summary | A drabble about Jongup and the one who haunts him.
warnings | mentions of blood, guns, major character death
Read more installments here
Jongup sits against a crumbling wall in a darkened room; silver rivers of moonlight are all that illuminate the peeling wallpaper that bows off of the plaster. He has been sitting in the same spot for the entire day, his muscles taught, ready to jump up at the slightest sound. It is not safe to stay for too long, but a large part of him is exhausted from being on the run for weeks. He reaches up to rub at his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to force out the tiredness that threatens to drag him under. He needs to stay awake until he receives the all-clear to move to the next safe house.
Jongup fiddles with the pistol in his lap, checking the bullets for the hundredth time, more out of habit than of actual need to know how many bullets lie ready in the clip. Satisfied that the gun is indeed fully loaded he lets his head drop back against the wall with a soft thud. Maybe I can just close my eyes for a few minutes.
He feels the familiar presence close to him, but he does not need to open his eyes to know who it is.
“Back again?” he mumbles.
The other stays silent, but Jongup knows what question will be asked.
“Why did you do it?” comes the whispered question, nothing more than a single breath of air.
Jongup sluggishly opens his eyes. The man stands before him, as faint as the moonlight that drapes around him. He has been Jongup’s visitor every night since the raid in the warehouse. Jongup scoffs quietly before answering,
“You know why.”
The man shakes his head, “No.”
“Yes,” Jongup says firmly, “My answer has been the same every time you ask, so why do you keep pestering me?”
The man stares at him, his cold face expressionless. “How could you betray us? We were brothers.”
Jongup shifts, pushing himself up straighter against the wall. “No, we weren’t, Himchan,” he whispers harshly. “Everything was a lie, how can you not understand that?”
“We trusted you,” Himchan laments.
“That’s your fault,” Jongup spits coldly.
Himchan drops his head, wounded at the absence of remorse in Jongup’s voice. Jongup closes his eyes again and waits for Himchan to leave. Several minutes tick by, but Himchan remains rooted to his spot. Annoyance boils up inside Jongup’s chest and his eyes snap open.
“Leave. I’ll keep giving you the same answers to your questions every time. Leave me alone.”
Himchan looks back at him with steady eyes. Something changes in his demeanor that Jongup cannot place.
“We forgive you,” Himchan says calmly.
Jongup’s mouth drops open in shock. He sits there frozen until he can process what was just said, but as his reply is about to leave the tip of his tongue, he is cut off by the slamming of several car doors outside.
“Shit,” Jongup hisses. He jumps to his feet, striding quickly to the window on the opposite wall. Peeking out from the side he can see five black undercover cars parked outside with dozens of men gathered around. Jongup feels Himchan come closer and he whirls around to face him.
“Leave me alone, Himchan. I don’t have the time to give you any answers.”
“We forgive you,” Himchan repeats.
Jongup stares at him wide-eyed, his heart racing with fear and adrenaline, but what he feared was not the armed men coming for him.
“You all are fools, then. I don’t deserve your forgiveness.” Despite the denials that dance across his lips, he cannot deny the minuscule speck of wanting to embrace their forgiveness that floats in his chest. He quickly pushes the speck to the depths of mind, shaking his head and reminding himself that he felt nothing when he betrayed them all. He would do it again.
Jongup strides back to the wall where he was previously sitting and flattens himself to it, out of sight of the door that is placed to his right. He checks his gun again; these are the only bullets he has on him. He grimaces as the realization that he most definitely will not be leaving alive dawns on him.
“They’re coming up the stairs, now,” Himchan alerts him.
“Get out,” Jongup commands.
Himchan shakes his head, “I’m not leaving you.”
“You and I will be going to different places when they find me.”
Himchan is silent and the sounds of heavy boots running up concrete steps reach Jongup’s ears. He holds his breath and releases it in a long exhale, failing at quieting his heart that breaks against his ribcage. The pounding of boots stops outside the door and Jongup readies himself. He knows he will lose in an instant, but it is not in him to go down without a fight.
The door is kicked open with force and smacks loudly against the wall. Jongup is quick and manages to hit a few of the men, but his shots give away his position and soon he feels his skin being pierced, ripping open, and pouring out his life. He falls to the ground with a thud and several of the men surround him. Through the legs of one of them, he can see Himchan shimmering in the waning moonlight. His eyes begin to grow heavy and his body feels warm, as if it is about to melt into the dirty floor beneath him. The shouts and scuffling grow muffled, but somehow he hears a soft whisper carried on the chilled wind.
“We’ll be waiting for you.”
m.list
A/N: Thank you for reading! Will I ever stop writing angst? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z! Questions, comments, and feedback are always welcome! <3
It’s been a minute since I’ve updated this one. Not gonna lie, I was thinking about abandoning it, but with recent events, I’m feeling terribly morbid/solemn, so I kinda needed an outlet for the feels going on right now and didn’t like how deep/depression things were turning out as I was writing the next part of Shiver in this mood.
That being said, I do have something pretty dern fluffy in the works for the near future. Don’t give up on me yet! I swear I’m not always a grey cloud. Anyway, here is finally Part 4 [: Sorry it’s so short... I was more or less just getting some feels out.
Returning home felt like walking into a prison. Jongup was shackled by the memories held within the walls. But when had the apartment become so cold, so dark, so lifeless? What once was a safe haven, a comforting place to return to at the end of each day only brought more misery to him. Everywhere he looked, he saw the ghosts of the couple that once lived there. Once so happy and so in love. Now, they were just images of the past that haunted the quaint home.
Slipping off his shoes at the door, Jongup momentarily stared down at his black polished shoes that sat beside the sneakers Himchan had left there, never to be worn again. Slowly, he moved into the apartment where his eyes scanned over the living area and the loneliness sunk even deeper. Reading glasses that would never again adorn that beautiful face, a collection of dramas and romantic comedies that would never again earn that deep, hearty chuckle, throw blankets that would never again stir playful wrestle matches because they weren’t big enough to cover the both of them. It all seemed so useless now. Jongup didn’t need any of it. He didn’t want any of it, but he sure as hell couldn’t part with a single item either. How could he throw out those fashion magazines before Himchan even got the chance to read them? How could he give away the ridiculous amount of wine bottles that were waiting to be shared on a special occasion? How was he supposed to part with the ridiculous amounts of colognes that all smelled of his lover in one way or another?
But how could he hold onto any of it when it all was just a reminder of how alone he was?
Releasing a deep sigh, the broken man frowned at the image of his fiance standing across the room at him. The concern on his face, the way the singer’s eyes silently begged for Jongup to be okay only made him feel all the more not because once he blinked, that man was gone and he was left with nothing but his slipping sanity. Over the past few days, he had gotten so used to seeing glimpses of Himchan and momentarily coming back to life himself as a shock of hope coursed through him only to be beaten down again when reality returned and Himchan disappeared all over again. That hope had quickly turned to anger at the cruelty of it all. But now, it only exhausted him further. Jongup had no energy left for emotion. He was worn out and fraying at the edges.
With little conscious thought of his actions, Jongup shuffled to the bedroom. Again, he halted as he entered the familiar room that had become foreign to him. The bed seemed so much larger now that it was only him to occupy it. The decor that he once found comforting, relaxing only proved to disgust him now as it was just another thing to remind him of everything he lost. This whole place was meant for Himchan and the Jongup he had once been. The Jongup he was with Himchan. The person that he was now, the empty shell of who he once was, didn’t belong here. He was an intruder in this place a once happy couple called home and his presence was disturbing to the memories and dreams this quaint place held.
Still, he had nowhere else to go. He refused to be a burden to those around him. He couldn’t stand the pity they all looked at him with. Their concern only proved to remind him of how broken he was. Of course, they meant well and cared for him, but like hell he was going to drag them down with his sorry self. At least alone in this hell, he didn’t have to pretend to be coping. He didn’t have to display his grief when really he was turning to stone from the inside out. At least here, he could succumb to the numbness and not have to pretend to be alright. Because he wasn’t alright; he was the furthest thing from alright and there was nothing anyone could say or do to make that better. Perhaps in time, he may be able to heal and scar from this, but for the time being, he just needed to learn how to live without Himchan. He needed to learn how to go on. And he needed to do that alone.
Himchan closed his eyes and ran a stressed hand through his hair. He hated this. He hated watching the man he loved more than anything fall apart. He hated being the reason for his suffering. Jongup needed him now more than ever and all he could do was silently watch as the young man slowly died inside. So desperately he wanted to hold him, to assure him that everything would be alright, to wipe away the circles growing under those precious, dark eyes. It was absolutely heart wrenching to watch him have to go through this and though their time spent together meant everything to Himchan, he wished nothing more than to take it all back just so Jongup wouldn’t have to face this kind of pain.
‘To have loved and lost is better than to not have loved at all?’
Has anyone that spoken those words lost a love like this? Would Jongup agree with such a statement? It broke his heart to think such, but Himchan wondered if the younger man would be better off now had they never confessed their feelings. If it would have spared Jongup of this kind of pain, he would take it all back in a heartbeat. As much as he had cherished each and every second he had with that man, he would give it all up if it meant that the other wouldn’t have to know this suffering, this loneliness.
Silently following Jongup to the bedroom, Himchan gave a solemn sigh as he watched the younger male curl on top of the covers still clad in his damp suit. “You’re going to wrinkle your suit and catch a cold if you don’t change,” he spoke, sitting on the bed beside the dancer. His frown deepened at the way the bed didn’t dip under his weight. What he wouldn’t give for just a minute longer with him. Just a single minute to let him know that he wasn’t alone and would never be alone. At the same time, Himchan wondered if staying was actually breaking his lover even more. He had seen those brief flashes of life in his eyes when they fell on him. He knew Jongup caught a glimpse of him every now and then. And he’d be damned if he said it didn’t momentarily make his ghostly heart race each time they met eyes. But then the moment would pass and he’d have to watch his lover falter back into reality once more.
Still, how was he suppose to leave him, especially now? How could he move on knowing he was leaving his lover in pieces? How could anything in that light be a comfort when he’d know that Jongup needed that comfort so much more than himself?
Staring down at the man he loved so damn much, he couldn’t help but wonder why the fates would do something so cruel? Why were they being punished? Why Jongup? He wondered if it would be any better if they traded places. He would happily take that pain and loneliness so the younger man wouldn’t have to, but would it be any better if that meant that beautiful man’s life would be taken as well? Was it better to have to endure that pain and be alive? Himchan much prefered the outcome of the crash; he would give up his life a thousand times over if that meant Jongup would get to continue his. But watching the pain that he endured through surviving alone…
Three days passed and Himchan torturously watched as his love hardly moved in that time. Aside from the occasional trip to the bathroom, all of Jongup’s time was spent in what was once their bed. He lifelessly laid about and stared at the ceiling or the walls. Each time the phone would buzz to signal another friend or family member checking in to make sure he was alright, a deep sigh would expel from him as if his busy thoughts were inconveniently disrupted. But Himchan knew the truth. He saw the way the depressed man would flinch every time he picked up the old, shattered phone that once belonged to him. He saw the heartbreak wash over the younger male every time he looked at the happy couple smiling at him on the lockscreen.
“You need to get up and get a new phone,” he spoke after witnessing Jongup once again frown at the phone as another person attempted to reach him.
The younger man sighed and sat up, shaking his head. “I don’t need anything,” he growled out. Himchan’s eyes widened as he was seemingly answered before realizing that the other was simply voicing his frustration over yet another text telling him to contact them if he needs anything.
Closing the message, Jongup sat in his wrinkled suit pants, the shirt and jacket discarded on the floor sometime during the second day of his solitude. He stared at the wallpaper - another selfie of the couple. Himchan smiled brightly from the phone’s cracked screen as Jongup stood next to him with a lopsided smirk, holding up a peace sign. He ran his thumb over the image, staring at the man he still loved so desperately. “I just need you.”
Title: Problems
Fandom: BAP
Member: Jongup
Genre/Warning: Angst, fluffy soft Jongup ?, smut, probably swearing
Summary/Request: OH MY LORD YES PLEASE GIVE ME SOME JONGUP ❤❤❤❤❤ Smut, fluff, angst I dont mind | Prompt: Jongup is in love with OC, but instead of confessing, avoids her, leading to a argument where he yell’s his true feelings. (Inspired by this x)
A/N: Jongup arriving in style dressed like this x x x x yes, I’m weak for him in this suit, is it not obvious?!
Word Count: 4405
Jongup is a quiet man in a very loud world. Sure, he enjoy’s socialising with others, drinking and the like. But, he often finds himself in need of some quiet, a time for both his brain and his body to melt into the silence.
Well that was just wishful thinking. There would be no such thing, especially after meeting you. At first you were background noise, your laugh fading away with breeze, but at some point that changed, you became the forefront of his view and your laugh instead sunk into his skin till it took a hold of him.
His world was never quiet anymore. Blood rushing in his ears at the mere thought of you. At first maybe it was lust, Jongup thought when his moans disturbed the quiet, your name leaving his mouth as he touched himself. Then maybe a little crush when his heart skipped a beat or two whenever you spoke. The something more than a crush when he found you were consuming his thoughts, his very being.
Then he realised what it was. “Ah…” he thought to himself one day. “That…” From then your friendship began to unravel. Firstly, he avoided group outings with you, but when you would specifically ask him, he always had an excuse. “I’m working on this new choreo…” or the typical, “I already have plans…sorry.”
Then it was slowly decreasing the amount of texting you both did. Usual texts filled with fun and not so fun stories became simple ‘yes, no’ answers that really pissed you off.
Jongup was surprised that it had nearly been a month since he saw you. He already noticed the changes. The fewer texts asking him about his day, the invites out, everything… His world was slowly becoming quieter again, but now, instead of noise, he was filled with a constant ache.
“Hello?” The man on the other end seemed really happy that Jongup had answered. Jongup was happy to hear from him and caught up with him. “But hey Jong… you know who’s birthday is coming up right?” Of course he knew. Every detail of yourself, you spoke had been locked away in his head; precious information.
“We’re all having a get together and we are all putting money together for her to go on that trip.” Jongup knows your dreams, your goals. “You have to come, you have no excuse.” He didn’t. Pulling out on a friends birthday was too hard without being obvious. “Yeah, just let me know details”
The theme was dress to impress. Jongup had got his hair done; something to signify the end of whatever feelings he had for you, and turned up in a smart suit, hair slicked back.
When he entered, he greeted his friends who gave him compliments and shocked “blue?” “Wow.” “You actually pull it off.” Everyone was dressed similar, the ladies wearing lovely gowns of their own. But, he was yet to see you. And that made him nervous. His heart was already thumping at the thought, but he was a little relieved that the ache had lessened.
He let his friends carry him away to get drinks, asking where the birthday girl was. “Oh, she went upstairs with some guy.” His friend wiggled his eyebrows and Jongup was hearing a thundering in his head. His eyes shot to upstairs, the ache increasing. He had never thought of any other guy being with you - not that you didn’t have the right, simply because Jongup was a fool.
It was about fifteen minutes later when you came down and despite the cracks slowly forming in his heart, he couldn’t help the sharp intake of breathe when he saw you. The gold detail of your dress against your beautiful dark skin made you look ethereal, the dress hugging your curves and flowing out into a satin gold skirt. You were absolutely flawless. Jongup downed his drink.
When you made eye contact with him, you grinned wide in surprise and pleasure and ran to your friend with your arms wide open. “Uppie!” His own arms embraced you, “Happy birthday.” “Thank you!” You grinned, pulling back to finally look him over. Blue hair, shaved sides that accented his cheekbones, that white button up accessorised with a black scarf under his striped navy blue suit that fitted his toned body so well. You internally sighed. Moon Jongup was a God; it was freakin’ unfair how Godly he was.
“You look beautiful.” Jongup told you, meaning it. He wanted to tell you a whole load of sweet words. Wanted to recite cheesy poetry, compare you to the sun he believed you to be, but held back. “And you look handsome. Loving the hair.” You brought a hand up to run through the blue strands, not noticing the brief closing of Jongup’s eyes, or the little shudder at your touch. “Thanks.” He whispered shyly. You pull your hand away thinking he was uncomfortable, when really he could stay there all day with just you running your fingers through his hair.
“Babe.” You turn to a male, one Jongup was not familiar with. Your warmth gone as you leave with an apologetic smile and the crack seems audible in Jongup’s ears as he watches you get pulled away to dance. He turns. Better make use of this open bar.
Jongup doesn’t know how many he’s had, but it frustratingly still hasn’t drowned you out. His blazer is gone, lost somewhere in this huge ass room. His top buttons are undone. His eyes are closed and he’s doing the one thing he knows how.
“I always admire the way you dance.” His eyes shoot open at your voice, your lips just a little too close to his ear. Jongup nods, he can’t speak to you right now. “So how have you been? We didn’t get a chance to catch up before…” Another nod. You frown. Wondering if Jongup’s drank so much, he’s become incapable of speaking.
You go to ask another question when Jongup shoots a hand out to a passerby. One of your friends date you assume. “Wanna dance?” Jongup asks with a smirk. Your frown deepens. He does realise you were trying to talk to him… right?
But you’re just part of the background now, you realise when you watch Jongup grind behind the woman. Jongup can feel your eyes and he wishes it were you he was dancing with…
Arms wrap around you and you know who it is. He kisses your neck as you begin to sway to the seductive beat. Your eyes watch the way Jongup moves. Its true, you admired the way he danced; his form, how controlled he was, how he could be sharp or fluid, he could do anything, he was just so versatile. You followed the way his hips rolled, his thick thighs bulging in his suit pants. Your body moved as if he were behind you. He got lower with the girl, a hand on her stomach and another drifting fingers in a feather light touch up her arm to lead her around his neck. The look he gave her. So seductive.
Then those eyes locked with yours. Your breath caught in your throat, the two of you trapped in each others gaze, bodies moving. “Wanna go upstairs babe?” You blink when you feel the kiss on your neck. Jongup looks away and you feel a strange sensation settle within you. Something like disappointment?
Jongup turns the woman around to roll his body into her from the front and she loves it. So when Jongup captures her lips with his there’s no resistance. “Actually… I need a drink.” The strange feeling in you has intensified and you don’t like it one bit. Jongup on the other hand feels sick. These are the wrong lips, the wrong body, the wrong woman. The alarm bells in his head are giving him a headache and Jongup pulls away holding his head.
“Sorry…” he mutters, rushing away to head upstairs. The place is thankfully too crowded for the woman to reach him and so Jongup heads upstairs in a miserable drunken haze.
He melts into the bed he crashes on, feeling like the bed was being rocked by waves, restlessly turning for a position that didn’t make him feel like throwing up. He’s not sure how long it took, but eventually the alcohol lulls him into a deep sleep.
He’s annoyingly disturbed by hiccuping and stumbling of heeled feet a few hours later. There’s a waft of air next to him as a body drop’s onto the bed. “I was here first. Get out.” He grumbled annoyed, eyes still closed.
“Well, this is my bed so I suggest you get out.” Jongup freezes. Mind and body now completely awake. He’d recognise your voice anywhere. Your body shifts closer to him until your half draped, an arm around him and leg bent on him. He goes to move, a warm hand touching your waist to realise your skin is bare. His eyes widen, taking in your underwear clad form, skin subtly lit by the moonlight. He swallowed hard. “Uppie, since it’s you, you can stay.” You mutter tiredly and he thinks its the cutest thing in the world, the way your voice softens and croaks.
He nearly stays, such a lovely request, but he shouldn’t. It’s him who will be pained by it, not you. He goes to sit up, not expecting the iron grip to tighten and hold him in place.
“I said stay.” “...I should go.” You shoot up onto your knees. Face up in Jongup’s as you growl. “What is your problem?” He frowns. “I don’t…” “oh give over Jongup. For weeks you’ve been avoiding me and if it didn’t happen to be my birthday, I’m sure I wouldn’t have seen you again.”
“I told you,” he goes to sit up, cautiously watching you, “I’ve been busy.”
“Bullshit! You go out on your lads night, you can meet other people, but you can’t find time to meet me? Am I not your friend?” Jongup doesn’t even have the chance to interject as you continue. “I fucking went to the dance studio. I fucking cooked! Me, cooked for YOU. Worried about how much you were working your damn self.” You stab a sharp finger in his chest, “I tried so many times and I was so damn excited for you to try it and then you weren’t there. No one had seen you. Then I went to yours. I know you were home I saw the light on. I was going to knock but thought… maybe he really just didn’t want company today. But turns out it was just my company you didn’t want.” You finish quietly, feeling yourself choke up.
Jongup was at a loss. What could he say without revealing everything? He was beginning to internally panic and he felt your words stab at him, your sorrowful voice feeling like fingers choking his heart. He heard you sniffle and realised you were crying. His hands immediately reach for you, hands cupping your face for his thumbs to stroke away tears.
“Why are you being like this huh? What’s your problem?”
He pulled his hands away and looked down. “I haven’t got one.” You hit his arm.
“BULLSHIT MOON JONGUP!”
He can’t say the words, so the only thing he can do is fight you. “ITS NOT BULLSHIT, I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT ME TO SAY!” He know’s what he should say. They’re on the tip of his tongue, words that have built the foundations of his heart ready to burst.
“I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHY YOU’VE BEEN AVOIDING ME? EVEN FUCKING DOWNSTAIRS YOU DRY FUCK A GIRL IN FRONT OF ME WHEN I’M TRYING TO FU-”
“WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHEN YOU FIRST CAME TO TALK TO ME YOU LEFT ME FOR THAT FUCKING GUY. ON THE DANCE FLOOR IT DIDN’T TAKE YOU LONG TO END UP WITH HIM AGAIN DID IT? SO WHY DOES IT FUCKING MATTER WHO I DANCED WITH?”
“I NEVER SAID WHO DICKHEAD. I SAID YOU FUCKING LEFT ME WHEN I WAS OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO TALK TO YOU.”
“EVER THINK I’D RATHER GET MY DICK WET THAN HAVE A BORING CONVERSATION”
You sharply inhaled, a twinge of hurt striking your heart. “YET HERE YOU ARE ALONE! I REALLY CAN’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH OF ARSE YOU ARE. IS THAT WHY SHE DIDN’T COME UP HERE WITH YOU? SHE FIGURE THAT OUT.” You got in his face, provoking him by pushing his shoulder. “DID SHE GET BORED? FIND SOMETHING MORE ENTERTAINING? LIKE YOU DID WITH ME HUH? I’M JUST SOMEONE TO KEEP YOU FROM BOREDOM IS THAT IT?” - “THAT’S NOT FUCKING IT.” - “OUR FRIENDSHIP WAS NOTHING RIGHT? SINCE YOU’D RATH-” “YOU’RE FUCKING WRONG.” “-ER GET YOUR DICK WET. I WAS JUST SOMEONE TO PA-” “FUCKING LISTEN I SAID NO.” “-SS THE TIME BY RIGHT? YOU DIDN’T LIKE ME WHEN WE MET EITHER DID YOU? I’M A NUISANCE TO YOU, THA-” “STOP!” The noise was becoming too much. His heart was pounding furiously, each of your words violently lashing him. He couldn’t focus on breathing, not with the way his chest tightened or the way your scent clouded over him. His eyes couldn’t stray from you face, passionate with rage, dark eye’s painting your emotions. “T’S IT RIGHT? I’M LIKE A BUG. THAT’S ALL I EVER AM TO PEOPLE.” He was panting harshly, air struggling to reach his lungs. “IT’S BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU!”
Silence. Jongup tenses, realising what he's said and you, you're staring blankly at him, panting just as heavy as him. It’s like that for a long while, his words weighing in the air. Jongup moves to leave, but feel's a weak hand clutch his arm. "Let go." He whispers tired, dejected. "Did you mean that? Do you actually lo-" "It doesn't matter," he interrupts, pushing your hand digging into him away and standing. You rushed on your knees to the edge of the bed.
"It fucking matter's Moon Jongup." Your eyes are teary, a lone one sliding down your cheek dramatically when you force Jongup to turn to you. "It matters." You whisper brokenly before pulling him by the collar to your lips.
Jongup is shocked. For all his fantasies about you, none could compare to the sensation of your lips pressed to his, a desperate and urgent touch, lips pulling his own into your mouth messily, lips tasting and seeking different angles for more. "Jongup." You whimper and something snaps inside of Jongup, a loud lash in his head that brings his hand to the back of your hand, pushing you impossibly closer, his other hand holding your back.
His tongue comes out for the first time and he gasps; had he ever felt this fulfilled before? How could a pair of lips make him feel as if he had found a stream in the desert, quenching a painful thirst. You both groan, tongues meeting messily to slide against the other, prodding and searching each other's mouths.
Jongup's chest burned, the adrenaline making him forget to breathe, but that was also partly your fault. His lips leave yours noisily and Jongup rests his head to yours, panting and eyes shut tight, afraid this was all a dream. "Please." He whispered and your heart broke at the heavy emotion in his voice. "Don't play with me like this."
"I'm not." And then your pulling Jongup back onto the bed until your both falling backward, Jongup being pulled even further when your legs wrap around him. His hands land either side of you, arms bulging as he kept himself up. "What about the other guy?" You roll your eyes. "Please, he means as much to me as that bitch you danced with did." He blinked in surprise, eyes looking for the truth in your words. Then he smirks, "bitch? Were you jealous?" You scowl at him, a hand coming behind his neck, pulling him close till your breath mingled and each exhale caused your lips to touch. "And you weren't?" You murmured, brow raised. "I'm always jealous that someone could steal you away." He confesses, brushing his lips over yours.
"I'm here for you to have. Right" kiss, "now." Kiss. Jongup stares intently at you. Listens to the words leaving your lips, seeking out the confirmation he needs. Your eye’s don’t leave his and your limbs twine around him like vines. You’re here and it’s not a dream. Skin barely covered and permission for him to have a taste of you. He leans down, slowly sucking your bottom lip to his mouth.The noises intermingle with each of your movements, Jongup slowly caressing you with his mouth. He’s waited so long for this.
“Are you certain?” He has to ask. He has to know that you crave for him as much as he does you. “Please Jongup, when I said yes I meant it.” There’s a little more urgency in your voice now and Jongup can feel it too, if the way your hands stroke his clothed back, trying to bring him impossibly closer, or if the way your hips subtly roll is anything to go by.
Your neck is stretched back into the bed when soft lips burn hot kisses, taking their time to taste and mark. His fingers follow his path, lips moving down to your collarbones. Whimpers, that Jongup is certain he will never forget, leave your mouth, feeling Jongup’s mouth sensitise you. His fingers drift over collarbones, waiting as lips meet your chest. Jongup’s hand goes beneath you, pushing your chest up toward him as his lips suckle at your skin, wet trails left by his greedy lips kissing down your cleavage. He removes your bra, slowly pulling it off of you. He needs to take his time; each moment committed to his mind.
Cool air touches your exposed breasts, warmed by Jongup’s mouth. He rolls your nipple in his mouth, his hot tongue suckling and pulling just slightly. You whine, feeling your nerves on edge. His other hand holds your free breast, squeezing lightly, playing with your numb while his mouth sucks your breast. He places light kisses over to your other breast, having his fill of that one too, loving your hands running through his hair, loving the way you fidget and tense.
He releases your nipple with a pop. Giving one last peck, before he’s kissing down your stomach, hand trailing down your back to push your lower half toward him now. His kisses are delicate down your stomach, yet they have you squirming, because you know where those Godly lips are heading.
When he reaches the band of your panties, he sits up, you settled on his thighs, back still on the bed. His large hands come up to squeeze your breasts, the run down your stomach, slowly, before there’s a hand running along each of your thighs to your calf’s wrapped around him. He gently urges your legs to loosen and release, bringing each leg up onto his shoulders. He smiles down reassuringly at you. “You’re beautiful.” He tells you as he kisses each of your inner ankles. Teeth nip and bite skin, tongue soothing his stings as he kisses his way down your leg, inner thigh bruised by his lips. Your panting, lips caught between your teeth when he slowly brings his face to your clothed core.
The deep inhale Jongup does has you shuddering, legs shaking around him. “God, I could never have imagined you would smell this good.” He whispered, as if he was talking to himself, but his words reach you, caressing your insides till your hole is dribbling, wanting to give him more. He slips your underwear off, strong hands raising the bottom settled on his thighs. He brings your underwear to his nose, looking at you as he sniff’s again. “I’m fucking addicted already.” He says hoarsely and you moan, eyes slowly bleeding out into a muggy brown, like a disturbed river.
When he leans down, your hips buck, feeling his warm breath waft over your sensitive clit. His large hands brace your thighs to his chest, squeezing up and down softly. His nose nudges your clit, before his awaiting tongue pokes out to lick. Jongup squeezes your thigh’s harder without realising it, the little taste feeding something carnal in him as he snaps, mouth diving with a huff. You cry out, his soft and slow movement’s gone when you feel his tongue lap at your folds, licking at your slit till it can stab at your clit. Jongup slurps you up, eating all you have to offer. “How can you taste so good?” He wonders, voice just as desperate as your moans. Your fingers tighten in his hair and you pull, your moans morphing to begs when his tongue inches it’s way into your sobbing hole. “Please, please, please.”
“Baby, cum on my mouth. Can you do that for me?” He asks, lips trying to slurp up your wetness. Your eyes squeeze shut, toes curling as your head shakes desperately, “yes I can Jongup, just please.” Jongup’s hands lower to your hips and pull to shove your pussy closer to his mouth, tongue sliding in and out of clenching walls, nose nudging on a swollen clit that send’s you spasming. Heat swarms you, muscles tensing and moans forcing your mouth open, eyes rolling to the back of your head when Jongup is using his hands to slide you up and down his lips till your cum is copiously spilling onto his lips. He’s moaning, feeling his dick painfully harden as your essence stains his tongue. You’re still shaking when he gives kitten licks to your sensitive hole and clit.
“Ah, that was amazing baby.” He sounds like a man who just had a satisfying meal and to Jongup it was. His lips and chin shine, a reminded of you. He quickly leans down to claim your lips, tongue flicking at yours. “See how good you taste?” He groans.
Jongup sits up. Removing the black scarf, he hastily begins to unbutton his shirt. You reach up, helping him and running hands over chiselled abs that tense at your touch. His shirt is off and then he’s unbuckling his suit pants. When he pulls his dick out, his head falls back. A low groan leaving his lips as he realises just how sensitive he is.
Your hands reach out, gripping his tip and running your thumb along the slit, watching as Jongup hisses. You love how thick he feels in your hand as you quickly stroke him. Jongup’s hand shoots out, pinning your hand to the bed as he heavily pants above you. “I need you now baby.” “So take me.”
The way Jongup’s hand’s felt when he positioned your body had your heart beating with anticipation. They were desperate and just slightly rough; his impatience showing as he lined his cock up to your hole. He tapped himself against your, your hips jerking at the little sensations, before he finally began to push. “Oh GOD!” You cried, your folds wet with your substance, spreading as your hole opened up more and more for him. He slid in slowly, which was quiet the effort when your walls were so desperate to pull him in.
“hmm please,” You whine, back arching when he’s filled you. He stills, mind and body savouring the unique warmth of you wrapping around him. He can’t control his breathing, feeling so euphoric he wonders if he will ever feel the same way again. “Please.” You say again when he doesn’t move. He lean’s down to give you an open mouthed kiss, slow movements to match the slow pull back of his cock. He settles the pace like this. Wanting to be inside you of you just a little longer, wanting the moment to never cease.
Your legs tighten around him, moaning as he builds up a fire within you, the pit of your stomach tightening, readying itself to burst, but it’s not enough and so you beg again. “Jongup, please please just take me there. Make me cum again baby, please.” The pleas have Jongup’s stomach tightening, his cock twitch inside you as he kisses your neck, feeling your trumping pulse beneath his tongue.
He pulls back just a bit, hips slowly pushing in and then rocking your body with fierce thrust that has you clawing at his back. He continues his rhythm of allowing you to feel him slowly slide back, then slowly slide in only to suddenly thrust again. “Oh yes.” You hiss. He quickens. Hips knocking against yours, wetness squelching when his cock speeds up. He’s moaning into your skin, lost in the feel of you, back tensing under your finger nails no doubt leaving marks.
“Get on top of me.” He harshly breathes out, pulling out and lying down. He helps steady you, pulling your leg over him and shuffling you up until your hovering over his cock. Placing his cock at your hole, you sink. Nails scratching at his hip bone, his stomach his chest, wherever as he has you gasping. Your rock at your speed this time, circling your hips as quick as you could, hoping to strum against your nerves. Jongup grabbed at your hips, your bouncing breasts, moaning heavily beneath you. You were so beautiful. Reddened cheeks and messy hair. Sensitive body and broken voice. His hips jerked up, a scream coming from your mouth. “do that again,” You beg lowering yourself to his lips. “Please.” Jongup spread his legs slightly, knees bent and then his hips were knocking into you, cock thrusting till your body rippled from the power, moans trapped as your eyes, maddened, locked with his. He raised a hand, thumb stroking your cheek before he lowered your lips, moaning into your mouth when the last of his powerful thrusts had your hips rocking uncontrollably,cries spilling into his mouth as your body shook; his cum warming you.
A hand on your back rubbed in soothing circles, till you settled, quaking ever so slightly on Jongup’s softening cock. You were both breathing heavily; a silence following as Jongup strokes your back and patted your hair.
"What does this even mean?"
"It means... I wanna be with you. I wanna see where this goes." And that was enough for Jongup.
Here’s my first attempt at writing a BAP sceario! It’s in the Skydive AU and it’s a mix of reader x Jongup and reader x Yongguk. You’ll see as you read. :)
Wordcount:1336
Jongup x reader Angst
MASTERLIST
Not an ounce of remorse shot through Jongup as he watched each of his members slowly get shot off, one by one. The boy felt a shot hit him in the upper chest, and stumbled back, into someone’s arms. By their build he could tell that it was Youngjae. Jongup’s legs gave out from under him and he fell down with the other boy.
“Jongup-ah!” Youngjae yelled out, shaking Jongup. The boy feigned death, letting his body go completely limp in the older one’s arms. Youngjae yelled out once more before he was silenced by a bullet. The dead weight from Yongjae caused the two to fall over.
From Jongup’s position, he watched through half open eyes as Junhong and Yongguk were shot down. Waiting a few moments for the echoes of gunfire to stop, Jongup stood up, smirking as he looked at each of the boys he had spent so much time with. Standing over Yongguk, he kneeled down and searched his pockets for his phone. Finding it, he opened it and stared at the picture of the girl on the lockscreen.
“You had this coming…” Jongup whispered, “Ever since you took her away from me.”
Jongup walked away from the body, making sure no one else was alive. His eyes fell on Daehyun, who sat against a concrete column and fighting to hang on to life. The boy’s hand shook as he tried to grab his gun off of the ground and point it.
Kicking the leg that Daehyun had bent up, Jongup kneeled down and almost straddling one of his legs. Daehyun’s shaking hand struggled to lift the gun up to Jongup’s abdomen. Chuckling, Jongup turned the gun in Daehyun’s hand so that it was pointing at the boy’s chest.
“Why…?” Daehyun attempted to say.
“Because I needed everyone here in one spot. I couldn’t have anyone around as competition anymore. You were just a pawn in that story to hold everyone’s attention.” Jongup smiled before pulling on the trigger and ending the boy’s life.
Standing, he ran a hand through his hair and made his way out of the building as he shed his ruined jacket and shirt to expose the bulletproof vest that was hidden. Taking it off, he replaced it with his tattered shirt.
Without a second glance, he left, leaving all of his old comrades to lay in the ruins of the fight.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Reader’s POV
You sat on your couch, a blanket tightly wrapped around you and waiting for your boyfriend to return. He was a member of a gang, and tonight they’d planned to raid another gang’s headquarters. Nights like these were anxiety filled as you didn’t know what would happen, or if your lover would even return.
Flipping through the TV channels you attempted to distract yourself by finding something to watch. All that was on, however, were sappy romantic movies. Rolling your eyes, you pulled out your laptop and began to rewatch Scarlet Heart Ryeo.
You were able to get about three episodes in before you were startled by a banging at your door. Shooting up, you pulled your gun out from under the couch cushion and cautiously approached the front door. If it was your boyfriend, he would have either called you before he was on his way or had knocked in a certain pattern to alert you that it was him. But, neither of those had occurred so you had no idea who was beyond the door.
Blood pumping in your ears, you turned the safety off and let your free hand hover over the lock. “Who’s there?” You called out.
“Y/N… It’s Jongup…”
Immediately you started to unlock your door, but still a little hesitant as you opened it. Jongup’s voice had sounded exhausted and husky. The fact that he sounded as though he was alone set a small alarm off in the back of your mind. Shouldn’t your boyfriend be with him? Or at least another member of the gang?
“Jongup oppa, where’s every-” You stopped talking as soon as you saw the state that Jongup was in. His shirt was tattered and bloodstained, hair disheveled and a mess, and his eyes were glossed over with pain and sadness.
“They… They didn’t make it.”
Your heart dropped at his words and you felt like you were going to be sick. “Y-Yongguk…?” Jongup shook his head and slowly walked into your apartment, closing the door behind him. Backing up, you dropped your gun and sank against the closest wall as tears burned your eyes. “Yongguk is… dead?”
“I’m so sorry Y/N…” Jongup took a few steps towards you.
Suddenly your sadness turned into anger as you locked eyes with Jongup. Sensing your change in demeanor he hesitated, freezing in place.
“You could have protected him…” You whispered. “Why are you here, when he’s not?”
Hurt flashed across Jongup’s face at your words. He closed the space between the two of you, taking you into his arms. That’s when the tears started to fall uncontrollably, blurring your vision as you attempted to pull out of the boy's grip. You tried to push him away, to bang on his chest and get him to release you, but he held on tight. He held you until your energy drained and you melted into a crying puddle.
“I’m so sorry.” Jongup whispered into your hair. “I wanted to protect him. Then I saw him go down. I ran to him and tried to pull him out of the line of fire, but he told me to leave him. To leave him and come here to you and make sure you stayed safe.” You looked up at the boy as he spoke, trying not to imagine Yongguk’s figure lying on the ground. “You were the last person in his thoughts Y/N.”
Nodding, you leaned into the boys comforting hold, letting the last of your tears flow. Jongup ran his fingers through your hair, attempting to calm you, and it worked. You felt your tears begin to stop, and exhaustion took hold of your body as your eyes became heavy.
Jongup’s POV
Jongup watched as Y/N’s eyes slowly closed. He knew she had to have been up for hours waiting on Yongguk to come back from the raid. She had had no idea that he would not return home that night. Jongup smiled, knowing that without Yongguk and the others in the way anymore, he finally didn’t have any competition when it came to Y/N.
Well before she started dating Yongguk, Jongup had fallen hard. Y/N was someone who had accidentally wandered into the gang life, and stayed despite the other member’s surprise. Everyone was attracted to her so Jongup knew that he had to make the first move.
The night he planned to do so was after a raid, when they returned to the bar they used as headquarters. From across the room Jongup locked eyes with Y/N and hesitated for a moment. His heart beat a little faster, and a flush came to his cheeks as a bit of nervousness set in.
However, it all changed when he saw her swept up into Yongguk’s arms. She giggled as the boy spun her around before pressing a passionate kiss against her lips.
Jongup’s blood ran cold as he realised he was too late. That she was someone else’s. But he was unable to accept that fact. Jongup would not allow her to be someone else’s while he stood back and just watched.
His plan started that night. To use one of the other members as a distraction for his ultimate plan. It took a while to set in action, but once Daehyun had fallen deep in love with a girl was when he knew what to do. Using Daehyun’s grl as the distraction, he planned the failed raid that would kill everyone else.
And now here he was, with you asleep in his arm. Jongup knew that he finally had you.
Summary: He knew you needed him through one of the hardest times in your life.
Shaking hands attempted to fasten the necklace that hung around your neck. Your reflection stared back at you as you tried to connect both ends of the chain, but to no avail. You were so lost in your own thoughts that you didn’t notice your boyfriend until you felt his hand resting on your hip and his chin softly land on your shoulder. “Do you need some help?”
You sighed and loosened your grip. While he was closing the hook to your necklace, you took in another deep breath and looked at his reflection through the mirror. “I don’t think I can do this.”
After a long battle with cancer, your beloved grandmother had passed away a week ago. You knew she was out of pain but that didn’t ease the hole in your heart at all. She had constantly been your role model and favorite person to be with. Picturing life without her seemed impossible yet today you would say goodbye to her one final time.
Jongup released a small sigh and gently looped his arms around you, placing delicate kisses along your neck. When you called him and told him about her passing his heart broke too. He had met your grandmother a few times and she treated him just as he was a part of your family. He looked forward to hearing about her and how she was doing, and her death blindsided him just as it had you. If his heart ached after knowing her for six months, he couldn’t imagine the turmoil you were going through right now.
His kisses stopped as you lifted a hand to wipe away tears. Jongup’s lip puffed out in a frown as he gently spun you around before hugging you tightly. You let out a few shaky breaths before taking in the scent of him and his cologne, feeling his hand pressing you against him. He took it a step further by rubbing small circles on your back with his thumb. “I’m sorry Jagi.”
You nodded. “I just miss her so much already.”
“I know Angel, I know…”
His chest hurt. He could say every word he knew yet it couldn’t ease the damage in your heart. So he chose only the necessary words to say. Swaying gently from one side to the other with you still wrapped in his arms, he murmured small phrases into your ear. “I love you so much, Y/N.. It hurts so much now, but she’s in a better place and was lucky to have you in her life. She’ll never leave you.”
Jongup knew the road to acceptance was longer than a few sentences. He knew you would need him to be your rock until you could stand on your own again. He knew how special she was to you and how much she had transformed your life. But Jongup also knew that grief was a natural part of loss and would be accepted over time. He knew that you would learn to smile again and laugh at jokes and enjoy all of your favorite things. Perhaps most importantly, Jongup knew the both of you would leave this period stronger than when you entered it, together. And if it started with simply being there, he knew it was the least he could do.
