#jay's ill

[foreverrelapsing143]

I HIT MY FIRST GW

I LOST 10 KG IN LESS THAN A MONTH

omg...

[foreverrelapsing143]

god I often reminisce to myself how I once pulled off that 9 days fast and UGH I WANNA DO IT AGAIN

I want to test myself, see how long I can last

I want to absolutely fuck my insides up

I want to prove to myself that I'm better than eating

[foreverrelapsing143]

I got so comfortable doing high res, it's pathetic

gonna have a 66h fast to feel valid again

[foreverrelapsing143]

my safe food just grossed me out

and I feel oddly satisfied with it

[foreverrelapsing143]

ok right so I did some math and if I'm gonna lose 10kg per month then I can hit 70kg by christmas and shock this mfs to their core

like omg imagine their faces

[foreverrelapsing143]

and of course I had to ruin it.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK.

[foreverrelapsing143]

for the doctors to not assume all my health issues are weight related

[foreverrelapsing143]

I'm feeling oddly euphoric

like this familiar feeling of control came back

and like I'm finally doing the right thing

even if it means I'll destroy myself in the process, I don't care

all that matters is that I win this time

and I will.