#jaybird rambles

[the-jason-todd-impreganator]

"Batman birthed all his Robin's" but Dick gaslit himself (and othere) into believing it was true to some extent.

—

Dick, eight years old, staring a reporter in the eye: What?

Reporter: Rumor has it that Bruce Wayne and Batman have been seen together.

Dick: Well DUH!

Dick: Batman gave birth to me :)

Bruce, choking on his drink in the background:

—

Later, Jason sitting in Dick's apartment, playing a video game: Any reason reporters think Batman and Bruce are dating?

Dick, not paying any attention: Didn't he give birth to you?

Jason: ???? What the F*CK!?

—

Much later, Jason being told Catherine wasn't his bio Mom before seeing his birth certificate: Oh my god. Batman gave birth to me.

—

Bruce: I'm fine, Nightwing.

Dick: Sure you aren't pregnant again?

Bruce:

Bruce: What?

Dick: You really gotta start using protection.

—

Dick, half asleep during movie night: Can't believe you slept with Willis Todd.

Jason, a full adult: Both my Dad's are hoes.

Bruce: . . .

—

Timbin: Hi, Mr. Nightwing Robin Dick Grayson Sir!!! I'm Tim Drake—

Dick: I KNEW BRUCE SLEPT WITH JACK DRAKE!!!

Timbin: . . . Clearly you're still deeply affected by the death of Jason Todd.

—

Tim, after spending a week with Dick: . . . Dad?

Jack: Yes, son?

Tim: Did Bruce Wayne give birth to me?

Jack:

Jack: Are you doing drugs with Ives??

—

Stephanie:

Dick: I—

Stephanie: Make the joke and I'll make sure you lack your namesake.

Dick: Understood.

—

Tim, walking into the cave: Alfred said Bruce won't be patrolling tonight. I think he was complaining about stomach cramps.

Dick: All the pregnancies really did a number on him.

Jason: Probably Tim's fault, on his medical records it said he was born nearly ten pounds.

Dick: What happened, Tim?! You're so tiny now.

Jason: To bad he didn't consider abortion.

Tim: I wish he aborted you!

Jason: He probably tried to abort you! Your a#& just dodged the hanger.

Tim: Maybe you should've taken note and dodged that crowbar.

Dick: Guys, stop making abortion and death jokes! But to be technical I was the easiest pregnancy—

Damian: WHAT IS EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT?!

Tim, grinning at Jason:

Jason, clearing his throat: I think it's time you found this out Damian...

Dick, dramatically placing a hand on Damian's shoulder: Bruce gave birth to us all.

Damian:

Damian: What?

Jason: Think about it. Who would be insane enough to not abort Tim?

Damian: . . . Father.

Tim: Do you really think Talia Al Ghul would spend nine months undergoing the hardships of pregnancy?

Damian: I . . . No . . . Wait . . .

Dick: Jason didn't die searching for his birth Mother, Dami.

Jason, trying not to laugh: The Joker was jealous that he wasn't the Father, Damian. He killed me because I wasn't his.

Damian: You're all liars!

Jason: It's true! Batman and The Joker were in a very committed relationship!

Dick: My Dad is actually the Joker.

Damian: . . . what .

Dick: Who do you think gave me my love of the circus, Dames?

Tim: It was before the acid incident, obviously.

Jason: Batman cheated on him, that's how I was born.

Damian: . . . Batman gave birth to me?

Tim: Batman gave birth to all of us, Damian.

Duke, in the background: I am not a part of this!

—

Damian, the next time he meets with Talia: Mother?

Talia: Yes, my heart?

Damian: Is it true that Grayson was the Joker and Batman's child and that Todd was born out of wedlock from Batman which is what led to him being murdered and their divorce and that Timothy was birthed by Batman from an affair and that you got Batman pregnant and he also birthed me?

Talia, taking his face in her hands:

Talia: I wasn't supposed to tell you until you were older.

—

Bruce: Dick, Jason?

Dick: Yeah, B?

Jason: What?

Bruce: Can you please stop telling your siblings elaborate stories regarding me birthing them?

Jason: No.

Dick: What? No harm no foul!

Bruce, inhaling sharply: Damian beat the Joker within an inch of his life today, screaming "Why couldn't you love Todd as your own?" And then, as he was being taken to Arkham, shouted, "Do you know what the divorce did to Grayson!?"

Jason:

Dick:

Bruce: Tim still thinks I slept with his Father.

Jason: Didn't you?

Bruce: Jason.

Jason: Bruce.

Dick: Okay, so, maybe it's a little bit out of hand...

Bruce: Damian think you're a child of divorce between me and the Joker! Harley Quinn keeps asking why the Joker didn't even get weekends with you!

Jason: Maybe you should've thought about that before getting the divorce.

Bruce: Jason. Peter. Todd. Wayne.

Dick: Look, B, it's not that bad! It's funny. Dami will grow up and realize it was a stupid prank.

Jason: The story bits yeah.

Bruce: . . . Jay, what do you mean the story bits?

Jason: He'll still know you birthed us all.

Bruce:

Dick:

Dick: Jason. You know that Sheila is the one who actually gave birth to you, right?

Jason:

Jason: Dick. You told me that you picked out my middle name.

Dick:

Bruce:

Jason:

Dick: Now you're f*cking with us.

Jason: I could be. I could not be. But either way, betrayal happened in this room tonight.

Bruce: Dick.

Dick: Okay, fine, I'll stop telling people you birthed us and let the Joker raw dog you...

—

Meanwhile, many years earlier, the one time a reporter interacted with Alfred:

Alfred: I birthed the boy myself! I do believe I am fit to be his caretaker!

[soulsforsales]

just thinking about jason todd's hands.

big, big hands that dwarf your own. makes yours look like a baby's. his long, slender fingers that brush the hair away from your face, tucks the stubborn strands behind your ears, pinches your cheeks almost as gently as they curl inside you.

big thumbs that brush at your bottom lip, eliciting a sharp inhale or a hitch in breath from you. thumbs that wipe the tears from your cheeks or press softly against your eyelids after a long, tiring day.

huge, huge hands that cradle and squish your face, always making you giggle and smile like you've been offered the sun. hands that cradle the back of your head when sadness weighs heavy on your soul, holding you impossibly close, letting you know that he's here. forever will be if you let him.

hands that have to touch, touch, touch you.

hands that find you in darkness. in crowds. through tears and nightmares.

jason's hands are calloused and rough from years of fights. from years of finding his way through the dirt life has thrown at him. his knuckles are always bruised and cut. covered in blood sometimes. his touch can never be soft. no. it cannot be comfortable. it cannot feel like feathers touching your skin.

and yet.

yet when he touches you, you sigh in such contentment. with such a blissful smile on your face that jason is forced to believe otherwise.

and you? god you're weak for him. so, so weak. for him and his big, calloused hands. for him and his half smiles. for him and his unexpected gentleness.

jason todd might not believe he's capable of softness, but you saw it in his heart long before it ever made to the surface.

you love him for all the softness he doesn't realise he gives. hoping you can help make it's way back to him.

[chara-james-crack-corner]

Have some adult J.J. + TimBern + Freaky Bernard Dowd.

As a treat.

18+ for suggestive-ness

—

Tim: . . . Green is a sexual colour if you try hard enough.

Bernard: No offense, babe, but green is the colour of vomit. Hard turn off.

Tim: So if I wore silky green lingerie, you'd be turned off? Alright.

Bernard: . . . Wait.

Tim: Nope!

Bernard: WAIT!

Tim, cackling: You f$#&$ed up!

Bernard: WAIT! NO! TIMMY! TIMOTHY! TIMBOO! MY BELOVED!

Tim: Live with yourself!

—

Stephanie: Do you think Tim keeps getting with blondes because they remind him of his Mom?

Bernard: I mean, isn't it a thing where guys go for partners that somewhat resemble their Mom's?

Stephanie: That's a weird thing, but if we think on it, would Tim consider Harley or Janet his Mom at this point?

Bernard: . . . Am I a Harley Quinn or Janet Drake?

Stephanie: Worse. You look like a blonde Catwoman.

Bernard: That's... Better than the other options.

—

Bernard: . . . I can't decide if you laughing during sex is a turn off or on.

Tim: Sorry, sometimes I think of being tortured mid sex.

Bernard: I??? Like, in a sexy way???

Tim, shrugging:

Bernard: . . . Is that . . . Should we explore that?

Tim: Get the rOPE!

—

Tim, after being called a slur in public, slowly pulling his flamethrower out:

Bernard: Babe, no, that's illegal.

Tim: A hate crime for a crime, BABY!

—

Tim: My mental stability changes depending on if my boyfriend is near me or not. For example, I am in a room with no boyfriend, so I alphabetized the bookcase... In a secret way.

*Later*

Bernard: Tim, why the f#-$ is Fifty Shades Of Grey next to Hamilton's biography???

Tim: Neglect.

Bernard: ???

—

Jason: Sometimes I regret letting you move out to live with your boyfriend.

Tim, with several hickeys, bruises, and bandages on his face and visible arms and legs: Why so, dear brother?

—

Tim, crying while holding a TV remote:

Bernard, walking in: . . . You good, babe?

Tim: Please never disappear after you give me your soul.

Bernard: . . . Deal.

—

[clarkkentsasseater]

Arkham Knights Jason Todd.

"have you got something to tell the nice guy, jason?"

[margotelizabee]

I saw someone’s drawing of jaybin in a pool of blood after getting getting beat in the warehouse the other day now I can’t get over the idea of his yellow cape dripping red with blood while he’s a ghost.

[timelinesjwriter]

torturing the character again btw!!!!!!

[memezmer]

Someone draw jaybird and redhood as that one uptown girls screencap on the tram/bus/train i have a vision

[maelstr]

I support Jason's villain arc 100% and no one is taking that away from me