#ji: journal

[choroais]

ᵢₜ ₗᵢₙ𝓰ₑᵣₛ 𝓌ₕₑₙ 𝓌ₑ'ᵣₑ 𝒹ₒₙₑ

                                               @concealedkai

[choroais]

♡♡♡ 야, 바보! Dɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ? Dɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴏᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɪᴛ? Yᴏᴜ ғᴏᴏʟ. Yᴏᴜ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ I ᴡᴀs ᴛᴏᴏ sᴄᴀʀᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ ɪᴛ ғɪʀsᴛ. ᴵ ᵐᶦˢˢᵉᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ˢᵒ ᵐᵘᶜʰ #𝐧𝐨𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬 #𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 ♡♡♡ @concealedkai

[choroais]

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

         ❝  소년 소녀 백서

             그런 그녀 있어  ❞ —   

           TIRAMISU CAKE

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

[choroais]

Entries

Title: Bae Mother Fucking Ji Yeon ( early 2017)

Why did I have to follow the script that only cast me as a supporting character? When I was in the first years of middle school, a girl noted how fat my neck was. From that day onward, I never wore my hair up. It was because I cared so much about fitting in. Every kid wants to be cool and beautiful, yet there was never a chance I could be. My father was my father. They were who they were. I had found myself trying so hard to be a duck, but I’m not a duck. I’m a swan.

He made me realize that. My first kiss walked by shunning me blah blah blah, but this is not a story about him. I’ve written that time and time again. This story is about the swan being a swan. This is my history. 

I had always been good at school, but I got better. I divulged in education and cunning. Mornings were pre-workout skincare, sport, shower, post-shower skincare, breakfast, and off to school. I liked tennis and swimming, but that was replaced with running. Days were: days classes, lunch, post-lunch skincare, afternoon classes, and off to tutors. I was unbeatable. Even when others paid the teachers, I was unbeatable. Nights were: tutors, home, dinner, personal studies, shower, post-shower skin care, and sleep. During one of those late nights, I tied my hair up. Regardless whether they thought my neck was fat or not, I did not care. I was not to be looked down on.

Then it happened. I wasn’t to be looked down on. Apparently, the fat on my neck wasn’t what made me so hideous. It was my family’s stock price. By the time my third classmate called me so pretty, I felt angry. All this time, I was beautiful, yet I allowed myself to believe I was worth nothing? Was I not my father’s daughter, a man that made something from nothing and further on and on and onto me and all those he partnered with.

I wear my hair up most days now. Why? Because I’m Bae MOTHER FUCKING Jiyeon. I am not to look down on myself.

[choroais]

I ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ sɪɴɢ ɪɴғɪɴɪᴛᴇ ᴍᴇʟᴏᴅɪᴇs ɪɴ ᴘʀᴀɪsᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ᴍᴏᴍᴇɴᴛs ɪɴ ᴡʜɪᴄʜ I ɢᴇᴛ ᴛᴏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ. @concealedkai

[choroais]

Entries

Title: Red

When did red become like that? His lips that night were bright like rubies. They painted mine, but now the shade haunts me. Has my lover been kissing the autumn leaves as they fall onto the pavement? Has he sown together a thousand crimson scarfs to remind me as I pass each warm passerby that he has claimed me? On the sweetest day full of a thousand candies, I cannot hide from the memories or the truth. In every light pink to the darkest maroons, I hear symphonies. They all sing over and over to me. "His smile! His smile! It was only for you." How can I not believe them? My eyes had not known it before. Curved up in true purity for only his lady, my man had kissed me with those red velvet lips. He had turned me red too. My lips, my cheeks, my soul, and my world all became that shade between orange and fuschia. I don't think red was always like that. No, it wasn't. He had reached deep in me in our tender talks. Through innocent intentions that grew into the deepest passions, he learned the language of my heart. He danced along with my mind. He respected my body. With all he did, he gave. Red became forever changed. I can no longer see color like I did before he came and expanded my mind on what all color could mean. Red. I'm sure red is just one of many in a series. I'm sure he'll be rewriting each frame of mine. Every view from my eyes will soon be double checked from his perspective before the final process. And if he can just make a color like this, I will let him. He will come to change, and I will let him. I will let him.

[choroais]

Entries

Title: Latest Reading from the Shamans

The Empress: 75%

“Celebrate life’s grandeur…its brilliance…its magnificence…”

The Empress represents motherly, prosperity, creativity, sexuality, abundance, fertility and comfort which most often observed in maintaining peace.

Often belongs to people of authority or wise and motherly figures.

The Fortune: 75%

“Alongside time exists fate, the bearer of cruelty.“

The Fortune Arcana symbolizes Fate and varying luck, fortunes, and opportunities. What goes up will go down, what goes down will go up.

You are aware of your fate, and attempt to seize your own destiny in spite of your seemingly-locked fate. Thus, you are typically involved with making important choices and decisions.

The Priestess: 75%

“The silent voice within one’s heart whispers the most profound wisdom.“

The Priestess is a symbol of hidden knowledge or other untapped power, wisdom, mystery, and patience.

Usually quiet, reserved, and very intelligent. Often modest and shy, and won’t open up easily to others.

Love Reading: 89%

You are enjoying an exceptionally smooth relationship. Whatever the situation may be, even though misunderstandings crop up, you easily manage to create a deep harmony. It does not imply that communication between you is particularly intense or special, but it means that for both of you, love requires no effort! Your compatibility index is remarkable and quite exceptional. Your relationship is extremely harmonious, to the extent that superlatives are unable to express its essence... 

[choroais]

Entries

Title: Latest Reading from the Shamans

The Lovers 80%

The Arcana is the means by which all is revealed. “There is both joy and wonder in coming to understand another…” The Lovers represents two paths life could lead to, and thus a symbol of standing at a crossroad and needing to make a decision. It is also portrayed as a symbol of love and romantic relationships, although it can also be a symbol of finding agreement with an ordinary friend or even two conflicting elements within. You are popular and their emphasizes on social interaction.

The Judgement 67%

The Arcana is the means by which all is revealed. At the end of his journey there was nothing but an empty space, a vast land with emptiness. And he finally understood that the journey was himself, his life and how he lived." The Judgment Arcana, in tarot, is associated with realizing one's calling, gaining a deep understanding of life, and a feeling of acceptance and absolution.

The Empress 67%

The Arcana is the means by which all is revealed. “Celebrate life’s grandeur…its brilliance…its magnificence…“ The Empress represents motherly, prosperity, creativity, sexuality, abundance, fertility and comfort which most often observed in maintaining peace. Often belongs to people of authority or wise and motherly figures.

The Hierophant 66%

The Arcana is the means by which all is revealed. “It is indeed a precious gift to understand the forces that guides oneself…“ The Hierophant is a symbol of education, authority, conservatism, obedience to rules and relationship with the divine. You are a person who interprets sacred mysteries or esoteric principles. You are matured enough, quite wise and logical. However, you are somehow associated and obsessed with the past.