#jefner

[dannymoons2k]

(MrOneDayAtATime)

[dannymoons2k]

Do you remember?

Do you remember? When we both conversed and fell asleep on the floor? Do you remember? When you came and sat next to me to pray with me? Do you remember? When you came and sat next to me in silence when I was going through depression? Do you remember? When you came over and laid your hands and prayed for me? I have nothing but thanks and gratitude for your support and compassion you had for me. Without you I would not have been able to survive my early youth, which was filled with hardships and family dysfunction. Unfortunately, we do not speak or make contact at all anymore. It has been 6 years since we have hada a full conversation. I miss you so much. I have nothing else to give to you but my prayers. I pray that more and more blessings will be poured unto you. With more opportunities, success, joy and happiness! Jen, I always did care for you. I still do. I am only staying disconnected because I believe that it will be best and healthy to do so. You have no idea how many times that I have wanted to see you. To be honest i am more afraid to make effort in contacting you. Only because i am afraid.

[dannymoons2k]

I got to see you again, but.... in my dream.

The dream was so vivid, it was so long. I wasn’t sure exactly where we were but it seemed like a big community home. Big beautiful yards and large landscapes. It almost looked as if it was in a rural part of Europe. The look on her face when I ran into her, was not what I expected. She was so glad to see me, there was so much joy, I couldn’t believe it. For a split second I was so afraid when we came face to face, but all of a sudden all fear fell and the nostalgic emotions that I had in the past came back. The joy she was permeating was so contagious. Immediately it was as if I was home again. 

(going off tangent into reality) 

“This past year I have gone through so much. Parents losing the house, I was forced to move out on my own, had to juggle with a lot of financial responsibilities, both cars I had broke down on me. The first car collected debt and I had to sell it and the second I had to fix and repair it myself. The Bicycle was my transportation.  I was forced to work harder than ever before, to save up for repairs on my car, to work on the car myself and make time for my job and school. During all of this I had to work full time, went to school part time, and also did a lot of side jobs, had a couple heart breaks and multiple disappointments from many diff people along the way.  It was hard and for once I felt as if i was able to grow and mature during the harsh circumstances. I made many decisions not to go back to the things that were holding me down. However, every now and than she would pop up in my mind. Even after 6 yrs. This dream was what brought me back home.”

(back to the dream) 

I felt like I was home. Home as in peace, Home as in feeling whole, Home as in you are in a safe place. As we conversed and spent a lot of time together. I couldn’t help but to gaze into her beauty. She was so gorgeous, it reminded me of the time when I first saw her at the age of 12. hahaha. I was surprised that she didn’t have her violin with her. I remember she always had it with her wherever she went. When we were catching up with many things, it was like right where we left off. I was surprised at one point she did get upset with me when I disappeared for a couple minutes in the dream. She kind of went off at me and said, “Oh you think you can just show up and disappear like that again?” “Where were you?!” But I quickly calmed her down and reassured her that I wasn’t going to leave, I just had to go and do something real quick. Immediately she calmed down and said sorry. And from there all I can remember was staying at the place with her, than I woke up.

(my two cents)

 I thought that it was interesting, when she freaked out when I disappeared in my dream because for the longest time I have been trying to make contact with her in between the time of silence in our life. But I eventually gave up when she started ignoring me. However I knew there was a reason why so many other relationships that I have had tried to pursue, never fall through. So I still wonder till this day. What does this girl really mean to me? Why wasn’t I allowed, or able to let go of her fully and move on? Why am I still having dreams of her? and will we meet again?

[dannymoons2k]

An old friend ill never forget. Being so young at the time, people make mistakes.  So young so confused it could’ve been worth it, you and I would have made life so perfect. You are my muse, my best friend, someone I loved. We were just so young, a lot of miscommunications, decisions made were so immature. Its been so long and so distorted it all left unspoken. Will time mend? Will I see you again? During the times of silence. With new friends and relationships. I have yet to see a heart like yours. A heart id love to take home once more. That option is completely broken. Cause now I don’t even know if we are the same individuals we once were. Life struck us down, experience brought beliefs, core values have evolved, and our definition of love might have been lost.  One things for sure this memory hasn’t gone. Im hoping it will mend our broken hearts. The memories that bring joy, the memory we once knew, if you can see it with rose coloured glasses. I hope you can see that I did love you. Someone I can trust that someone that I left to rust. Ive made a big mistake. I was young, insecure, and dumb. If I can go back and do it all over again. I would definitely do it in a heartbeat. I do want to see you. But you probably don’t. I do pray for you from time to time. Know that i haven't forgotten about you. I really do care about you, but I'm just afraid to reopen scars if i made any effort in contacting you. I Wish we would’ve met at a later time. With maturity and intentions aligned. But now strangers we stay, with heartache and dismay. That maybe one day we will see each other, like strangers that never met. To  start anew and find love for each other again.