatching what seemed to be an entire laptop right out of my dad’s grasp. I could hear him chuckling in the background, but him and Diana didn’t bother to disrupt her and her obvious moment of elation.

“Hi Tawny! I miss you guys too.” I beamed.

“Can you stand up for a second? I really wanna see all of your gorgeous self.”

Giggling at her naturally over exuberant self, I gripped onto the extended hand of Destani who now stood smiling beside my aunt and allowed her to hoist me up from the chair. I could hear Tawny squealing before my aunt could even adjust the camera to get a full body shot of me… the girl was just a bundle of positive energy at all times.

“Oh my God sister, you are one hot mama!” She hollered. Everyone on the patio burst into laughter, because she was just that loud.

“Thank you… but I certainly don’t feel like a hot mama.”

“What do you mean? What’s wrong?” The smile on her face dropped in the blink of an eye and I had to refrain from laughing right in her face.

“Girl, I am ready to have this baby. It feels like she’s ruining my body more and more every day.” Again, the entire group laughed, and I quickly took that as my opportunity to ease right back into my chair. The way these chunky heels were set up this evening, there was no way I could stand stagnant in them for longer than about five minutes at a time.

“Ooooh and I’m ready to finally meet her! Where is my brother-in-law?” She asked. I barely had a chance to turn my head and lock my eyes on that handsome yellow face a few tables over before I was blinking rapidly with surprise because of course, he was already sitting there staring at me. He wore a smirk and his left brow raised with curiosity as we stared at each other for a while, then he finally stood up from his seat beside Dontay, who also didn’t waste a second hopping up and speed walking behind Chris. I smiled at the sight… the thought of his budding ‘friendship’ with Tawny was really too cute for words.

I just about held my breath from nervousness as Chris approached to my left, taking the place of my aunt who handed the phone off to him so that he could stand closer to me. His entire warm presence to my side was too much to bear… specifically when he kneeled at my side and wrapped an arm through the opening at the bottom of the rod iron chair and around to the other side of my waist.

“Hey Tawny.” He said, grinning as he extended the phone quite a distance away from our faces.

“There’s the beautiful couple,” It was my dad who greeted us now, but I could hear Tawny loud as day fussing about how she’s the one who asked to see Chris, “How ya doing son-in-law?”

“I’m doing pretty good Mr. Donsen. How are you all?” This was hard… really hard. The way his scent flowed into my nose as if it knew it belonged there, the way his breath braised the side of my arm as he spoke, the way his left hand tinkered absently with my hip through the thin fabric of my dress… it was really taking a bit of effort to focus on the screen of the phone.

“Now Chris, has it really been that long since we bonded son? Why do you insist on aging me man?”

They laughed together, but all I could really hear was the sultry sound of the man at my side chuckling like he was trying to entice me.

“Sorry about that James…”

“Well hello there handsome!” Diani leaned in closer to my dad and my gosh was it hard to miss her pearly whites in the center of the screen.

“Hi Diana. Don’t you look beautiful today… how are you?” His charm… my goodness, what was he trying to do to me?

“Oh, aren’t you the charmer,” Glancing at the small screen, I smiled at sight of her shying away from the camera in an attempt to shield her rosy cheeks, “We’re all doing wonderful down here, but we sure can’t wait to make our way to Virginia soon. We miss you all so much and we’re so ready to see that little bundle.”

“Her due date is less than a month away. Can’t we just go down there like this weekend?” Again, I could hear Tawny clearly in the background and this time she managed to wedge her face into the screen right between my dad’s head and Diana’s.

“Girl if you don’t hold your horses…” Diana muttered and we all laughed as Tawny poked her bottom lip out into a pout.

“Stop all that frowning girl!” Dontay exclaimed. I’d completely forgotten that he was standing on the other side of Chris, impatiently waiting his turn to get a glimpse of Tawny on the screen. From what I could see just before Chris tilted his hand to give Dontay a better angle, Tawny’s face instantly lit up into a blinding smile and she slapped a hand up over her mouth to ward off her giggles.

Dontay thoughtlessly snatched the phone from Chris’s hand altogether, earning a soft chuckle and a shake of his head. After watching him blab away to Tawny for a few seconds, Chris turned his attention back to me and I stared down at him, but not for long because as usual I couldn’t hold his intense gaze. I could still feel that left hand tickling at my hip, but his right was now brushing against my right ankle and when I glanced down I could see the tips of his fingers strategically against the most bulging part of my ankle.

“Your ankles are starting to swell.” He spoke softly, but just loud enough for me to hear.

“Yeah… that isn’t surprising.”

“I’m gonna massage them and your feet when we get home.”

“I doubt it. I’m sure you’ll be too busy.” The words blurted from my mouth before I had time to catch them and with one glance at his face, I could see the instant regret.

“Hope, I’m sorry…”

“Sy, daddy said we can hit the road next week! Yes… I’m so excited! Finally… I’ve been cooped up in this house practically every day this summer…” The sound of Tawny’s voice cut him off before he could extend any more of what was sure to be a sad apology.

“Girl you know you being dramatic,” Diana chimed in, cutting off her hyperactive daughter, “Anywho, Madison, James and I will get together to work out the logistics for our trip and we’ll get back with you soon to finalize everything. We hope to have our travel arrangements set for early to mid-next week.”

“Well that sounds like a plan to me.” My aunt said.

“Sy’Diyah, honey…” It was my dad’s voice summoning me back to the phone screen, which had been snatched back from a frowning Dontay by Chris, “We’ll be there as soon as we can next week. Just… try not to deliver my grandbaby without me.”

He chuckled softly, but there was a hint of earnestness twinkling in his eyes. It was honestly hard to ignore the clear excitement by dad exuded every single time I spoke to him since I’d been back home. I would have never imagined him being as enthusiastic as he was about having his first grandchild, but it was truly one of the greatest feelings in the world to know that he was. Whenever we spoke, particularly on video chat, to see the thrill in his eyes and even Diana’s… it warmed my heart and never failed to leave a smile on my face. To this day, I didn’t think there was enough thanks and praise I could give to the man above for bringing my family to me… I couldn’t imagine this new chapter in my life without them.

The Facetime was topped off with lots of love and kisses and after about another hour of mingling with my loved ones on the patio of the restaurant, I expressed my fatigue once to my aunt and she immediately demanded that I head on to the house to get some rest. I didn’t argue with her… until she tossed out the suggestion that I go back with Chris.

“But I rode here with you Auntie…”

“Sweetheart it’s fine. I’ll be at the house as soon as we get cleaned up here.” She explained, leading me with an arm wrapped around my shoulders out into the parking lot with Chris trailing along toward his mother’s car.

“What about Ms. Joyce? Chris has her car, so how will she get home?”

“The same way she got here baby, in the car with Cynthia and I.” She laughed. She slowed me down once we approached the passenger side door of the car and turned me to face her.

With her hands planted on my shoulders, she stared me in the eye and smiled “You will be fine honey. Go to the house, take you a nice warm shower, and get you some rest. I tried to tell you not to go wrapping those tight ole shoes around your ankles like that, but now you need to get home and get them off so you can rest your feet.”

“Auntie…” I whined. She laughed right in my face and shook her head… she was fully aware of the circumstances between Chris and I. She knew of the distance he’d created between us… she knew the lack of time we’d been spending together. So of course she also knew that I wasn’t too keen on the idea of having to be left alone with him for any amount of time.

Leaning in close and wrapping me tight in a hug, she angled her face along the side of mine and got just close enough to my ear for only me to hear her “You need this time with him Sy’Diyah. Go with him and talk… see where his head is at. I’ll be home in a little while.”

Pressing her lips against my temple, she gently pushed me back from her and turned me by my shoulder to guide me into the unlocked car. Chris waited patiently near the rear of the car and he looked nervous when my aunt looked back at him.

“Mr. Gentleman, I think she’s fine. You can get in the car now.” She laughed, knowing that he only lingered there because his constant concern for me would not allow him to let me get into the car without his assistance. I could hear him chuckling as he thanked my aunt and shuffled around to the driver’s side. Once he climbed in and we both bid her adieu, he pulled out of the parking lot and kept the radio on to fill the awkward silence that consumed the car.

I kept my head turned so that I could look out of the passenger side window. I didn’t have it in me to face him… I felt like I shouldn’t have even been cooped up in a car with him in the first place. He felt like a stranger to me, though we’d only been dealing with this issue of distance for the past week. I shouldn’t have felt as awkward in the presence of the father of my child as I did, but… I did. I couldn’t even bring myself to glance at him from the corner of my eye because I just didn’t feel like we meshed right now… I didn’t even want to breathe in his scent.

“Did you enjoy the shower?” His voice was soft and caring, but I still didn’t have it in me to face him.

“Yeah…” “That’s good. I think baby girl got a lot of stuff, which is great.”

“Mmhm…”

He could sense the thick tension between us, I was sure of that the moment he released a deep sigh and zipped his lips. He allowed silence, and the sounds from the radio, to consume us for a while and I was thankful for that… until he cleared his throat and reached over to turn it down until it was almost completely off.

“Hope, I’m sorry…”

“For what?” I asked.

“Look at us… we can barely even hold a conversation right now. Clearly there’s some unspoken tension between us…” “Why would there be tension between us Chris?” I finally turned to face him and my eyes locked on his jaw that clenched just as tight as his right hand around the steering wheel, “Why can’t we have a conversation right now?”

“I don’t know… I don’t know what’s up with us.”

“Maybe if you were around like you know you should be, you would know what was going on.”

That was a jab that neither of us expected me to take, but I knew it was only a matter of time before I blurted my true feelings out to him. I hated the distance that’d suddenly wedged its way between us… or maybe I hated the reality that it was Chris who had wedged the distance between us. I had no idea what was going on with him lately and I didn’t immediately want to place blame on him, but I couldn’t help it… this was his doing, not mine.

“It’s like ever since we made up after what happened that morning in my aunt’s kitchen, you have purposely distanced yourself from me. I thought we were fine after that, but I guess not.”

He didn’t immediately respond, so I turned my head to look at him and caught him biting down on his bottom lip and squinting at the road.

“I don’t know… maybe I’m overreacting.” I mumbled, turning my head to peer back out of the window. In all honesty, I wasn’t really up for this discussion or argument or whatever it was we were engaging in right now. These Braxton Hicks contractions had been kicking my butt since the beginning of the baby shower and now all I wanted to do was get home and lay down. Shutting my eyes and resting my head back against the headrest, I swirled my hands slowly around the sides of my stomach and sighed. Chris didn’t even seem like he was planning on responding any time soon, so maybe I would luck up and enjoy the remainder of this ride in silence so I could focus on nothing but working through this discomfort.

“I hate the way I reacted that morning. It was embarrassing and more than anything I was so upset with myself because I know I disappointed you. I can’t afford for shit like that to be happening now or ever again Hope, you know that. What if one day it happens… I black out, and it’s just me, you, and the baby… I can’t risk that… I can’t.”

“Chris…” I was attempting to say his name to get him to shut up, but it only came out in the form of a weak whisper that I’m not even sure if he heard because now suddenly he had a mouthful to say.

“I mean, obviously we won’t always see eye to eye and I know we’re gonna have disagreements here and there, but I can’t just be losing myself like that right in front of you. We made up, I know, but sometimes it’s still hard to come to terms with my diagnoses…”

“Charlie, please…” With every word he spoke, my stomach seemed to clench harder and tighter and I could feel the sweat building across my hairline. These practice contractions were starting to feel way more painful than what I was used to and not only was it making me sweat, it was beginning to make me nauseous too.

“But I haven’t been avoiding you though, I’ve just been… trying to get everything in order…”

What the hell was he even talking about at this point? It all sounded like gibber jabber to me and I resisted the urge to reach over and slap my hand over his mouth “Chris!”

I could feel his light brown eyed stare piercing the side of my face and once I finally opened my eyes, I turned to face him and noted the sudden frown on his face.

“Why are you crying?” He asked, quickly and urgently, obviously completely forgetting that he was driving this whole car.

“Watch the road.” I muttered, taking a deep enough breath to fill my abdomen with air. Having a nurse as an aunt was definitely an advantage for me. I never set foot in a Lamaze class, because my aunt often dedicated her off nights to putting Chris and I through our own personal childbirth classes right in the living room at the house. We went over countless breathing techniques, but she always made it clear that when the day came, my body would know exactly which technique would work best for me.

So, I continued to breathe deeply using my diaphragm to fill my belly up with air. It felt like it could have brought me some type of relief, but who was I kidding… the shit was almost too uncomfortable for some air to help me!

“Why are you crying?” He repeated, this time with his head facing forward, though he continued to take constant glances in my direction.

Sniffling after my last deep breath, I silently thanked God for getting me through that last practice contraction that felt entirely too strong to not be a real one. My left hand flew up to my face and I quickly swiped beneath my eyes then up over my forehead to rid my skin of the trail of sweat that formed as a result of the pain.

“I didn’t even realize I was crying.” I huffed, laying my head against the headrest once more.

“You’re in pain?” He asked.

Shaking my head, I quickly swiped my tongue out over my dry lips and readjusted myself in the seat… suddenly, it felt like the most uncomfortable thing I’d ever sat on “Not pain, I’m just really uncomfortable. My practice contractions are really bad today.”

“We’re already on the road and like fifteen minutes from the hospital. You wanna go there?”

I shook my head, for the second time, and turned to face him “No, I just want to go home and lay down.”

I stared at his face, smirking at the sight of his jaw clenching and his brows furrowing beneath the brim of his hat “Why don’t you just let me take you up there, just to be on the safe side?”

“I know I don’t need to go right now Charlie. These contractions aren’t even close to the real thing… believe me, I’ve talked about this a lot with my doctor, my aunt, and your mom.”

He didn’t bother to respond at that point and I could almost see the frustration radiating from his skin. I honestly wanted to laugh because I couldn’t help but wonder how this boy was going to act the day my actual water broke. It was clear that he was biting his tongue and trying hard to refrain from arguing against me. He didn’t like the thought of me being uncomfortable or in pain, I was fully aware of that. But if he wanted so desperately to produce all these babies with me, this was something he was going to have to get used to.

Turning to face forward once more, my right hand instinctively dropped to the side of my belly and I shut my eyes again as yet another Braxton Hicks slowly rolled through my abdomen. These intense cramps were really starting to annoy me and I just really wanted someone to tell me how to make them go away. My teeth assaulted my bottom lip and my brows furrowed with discomfort as I rode this one out. What surprised me though, was the feeling of Chris’s hand brushing lightly against the side of my left arm. Eventually his hand eased down to my hand until finally his fingers were laced together with mine. He even went as far as lifting my hand to his lips and gently pressing them against the skin below my knuckles. I smiled at the feeling.

 --

 I’m not sure how long I’d been laying in my bed, drifting in and out of sleep… a few hours perhaps. In the first hour, I dozed off immediately into an unsettling and uncomfortable sleep. The second hour, I think my aunt got back to the house because I remember Chris saying something about going downstairs to help unload the car. The third hour… I was sure that this baby was just a few pushes away from entering this world.

“Sy’Diyah, breathe honey. Just breathe. Chris, can you grab her overnight bag from the floor in her closet? We need to get her down to the car.” My aunt spoke so calmly. Literally nothing seemed to deter her from her serene nature and for that, I was thankful… because I could feel myself only seconds away from freaking out. The only thing that was working to keep me calm and from bursting into tears was her soothing voice and the slow rhythm of her hand swirling against my lower back.

“Yes ma’am.” Chris mumbled as he rushed around the edge of my bed and into my closet to retrieve the bag. He’d been moving like Flash from the moment I initially wailed about how I couldn’t do this anymore. He’d been by my side since we got home from the baby shower, with the exception of the few minutes he spent downstairs helping unload the cars between my house and his with all the gifts.

“Auntie…” I whined.

“Baby you need to focus on breathing. Just breathe… count and breathe, it’s okay.” She instructed calmly, professionally.

“Auntie I can’t… it hurts.” So maybe I wasn’t the best with dealing with pain. Oh who was I kidding, I was the biggest baby with pain. I couldn’t even stub a toe without wanting to fall out and cry like a child. My hand gripped onto her wrist with desperation as she helped guide my feet into a fluffy pair of slides. I was already dressed in a loose t-shirt dress, seeing as that was about the only thing I could wear now a days that was still presentable and comfortable.

“Listen to me, you’re fine. These contractions probably aren’t even real… they’re not even anywhere close enough to each other to be considered real. This is just a precaution, but you need to relax honey… you have to relax.”

I listened to her… allowed the sound and softness of her voice to soothe me. Unfortunately, my tears had already kicked in, because I’m just that much of a cry baby, and she stood in front of me with her hands cupping the cusps of my neck.

“Don’t cry baby girl, just breathe. Look at me… and breathe.” Her thumbs brushed lightly beneath my moist eyes and I stared up at her, matching my breathing pattern with hers. My hands were latched onto her wrists as she continued to soothe me out of yet another practice contraction and once it was finally over, I released a deep breath and shut my eyes.

“If these are only practice, I don’t think I’m gonna be able to make it through the real ones.” I laughed weakly. I hadn’t even noticed that Chris was lingering near the door, staring at me with obvious concern in the wrinkles of the frown on his face. He seemed hesitant to enter the room… afraid even.

“And to think you’ve been insisting that you do this naturally… girl please.” My aunt laughed. She allowed me to use her wrists to pull myself up from the edge of the bed and after she turned to usher me out of the room, she noticed Chris still standing there with his eyes glued to me.

“Chris why don’t you help her down the stairs. I’ve got to go grab my purse and shoes.” Again, the hesitation was still present in his stance, but eventually he quietly stepped forward and swapped places with her. Something about his signature delicious fragrance calmed my nerves almost instantly, so I quickly latched my left arm around his and snuggled myself closer to him. It was my natural reaction when in close proximity to him, even when I felt his body tensing up.

“Hold onto me… and the rail.” He instructed quietly as he guided me out to the stairs. Doing as he said, I reached over and grabbed the rail and allowed him to guide me safely down the steps to the front door. Unfortunately for me, yet another contraction reared its horrific head midway down the steps and I froze midstride.

“You okay?” He sounded so alarmed and adorable and though I wanted to turn to him and coo at his cuteness, the constricting feeling bearing down right in the center of my stomach wouldn’t even allow me to turn my head. I nodded quickly, shut my eyes immediately and clutched down hard on the rail and his arm. He didn’t bother to ask a single other question, but when he turned my body to face him and helped me bend forward to lay my forehead flat against his left shoulder, I nearly cried. He was shifting into one of the many positions my aunt had demonstrated for us for this very moment and my heart was swelling at the thought. His hands had dropped to my lower back and he swirled them in soothing circles, his lips angled perfectly at the crook of my neck.

“It’s okay baby… you’re okay. I got you… you got this.” I couldn’t contain the whimper that fled from my lips, getting lost in the fabric of his shirt. He was so perfect right now… and perhaps it was all in my mind, but I swore I could feel every ounce of discomfort going completely away as he held me and coaxed me sweetly.

“Oh, my babies!” And just like that, the sweet moment was over. My aunt was descending the stairs and when I finally lifted my head from Chris’s shoulder and looked at her, I frowned at the sight of her swiping her hands beneath her eyes… catching a fresh batch of tears that I totally wasn’t expecting.

“Auntie what’s wrong?” I asked, leaning back from Chris, but not ignoring the feeling of his hand still pressed against my lower back.

“I’m just… I’m so proud of you two. Look at you… on the verge of bringing a new life into this world together. I just can’t help but think back to the days when you were both two little shy babies yourselves, with secret crushes that you thought no one knew about. Auntie’s just… so proud of my babies.”

I smiled at the sight of her flustered cheeks, just as rosy and wet from her straggling tears as they could be. We were still crowded in the space of the stairs, but that didn’t stop me from taking a step up to meet her halfway for a hug.

“Thank you Auntie… that really means the world to me.”

She sniffled against the side of my face and quickly pulled back, gripping me by my shoulders and staring between Chris and I for a while before finally snapping back to reality and turning my body to, once again, face Chris.

“Come on girl, you know I can probably stand here for hours crying with you. Let’s get you to the hospital.”

TBC...