Rambles about an au I'll probably never fully write out
Contrary to popular vigilante assumption, the Red Hood does, in fact, have a civilian job. He actually really likes his job! It's super flexible, he sets his own hours, his own rates, is his own boss - heck he even likes a lot of his clients, and finds the conversations they fall into to be very grounding and comfortable.
It's also been a big help to his vigilante work to boot! After all, it's a hell of a lot easier to figure out what the sex workers in Park Row need and want when he himself is one of them.
A few of the Johns I've imagined for him:
Serious and dour. Has a tendency to overstate her displeasure and only let slip the faintest of praise for what she actually likes
Thinks flirting is inane, incomprehensible, and demeaning. Almost wept with relief when someone tried to insult her by telling her she'd never find a husband and would only get laid if she was paying someone
They would never want to be friends with each other, but hold a mutual respect for each other's intelligence and general attitudes
Claims to hate gossip, has bitched about her coworkers so much between rounds of making out that Jason has highly detailed profiles on every member of her entire department whether he likes it or not
Met him when her sorority hired him for a party (one of his least favorite jobs - handling 23 drunk people as a service worker is simply always going to be stressful no matter the industry)
Has changed majors like five times, perpetually finding herself
Generally pretty jovial and chill, though it took her a little while to get over her initial awkward towards him and his profession
As much as a client who doesn't know about your secret crime lord identity can be a friend, she's a friend
Complained about being a poor loveless virgin and jokingly asked to get laid with a tall hung goth guy for his birthday
Jessica is not one to let her friend's birthday wishes go unfulfilled!!
Dick actually walked in on Jason putting on his outfit for this - black and red plaid skirt and spiked black leather jacket over full body fishnets and chunky boots - but assumed/concluded it was for an undercover case. Jason feels weird about the way Dick seemed to assume he'd never do this for anything other than a case, like it was yet another price to pay for vigilante justice to prevail.
And lastly one that's kinda an offshoot from the original au, which I think works better as Jason having a genuinely separate social/civilian life that the other bats aren't involved with at all, but also I am weak to jaytim and comedy so here we are:
Tim Drake and Bernard Dowd... Kinda
Similar to Devin except he's talking about what kinda guy he'd want to lose his virginity with to Tim, who has a very obvious crush on him
"I'd really like my first time to be with someone with black hair and blue eyes, who's strong and driven and caring and looks so very hot on a motorcycle..."
Tim Very Badly Misunderstands these incredibly obvious hints bc he thinks to himself, "Hmm, who's the best, hottest guy that fits this description and that I could absolutely trust to treat my crush right 🤔???" and hires Jason, his other crush, contenting himself with going home after introducing them to go sit on his lonely cuck chair
"You know he meant you, right?"
"Nooooo, he couldn't've possibly meant me."
"So you definitely were trying to get into Tim's pants, right?"
"Yeah I was super trying to get with Tim. Did not even think I was being subtle."
They end up having a threesome about it
