#johnrosejade

[isroselalondebisexual]

I was the johnrosejade anon yesterday and thanks for your nice additions I’m weeping

((submitted by @steakbatter ))

[isroselalondebisexual]

Rose is a disaster though. She would pick up her dates in her moms car wearing a wrinkled tux with two homemade black rose corsages and Mom plays pop music loudly the whole way there and back. Rose never learned to drive cuz shes gay.

Jade: [in her three in the morning dress with immaculate makeup] ok I’m ready to leave the houseRose: [sitting in her mom’s minivan with mismatched socks and a wrinkled tux] okay baby i love you and you look so prettyJohn: [also in the car, keeping Rose company, still wearing a polka dot clip on bow tie] can we stop by McDonald’s on the way there?

Have any of us ever learned to drive?

Not knowing how to drive is queer culture pass it on

[isroselalondebisexual]

Imagine johnrosejade! John and Jade dress up for a formal event and Rose is like. 'I am extremely bisexual.' Rose Lalonde, goth queen, with the dorkiest partners. John and Jade having a good time talking about their wonderful mutual gf together.

Omg that’s fucking adorable!!! I can also imagine like they go to the beach one day and Rose is decked out to the nines while John’s just in cheesy souvenir-shop swimtrunks and Jade doesn’t even bother changing out of her sports shorts and tanktop and they’re both like “Wow Rose you’re so pretty!” and Rose is just internally screaming because it isn’t fair they’re not even trying but they’re both just still SO ATTRACTIVE and why does the universe hate her so much why does it refuse to let her do ANYTHING without having to stop and take a breather bc her partners are too damn pretty and this is bad for her health.

John and Jade remain FULLY aware of this but pretend not to be and “accidentally” show off in front of her all the damn time and then laugh at her and kiss her and they’re so cute Rose just wants to stab something

[isroselalondebisexual]

Mcdonalds worker at 1 am being forced to serve 3 young miscreants ice cream WITHOUT CONES. They are so specific about wanting ice cream scooped directly into their greasy hands.

It was John’s idea but Rose is the one who actually made them go through with it. Jade was the one going “oh my gooood you guuuuuys this is such a bad idea” but was first in line to get it directly into her grimy little hands

[isroselalondebisexual]

Listen let me elaborate. Rose is wearing a tuxedo that she clearly had left in a heap on he floor in the two days between when she rented it and when she put it on. The tie isn’t even tied properly. She has dramatic eye makeup that she forgets about and smudges horribly while itching her eye later on. Shes a Derse Dreamer what else do you expect. (Her Prospit dates are wearing cheap kinda tacky outfits but at least they showered beforehand, geez)

….John fixes her tie for her in the car bc he actually knows how to tie those kinds of things and it’s so cute and such a domestic gesture Rose can’t form words while he’s doing it because she is small and bad at affection and blushin real hard

I stand by Jade wearing the prettiest, girliest dress she can get her paws on and I will fight you on that but yes good excellent. She also brings a water gun in her thigh holster (since apparently REAL guns aren’t allowed at school, cause people are PANSIES)

[isroselalondebisexual]

Day 39: John and Jade's seductive wiles have lured Roxy away from minecraft, her thick wizard beard only makes her power grow, she has even taken my W magnet. These are dark times. I attempted to seek refuge with Dirk but the loss of Roxy has hit him hard, he has also started to tell people to decapitate him at every conceivable inconvenience. Again. Damn John and his power, my goth credibility has never been lower, if it drops anymore I may not be able to face Kanaya and Aradia.

Day 40: I take solace in the fact that although goth, Aradia has also succumbed to the charming whims and ways of my stupidly funny friend and family group. Roxy has wooed her with dumbass wizard tabletop roleplaying, which is just about the nerdiest conceivable shit that I am capable of conceptualizing. It is only Kanaya who I am incapable of looking in the eye any longer, especially considering that the last time we went on a date John told a story that was actually a joke, and it caught me so off guard I snorted out loud and accidentally spit little flakes of food everywhere. She saw the whole thing. The whole thing. I am ruined.

[isroselalondebisexual]

Johnrosejade prom night: the siblings almost feel guilty when Rose answers the door in glamorous 8+ hours make up and a 200 dollars dress. John wore a clip on tie over a white tshirt holding a bunch of pocky boxes ("jesus are godivas really worth the price? does Rose even like pretentious fancy overpriced chocolate??") while Jade still has leaves in her hair from digging around the garden the whole afternoon for beautiful flowers for rose. Rose laughs and links both of their arms and they're off

Rose: [arriving in a limo hours after she started getting ready] ok I’m ready to go to promJade: [slapping dirk off her tank top and handing her flowers with a kiss on the cheek] okay baby I love you and you look so handsome John: [clipping his polka dot bow tie to his shirt and coming up on her other side] okay baby i love you and you look so pretty

Rose and her disaster datemates. She loves them both so much it leaves her stupid-breathless sometimes. John holds the door open and Jade bows and helps her in, like they’re her footmen, and all three of them are RIDICULOUS and EXTRA the entire fucking time in entirely fucking different ways and it’s amazing and they’re the talk of the party.

Also they have pocky, like the weeby teenagers they are, and John goes down in infamy for being the smartest nerd at the party. (Hear that Jade, I’m the smartest nerd here) (John I am literally a nuclear scientist shut up)

They just go and dance and have a good time and they’re all adorable, dorky children who are deeply in love with each other.

(Also Rose loves the pocky she would’ve accepted godiva but they’re far from her favorite and these have just such a flavor of John to them) (And the flowers are all her favorites and Jade has memorized each and every one of them and clearly put a lot of thought into the bouquet and Rose’s datemates are just so good)