The dead don’t need lovers. Only the living.
JON: I can’t.
MELISANDRE: Why?
JON: I swore a vow. I loved another.
MELISANDRE: The dead don’t need lovers. Only the living.
JON: I know. But I still love her.
MELISANDRE: You know nothing, Jon Snow.
5x04 – Jon & Mel scene
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Was Yigritte the (only) reason Jon said no to Mel?
Maybe he said no to Mel for the same reason he said no to Ros. And maybe that reason is more than dead lovers or not wanting to father a bastard. I don’t doubt that Mel was strictly speaking of Yigritte, but what was running through Snow’s head?
When I watched that scene initially I was like “okay, poor kid misses Yigritte”. But Jon’s words are couched and while his delivery is believable, now that we know Jon can be slightly dishonourable and if pol!jon is true, well I wonder. His words sound like excuses now. He even mentions Stannis at one point. His last refuge is “I still love her”. If that really is the reason, why not start with that?
Enter Sansa.
Jon declares himself Sansa’s protector because Ned would come back and murder him otherwise. I’m not going to explore season 6 much, except to say that: Jon totally loses himself in Sansa upon reuniting with her. He can’t look away. He doesn’t want to. He says he’s tired of fighting and essentially wants to run away with her. He cloaks her. He claims her in every way that came to mind and if Sansa hadn’t interjected with “home” he would have continued to push it as far as she let him.
Later on, Mel watches Sansa gift Jon with a cloak. Then Sansa watches Mel ride out of Jon’s life and she swoops right in. No more running Jon Snow. Sansa was her regular “I don’t know why I did it, I just did, tough cookie Snow, but not really because I’m sorry and oops, here’s my puppy face” self. Jon flits away after assuring that he is not mad even a bit.
Later on, Jon tells her he’s leaving the North. Sansa accuses Jon of abandoning her. Sansa looks to the side quickly and looks back at him because his face was just “I know honey and I’m sorry”. It was like she, in that moment, realized something. She realized what she said. She realized that Jon “heard”. It was a private moment and she was momentarily embarrassed and flustered. Jon caught her. Quite like she caught him staring at her in 6x04. Except then Jon wasn’t at all embarrassed to be caught. And here, while she looks on completely flustered, he tells her, in front of everyone, that he is leaving his heart with her. And she is content once again.
So now I view 5x04 differently. I see Jon Snow being unable to succumb to a woman of his own free will. Unlike Yigritte and Dany there was no element of duress, only temptation and seduction. Jon did not have sex with Mel because he did not choose her. There was no motivation there for him, despite the red hair.
Because for Jon, Sansa is the only woman he will ever willingly want. Dare I say it, the only woman he will actively pursue.
I can’t wait to see Sansa be pursued, really and truly. I can’t wait to see Jon marry her for love.