#jess ann

[10tacless]

i never really feel ‘here’ anymore, no amounts of alcohol, cigarettes, drugs or sex can ever make me feel alive. why am i dead and numb at such a young age? i want to die but subsequently i want to feel alive, feel real.

[10tacless]

There's so much stigma when it comes to females, jealousy and the controversy that occurs when people find out their ex has a new partner. Like I see so many females go "*suchandsuch* has a new partner, shes a slut, she's a bitch, she has shit hair/bad brows/ some other insult".

Like, sure, of course sometimes it's a little confronting at times when someone you were with for any amount of time continues on in the dating scene, however hating on an individual for the sheer fact that your ex is happy and continuing to date someone that makes them feel good is just pitiful and kind of shameful.

Some partnerships don't last forever, whether that be platonically, romantically or sexually, etcetera. Learn to deal with the difference without resorting to negativity, it only reflects badly upon you and not your ex or their new significant other, yo.

[belleoftheballpoint]

Submitted posts confuse me when it comes to the posting of them, so I just copy-and-pasted this one, lol. 

thisisacrazydream

submitted:

The one thing I love about your URL change (other than the name) is that you were upfront about it.  I am following some people right now that I’m not sure who they are anymore, lol.  So thank you for that.

Thanks, lovely! I understand why url changes are so confusing, I’ve been confused by them before, too, which is exactly why I wanted to make sure I let y’all know about it. :D

And speaking of... friendly reminder everyone, my url used to be OutlawQueenLuvr and now it’s belleoftheballpoint. 

[belleoftheballpoint]

Illuminate the Hollows

The human being is a lot like an upright clock, where the true nature of our being is found in our internal mechanisms. Like the planks of wood that encase the cogs, the physical structure of the human being alludes to its inner movements and workings: the lungs that produce breath, the vital heart beat, the mind that holds memories, and the feelings attached to such memories. From romanticized longing to the remembered and reverberating sorrows, memories are saturated with subjective feelings, and it is only with time’s passage that the polish of a memory wears away, unearthing the truer reality of our bygone existence.

And so one finds that there can be regret in remembering life objectively, and why the word ‘nostalgia’ is a combination of two Greek words: nostos—to ‘return home’—and algos—‘pain.’ The memories lived, images seen, childhood firsts, and original imprints of what shaped us then and continue to shape us now cannot always live below the surface.

It is when we illuminate the hollows of ourselves, the whole of our being, that we experience nostalgia as new light is shed on the recesses of the past. Though we may hoard and suppress what we desire to forget, it is the returning back to the pain that manifests the truth of who we are.