#jiseokxcel

[kwonji-yong-blog1]

mammon

mammon: when were you most greedy? for what?

The ginger pauses momentarily and lets the question sinks in. When he starts speaking, jiseok knows it’s Jiyong answering and the menacing Gdragon was momentarily gone.

“There were two occurrences. When I desperately wanted to feel something—    power— and sought to become a demon and when I lost my heart and wanted to rule hell. The latter’s more severe, I was completely unstoppable. It felt weird, to have so much emotions and power but just never feeling satisfied. I think when you become a demon, sometimes the human traits and feelings still exist but only suppressed. Unlike being possessed, where (I believe), there’s still a part of you that’s still human and could be retractable.

“I never felt guilt, I never felt remorse, I never felt happiness, I never felt satisfied. But something in me clicked and made me feel alive, when I was killing and getting souls, and changing shit up in Hell. I wanted to accomplish so many things: an army, company for my entertainment, destroy the angels and witches, fucking kill all the hunters but,” and Jiyong suddenly stops. 

He disappears (Jiseok rolls his eyes at this) for a while but reappears back with a bottle of water in his hands. “Thirsty?” The ginger offers, then continues.

“I got hungry for a heart, I knew I didn’t have one but I didn’t really thought much about the aftermath of having one again, because I was always greedy for what I did not have, and greedy for what I could get my hands on. I couldn’t locate my own heart and almost went berserk, feeding six-seven times a day. I eventually stopped when I just took some John Doe’s heart and placed it back in mine. It was one of the most, if not, the most excruciating pain. It felt like a thunder of something just breaking unto me.”

Jiyong smiles slightly with an unreadable expression written on his face, “I used to think humans like to chase for the unobtainable. I think (perhaps) all beings liked to chase for the unobtainable.”