Johnny had a big family — sisters, mother, father, grandparent, uncles and aunts. All waiting for him to come back, proud he got where he is now.
Well, that's what people knew. Not the flags back in his flat, the TV that glows too brightly to be turned off now, the tucked away rosary that no longer means anything for him, the scars that have nothing to do with the job. He stands and laughs, tells stories of his childhood, the ones that haven't yet turned bitter in his mouth. He boasts about his sister's accomplishments and his nieces and nephews health and the warmth of a house he's not sure he'd recognize anymore.
It's a funny thing, to have such a loving family yet not fit in it. Maybe that's why Simon never questioned when he'd stay in base during holidays, never mentioned it when Johnny would hiccup in his lieutenant's chest, the hollow of a family he'd never fit in aching and churning.
synopsis; no matter what, you and johnny are inseparable, right?
-in which to you johnny is your everything, but to johnny your just an awesome friend.
you shot awake, covered in a thin layer of sweat. you look to your left, looking at the digital clock that’s propped up on your side table. A scene that’s all too familiar to you.
“suddenly its 2:30. as always, I think of you. I toss and turn again today”
The fatigue from your previous nap slowly fading away as you blink, trying to process where you are.
Once it you register that you’re in your room, your thoughts immediately start to drift. Thinking of things ranging from your upcoming exams, to what you ate last week, then, to johnny.
“In this sleepless night, all I think of is you”
You let out a sharp sigh, as you sit up. Johnny was your best friend. Well to him, that’s what you were. To you, he was much more than a friend. You love johnny. He was your sun, and you were always in his orbit. Hovering in the same place and never moving.
“The same orbit as always, you are my sun”
“In this sleepless night, I keep hovering around the same spot”
…….
you had always been there for johnny. Even from the very beginning, you both have been inseparable, best friends who knew each other inside out. You guys spent hours together, hours you wouldn’t trade for the world.
Texting late into the night, hanging out on weekends, and even weekdays for fucks sake!
Sharing the kind of bond that you guys would only describe as soulmates, platonic ones at least. Despite knowing everything about each other, you had a secret that you’ve kept from johnny for years.
“Our relationship labeled as friendship, I wonder if I’ll ever ruin it.”
You had a crush on him, maybe even loved him. Though you’ve never said the words out loud, there was no need to. It was enough just to be close to him, even if you knew deep down that he’d never see you the way you saw him.
“I just hover around you, almost as if I was lost.”
And you were okay with that, that’s how it has always been. Or at least, what you told yourself being that you were terrified to lose the friendship you guys had.
“I revolve around you without being able to move closer”
You and Johnnys friendship had been a constant in your life. Being that you’ve known each other since you were kids. Even when Johnny slept around, told you about the new girls he was dating, you remained at his side. Loyal, and unmoving.
Everyone one saw it. Well, except for Johnny of course. He was oblivious to your feelings for him. The way you looked at him, the way you gave him little trinkets that reminded you of him every-time you went out, the way you memorized his order from his favorite Mexican spot, and when he had a bad day you’d buy it for him, the little “I love yous” before you hung up the phone.
Everybody knew you had a crush on johnny, it was no secret.
That’s why when johnny walked into your shared apartment where the monthly friend hangouts would take place with are girl you had never seen in your life, everyone turned to look at you.
Johnny never brings girls to your friend hangouts. That’s how you knew he was serious about her.
You felt eyes on you. You already knew what was happening. Mark and Jaehyun, your second closest friends looked at you with an all too familiar expression. You knew those eyes. It was pity.
They knew about your little crush on johnny, and it crushed them just as much as it crushed you to know that johnny didn’t feel the same way about you. As your eyes met, it felt as if they could almost hear your heart shattering.
“you don’t know I need ya”
As johnny began to introduce the girl on his arm, you began to zone out
“everybody, this is my girlfriend jihoon. She’s been wanting to meet you guys for a while, so please treat her with respect!” he exclaimed with a smile on his face.
drip
“nice to meet you guys! johnny talks about you all the time!” she says with the exact same enthusiasm and intensity as johnny.
drop
As everyone exchanged names, you zoned out yet again. You felt your eyes watering as you looked at how johnny looked at her. He looked at her with admiration, love, and longing.
drip
He looked at her how you looked at him. And it crushed you. It crushed you to know that the boy you had loved for years beared himself to another. To know that your feelings would never be reciprocated.
“Yet again I waste my time”
You couldn’t take it. You couldn’t sit through the love of your life talking about the woman he loved. The woman he cherished. The woman who wasn’t you.
You excused yourself before she could even say a word to you. You couldn’t trust yourself to speak. If you did, you would’ve broken down right there.
You sat unmoving in your balcony, thinking of how things could’ve been if you said something. Thinking about how you and johnny could’ve been.
“This distance that always stays the same”
But deep down, you know that wasn’t true.
“Is a distance that cannot be narrowed between us”
You knew you never had a chance from the beginning.
“before I knew it, I got used to the distance”
Pulling out your phone, you had decided to listen to music. That was until you saw your lock screen. It was a picture of you and johnny from years ago.
“I look at your picture again and again, everything is useless”
There you stood, next to johnny as he held up a half-assed congratulatory paper, and a trophy. It was for winning the science fair.
You smile as you recall the memory.
Your heart ached, but you swallowed the pain, as you always did. You told yourself that you were just being silly, that he wasn’t abandoning you. He was just wrapped up in a new relationship, and eventually, he’d come back to you. He always did.
As much as you tried to ignore it, of course, something had to come and hit you with reality.
You felt conflicted, trapped in your thoughts. You were so wrapped up in your thoughts that you failed to hear the glass door sliding open opening.
“Is this seat taken?” Jihoon asked as you looked up, her voice having a slight uncertainty to it, like she was hesitant to even have this conversation.
“no it isnt?”
“can I sit here?”
“yeah, sure.”
jihoon smiled nervously, as she sat down.
“I know you and johnny are best friends, but you guys are super close”
“well yeah, he is my best friend?”
“Okay yeah, well I just want to make sure nothing is going on. He might not notice it, but I see the way you look at him.”
Her words hit you like a punch in the gut, lingering for a bit before you decided to respond.
“were just friends I promise. I’ll back off if you want me too”
“I’d like that”
“He’s with me now, and it feels weird for my boyfriend to be close to another girl”
your heart dropped, her words suddenly feeling like a wake up call. You saw this coming for a while now. As much as you tried to deny it, jihoon wasn’t just an addition to johnny’s life, she was a replacement for you.
“I’ll try to back off then.” You muttered, everything hitting you all at once.
“Thank you.” Jihoon said, the sincerity in her voice almost sounded like she was mocking you.
And with that, jihoon walked away, the conversation you guys had cutting deep. You stood there, frozen, trying to keep your emotions in check. You didn’t want to cry, didn’t want to show to anyone how the thing you were terrified of most was becoming reality. You were standing there, feeling more alone than ever, being forced to accept your fate.
After that day, you kept your word, keeping your distance from johnny. You didn’t text johnny as much, didn’t ask to hang out. You told yourself it was for the best, that he didn’t need you in his life anymore, not when he had jihoon.
But every day that passed without hearing from him was like a knife twisting in your chest.
Johnny didn’t notice the distance, or if he did he didn’t care enough to reach out.
But everyone else saw it.
At hangouts, on campus, or wherever else your friend group went.
They all looked at you with so much pity and you hated it. All you wanted to do was forget johnny.
So much so, that you ended up skipping you monthly hangouts, stopped answering your phone, and stopped coming to campus all together.
Your friends started to get worried, constantly coming to check up on you, bringing you food if you hadn’t eaten, or just being there for you if you needed a shoulder to cry on.
But it didn’t help, nothing helped.
He was your sun, your constant, for years it has been johnny. You watched from afar as he and jihoon seemed to grow closer. Relationship thriving while your friendship withered away along with you, alone and forgotten.
Nights of you lying on your bed, staring at your digital clock, at the same time every night, hoping, even praying, that he’d text you, just like he used to. But the messages never came. Johnny was gone, lost in his new relationship, and you had no place in his life anymore.
For months, you clung to the hope that maybe, just maybe, he’d come back. Check up on you, try to catch up, hell, even a text would be okay. That was enough for you. Enough to know that he still cared. Enough to see that you were still his best friend.
False hope of him eventually realising how much you had always been there for him, how much you loved him and him loving you back.
Deep down, you knew the truth. Johnny found his real soulmate this time and he wasn’t coming back.
It hurt. It hurt bad.
Worst part was that you never got the chance to tell him how you felt.
Never confessed the way your heart clenched every time you saw him with someone else, all for the sake of keeping your friendship.
Now shattering as you accept how easily you have been replaced.
The days turned into weeks, the weeks bled into months, and you watched as your best friend, the boy you had secretly loved for so long, slipped further and further away from you. Letting you know how your fate didn’t end with him.
You remained silent, watching him from afar and letting him live his life, even though it tore you apart.
Because you knew that no matter how much you loved him, it would never be enough to make him stay.
“I love you ,” the sentence lingering in your head. Alone in yout room, the words hanging in the empty air as you chose to keep it yourself.
Johnny would never hear those words. The words you so desperately wish you had told him earlier. But deep down, you know that even if he did, all he’d have to say was I’m sorry and you knew that that's all it would take for you to come running back to him, falling into the same mundane routine of hovering over his shoulder, loving him from a distance.
and’ so, you let him go. knowing that he would never be yours. As much as it hurt to do, you knew it wasn’t healthy to cling on to false hopes of him. Of Johnny. Of the man that you had loved with your entire being.
You had known him longer than you haven’t. And you loved him no matter what.
It crushed you to know that he would never love you the way you loved him. And that was the hardest truth of all, the realization that some people come into your life, and no matter how much you want them to stay, they were never meant to.
Loving him from afar, hovering in the same place, going round and round.
a/n; if you couldn’t tell, this was inspired by the nct u song round and round <3
‘Will you run away again, even if I ask you to stay?’
Johnny stilled upon hearing the harshness in your voice, his eyes widening. Did you think that low of him?
‘I wouldn’t. You know that.’ you instinctively took a small step back, trying to shield yourself from his hurt — or lies — by crossing your arms on your chest.
Your voice dropped to a whisper, as if afraid to break something already shattered. ‘Do I, now?’
Johnny’s gaze dropped to the ground, the deep red tiles reflecting the soft light coming from the chandelier just upon them.
‘Why is it so hard for you to trust me?’
you scoffed in disbelief, ‘You’re like an enigma, Johnny. You can’t trust yourself either, how could you expect me to?’
Johnny watched you turn on your heels, your figure getting more distant as he fought the instinct to stop you, to say ‘I’ll become better, just for you’, to cling on to his last fragment of hope. It felt like losing a piece of himself, watching it slip away beyond his reach.
Because he knew his promises wouldn’t last. He couldn’t change, even if you asked him to, even if he wanted to.
a/n: último capítulo 🥹 uau nunca achei que ia terminar essa série, mas cá estamos. aproveitem a leitura (e aguardem pela volta de when i fell in love!) 🤍
John não pensa como você. Culpa a idade pela diferença de mentalidade, e consequentemente de maturidade.
Ele é um cara mais velho, que pensa em enfim sossegar da vida de "jovem", talvez se mudar para uma casa e largar de vez a vida de apartamentos, casar, quem sabe ter filhos. É o que ele quer.
Você já tem outra visão.
Definitivamente não quer ser mãe tão cedo, gosta da vida de curtição. Boates, bares e tudo que acontece nesses lugares, era seu estilo de vida.
Mesmo com a diferença de pensamentos não queriam dar o braço a torcer, nem se separar. Viviam em um eterno estado de negação de que um dia iriam se separar por causa disso. Preferiam adiar, não falar sobre.
Johnny não era corajoso o bastante para dizer não a você; como um pai de uma criança mimada, ele só concorda em fazer o que você quer.
Mas tudo tem limite, e o de vocês tinha chegado ao fim.
– Essa não é a vida que eu quero, essa não é a minha vida, é a sua. – As mãos dele param no seu rosto, as lágrimas rolam pela sua bochecha.
Você já sabia que isso aconteceria, então porque dói tanto?
– Me perdoa, mas a gente não pode continuar assim. – O Suh beija o topo da sua cabeça, pega as malas que restavam para colocar no carro.
Definitivamente não é corajoso, ainda se culpa por ter te deixado sozinha, mas não nega que está feliz.
Finalmente sossegou, arranjou uma casa com piscina, a esposa e os filhos vieram depois de um tempo.
genre: cappucino, romance, angst, university!au, dad!au, drama, slice of life
pairing: collegestudent!johnny x fem!reader
bean count: 5k+
warnings: confrontation, emotional breakdown
a/n: another friday coffee!🤎note: this is only a work of fiction, it doesn’t reflect the artists’ personalities in any way.
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the moment you set your life in place when you left home was the time where you felt free. the you could do whatever you wanted, made good friends to keep, and perhaps fall in love..?
since the day you and johnny had the dance in the rain that you thought only happened in movies, you noticed how cautious he was towards you. in a way that he was much more mindful on surroundings than you were.
one of those were crowded areas, he made sure to keep you close to him. another was eating at restaurants, he made you sit first before he did and paid for the food instead. and the final thing he did was to keep eye contact whenever you’d talk.
you could hold eye contact before.. but how come suddenly it felt awkward? even if you did look away, you could feel him following your gaze. it made you conscious, though it made your stomach churn into butterflies.
knowing him for almost five months, you knew he was a happy go lucky person. not only he took the role of being a father, he made sure that he still had time for his studies and gatherings. and you were so glad to be part of his circle of friends.
there were days when you felt that nights were so short because you were up ‘til like three to four in the morning with him, just chatting about a lot of things. you found out that johnny was such a great person to keep the conversations going.
if yoohyeon was your best friend, johnny was for sure a close second to being one. something about him just had you feeling secured around his presence. it just felt right.
yeri’s been at her family home for a few days, so the room was quiet. quiet to the point where your thoughts was filled with johnny. sitting up from your bed, you lightly slapped your cheeks to shake out of it. you were in your final year of university, so was johnny, and you’d hate to be distracted.
your eyes just trailed along the floor until your tote bag was in sight. then you suddenly remembered that paper slip one again, finally taking it out to see what it was.
your thigh felt vibrations from your phone, so you checked it to see who was calling. it was the detective in charge of your accident three years ago.
“hello?”
“good afternoon, miss y/fl/n. it’s detective park. i hope i’m calling you at a right time.” he said through the other line. “are you free to talk?”
you sat up straight and curled your fist in to a ball, picking your fingers together. it had been a while since, and you knew the case was a dead end, never reopened for further investigation. “yes, i’m available at the moment.”
detective park shuffled in his seat before answering you. “great, however i’d love to talk in person instead. it’s not a good sight for me to use mobile phone at work premises. hope you understand.”
“y-yeah! sure, um.” you thought for a bit, “can we meet at coffee shop at the newly opened mall? next saturday morning will be preferable, i got a free slot in the afternoon is that okay?”
he smiled, “that’ll be great, miss y/n. i’ll contact you then if there are any changes in the schedule. we’ve got a bit to discuss.”
“okay. i’ll wait for your call then, detective park. thank you.”
“thank you, miss y/n. have a good day.”
—
johnny changed youngmin’s diaper when taeyong leaned on the doorframe of his room. he wasn’t sure how many times he’d seen his older friend did this for and he was a pro by now. “johnny.”
he just hummed, but didn’t look at him. he just continued to clean youngmin’s bottom that was painted with watery stool.
taeyong saw how he sighed, given that he was so stressed about his son’s health lately. however it had been three weeks since the confrontation between him and minji, words needed to be addressed.
so he waited until he finished cleaning youngmin before having that ‘dad talk’ with him. going out to the small living room, taeyong locked his hands together, finding the right time to bring that topic out. “john-”
“if you want to talk about minji and i, there’s nothing to talk about.” he heard him say, and taeyong sighed, knowing he gave a variety of similar responses. he was obviously avoiding it again.
“nothing to talk about?” he tilted his head, “it’s been eating you out for quite sometime now and all you could say ‘there’s nothing to talk about’? you’re clearly affected by what she told you that night.”
johnny combed his hair back, not wanting to discuss it any further. but taeyong was right, he hadn’t been himself lately. he stared blankly at the floor, “she wanted to get back together, tae.”
taeyong stared at him, not believing what he was hearing. kun came out of the bedroom after pulling an all-nighter. “what’s the noise?” he walked to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. his peripheral vision saw how johnny was just doing the task of cleaning diapers. not talking to youngmin like he used to.
“it’s something else. is it, johnny?” kun read him with ease. he guy didn’t say anything, only putting back youngmin’s shorts.
jungwoo came in after his shift at the dvd store, bringing a bag of groceries as well. mark behind him tagged along because he wanted to see youngmin. “alright my dudes, movie night comes early at 4pm! i got popcorn, chips, and ice-” he looked at the room, all dead silence. his brows met, “what’s with the atmosphere?” then gasped, “did someone eat my last box of ice-cream?”
“jungwoo.” taeyong warned him, gesturing for him to sit.
“oh damn, it’s that serious, huh?” he placed the bags on the coffee table. “did i miss anything?”
the guys shook their heads. telling him that he actually arrived on time, then looked at johnny.
“minji’s pregnant.” johnny started.
his friends stared at him in shock, mouths agape. they looked at each other then back at him. taeyong sat forward, his forearm on his thighs. kun nearly spat water, but drooled it back to his glass disgustingly. mark sat back on the sofa with his hands behind his head.
jungwoo nearly dropped his new ice-cream box, “johnny hyung, this will be the second time you-”
“are you really the father?” taeyong asked sternly, though he was just worried. “what if it’s takuya’s? you know they’ve been seeing each other back then.”
“as if she could get pregnant by a lap dance.” kun tried to joke, mumbling a ‘sorry’ afterwards when he felt johnny giving him a slight glare.
mark looked at the older ones, putting his glasses back in place. “it’s a possibility if they have been seeing each other before johnny hyung’s birthday. but sorry to ask, when was the last time you both went out?”
johnny actually had to think about it, taking a few seconds to a minute, with youngmin climbing up to his chest and rested his cheeks on his dad’s shoulder. “february 9th, my birthday.”
“and how far along is she?” mark crossed his arms.
johnny curled his tongue. “she’s probably going on to six months, not sure.”
doing the math, that simple answer proved that something happened on johnny’s birthday. the boys looked at him, just staring into the unknown. they couldn’t figure out what to say. they felt like they already hit a dead end.
with the events that had happened in the past few months, they knew you and him had a connection. if minji really was carrying johnny’s baby, you were going to be put in the rough in their relationship, that is, if you harvested any feelings for johnny at all.
taeyong knew otherwise, he knew johnny the longest and he wouldn’t do something reckless if he and minji weren’t working out. if anything, he was the witness to this relationship since day one.
“youngmin will have a younger sibling.. damn.” johnny clicked his tongue in frustration. “she couldn’t even look after youngmin and now she’s adding another problem to the equation that i’ve been trying to solve for the past year and a half.”
“if we’re talking about probabilities here,” mark butted in, “y/n noona is another solution to all this. i mean, she’s been helping you with youngmin since the carnival date yeah?”
“and giving her more problems she wasn’t even meant to solve?” johnny slowly sat up, rubbing youngmin’s back. “she already has a lot on her plate and i feel bad to be giving her my responsibilities. and she’s physically isn’t strong enough.”
jungwoo scrunched his brows, “whatever you mean, hyung? she was a beast at the dean’s camp, all guys had their eyes on how she dominated the games.”
johnny just realised after blabbering out his thoughts. “i can’t say. it’s between me and her. sorry.”
kun poured himself another glass of water, dumping the one he previously spat in. “she had a trauma in the past, like an accident?”
johnny whipped his head at kun. as expected of the top one student in psychology. “if that’s what you concluded, i’m still not saying anything.”
kun smirked, “okay, but you had her telling you, did she? that ‘secret’ story? all it took for me was just five words and some analysis and your reaction.”
“well i just gave you a prior heads up, so you practically got all the pieces and summed it all. in short, you just got lucky.” johnny stood up, swaying side to side to put youngmin to sleep.
“or i’m just so smart.” kun raised his glass and gave a toast smugly. “i’m also very smart that to figure you’re in love with y/n, for a while now.”
the guys held in their laughs, he got johnny good. if anyone could read minds, it was definitely their very qian kun. and johnny was so chill to the point he didn’t mind to be a little humiliated by his friends.
johnny chuckled, “playing cupid now huh, kun? if i told you that i am, will that prove your hypothesis right in whatever you’re trying to put out?”
“yes and that’s no surprise at all. do you take me as an idiot?” kun shook his head playfully, making the other boys laugh. “but johnny hyung, just to be sure though, we can ask my girlfriend about all this. she’s in nursing.”
jungwoo stood up, going to the bathroom, “and i thought you were going to say that she’s pregnant too.” earning a hearty laugh from mark and an eye roll from kun.
—
walking up at seven in the morning, you stretched your arms and prepared yourself to for class. the campus was breezy and sunny and your hair felt the cool air run through your scalp that you closed your eyes.
you loved it, but hated how it dried your hair. stupid dandruff.
“isn’t she pretty?” you heard some freshmen say and you smiled at them, realising they have been staring at you. they giggled and skipped away in embarrassment.
you bit your lips from smiling and your eyes caught of a person you haven’t seen in days.. and made your heart skip a beat. “john-“
you stopped calling his name after seeing him talking with a professor. he must be very busy with his studies, you thought you should be focusing as well. turning around, a dash of air swept pass by you, almost running into someone.
“sorry!” you exclaimed, “i wasn’t paying attention.. oh choi seungcheol?”
he looked at you in surprise, “y/n!” he smiled, taking balance of the books in his hands. “didn’t get to see you in our minors. it’s been long.”
you hugged your books. this guy was handsome that he could be mistaken as a foreigner. “y-yeah, i guess you’re busy with your games? heard our university’s in the semi-finals.”
he hitched a breath, you were breathtaking up close and he thought you were meeting for the first time. “you bet we are. wanna come watch? it’s after our first semester exams.”
“i’ve got to check, there’s been a lot going on recently but i’ll let you know.” you smiled and continued to talk with him.
after countless of questions and topics, johnny finished his conversation with his professor. he didn’t mind the company but he really needed a breather. his tired eyes were getting droopier by time until he saw you just a few feet away.
he raised his arm to wave, attempting to call out to you. “y/n-“ his smiled faded when seungcheol came into sight as well. he observed how you and him talked to each other. smiley, friendly, natural.. and somehow looked good together. much to his indenial.
not wanting to have an advance overthought, he didn’t like it already. though in his mind, when he put the pieces together, it somehow made sense.
he asked himself how different would it be if you and him hadn’t crossed paths? how much happier would you be with choi seungcheol instead of him? the guy had a good background for all he knew. and would the current situation and burden he was carrying right now be okay for you to hear?
to be honest, he was so torn. just when he realised he was in love with you, he was told about the news that his ex was pregnant. though it wasn’t confirmed yet, his heart still broke. it broke his heart that the possibility of a new chance was taken away from him even before it started.
he never felt so down about something like this before. it filled his mind so much that he didn’t even pay any attention that it had been three weeks since he found out.
staring at you happily conversing with the guy you might take an interest in, he sighed and found his feet leaving the place you both were standing together at.
“y/n?” seungcheol’s voice slowly became clearer. “let’s go to class.”
you hummed in realisation, “hm?” looking back at where you swore you saw johnny stood prior before agreeing with seungcheol. “yeah, let’s go.”
—
saturday. never had you ever felt this much nervous just meeting someone. the last time you did was with johnny at the carnival date. you felt jittery at the time but this was different kind of nervous. it was the kind were you wanted to vomit.
you didn’t care how long it took for the police to catch the suspect. you didn’t care how the weather mirrored your mixed emotions then. you only cared about the person behind the wheels.
people closeby said it was intentional, others said it was accidental. either way, you were the one who got hurt, and that could’ve ended badly.
detective park entered the café, he was glad you actually showed up. not that he thought you wouldn’t. but given the result of the incident, it was something that traumatised you up until now. he had some leads, and he hoped you were ready to hear it.
“ms. y/fl/n?” he called out, “detective park, i’m glad we’re able to see each other.” he brought out his hand for a handshake, sitting afterwards.
“good afternoon detective park.” you returned the gesture, “i ordered cappuccino for you if you don’t mind.”
he smiled at you, “oh thank you. i was going to buy actually.”
you shook your head, “it’s on me today. you’ve been working hard on my case few years back. so what made it reopen for investigation?”
the man in front of you took some files from his backpack. showing you the basic documents from the incident. you looked at the photos laid out to you shakily.
a photo of a car leaving and a person laying on the ground- you. your eyebrows met and looked closely at the photo, not understanding what you were seeing. “i don’t.. understand?”
“it’s a photo we got from the cctv, clearer even.” he said, using a pencil to guide you through the photo. “there’s two cars recorded here, one to your left and another to your right...”
detective park explained the situation that they received new information for the next hour. it didn’t answer or solve the incident, it was a vague lead yet it was something to put hope in.
you had actually started to put it behind you as you wanted to move on. but you couldn’t move on from something if there wasn’t any proper closure, could you?
parting ways with the detective, you needed to get to class in the afternoon. so you made your way to the cafeteria to have catch some lunch with yeri and the boys. sana joined in to work on a project with taeyong, and she waved at you once you were by entrance.
you briefly skimmed through the friend circle, johnny wasn’t anywhere to be seen. he probably had to stay back at the library or class to focus on his studies.
and you recalled one time this side of johnny was not someone to be messed with. the way he gave you a death glare for asking him about a problem from a mandatory math class gave you a cold chill.
“looking for johnny?” yeri teased you, hooking her arm to yours as you both queued for food. “he’s studying at the moment, saying he wanted to beat kun during the first semester exams. he wanted to reclaim his posititon.”
“position in what? isn’t he already one of the top students or something?” you took the tray yeri gave you, scanning the options in front for lunch. and yum, they had such good ones today.
sana just scootered in between you both, “didn’t you know? he scored number one at the entrance exams, projects, and finals until kun beat him at the finals by 0.2 difference last year.”
you snorted, “what was the difference? mispelling and punctuation?” making the girls laugh, and you laughed at your own remark.
“actually it was, much to my disappointment.” johnny’s voice caused you and the girls to freeze on the spot, turning around to see him smiling beside you, grabbing a tray as well.
“johnny.” you softly spoke and your face was visible with embarrassment, “i- uh, sorry i was just trying to lighten the mood, you know stressed with the final year and all..”
johnny mocked your facial expression before smiling again, “and i just happened to be your subject of interest. why? were you looking for me?”
yeri and sana playfully pushed you and giggled at the right assumption johnny made. his eyes never leaving you, and once you faced him you bit your lip. “maybe, just this once because-”
“-because i’m usually around? is that what you’re trying to say?” you blinked at how he finished your sentence so easily and johnny ruffled your hair. “i leave the pretty flower vase on the table for one second and you’re starting to fall already.”
“..’falling for you’..” sana mumbled to you and you gasped in surprise.
“i haven’t broke yet!” you put out your tongue so childishly before marching away from them, your food tray all complete with the food you chose. your friends just giggled at how flustered you were.
the cafeteria became livelier by the time you sat down with the others. students chattering the next hour away while having their lunch. you sat at the table with people you became closer in the past few months. how you wished time would stop, this being one of your favourite things to do.
you took a glimpse at johnny, picking on the food he had with his fork, without eating.
he looked tired than usual, his underbags getting darker by time. you wondered if he was sleeping well lately, because his body language wasn’t as physically active as he used to be. you didn’t know how v long you were staring until you shifted your gaze quickly to the ceiling when he suddenly looked away from his food.
an announcement went over the PA speaker that classes were halted for the day due to the renovation happening at the east wing of the campus, making everyone, including yourself sigh in relief.
lunch was finished after a few minutes and jungwoo suggested to have a stroll at the nearby town, even adding a trip to the cinema to watch the latest film. everyone at the table agreed to it, it would lessen the stress of the seniors: johnny, taeyong, kun, sana, and yourself.
walking towards the exit, some students huddled in a small crowd just by the doors. whispering to themselves that a group of professors walking towards the cafeteria.
your eyes made contact with the two people who ghosted you at the restaurant back then- your parents. stopping in your tracks, your friends turned to look at you, “y/n? let’s go.”
johnny knew that expression you were having, same as the day when you both ran into your parents at the carnival. he quickly flicked his head to your approaching parents and stood in front of you.
the others followed johnny’s blank expression, looking at where he had his gaze at. it didn’t take long for them to know it was your parents and the other board members behind them.
you wanted to run away again. however, you weren’t the same y/n of the past. you weren’t different either, just evolved, matured.
your very serious father lifted his hand up to signal you to come closer, and your mother.. still nailing her usual stone cold aura. as you approach them, you noticed that like you, they too, have matured in age.
“took some time for us to have an appointment with you, y/n.” your dad started, his hands coming out of his pockets. “johnny suh really held his ground.” nodding at the boy next to you.
“he did, which i’m thankful for.” you gripped your hands together.
“we haven’t heard from you for three years.” he casually said as if nothing happened in the past, “so how are you?”
“i’m doing fine. you can see clearly.” you simply answered, yet feeling quite uneasy to be front of them, and in front of your friends.
“and your studies? are they still going well?” your mom finally spoke up, your dad soon nodding in agreement.
not this topic again, it was always the same old conversation when it came to you, nothing else. having researchers and professors as parents meant you needed to maintain the reputation. never had they thought of just treating you like a normal person, you only felt like a robot to them.
“my parents are board directors of education, i thought you have all the records.” you softly sputtered, fiddling your fingers behind you. you whispered to johnny, “please leave with the others, i’ll follow to the cinema later.”
johnny held your hand gently, “you sure? i’ll inform others to go on ahead. i’ll be outside, okay?” gesturing his friends to follow him.
by the time they exited the cafeteria, kun stood in front of johnny, “dude, this isn’t looking good based on their exchange just now.” he glanced around the hallways, “we’ll stay here as well. we all have to be here for y/n.”
taeyong nodded, later whispering to him, “yeah man, you’re not in the right state of mind as well.”
johnny sighed, his friends were on point, and they were right. you weren’t the only one going through crap at the moment. “okay, thanks guys. i owe you one.”
“we saw your records actually, you failed your first year majors and second year minors. and you suddenly made it into the dean’s list this year?” your mom showed you a copy of your academic records.
“you got it wrong, i passed all the subjects i took. i don’t know how you got that false information.”
“good.” your dad sternly said, “at least you know you did well.” he then took his bag and took out a photo, a photo you didn’t seem to recognise. “then what’s this?”
it was a photo of you at a club, all drunk and dancing with people your age, clearly taken by someone else.
“can you explain that?” your mom crossed her arms, you frowned trying to remember whatever that night was. “explain yourself.”
but nope, nothing came to mind. “i don’t owe you any explanation for it because i didn’t do that. if i did, it was a normal party people my age go to.”
“then think harder.” your mom’s voice gradually rose and hit the table next to her, making the utensils jump a little and you flinched at the tone you hated to hear. this was what you feared on happening.
“no.” you firmly reiterated.
your parents furrowed their brows, “excuse me, young lady. mind your tone.”
“oh i mind. in fairness, i’ve been minding everything my whole life.” you pointed out. “i was doing well all my own and now you’re somehow interested in my life?”
“y/n, watch your tongue. we didn’t raise you like this!” your dad noted, approaching closer to you.
you had enough, this was similar to the argument the night you had the accident three years ago. and you were thinking of patching up? it was impossible. you adjusted your shoulder bag, placing your books inside. “raised me? when? i was taught that expressing my feelings was talking back. if you think that i was doing such.. well this is me knocking on your doors so that i could be heard, for once.”
your dad slammed the table, “show some respect, y/n!”
“how dare you! mind your manners!” your mom pointed at you angrily, mirroring your dad.
ah. this was history repeating itself, scolding you for just speaking up your thoughts.
this was overwhelming. you had expected that the outcome of meeting them would be same but this time hurt so evidently that you felt tears prickling in your eyes. your mouth quivered at the result of the nagging and loud voices.
you hoped this meeting would be different, you hoped that after three years you parents would at least show any care. however it was nothing close to that.
“fine. you want explanation? i’ll say it honestly.” you raised your voice, it was something your parents were shocked to see.
“it’s so damn hard to be your daughter!” you bit the insides of your mouth, tears finally falling down. “you both never cared on what i did at all besides my acads but every single time i made a mistake, be it from the past or from that photo that i clearly don’t remember, you always felt the need to point it out.”
as you said that, the atmosphere changed in an instant. your dad’s eyes darkened while your mom didn’t feel like hearing anything you had to say.
“but when i point out yours, it’s rude? don’t you know every night you’d argue, throwing items around and yelling in the dead of night, i had to pick up the mess you made? i dreaded sleep because i’d hear your voices haunting my ears. you never tend to my needs, but i had to tend to yours by leaving your own food on the table? i was scared to do it because if i didn’t, you’d make a big fuss right after. you never came to any of my school activities and i felt like dirt to be the only one without my parents at my graduations! i had to do everything myself!”
your parents stared at you in surprise, “y/n,” your dad tried to calm you down but you went a full on blast.
“you-”oughing your stuffy throat, “-you weren’t even there the night i nearly died!” you cried. at this point you were heaving, your chest hurt and you were at your limit. “you didn’t even bother to look for me because i heard you were filing for a divorce? or have you already done that since you only cared about the money you’d get from each other?”
you failed to notice, but your parents stayed silent on hearing that.
“shoot.” johnny mumbled, and his friends looked worriedly at him, shocked at what they’re hearing. this was meant to be a secret but he knew you’d have to let it out at one time.
“even if you did know what had happened to me, at least show up and be for me for legalities’ sake! but who the hell has parents like that?! oh wait it’s me!” you hiccuped, “m-maybe that’s why grandma and grandpa limited your access to me because they knew how lacking you both were!” wiping your tears with your forearm, “y-you’re both so overbearing, maybe, that’s why i left..”
few students from outside the caferteria saw the scene as if a soap opera was being filmed in front of them. your mom glanced and felt ashamed to be displaying this as board directors.
“is that- the truth?” your mom stuttered, it was the first time you’d seen her so quiet.
“the truth? it’s so hard to tell you the damn truth! after everything you did; even at that dinner you ghosted me at, i wanted to tell you how i felt, but no, you shut me out so i just let it be. you two raised me to be silent!” you turned to your dad, who tried to speak up.
“y/n..”
“and you demand respect, dad? people like you both don’t deserve it when you didn’t even respect the fact that you had a daughter under your roof tolerating your negativity.” you wiped your tears, your face going numb. “i didn’t choose my parents, but you chose to have me, at least take some responsibility!” you cried harder, and the other staff didn’t know when to intervene because you were so broken.
you adjusted your bag once again as you made your way to the door that you decided to say something that was bothering you the longest of time. you turn around to your parents,
“even if you didn’t love each other, i wanted you to see me. i wanted you to love me..” you sniffed and felt your body going weak.
genre: cappucino, romance, angst, university!au, dad!au, drama, slice of life
pairing: collegestudent!johnny x fem!reader
bean count: 3.1k+
a/n: this has a crossover with @jae-canikeepyou ‘s series serenity in us 🤭 read that if you like, you’d love it 🤗 so now i’m back from hiatus! enjoy your coffee time 💚 note: this is only a work of fiction, it doesn’t reflect the artists’ personalities in any way.
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“how are you coping?” was one of the last messages johnny had sent you. after your breakdown and asthma attack, he didn’t send you any more, just short ones as he was planning his baby thesis together with kun on psychology. he also had to do his paediatric studies on saturdays.
besides, you guys were entering to your final year very soon.
you decided to give him space, you as well needed to catch up with your own (being at the library at the moment)- even though it was stressful enough to have your parents by the ends of your hair strands most of your life. it was habitual, you guessed.
it was also ironic because even though you dislike shoving your face in books and research papers, you found yourself kind of listening to their orders of studying hard.
but you soon realised you were doing this for yourself, not for them.
somehow you wished you never agreed to meet them that day. you just ended up disappointed and hurt like you always had.
your phone rang when you just quickly put it down, receiving mean glares and shushes from the people around the table. taking your stuff and shoving them in your bag, you ran out of the library and called back the person who conveniently decided to embarass you.
“you just love to distract me, do you, johnny?” placing your phone between your ear and shoulder, fixing the heel of your socks.
a soft chuckle heard from the other line, a voice you kinda want to hear. “because i know you will be. want to go for coffee? i finished my project so i can meet you at the atrium.”
“please, i got homework to finish.” you dramatically told him, turning to your left then walking down the stairs.
“hm, interesting.” he hummed, “if you got homework to finish then why did you change your path down the stairs?”
you halted as you almost set foot to the atrium’s entrance. looking up, he was there by the railings.
“i see i got a stalker.”
“the one and only.” johnny smiled and waved at you from the balcony before going down the stairs to meet you.
placing your phone in your pocket when he stood in front of you, you laughed, “dear me, do i need to call the police?”
he wrapped his arms around your shoulder, “please don’t. besides you owe me coffee, it’s been a week.”
you slapped his chest lightly. what’s with him and coffee? “dude that’s what you’ve been wanting to do? don’t you have cash?”
“i spent it on youngmin’s medicine. little dude can’t keep still, always running around until he caught fever. but he does get regular check-ups.” he sighed, “medicine should be free, especially for kids.”
as you walked to the coffee shop at the next street, you concluded that maybe it was why johnny took paediatrics, to monitor youngmin’s health.
johnny was on his final year of his double degree in psychology and paediatric studies, so his schedules were going to be busy. an idea came up to your mind. “say, why don’t i take him to the clinic for his checkup appointments? so you could focus on your studies.”
johnny’s slightly tired face lit up, “really? you can do that?” you nodded as you both entered the coffee shop, “that’s great, it’ll be a huge help.” looking at the drinks menu, he hummed. “you know what, drinks are on me today, i’m suddenly in a good mood.”
you giggled when he took out a five dollar bill on his hand, “so you can treat me coffee on days i take him for appointments, deal?”
“deal-“ johnny flicked his head to you, “-wait!”his hand got freed of cash when you took the bill and jogged to the counter. he stifled a laugh seeing you already pointing at your desired drink, smiling endearingly at you until you turned to him.
“johnny, come on here and choose yours!” gesturing for him to come closer, “they’ve got an offer of buy one get one free.”
little did you two know, you didn’t notice the presence of both rowoon and seungcheol seated at the very end of the coffee shop. rowoon thought that seungcheol’s little crush on you was too obvious. he wondered why after all this time, the guy never seemed to talk to you.
“for a jock like you, you’re someone who’s actually soft for the girl you like.” he munched on the scone he bought, seungcheol then shaking his thoughts off of his mind.
“so what do you want me to do?” the doe eyed asked, taking a sip from his latte.
rowoon smirked, checking a piece of a paper slip before giving it to seungcheol. “nothing actually. you can stay put for now, but hold onto this.”
“if this gets us into trouble, rowoon, you’ll know what you’ll get.” seungcheol warned him, taking the envelope from him as the boy stood up to leave.
“don’t worry, hyung. we got this.”
——
“no way! how come i just heard of this?” yoohyeon told you through the small screen, while you ate on ramyeon bought from the convenient store. she tutted her lips together, “hey y/n, is that all what you’ve been eating since i was gone for almost three weeks?”
“it’s my cheat day.” you slurped, wiping off excess soup from your cheek. “i’ve been studying my brain off, i need to de-stress somehow.”
yoohyeon whined playfully, “i want to de-stress too! the expectations here in paris is as high as the eiffel tower. but anyway, answer my question. so it’s still on the rocks with your parents?”
you hummed, not sure how to answer that just yet. “yeah definitely, can’t believe i’ve been stood up at the dinner.. well it’s not like it never happened to me.”
“well isn’t that great? there’s progress!” she sarcastically said because she knew how your relationship was with your parents. she then squinted her eyes. “then what about you and johnny? any progress in that?”
you coughed on a piece of noodle. “t-that, i don’t know. i heard he had an argument with his ex after youngmin’s party.”
“minji? after so long?” she questioned. “well, i hope she doesn’t give him a hard time. the guy’s moved on, given that his attention is so focused on you.”
you laughed a little, “who’s to say, it’s a little crush i have for him. there’s a fine line between falling in love and having a crush, you know? maybe it’s just admiration on my part. but him to me? i doubt it.” you felt a shuffle on the side as you placed the ramyeon on the table behind you, making yoohyeon tilt her head in question.
“did you get a puppy, y/n?”
“a cute one, actually.” shifting your phone for her to see clearly, youngmin snuggled next to you.
“oh, my, word.” she said dramatically, “you’re a certified mommy candidate for the little one. i’ve never seen him so close to anyone like that. johnny must love you to the point he trusted his son to you.”
“a: he doesn’t love me, and b: i offered to help him, alright? we’re not even gonna go there.” you shook your head, combing youngmin’s hair as he slept.
yoohyeon took a snap of that, sending it to johnny immediately. “oh isn’t it time for you to bring him to his appointment? it’s almost 1pm.”
“yes and you’ll be late for class.” you reminded her, “make me proud, yoohyeon. i helped you with your thesis, don’t put it waste.”
hearing you say that made her laugh so early in the morning. “it’s 6am here but roger that, momma!~” waving a goodbye before signing off.
you turned your phone off, putting your legs off of the sofa. then youngmin woke up and wiped his eyes, “mama i’m warm.”
you flicked your head to the boy, chuckling and patting his cheek. “it’s auntie y/n, youngmin.” he sat up and yawned, asking for a hug and you carried him, soon taking your leave to the clinic. “you’re going to get better.”
the little toddler was tired the whole time, and that worried you. wearing the carrier, you placed him facing you while he slept once more. the cooling patch on his forehead wasn’t doing any good to put his temperature down. he actually cried quite a bit on the way so you put a dummy on him, and thankfully he didn’t cause too much of a scene on the train.
stepping in the clinic, you suddenly saw your long time friend, jungkook. his eye smile never failed to be so contagious. “ah noona! you’re here again?”
“yeah, i need to be here for this little one. my friend’s son.” you ruffled his hair, and jungkook poked his cheek.
“he’s adorable! oh and guess what? i’m assisting the renowned dr. jung yunho tomorrow, i just finished meeting up with him.” his bunny smile showing.
you gave him a high-five, you were really proud of him. “nice on you sophomore, it’s gonna look good on your resume once you do your residency and fellowship.”
jungkook just scratched his head, blushing red. “it’s still a long ways to go, noona.” checking his watch, he gasped at the time. “and i don’t want to be late. catch up soon?”
you nodded and gave him a wave, “sure.”
the reception was close by and you confirmed youngmin’s booking. the nurse had to double check if you were the parent, and you clarified that you were substituting the child’s father, who couldn’t make it in the scheduled appointments and showed her the documents with johnny’s signature.
“i actually thought you were the mother. because mr. suh comes here alone often, other than the grandparents. so i got my hopes up when i recognised youngmin with a young lady. sorry about that.” she noted, giving you an apologetic smile.
“it’s not a problem, i haven’t met the mother as well so i guess we’re on the same page.” you smiled a bit, and took a pen from your bag, signing the check-in sheet.
“oh excuse me miss, you dropped something.” one intern next to the nurse pointed down while you muttered a thank you.
it was the extra coupon you had from all the coffee breaks you had with johnny. maybe i should use this later. so you placed it back again to use it again. slowly standing up, you removed youngmin from the carrier while the nurse took him in for a little check up before the actual appointment with dr. yunho.
“miss y/n!” you heard a little squeal, and it was one that you recognised so well. “long time no see!”
“hi liam!” you bent down to have a short chat. “are you here for a check up with the doctor?”
the kindergartener nodded quickly like he was so proud of it. “yes, i got a scratch on my face and on my leg because i fell.” you told him to be careful and he just pouted, saying that he would. he turned around to lady who called him, saying that they had to leave.
at the same time, you were called in by dr. yunho. you patted his hair and bid him goodbye. standing up, you were faced with a lady, who was around your age. must be liam’s mother.. you thought. but who were you to judge?
liam jumped as he left the hospital, whining that he was hungry. “can we go to mcdonald’s, auntie minji?”
she held his tiny hand, “of course, you did really well at the checkup.”
“then can you carry me there, please?” he pleaded, making puppy eyes to convince her, only for her to disagree.
“no can do, liam.” she poked his little nose and teased him. “you know auntie isn’t that strong like a superhero.”
after youngmin’s checkup, you were thankful that he didn’t need to be confined in the hospital. on the other hand, you were so dazzled by dr. yunho, how could someone be so handsome and smart at the same time? it was funny how he opened up so quickly, even mentioning that he had brothers who went to the same university as you- currently year one and year four. it didn’t feel like an appointment at all because of how he conversed.
youngmin seemed to have gotten used to being at the doctor’s, after the fact johnny told you that he used to cry a lot about it. and speaking of him, you got a call, just in time.
“hey y/n, i’m on my way there with bosco, we’ll drop him off at mom and dad’s first, then i owe you coffee again, is it the third time this month? anyway see you both in five minutes.”
you lit up, “sure, we’ll wait here.”
it took about five minutes for him to arrive. talk about consistency: another box ticked on your checklist. he came out of the car to help carry youngmin, while you got on after.
the nurses who saw this from the clinic had their hearts swooned in various places. johnny was young but the way he handled everything made him so mature.
“daddy material..” the intern’s eyes twinkled while she clasped her hands together.
“get back to work, rookie.” the nurse sighed.
“what? you were staring at him too, hypocrite.” she pouted.
as youngmin rested at his grandparents’ place, you and johnny made your way to the coffee shop. patters of rain drummed the windows and johnny sighed when he looked above. “i swear this is like the worse summer ever, it’s been raining for days.”
“can’t help it though. it was scorching hot as well. besides, fall is on the way, in a few weeks?” you stretched your neck and your back from side to side. the feeling of cracked bones was such a relief that johnny glimpsed at you back and forth and scrunched his face.
“sorry, you must’ve been tired from bringing youngmin to the clinic for three weeks.” he stopped the vehicle at the red light.
“it’s okay, it’s workout for me to carry him.” you snickered. as you said that, the rain gradually grew a bit stronger. so you looked up as well, and you didn’t like how it reminded you of the past.
it used to be about your parents, it still was, besides text messages you hadn’t heard any apologies from them at all. and that upsetted you.
another thing was the accident, you haven’t even came into terms with it. you still remembered the impact, the screeches from its tires, the way you flew, and the way you thought everything gone in a blink. it felt like it was yesterday.
johnny knew at one look that you were still processing everything that happened. it was something he wanted to help you overcome but he also knew it was a long journey and that it doesn’t just disappear overnight.
so an idea came up to him, he hoped you were up for it, and he hoped he was right. you felt the vehicle turn sharply to a corner. johnny turned the engine off, “y/n, let’s go out right now.”
your raised eyebrow made him want to laugh but he knew you would love this. “um, are you crazy? it’s raining cats and dogs outside, johnny.”
he just grinned at you. “i maybe am. but with a little bit of play in the cold of ‘cat and dog’ rain, you might just be crazy with me.” he got off the car and ran into the rain, hollering and spinning around.
your eyes widened, frantically turning your head around to check if people noticed him. reaching for the handle, you stared at the rain once more, hands shaking anxiously. should you go out once again?
“awooo!” johnny continued to shout and laugh. you stared at him deadpan, this was embarrassing.
you sighed, “johnny!” the secondhand embarassment you got from him was unbelievable. you ran towards him and stopped him from whatever he was doing. “what are you doing?”
“oh? the puppy chased me and stopped me.” he laughed and you just blinked your eyes in confusion. “cats.. dogs.. rain..? you and me? don’t you get it?”
“johnny, cats don’t howl.” you crossed your arms, finally getting what he meant. “let’s go, before we get sick.”
he didn’t say anything and pulled your arm, “i know you hate the rain but…” he trailed off, taking two pairs of airpods. putting one pair to your ears before he put another into his, he played one of coldplay’s biggest hits, and the song that calmed you down- a sky full of stars.
“let’s have some fun.”
the piano melody and the vocals filled the intro, johnny’s head started to follow the beat and sang. and naturally you followed, singing as well. the familiar music slowly building up. when it reached to the one minute and eighteenth mark, as if you and johnny shared the same braincells, started to jump in the rain.
he held your hand and twirled you around, then suddenly doing a crumping move on this medium-paced song, made you laugh. you’d say it out loud that johnny was a good dancer. it even showed when the next song- adventure of a lifetime, was next in queue.
that was where you confirmed he was groovy, pulling a little genre of modern swing. not that you knew how to do that certain dance pairing, but the music and johnny’s energy just made you dance with the flow.
his guided his hands to yours, leading you with his twists and turns. and in parts were the music were on a slight drop, he led you to follow him on certain easy steps.
you also had your share in adding steps and iconic movements, putting a little michael jackson moonwalk in it. johnny pointed at you in surprise, even in earphones, you could hear his laugh.
johnny and yourself probably looked like idiots dancing in the rain on the road towards the highway. but to the both of you, it was special, as you were dealing with heartbreaks in different aspects. music was definitely a de-stresser.
johnny looked at you with admiration. as you danced away in the rain, he felt like he was witnessing something beautiful. though the music was playing, he could hear his heart beating. and his eyes widened when the lyrics mirrored what he was feeling:
“now i feel my heart beating, i feel my heart underneath my skin, oh, you make me feel like i’m alive again.”
he smiled endearingly, he knew he was so attracted to you. he knew you had space in his heart, and he’d gladly give it to you.
you turned around, hair flicking slowly, then your eyes met.
genre: cappucino, romance, angst, university!au, dad!au, drama, slice of life
pairing: collegestudent!johnny x fem!reader
bean count: 5.4k+
warnings: mentions of bullying, anxiety breakdown, health issues
a/n: last update before i go on a short hiatus for the winter break! will be back in january 💚 enjoy your coffee this holiday my beans! note: this is only a work of fiction, it doesn’t reflect the artists’ personalities in any way.
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hugging her books, yeri plucked up the courage to walk around the campus. despite the rising fear she had in her chest, she had to get to class earlier than anyone else. the wandering eyes she got from just her presence made her feel helpless.
she knew she was stronger than that. she had to stand her ground on her own. being the eldest of four girls, she had to hold herself together in ways of emotions, mental state, and heck, even physically. however, one could only manage one thing at a time.
the tote bag got creases from her grip, she inhaled and exhaled. mentally telling herself ‘fighting’, she made her way to the hallways.
“ugh she’s here again.”
“i know right? it’s crazy.”
“that first year? i heard she’s really close with the seniors.”
“gross, she thinks she’s ‘all that’.”
“cringe.”
yeri wanted to cry, what did she do to deserve all this? she could feel her mouth quivering, making her footsteps speed up. with all the thoughts and negativity building up in her head, an image of you flashed all so suddenly.
she remembered how you consoled her, how you gave her advise to stand strong even if she felt like breaking down. and felt ashamed to not have done the same when you dealt with much harder things.
she still ran though, but became stronger and a small smile appeared in her face then..
she found herself bumping into someone.
“ow- watch where you’re going.” she groaned, rubbing the sides of her body.
“huh, you were the one so busy running-“ a guy raised his voice, his friends seconding his statement. “ah it’s you. the attention seeker.”
yeri froze, not this again.
“you can just stay there, it suits you.” another girl named jennifer giggled then pushing her to the ground, “got all the dirt as your makeup.”
mark witnessed this on the way to the lecture hall for his class. he flinched seeing yeri’s skirt slightly higher than it meant to be. he didn’t think twice and his instincts immediately took over him.
yeri saw this unfold in front of her, like a film, the red and blue cardigan slowly covered her legs. she blinked when mark sat down and blocked her view. her eyes trailed to the glasses he was wearing, his eyes unreadable. if she didn’t do that, she wouldn’t have realised she had tears rolling down her cheeks through the reflection.
the boy stared at her with clenched jaws before side eyeing the people behind who did this. he turned to her briefly and gave a handkerchief to wipe her tears, he whispered. “use this.” mark then stood up and dusted his jeans, placing his hands in the back pockets. “ah, you shouldn’t have done that.. jake. you got my jeans all dirty.”
jake raised a brow, his group of friends huddling up behind him, “you did that to yourself, helping this needy cheerleader.”
“i know, and that makes me a better person than you.” he said quite frankly and jake had a sour face on him; obviously pissed.
“by being an author? you had potential in basketball and yet you gave up your scholarship to become a freakin’ nerd! you’ve disrespected the whole team!” jake snapped, his ears becoming redder.
mark just chuckled, “disrespected? ha, this is why i left. jerks like you don’t deserve respect.”
mark approached yeri, holding her hand to help her stand and pull her away from the growing crowd around them and telling her that they should leave.
“you think you could get away just like that?!” jake called out, attempting to pull his shoulder while jennifer pulled yeri’s ponytail.
yeri let out a startled squeal and mark’s eyes widened, while he himself received a hard punch to the face, both of them falling to the ground. the others just laughed at the scenario and cheering them on.
“mark!” she shouted, her cheeks earning scratches from jennifer’s slaps, the wounds stung painfully as her tears made contact.
jake was actually enjoying this, continuing to punch the boy while the others kicked his body. he was about to give the hardest punch but his arm was yanked back. he looked behind, and his eyes widened when he realised who it was.
“j-johnny sunbae.”
johnny glared at him. holding jake’s arm, he lifted him up and shoved him to the ground in one go, instilling fear in the other students. “did you get the rest on camera?” johnny looked back at you, who was holding your phone that recorded everything, nodding in response before stopping.
“yup.” you popped your lips, placing your phone back in your pocket. “this will go well in your scholarship.. jake, was it?” you turned to other boys, “it’s going to be much worse for you lot as well.”
jake was struggling to stand up until his friends helped him. mark stood up in pain and yeri held his back and vice versa. johnny’s friends ran to the commotion and stood behind the two juniors.
johnny glared at jennifer when he noticed yeri’s face bleeding from her cheek. he treated yeri like a little sister, so seeing her hurt made him upset. he stomped to the hitter, “did you do that to yeri!?”
jennifer hitched a breath, her voice shaking, “i-i..”
“i said, did you hurt her!?” he shouted, his arm slammed the locker next to him in anger when you decided to barge in. you knew johnny had a temper, given his reaction from the motel reception. this could go worse.
“johnny.” you loudly called him, holding his forearm and the guy snapped out of it. “stop. don’t do that.”
johnny has a rush of guilt in him, “y/n, i-”
“let me do it.” you slapped her on the cheek, hard. “you must be jennifer. hi, i’m y/n.”
she held her face in pain, scoffing at the audacity. “you dare do that to me?!”
“i can do it again for free if you want.” you looked at your hand, “i’ll add fingernails for extra price.. oh wait, nevermind. you’re not that valuable.”
jennifer screeched in anger, “you b-”
you threatened her with a fake slap, it was enough to make her flinch. grabbing her sweater and pulling her close to you, you said in a cold voice, “you dare hurt yeri and her friend again, you’ll face being kicked out.” then facing to the group behind her, “your friends are at risk too.”
the younger one frowned, “you’re threatening me?!who are you to make a claim like that?!”
you smirked and bit your tongue, letting your grip loosen. “my bad, i forgot to introduce myself properly. my name’s y/fl/n, daughter of the y/l/n’s, board directors of the education bureau.”
the students started whispering to each other, even johnny and your friends had their mouths wide open in shock.
how ironic, i’m the estranged daughter. you told yourself.
the bullies went away and so did the other students, leaving you and your friends in the hallway. and you let out a soft, long sigh. your hands were shaking, spasming out of nervousness. it was the first time you announced that, the word daughter (of your parents) left a bitter taste in your tongue.
you felt dizzy that you lost a little balance but you didn’t want to worry the others. so you bit your lower lip to wake yourself up.
kun appeared in front of you with a smile on his face, “you’re the daughter of the board directors? you’re big time y/n!” he ruffled your hair then seeing your lips pale, “you okay?” you nodded, giving him a half smile and putting a finger to your lips keep it a secret. so he nodded, taking it as a sign that you didn’t want to bother the rest, “here, take my water bottle, it’s new.”
yeri wiped her tears and hugged you from the back. “thank you, y/n.” you patted her head and hugged her back when her mood suddenly changed, “something’s in my mind though..”
you looked in concern, holding your hands together, “what is it?”
she looked at everyone before turning on her sassy attitude, “why are you and big bro johnny wearing the same clothes?”
taeyong looked at johnny then to you and back again to his friend, “ah, she’s right.”
jungwoo squinted like he was figured something out, jumping after while pointing, “omg- its from a motel isn’t it?! you guys slept together??”
“johnny!” kun punched the tall guy, “have some dignity!”
“we didn’t sleep together!” you both said in unison, while your friends looked at each other in silence.
“i don’t believe them.”
“same.”
“yeah, or no same clothes.”
johnny sighed loudly, crossing his arms, “it’s a long story.. yoohyeon left for paris yesterday then we hung out at a nature reserve and bosco broke down and we got poured on so we went to a nearby motel to stay the night. and if you’re thinking otherwise, no we slept separately. i slept on the sofa and she slept on the bed.”
they looked back at each other and johnny hoped his friends got the message because he knew how hectic their minds could get. he stared at them while they stayed silent and analysed the situation once more.
“nah they probably did.”
“no doubt.”
“we felt the tension between them.”
johnny groaned and gave himself a facepalm, unbelievable. “i’m done here.” making you shake your head in agreement, then you stopped him.
“johnny.” he looked at you before stopping, “i’ve been thinking about it all night but after youngmin’s birthday, im going to go see my parents tomorrow. they managed to contact me even when i tried my best to cut off any connection.”
as if he knew this would happen, he smiled sadly and scratched the back of his head. “sorry, i gave them your number because they kept calling me in the middle of the night.. well i did give them my number back at the carnival, so it’s expected.”
you grumbled, feeling awful for him, “i should be sorry. i guess this is time for me to clear thing with them. i’ll leave at seven, just before the party finishes.”
he patted your shoulder, “yeah sure. will you be alright alone?”
you nodded, feeling slightly confident, “not really but i think i could manage. actually it feels like i’m going to the principal’s office like i did something bad.”
“but you didn’t do anything though?”
“i left home, not contacting them for three years. so yeah it’s definitely bad in their eyes.” you combed your hair back, “but it’s okay, i knew i’d face this sooner or later.”
——
seungcheol sat by the bleachers after football do-overs, wiping his sweat with the towel that his coach gave him. it had been days since he actually participated, so you could say he was still a bit off course with the drills, despite being the captain.
a bottle of water appeared in front of him, his doe eyes found the giver. he scoffed to himself, “and what are you doing, rowoon?”
the tall guy sat beside him, smiling cockily, “i saw johnny suh a week ago, hyung.”
“and what do you want me to do?” seungcheol spun the unopened bottle, not making eye contact with him. “don’t include me in your useless sidelines.”
“even if it includes the girl from that accident? heard he’s hanging out with her all the time.” rowoon grinned mischievously, now getting the older one’s attention. “and i know you got the hots for her.”
seungcheol rolled his eyes at the boy, then standing up to prepare for his leave, “rowoon, what do you really want from me?”
“police are apparently still looking into the investigation. i have the details and i need your help, whenever you’re free though.”
——
as johnny had hoped, youngmin’s birthday boasted the weather. it was a perfect morning, the bright sun was all out and he could smell the familiar scent he loved to wake up to every morning at his family home: bacons.
a shuffle next to him made turn to his side to face the newly awaken little human. youngmin was a happy baby and still is, and because of it johnny’s mornings were always on a positive note. “hey little buddy, good morning! who’s turning two today?”
the two year old gurgled and sat up with his fluffy bed hair, then climbing on johnny’s stomach. “na! (me)” while raising his arms up.
“good boy!” johnny sat up and gave youngmin’s sides a tickle before carrying him and going downstairs to where his mom was cooking breakfast. he kind of stopped in his tracks, seeing you beside her wearing an apron, helping to make breakfast and other foods for the party.
“good morning mom.” he said as he placed a kiss on her cheek, rubbing her back. he took a good look at you, who didn’t take notice of his presence as you had earphones on.
his mom gave a teasing grin, nudging her son. “aren’t you going to give her a kiss as well? i promise i won’t get jealous.”
johnny’s ears turned red and scoffed, “mom, stop.” but he smiled when he put youngmin down, the toddler running to hug your legs.
you gasped at the sudden contact, the knife cutting your finger, “ah.” bringing your finger to your mouth.
mrs. suh and johnny also flinched towards your reaction, johnny put his arm out halfway but hesitated. his mom looked at him, seeing her son’s reluctant self made her click her tongue, so she pushed him to you as she took youngmin to the living room. “stop being a coward. it’s not manly.”
johnny squinted his eyes at his mom, “she-”
“oh you’re here, johnny.” you took off your earbuds, finger still in your mouth.
“you okay?” he asked, his hand touched the back of his neck.
you made a disgusted face, the wound actually went deeper than you thought. “yeah. word of caution, blood and minced garlic do not go together. it’s gross and it stings.”
johnny laughed, walking closer to you. you stepped back a bit towards the kitchen counter, hand just holding the edge. he reached out for something from the cupboard above you. “i’ve tried that, worse taste ever.”
fetching a first kid kit to his hand, it nearly fell that he lost balance and held the counter. your hands brushing briefly next to each other and it gave you a cold chill down your arm and made johnny hold in a breath. your faces were an inch away from one another, pairs of eyes having a stare battle as if it were the only thing in the world consisted of.
the brown orbs that looked into yours was hypnotic that you could faint instantly. johnny on his sane self kept his gaze on you locked, like you were the missing key to his unopened soul. he knew you were pretty already, but this close of a distance had him changing his mind that you were so much more beautiful.
the weather was understandably warm, but what you didn’t understand was why your face was mirroring its temperature. you knew johnny had this effect on you but today was… different? you couldn’t explain why that you just kept quiet without saying a word.
“so are we just going to stare at each other the whole day or what?” johnny asked softly, then looking at your lips that were agape, looking away slowly as he brought the kit down. “because as a future doctor i need to tend to my patient.”
“then this doctor needs to take a sick leave because he’s distracted.” you sniffled, putting the knive away and washing your still bleeding finger.
“well that’s because i have a pretty patient.” he said out loud, then mentally screamed because he actually said it out loud.
he took your hand and disinfected it before putting a band-aid. you thanked him softly and continued to prepare for the party just after lunch. his group of friends came right in carrying balloons, cutleries, lootbags, and more food and drinks. he sighed briefly that no one saw that you and him had a face off, because if they did, he’d never hear the end of it.
youngmin’s birthday had more visitors than expected, johnny’s family home was filled noises that a party should have. he looked at the little boy, eating his cake that he smashed just a second ago, giggling through the cream that reached his cheeks.
though he looked at his son with pure love and heartfelt feelings, his gaze shifted from him to you, since you had mentioned that you were leaving early in the evening. he wanted to join you, having met your parents two months prior in an overwhelming atmosphere. however, he had extended family and friends under the same roof, so escaping was far from a good option.
from where he was sitting, he liked how you talked with his family but his heart ached a little knowing that was what you wanted. he felt a little nudge, from a friend he hadn’t seen since middle school. “yo johnny. that girl your new one, the one in beige?”
johnny wiped his mouth clean before answering, “w-what no.. she’s a friend.”
“you sure? if she’s your friend then you don’t mind me making a move on her? she’s seems alright.” he stood up and johnny’s instinct was to hold his friend’s arm, stopping him from making any more steps to you.
his friend took that as a sign that you weren’t just anybody someone could approach, and that spoke louder to him that johnny had his eyes on you first. the corners of his mouth rose a little, “on second thought, i’ll go get more food.”
with this much people in the suh’s home, you guessed that johnny’s family was somewhat prominent. by the looks of how johnny was raised and how people treated him, he was definitely respectable.
and just how he weirdly occupied your mind once again, you found yourself looking for him, just to be caught by johnny’s eyes himself. your eyes widened and checked the time, you had to leave soon. it was your parents’ anniversary and figured that you could patch it up with them. it had been three years, it was more than enough time to tell what you needed to.
johnny gestured for you two to talk a little at the porch. “are you sure you don’t need me to accompany you? i can step out for a bit.”
you slung your bag on your shoulder, “johnny, youngmin needs you here more. he’ll cry when he doesn’t see you.”
he combed his hair back, “actually i feel like the roles have reversed now, he’d cry when you aren’t around.”
“you’re kidding.” you chuckled.
“nope, and i have a video to prove it.” he shook
his new phone. you pushed him because he had been flexing his new gadget to his friends the whole day. he curled his tongue and smiled, taking something out of his pocket, “just.. take this. it’s a panic button, if anything happens.” he handed you the said item.
your heart pinched, not because of how attractive he was, but how attentive he was to your situation. “thank you, johnny.”
making your way down to the bus stop, you noticed he was still just a feet behind you to make sure you got on safe. he waved as you took your seat before the transport drove pass by him, and he might’ve just ticked the boxes you liked for a guy.
your phone buzzed, a notification from johnny popped up:
[ johnny ] : “you can do it, just remember to be strong. well; i know you are but i guessed you needed a booster 💪🏻”
[ you ] : “yeah, i’ll do my best. thank you.”
johnny went back to the party and accommodated the guests he didn’t get to entertain. he spotted his friends having fun with his nintendo switch while his parents were busy conversing with his aunts and uncles.
he helped himself to the kitchen, pouring a glass of water to rehydrate his drying throat. he loved the summer because of the heat, but nothing beats the feeling of cold liquid to soothe his body temperature. with the way he drank a third glass, he realised he hadn’t been drinking enough since lunch.
he sat on the counter, scrolling through his phone for the next hour or so. hearing goodbyes from several families as they took their leave, he waved at them. this continued until his friends were the only ones left behind, deciding last minute that they’d sleepover for the night. his parents agreeing since it was nearing the end of summer vacation and for their help in preparation of youngmin’s birthday.
one of the last families wanted to go karaoke and johnny’s parents joined them, saying that the night was far from over. his mom asking him to look after the house and make sure not to make a huge mess while they were gone.
johnny was relieved that everything was in place and how youngmin was still happy despite most of his playgroup friends had already left. he stretched his arms to carry the child, waving to his parents as they left.
“did you have fun today, youngmin-ah? happy birthday again you little rascal.” he lifted him higher, giving him raspberries blows on the child’s stomach. his happiness was cut short when he noticed his friends went unusually quiet.
he guided his eyes to where his friends were and he didn’t believe what he was seeing in front of him.
minji stood there, her arms crossed together as a bag dangled on one of them: a gift for her son. “hey..”
yeri’s brows furrowed and anger took over her, marching towards johnny’s ex. “how dare you show your face here after what you did to johnny?!” seulgi and mark pulling her back before she did anything, “you got some nerve, you b-”
“yeri.” johnny started, handing the child to kun. “what do you want, mj?”
her expression was soft but that was about it, not anyone knew what her intention really was besides giving a gift to youngmin, which jungwoo took when handed over. “i was hoping we could talk..” she looked to the others then back to johnny, “alone?”
johnny gestured to his friends to go back to the house and clear up, saying he wouldn’t take long.
taeyong looked back in concern, his gut telling him something was going to happen. he heard the two argue many times and he knew that this wasn’t going to be any different. so he decided to stay close to the main entrance in case one of them broke a vessel and scrolled through his phone.
the weather forecasted that tonight would rain due to continuous heat and sunny periods, so the group hurried back before the typhoon arrived. after a few minutes, the house was almost cleaned up when everyone heard minji and johnny shouting and raising their voices.
“this is why you should’ve answered my calls! you can’t just tell me that you want to get back together after ghosting me when i messaged you!” johnny fumed up, pointing fingers at her when minji just remained silent for a bit.
“i said i was sorry okay?! maybe i shouldn’t have come here! you’re still the same!” minji spat back, holding her sweater to prevent her from doing anything rash.
seulgi held her back, while taeyong pulled johnny too. yeri pushed mark aside gently and pointed at minji. “leave. now. before my hands break loose.”
minji gave everyone a long glare before stepping out, clicking her tongue in distaste. johnny’s friends saw how she walked away in shame and anger, not a word spoken between them as they stood by the porch.
——
the ride wasn’t as long as you thought, probably just three stops away. the restaurant your parents booked was the same one as the photo where everyone was.. happy. you’d be lying if you said you weren’t nervous at all because in reality, you really were.
stepping in the restaurant, the grip on your bag crumpled and you exhaled a breather. spotting the reception and informing the staff of the booking, he then guided you to a vip room.
the table was placed behind the glass window, three empty chairs reserved for you and your parents. it had been a while, and you asked yourself when the last time you actually had a proper family dinner was.
you pre-ordered the five course menu for yourself, not knowing what your parents would choose. observing the vip room, it was quiet. one painting, in particular, caught your eye. it was a centerpiece that had an abstract theme, and strangely enough it was calming your nerves until your parents arrive.
the waiter came up to your table, pouring you a glass then another handed your one-bite hors d’ouvres. peeking at the entrance, which was visible to where you were sitting, there were no signs of newcomers.
eating the one bite hors d’ouvres, you expected your phone to chime a notification, only to be met with the display time moving onward. it had been half a hour. would they really show up?
the appetiser came about, then the salad. reaching for your phone once more, you hesitantly called your dad. however, there was only the monotonous sound, saying that he wasn’t going to answer.
usually vip rooms were the loudest, the most fun. yours was the opposite as you ate in silent.
main course had already made it to your table when you noticed your parents haven’t even arrived. you called them probably five times. though it was final that they were never going to come tonight. your vision slowly blurred and it felt full, a rush of sadness overtook your entire body.
not wanting to leave without finishing the dessert, you were served the sweetest cheesecake. except that, your palate was so bland. the two seats in front of you have been empty for an hour and a half. it reminded you of days when you at home eating dinner alone.
this was no different, but why did you expect so much when it was obvious that it’d be the same as before? it was only after dessert where you realised that the windows have been painted with mirror droplets and bright flashes.
standing up, you paid the bill that was meant for three when only one just showed up. your lips quivered, holding yourself together in public.
it was when you stormed out of the restaurant where your tears fell. you cursed at the sudden rain and thunderstorm. tonight weather’s was just like how you were feeling. your tears transmigrated with the heavy rain.
you didn’t have an umbrella with you and you cried harder when your phone was on the whole time, almost draining the rest of your phone battery.
you ran, once again. the patters of heavy rain that hit your face weren’t in parallel to the pain you felt. you ran to wherever, far away from your parents (even if they weren’t there), far from the past trauma you got.
tossing the stuff in your bag, you whimpered in hiccups when your inhaler was nowhere to be seen, then remembering you had the panic button johnny gave you earlier. you pressed it immediately, hoping to inform him you needed help, now.
johnny was watching a movie with his friends to cool off his mind when his phone rang a siren. he paused the movie and had a serious look. jungwoo scoffed and turned to face the guy. “dude don’t just pause at the-” he got cut off when johnny abruptly stood up and rushed to the door, his clothes went pass the younger one. “johnny hyung?”
“i’ll step out a bit..” he scrambled through his backpack for an item he regretted not giving to you.
the rest of the gang looked up, confused faces in theirs when they tried to reciprocate his vague action.
johnny pointed towards the clock, “it’s 9pm, could one of you guys please bring youngmin upstairs and put him to sleep and mind the house? i’ll be right back.” rushing out of his family home.
kun pulled johnny’s arm back after seeing an inhaler on his hand. he thought for a bit as he tried to connect the dots, “dude, what about y/n?”
“come with me, kun.” johnny just simply asked him to.
the two ran out and took a taxi just outside, as if it was prepared for them. johnny took his phone out, the gps telling him where you were located. his eyebrows met together when you weren’t even at the restaurant you said you were supposed to be in.
“.. johnny.” his thoughts pulled him out of a trance when kun called his name. “if this is something she only told you, i’ll stay out of it but tell me where she is so i could inform the driver.”
johnny’s legs shook anxiously as he bit his nails, looking out of the raindrop patterned window. he scolded himself for not handing your inhaler to you, he regretted giving that advice for you to talk to your parents, and he wished he didn’t give his phone number. this wouldn’t have happened if he just stepped back.
kun looked at his friend, “i know that look. if you’re regretting something, don’t. you did what you can to help.”
“yeah.”
the taxi stopped at an alleyway because there was a dead end at the end of road. johnny opened the door and left, not bothering to open the umbrella he brought while kun paid the driver.
johnny flicked his already wet hair back, “y/n!” he called out, checking his phone again to see the glowing red dot so he’d know where to look. he ran when you were just close by. “kun! follow me!”
his footsteps halted when he saw you seated underneath a lamp post. he’d want to applaud you for staying there, at least he could spot you so easily but it wasn’t the right time.
your clothes and yourself were soaking wet. one of your hands holding your chest while the other held the panic button. the jeans you wore turned darker when the light was covered, you looked up and johnny was standing up front, towering over you.
“y/n..” he sat down eye level with you. he took out the inhaler, putting it in your mouth, and pressed the pump. “breathe, okay? we’ll do this a few times.”
kun saw this scene unfold in front of him, he recalled this very same gesture you did yesterday. “ah, that’s why she wanted it to keep it a secret.” he told himself, taking out a towel and held the umbrella above the two of you.
“slowly.” johnny guided you, pushing away the wet strands off your face, then wrapping the towel around you. you were still in a mental breakdown and his heart ached a lot seeing you like this.
kun swayed awkwardly but understood and took that as a sign for him to leave for a bit. he gave the umbrella to johnny before skipping through further to look for a shed while we waited.
you just continued to cry. johnny didn’t know what to do, but talking wasn’t an option. so he took his phone out, playing the favourite song you had mentioned at the road trip, and put one of his earbuds to your ear and another to his. he dropped the umbrella from his hold, mumbling an ‘excuse me’ before wrapping his arms around you.
it was hard to hide the state of your mind, but you wondered why it was so easy for you to be vulnerable in front of johnny. more tears came out with just one action, along with the song you loved. sometimes you just needed a hug, no words needed to be said.
despite the rain, you didn’t realise how cold it got until you felt johnny’s warmth; his arms was enough to make you feel safe. and you hugged him back, responding that it was okay for him to do that.
though he was keeping you close to him, johnny’s mind was occupied with so many things tonight: your difficult situation and the sudden appearance of his ex- minji.
genre: cappucino, romance, angst, university!au, dad!au, drama, slice of life
pairing: collegestudent!johnny x fem!reader
bean count: 6.8k
warnings: mentions of past traumas, mental health anxieties, breakups and etc.
a/n: it’s quite a long chapter, so take breaks in between if you can ☕️ happy reading! note: this is only a work of fiction, it doesn’t reflect the artists’ personalities in any way.
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never had you ever thought you’d feel something like this again. separation anxiety was also a trait you’ve come to develop at a young age. a pinch ticked your heart when you saw your best friend packing her luggage. it reminded you of the very thing your dad had done in the past.
he mentioned vaguely that he was leaving because of a living nightmare. this was different, yoohyeon was leaving to pursue her dreams. a total different reason.
she pouted at you, feeling sorry to be leaving you behind but she knew you’d still push her to go even if you’d become lonely.
“don’t pout at me like that, or i’ll cry for real now.”
she hugged you tightly, pressing her cheek into yours. “i know ‘cause what will you do without me? but don’t worry, you’ll be okay.”
you don’t know how to thank the heavens that you’ve met someone like her, yoohyeon was literally the sunshine to your withering flower. she was someone who always had your back, someone to listen to your frustrations and aspirations, and most importantly she was a long lost sister you’ve dreaded to have. she felt like family more than anyone else.
“will i?” you blurted out sadly, mirroring the pout she did a few seconds ago.
“of course. you’ve come a long way. and i’m proud with the progress you made.” her eyes smiled and it was contagious, “both physically and mentally.”
blinking your eyes to avoid waterworks, you popped your lips and held her luggage. it was time. “shall we go? eiffel tower’s waiting for you.”
she nodded and you went out of your dorms. as you reached downstairs, minhyun was already there with his car and johnny was with him- the latter’s car parked just behind minhyun’s- said he needed to return the yoohyeon’s blanket he borrowed for youngmin. you looked at her with a raised brow. “don’t be surprised y/n, i know there’s something going on between you two. sneaky lil puppy.”
your heartbeat spiked up, she figured out the crush you had for johnny and you haven’t even told her yet. “i don’t-”
“it’s obvious. i think everyone knows.” she teased, then looking to minhyun. “my ride’s here so i’ll go on first. take care of yourself y/n, promise me that.” the tightness of her hands on your shoulders showed that she meant what she said.
“yeah, you too.” you hugged her and rubbed her back, “don’t have too much fun with the french.”
“the only french i’m kissing is minhyun.” she winked at you, you shrieked and hit her arm for her implication so early in the morning.
you playfully shooed her away and minhyun started the car. johnny stood there silently and waved as well, remembering the favour yoohyeon asked him to do last week:
“can you do me a favour?” yoohyeon asked.
johnny put down the hammer, interested to what she had to say. “yeah sure, ask away.”
yoohyeon curled her tongue, sighing. “you know how i’m going to paris next thursday?”
“mhm. wait it’s next week already?” johnny’s eyes widened, “so you won’t be at youngmin’s birthday?”
she nodded, making johnny’s face turn sour and she knew it was just a playful thing he usually did. handing him a big box wrapped in green, she explained it was for the growing boy and to let him know she’s sorry for it. “the favour i ask of is about y/n.”johnny didn’t say anything, letting her continue.
“while i’m in paris, i need you to look after her. i realised she trusts you, other than me of course.” she hugged her arms, “it’s rare to see her open up her personality to someone else.”
johnny held in a smile, “we haven’t gone there yet.. you know opening up. you see she owes me a proper date, as friends.” he clarified. “apparently we got a ‘no secrets rule’ until a couple of dates.”
yoohyeon punched him, “ahuh, so you both are in the ‘going out on dates but still testing the waters’ stage. well, if that’s the case, take her out on the day i leave. she loves nature, so maybe you could come up with something.”
the guy nodded and gave a thumbs up, yoohyeon sighed a relief. she knew she could trust johnny, and of course she had something to gossip with yeri about. after all, their ship is starting to sail and they were one of the ones to remove the rope from the hook.
“also, bring these all the time.” she shuffled in her bag, seemingly getting something important. “she forgets these, you know, just in case.”
it was an inhaler for asthma and some pills for medication. yoohyeon’s lips pressed together told johnny that this was more than important. it was a road to recovery, confirming the conversation he didn’t want to eavesdrop two months ago.
“how severe is it?” he dared to ask, holding the items tightly on his hand.
“just pray it doesn’t get worse. she’s been through a lot. i’m sure you’ll know about it soon.” she patted his back, “thank you in advance, johnny.”
“yeah, no problem.” he assured her. “i’ll do what i can.”
the side profile of yours that he observed this morning revealed to him how resilient and strong, yet broken and vulnerable you were. a spark in him told him he needed to protect you. he wanted to, it was for the present and the future you, to heal from the past you tried your best to run away from.
he looked up, taking in the cool breeze before the sun rose up high. it was seven in the morning and he didn’t have anything special planned for the day since youngmin’s birthday was all set for saturday. setting his sight on vehicle he brought then back to you who was stretching at this point, he placed his hands in the pockets of his sweats, saying:
“this is a perfect day and time for a long morning drive. wanna come with?”
you twisted your back from side to side, the domino cracking relieving the tension of your spine. looking up at the sky, you seconded johnny’s suggestion, “sounds great but i haven’t even had breakfast yet.”
johnny hummed, turning around to talk to you properly. “we can go to a drive thru on the way. i know of a good spot where we can do sightseeing.”
your mood was lifted and did a little hop, “okay i’ll go get ready.”
the guy stopped you by gently pulling your wrist, making you look at him before you could go back up to your dorms. “no need, just wear that.”
looking at his large hand that wrapped your wrist, you got nervous for the sudden skin contact. how was he so smooth with making your heart skip a beat? and you quickly realised he could be feeling the gradual speed of the giddy heartbeat at that area, so you squinted your eyes at him for his fishy action as a cover-up.
“johnny,” you sighed, “.. i’m wearing pajamas.”
johnny took his eyes off of you and scanned your clothes. it was just a crop top t-shirt and a light pink coloured sweatpants. “i think it’s alright, we kinda match. after all, someone owes me a date.” he winked at you and held your wrist once again.
“i thought we weren’t counting anymore?” you laughed, following him to the car that was parked across the dorm building. thank goodness you brought your phone and house keys.
“i know but i remembered.” he opened the door, letting you in before he moved on to the driver’s seat.
glancing around the car, it was at the line between old and new. not that you were judging, it just somehow felt right. johnny started the engine, reversing the vehicle. his hand touched the headrest of your seat as he looked back.
it made your heart beat stupidly once again, it was so manly and attractive that you wanted it to stay that way. you stared at him when he drove towards the main road, even more so when he drove with one hand. ah, that was where you hitched a breath.
johnny felt the stare you gave and he found it hilarious. he peeked at you at a side eye and chuckled, taking this chance to tease you again. “what are you staring so intently at? the view’s perfect in front of you?”
“please, you want me to refer to yourself, johnny. i know where you’re getting at.” you echoed his chuckle and he just did so louder.
“no i’m talking about the view in front of us.” he nodded at road.
streaks of sunbeam that peeked along the trees made your clothes twinkle, sparkle even. looking at the said view, a small pull on the corners of your mouth made johnny stare at you this time. you were already beautiful in his eyes and the sunrays made you glow as you looked through the front.
his eyes trailed to your facial features and just a like a movie, the slow smile that appeared on your face got him all hooked on you. the way small wrinkles creased at the sides of your eyes and the way you closed them as if you took in the vitamins for some energy was hypnotising.
she’s so.. beautiful. he reminded himself.
his eyes found themselves staring longer than he thought, licking his lips and focused on driving. then bringing up his all time favourite coldplay playlist to suppress the intensive thoughts of you to the back of his mind.
your ears perked up at the familiar song, “hm, this is my favourite one, it calms me down.” turning the dial to volume up the music.
she likes coldplay.
johnny’s heart picked up its speed and he was probably close to being jittery and excited. the smile he contained on the inside finally made its way out. opening the car’s roof, it became brighter and he hoped the sun’s brightness covered his expression.
you gasped at the view by your side, the opened scenery of a beach below was stunning as you and johnny rode through the highway. the breezy wind flowing through your hair and as you inhaled its freshness, you’ve never felt this happy for a long time.
“nice ride you got here.” stretching your arms up high as if you were swimming on air. “i feel free.”
he gasped at you, “we’ve been driving for more than twenty minutes and you just noticed?” johnny laughed heartily, “i’m hurt. bosco’s hurt.”
your mind processed the information you just got. you let out a loud cackle, covering your mouth to not embarrass yourself. “your car’s called bosco?”
johnny’s ears turned red and pulled a face, “well technically it’s my parents’ car-“
“wait.. so this is not your car?” you gestured the car with your hands laughed even harder. johnny bit the insides of his mouth, feeling shy that he didn’t have a car of his own, yet laughing it off because it was true.
“i don’t have the means to buy one. i got a child to raise and put food on the table.” he turned right to a nearby gas station, “speaking of food, you must be hungry. let’s get brunch on the go, but we need to fuel up first.”
“you just can’t handle my attacks.” you nodded.
johnny was right. he had to work double for himself and youngmin. and that made you feel so much appreciation for the guy. when he got off the vehicle to fill in the gasoline, you couldn’t shake off the thought of youngmin’s mother.
who was she? why was she absent the whole time? how could she leave the two boys who was meant to be her whole world, alone?
she probably had her reasons, yet you were so curious to find out. you’re very nosy aren’t you? johnny’s voice echoed in your head, prompting you to slap your head for thinking way too deep in it.
as you did that, your phone dropped by your foot so you bent down to get it, meanwhile hitting your head on the glove compartment. it opened fully by the time you sat back up- the looseness of it confirming the car was quite old- revealing an a5 sized photocard of a younger johnny with a baby youngmin.
the sight of it was adorable, how johnny carried the infant in his arms as he fed him with a milk bottle. the handwritten caption saying ‘suh youngmin with mom and dad’ was heartwarming but what caught your attention was the girl seated beside him. she was probably the mother, but she was facing away from the camera that you couldn’t make out who she was.
you didn’t realise how long who were staring at the photo until johnny came out of the store after payment, making you put the photo back and closing the compartment, hoping it doesn’t open any time soon.
“okay now that’s all set, let’s go?” johnny fastened his seatbelt and starting the engine. “i’m starving.”
“brunch it is.” you awkwardly said, still looking at the compartment.
johnny drove through a fast food chain that had a pre-lunch option, then leading you both back on the road, not forgetting to bring you to a spot that overlooked the city. as the car came to a stop at the scenic viewpoint, johnny closed the roof and turned off the engine. you got out and the overview fusion of nature and cityscape in the morning gave you a gushing feeling of inner peace.
he took the ordered food, his footsteps scraping against the ground. the sound fading away from you, he called out. “y/n! i got a spot up top. it’s better up there.” gesturing for you to follow him.
it was a little spot at a mini veranda where a table and two chairs placed perfectly across each other, as if it were waiting for you both. the wind was relaxing, cooling off the heat you both had from climbing up a few steps just to get to up here.
and once again, he was right. it was so much better up here than below. coming here was such a good idea, and johnny was good at pleasing people by taking this route. so you both started eating in silence for a bit when your mind came back on the topic of youngmin’s mother.
you hated yourself for being this nosy. but curiosity got the best of you. what would johnny think? he probably was still in the process of moving on and it was a sensitive topic to bring up.
he caught you staring at him again and licked his lips before talking, “like what you see? i think that you might prefer me over the view out there.”
you threw a ball of tissue at him, “and if i say yes how would you react?”
“flattered ‘cause you might feel that way and confused ‘cause you probably lied based on this tissue you just threw.” he joked, playfully throwing it back to you. “but really, is there something you wanted to ask?”
you didn’t respond straight away, still trying to put the right words together to form a proper question. johnny took his time to wait for you, munching away until you shuffled and put your food down.
“i’ve been wondering for a while, and i hope this doesn’t weird you out or put you in a tight spot.” you locked your fingers together.
“hm? i’m okay, you can ask.” he smiled a little, still eating his food then drinking his cup of coffee.
breathing out a nervous puff, here goes nothing. “does youngmin.. still sees his mom?”johnny slightly dropped his cutlery and it wasn’t hard to miss this small reaction, then wiping his mouth with tissue. you panicked, looking at him and regretted what you asked. this was a bad idea. “sorry, that was unnecessary. i shouldn’t have asked-”
“no, it’s okay.” he smiled small, clearing away the empty containers. once settled, he thought it was the right time to open up. after all, you’ve been friends for a while now. “youngmin hadn’t seen his mom since the breakup. he sometimes still looks for her though.”
he shifted on his seat before he spoke again, “my ex was kim minji. i call her mj for short, while others call her jiu. we dated months before high school graduation and we called it quits six months ago.”
“that must’ve been hard to deal with.” you said, fiddling with your fingers. “how are you coping up?”
johnny shook his head, “still needs some getting used to. when youngmin arrived, we stuck together like superglue. she loved youngmin a lot but a year later she wasn’t acting like herself. she changed and i was trying my best to figure it out and talk to her about it.”
you had a feeling where this was going. “she avoided it and ghosted you and went with another guy?”
he looked at you, surprised at how you got that on point. “that’s right. wow, you actually hit the mark. i’m guessing you have a theory what happened next?”
you held your chin and thought for a moment, “maybe.. she fell out of love? you said she changed and you don’t know why.” you stretched, crossing your arms and continued to give a penny for your thoughts.
“don’t get this wrong, but maybe.. you didn’t spend much time with her just the two of you because all of the focus was on youngmin. you both interchange in looking after the child, got busy, and when you do have the time, you both were too tired to spend time alone. ‘cause you know, juggling between school, part-time, and housework could take a toll on both of you. then it became straining in the end.”
johnny just stared at you. even if you heard it only once, you seemed to have figured it out. and as for him; a psychology student, should’ve seen things from another perspective. after all, minji was a girl, like you. and hearing that made him feel shameful because his pride as a guy took over. he should’ve heard her out.
but how will neglecting responsibilities speak about her? how would it show an impression to others as someone who looks after a baby? it didn’t make any sense and he hoped they actually talked about it. however, he recalled the break up conversation, minji didn’t bother communicating with him at all even if he tried. that was why he was still bothered to this day and it still pained his heart.
“you’re probably right, y/n.”
he then looked at you, who had an innocent face yet spoke as if you lived way longer than him. it led him to want to know more about you, “again, i’m so amazed at how you analysed that in a short time.”
“that’s because it hits so close to home.” you spoke with assurance. “it’s all too familiar.”
johnny’s heart ached when he heard that. once again he felt shameful because how could he missed that? someone who spoke of experience saw things differently. you were a person who probably had more to face and what he had experienced was close to nothing compared what you did.
the gaze he held onto you got you relaxed a little bit, he was curious now. “my parents got married for the sake of it.. not for love. it was an arranged marriage from both parties.”
the boy sat forward with a confused look, “but, they had you. they must’ve loved each other at one point.”
you smiled bitterly, yet it was a sad one. “i’d like to think of it that way. but what was the point of having me and raising me if they didn’t actually love each other?”
“if not to each other, then they loved you.” johnny suggested, and he saw how it made your eyes water a bit. “they’re co-parenting for you.”
“i never felt it.” you pressed your lips, “they argued a lot for as long as i could remember, scolded me for the littlest things. then i had to face anxiety hearing their raised voices. i didn’t eat as much as well because i thought about it a lot.”
johnny didn’t want to jump to conclusions, however that wasn’t so true on your part that he thought otherwise. you said you were immune to it, but the tone in your voice hinted you longed for love from your parents.
he wanted to hug you right now, but he held himself back. you probably just needed someone to talk to, a hug right now would be weird. he was worried he might make you feel weird if he did so.
“things will be better. it may not be for now but for the future. sometimes parents think they’re right, even if they’re in the wrong. in some way, you’d still need to have a conversation with them; heart to heart, so you could voice out how you feel. can i ask something though?” he asked cautiously, you tilted your head in response.
“yeah sure, let’s hear it.” you drank from your bottle of water.
johnny had something in mind, he hoped he was wrong about it but with the way you talked about your parents, something was missing. sure, they argued almost 24/7 and it greatly affected you.
“did you do something.. that made them act the way they did back at the carnival?”
your chest ached. johnny pinpointed something you’ve never shared to anyone. it was buried deep, far back at the archives of your mind, never to be brought out to be checked.
johnny was a psychology major, and he knew better at discussions like these. he acted like a librarian looking for a lost book, a book with information that needed to be studied.
what if you wanted it to be found? what if this information was okay for this librarian to read? will he get anything beneficial from it? it was risky, but you knew you couldn’t keep it in for a long time. and if there was anyone you’d share this to, it would clearly be him.
he gave you time to talk, it was a sensitive issue after all. he was given a hint while you were talking, your hand kept holding your left arm since the beginning. was it a habit? or was a trauma that was deadly?
“it happened a month into uni, after i had left home. had to attend a funeral of a hotel’s shareholder and apparently saw them there. the greeting was same as the carnival, interrogated me.”
johnny shook his head, taking in that your remark towards your mom was normal.
“all of a sudden they started arguing. i tried to stop them because they were causing a scene. they just pushed me away and told me not to butt in. i was so hurt that i told them angrily that i wished i was never born. so i left, thought i could escape the reality that my supposed home was a violent storm.” your hand caressed your arm.
“i remember it was a rainy evening with thunderstorms and lightning, it didn’t help though. it mirrored the same situation back at home.”
johnny’s face darkened, his hunch was right.
“so i ran..” you said shakily, placing your hands on the table. “i kept running to find brighter skies and silence, screaming in pain and crying.. i focused so much on that that i thought i already found it.” you exhaled a deep breath, “unfortunately i found myself laying on a hospital bed, was told i got hit by a vehicle, ended up fracturing my whole arm.”
“y/n..” he leaned closer, and you noticed his eyes softened upon hearing that. he held your hands because you were shaking. “i’m so sorry.”
“don’t be, i’m actually glad i got it out of me. i feel so much better. my arm still has a metal rod in it so i could move easier.” chin pointing to your arm. and now that johnny looked back, he just realised that you carry youngmin using your right while patted him with your left hand.
“still.” he sighed, “it’s very brave of you. thank you, i’m glad you told me.”
“no thank you, for listening.” you told him, then your eyes lit up, “ah! it’ll be our secret, okay?” you smiled, eyes finding your hands on his.
johnny saw your eyes trail on where his hands were, slowly letting go so you won’t find him making a move on you. “you bet, i also learned something today.”
“which is?”
“that your heartbeat was so evident on your wrist.” he said, and your face heated up. did he figure it out? “must’ve been nerve-wrecking to share that.”
you mentally sighed, safe. “y-yeah. it’s been two years since that happened.”
johnny stood up and dusted his clothes, prompting you to do the same. “and here’s to more years on holding on to hope, to overcome.”
“yeah i hope so too. a lot has happened which is also why i don’t like driving, arguments, rainy nights. gosh i have a lot of hurdles to pass.”
marching down the veranda towards the viewpoint, you and johnny thought it would be nice to walk around the beach to burn the calories from your brunch meal. you looked up to the sky and you felt alive with the sun. funny how the beach was completely empty at this time. so you wanted to speedwalk and savour the moment.
the guy who took you here felt grateful he did what he did. it somehow helped him face the topic he completely avoided. johnny was even more so that he got to share it with you. even though his friends knew about it, knowing he could trust someone else made him feel at ease.
taking out his film camera, it was a part of him to automatically snap a photo of something memorable. because he was quite weak in recalling, he wanted this to be recorded so that he could look back into it, in case he forgets.
“don’t tell me you’re going to keep those from me. don’t be a creep.” you teased, johnny adjusting the film once more, saying that he wouldn’t keep any secrets from you now. you smiled back at him as you stretched your arms, gasping loudly when you spotted the distant horizon. you called out to johnny, “the ocean’s sparkling! isn’t it beautiful!?”
he smiled, and he looked through the viewfinder, seeing you pointing at the sparkles that seemingly made your day so easily.
“yeah, beautiful.”
—
rowoon exited the bathroom of his apartment, drying off excess water from his hair. he casually walked around his home with nothing but a towel and home slippers. not noticing his dad’s assistant sitting by the sofa, coughing intentionally to get his attention.
that startled the boy and he nearly slipped on the way to the kitchen, a habit of his to immediately eat after a long session in the shower. “oh shoot- i didn’t know you were here, junho.”
“ha, i didn’t know you danced like that. it doesn’t suit you.” he smirked, then frowning a bit. “and that’s junho hyung, quit the casual talking.”
the boy opened a pack of potato fries he managed to find on the pantry, munching on the saltiness he craved for to ease his tastebuds. “what are you doing here, anyway?”
“i got the stuff you asked for.” junho scuffled through his shoulder bag, giving him a file. “you’re safe for now from the court. you know you’re giving your dad a hard time with all of the freakshows you do.”
rowoon looked at the older guy with annoyance in his face, “and so? i’m having a fun time. let me enjoy my youth for once.”
“for once, my ass. you’ve been in and out of the police station so many times.” he complained, “please look after your reputation, young man.”
rowoon chuckled sarcastically, “chill, hyung. i got it all under control.”
junho rolled his eyes. even though he grew up with the boy, rowoon got on his nerves most of the time that he should’ve popped a vessel by now. “if you think you need to get your father’s attention by doing those, i think he got the message loud and clear.”
“beats me, doesn’t hurt to pick me up from the station at least.” he took the file, opening and revising it.
this time junho sarcastically chuckled, “what are you, nine? you’ll be cashing your dad’s money because he spends it on your bails instead of your college tuitions, don’t waste your future and talents like this.”
“it’s fine, he’s the head doctor of the university hospital’s surgical department anyway, college tuitions are easy for me.” he smirked then eyed junho from top to bottom and back to the top. “tell me the information you have.”
junho briefly raised his brows, taking another file from his bag. “that car accident you got somehow got involved in three years ago? the police are still investigating.”
“well that’s bad news and ruined my day all in one go. don’t worry, i’ll do something about it.” rowoon proudly crossed just arms. “oh and the girl’s alive by the way. alive and well.”
junho took off his glasses to clean them using the ends of his suit, “you’ve seen her?”
“you bet i did, she’s matured and bloomed. also saw a familiar face i haven’t seen in a while.” still eating on the fries as if it were a big feast to celebrate on.
“johnny suh?”
“in the flesh.”
——
unsaid words, unspokened feelings, unexpected encounters, undeserved. that was how johnny felt today after spending time together with you. he hadn’t felt this in a long tome, where he could be himself other than his family and friends.
he actually thought of reaching out to minji at one time, but he was having a dilemma if he should. was it worth it? he wasn’t too sure. he also looked back to the app he had on his phone, loveclick. he hadn’t touch that app for a while and put it behind, deciding it was useless.
you came out of the convenience store, holding two ice cream cones, and he saw the joy you had just by eating it. it was evident that you were having a good time. johnny had an idea and he felt stupid for not bringing it up. but his phone broke when he clumsily dropped it on the ground earlier and could never turn it back on. “let’s take a selfie, i realised we haven’t even taken one.”
you licked your lips, “cool, how many?”
it took about five minutes to take a decent one on johnny’s end because he kept saying that he didn’t look good in any of the shots. so you took a selfie instead, and spending the rest of the day walking around nature.
“shall we head back? it’s currently 6pm and it’ll take us about four hours to return to the city.” johnny asked, peeking at his watch and threw away his soft drink to the bin before you made your way back up to the car.
“okay.” you said, thankfully you didn’t have any part time or classes the following day, so getting back wasn’t a problem.
going back in the vehicle again, you fastened the seatbelt and settled your position comfortably. playing with your phone for a bit, johnny started the engine and drove down the scenic viewpoint. a few metres out the main road, the car slowly made a stop before suddenly shutting down.
that made you two look at each other worriedly. johnny tried to start the engine again, only to make a loud kickstart noise then stopping abruptly. he let out a curse in a whisper, “i can’t seem to start bosco, i’ll check go and check the battery and oil.”
he wiped his forehead with his arm, it was getting stuffy since the weather was really hot. johnny excused himself by taking his shirt off to wipe off the sweat building up, going out to open the hood.
as he did that, you mentally got mad at yourself for unintentionally staring.. because the last time you saw him shirtless was at the camp two months ago. just why is he smoking hot? “i’m not looking i’m not looking i’m not looking, i’m looking respectfully.”
“y/n! look at this!” he called out before going to the window next to you.
“i’m not looking!” you exclaimed, covering your eyes as you looked away from him.
“what do you mean?” he squinted his eyes, wiping his sweat once again, “come look at the hood! it’s smoking.”
oh.
you did as he said and saw the hood smoking out black: it meant engine failure. “the engine’s busted. can you fix it?”
johnny stared at you and gave you a side eye as if you asked the stupidest question ever, “i’m a 24/7 single dad i don’t officially own a car let alone have the knowledge to fix one so you’re asking the wrong person.”
you just laughed at it, facepalming yourself. “oh right my bad, papa bear.”you put your sleeves until it reached your shoulders and proudly told him “then you’ll be glad you have me.”
“oh you can do that?” he raised his brows in surprise, actually impressed with that revelation. “like fix the car?”
“no i mean by having me meant that you have an extra phone to use to call a tow truck.” you bit your lower lip, still smiling at the plan b.
“then what was the pulling up of the sleeves for?”
“it’s hot, duh.” you snorted. johnny actually thought you’d able to and it made you laugh harder, earning a pinch on the face. you tapped on the screen, smile fading when you found out your phone battery was 1% before shutting down. “oh s-.”
johnny’s smile also faded. “what?”
“my phone’s dead.” you turned to him. “got a charger or powerbank?”
“i don’t have any on me-”
rattles of summer rain heard in the distance, gradually becoming louder. it didn’t take long for your clothes (and johnny’s muscular body, again you’ve been avoiding eye contact), to be dampened by rain that was obviously going to be heavy.
“can this day get any worse? damn it!” johnny shouted, getting frustrated when he put his t-shirt back on.
you covered your view with your arm and chills went down your spine. you realised it was raining, and your anxieties spiked up. but you didn’t want to make johnny worry, so you put out your arm to hitch for a ride. the car had to stop in the middle of an empty road, with only a few to little of cars driving pass by.
johnny and yourself have been standing for a good minute, which felt like forever in this situation, when a tow truck fortunately drove by. johnny ran to stop the truck. the man eyeing him down when he got off his vehicle.
“well what are you kids doin’ here?” he took a good look at the brokened down car behind you both, “ah! this car needs some fixin’!” then facing to johnny, “young man, if you need to take your girl out on a long drive, you might’ve had it checked first before goin’ out. this car’s close to junk!”
you snickered a laugh and johnny got startled a little bit, smiling, “it’s technically my parents’ car-“
“oh yes it’s his parents’ car!” you told the old man, still holding your arm to your head. johnny pulled a face at you, holding you into headlock playfully.
“keep your mouth shut, you chatterbox.” he embarrassingly said but giggled while you apologised.
the old man looked up, “you guys don’t seem from around ‘ere. thankfully we’re close by a car mechanic who could fix your car and a motel for you to wait. though it’ll take hours for it to get the job done.” pointing to the car. “so you youngin’s should crash in and stay the night. the forecast predicted it’ll be raining heavy ‘til mornin’.”
you nodded, eyes squinted at him, “that’ll be great sir. thank you.”
“sorry kiddos, we’re fully booked tonight.” the old lady by the counter blatantly said while chewing gum, staring at the two in front of her who were completely drenched in pouring rain.
johnny approached the counter, “ma’am, we need a place to stay for the night. we’ll leave first thing tomorrow.”
the old lady grumbled a little, “did ‘ya even hear me? no. more. rooms. available.”
johnny formed his fist into a ball, his blood spiking up on how rude this old lady was. you didn’t miss this and decided to ask another way. “ma’am, if there aren’t any rooms left for single beds. is there any chance for booking a room with two twin beds?”
the old lady tipped her glasses back in place, “there should be one room left, beautiful lady.” she typed on her computer, and johnny scoffed at the contrast, “ah yes, we do have. i can book you here. okay! one couple suite for the night!” she said while getting the key for the room.
“couple suite-” you both said,
“he’s not my boyfri-”
“she’s not my girlf-”
“y’all want to sleep outside instead?” she frowned, pointing to the heavy rain just behind the door. “it’s free.”
johnny clicked his tongue, “why you-”
you immediately prevented johnny from dampening the counter any more by holding his body back with your arm, “we’ll take it! the couple suite.” you faked a laugh, giving her cash, took the keys from her and pushing johnny away from the reception.
both of you exited the elevator and you were so amused by his attitude earlier. “what’s with that, johnny?”
“she was so rude, and i asked nicely.” johnny laid his arms out in confusion, he shook his head and sprinkled his hair. “right?”
you just crossed your arms, “give it a break, she’s an old lady.”
“yeah and she feels so entitled, damn.” he sighed, walking towards the suite.
opening the door, you and johnny sighed as you both saw the king sized double bed. the air instantly changed and it made it awkward when two bathroom robes were laid in front of you.
“i-i’ll go for a shower first,” you stuttered, going to the bathroom immediately, taking the robe before closing the door behind you. holding your chest, this scenario wasn’t happening at all. slapping your face to keep it real, you started to shower.
johnny on the other hand, found an extra towel in the car. he wiped his hair and dried his body a bit to prevent it from being too cold. his ears picked up the tapping of fallen shower droplets, and he didn’t want to focus on that.
he turned the television on, he guided the remote control to flip through the channels, stopping momentarily on a love scene and immediately changing it to a weather forecast.
he remembered what taeyong had told him; and was relieved that he did, not wanting to jump to that. he had to keep his goal, befriending you was priority.
“stop.” he mumbled to himself. he then heard a knock, opening the door for the knocker.
“here’s a little welcoming gift from our staff to you.” the lady smiled at him before handing him a box, bowing her head then taking her leave.
johnny opened the box, expecting snacks as the packaging was a bento box. his eyes caught on something that made him let out a little noise. he didn’t even notice you were finished showering and was standing behind him. “what are you holding?”
“agh!” he closed the box, shouting louder and that made you mirror him as well, holding your arms close to you.
“what the hell?” you said, catching your breath. “why’d you do that for? oh- is that food?”
“room service.” he nervously chuckled, eyeing other things. “i ordered for myself so you can order your own too. i’ll go shower.”
he sprinted to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. his ears were really red at this point. opening the box, he took the item and flushed it down the toilet. “what the hell were the staff thinking?” after he finished showering, he spotted you eating food from room service, all comfortable on the bed.
in the end he decided to sleep on the sofa and he hoped he’d be able to get through the night.
